Hey everyone, I'm really sorry for the delay but had a bad couple of days and have felt horribly ill for the last two days. I hope you can forgive me.
Thank you so much for the reviews, they were amazing and thank you so much again. You are all amazing reviewers and I am so happy to have you all.
Enjoy and please review
All mistake are my own
One month later
Emily poured herself a cup of orange juice from Reid's fridge, she had left him to sleep, he looked so peaceful in his sleep and had only had two nightmares in the last three weeks. She had stayed up with him that night and calmed him down, she hated seeing him so hurt and afraid. Emily smiled though at some of the things that they had done over the last month, they had practically been glued together. She had even surprised him in his hotel room when they had been away on a case. That night had perked them both up. Emily made her way into the living room and looked at Reid's book collection, she studied them and was still amazed at the fact that Reid knew each of them by heart. Emily bumped into the book case next to her causing her to almost spill her orange juice. She heard a small bang at her feet, she looked down and found a small leather bound journal had fallen from the bookcase. She bent down and noticed handwriting inside it, handwriting that belonged to Reid. Emily put her orange juice on the table and opened the journal to the first page.
Entry 1
Tonight I had another nightmare, I can't sleep properly anymore and its beginning to hurt. I can't stand this anymore, I can't keep it inside anymore. All I want to do is scream and cry and make someone understand but I can't, I can't because I can't be that person. I can't be weak in the eyes of my team. I love my team and I know they want to keep my safe but they will never understand what I'm truly going through. Tonight's nightmare was about Jacob attacking me in my apartment. I can't stop dreaming about that night. I can still feel him hitting me, I can hear him taunting and whispering into my ear. I can still feel him inside me.
I was supposed to be strong back then but I wasn't. I will never be strong because they all took that away from me. They took away my innocence and made me nothing. I can't stop crying and I can't stop the pain. I don't like my new apartment, its lonely and cold. The dark is terrifying because deep down I fear that one of the monsters from my mind is going to come for me, the monster will drag me back to a place I know is hell.
Emily felt her heart ache as she read the first entry, this journal wasn't that old. This was started when Reid had moved into his new apartment. Emily turned the page and read the next entry.
Entry 2
I was sitting on the metro tonight, I should have taken Emily's offer of a ride home. For a moment I thought he had somehow survived being shot, I looked up and saw a man sitting across from me. He stared at me with eyes that were all too familiar. He looked like Jacob, I couldn't breathe and I couldn't stop the memories from rushing forward. I ran off the train and walked two miles in the rain.
I rather be cold than in pain.
"Your're not supposed to be reading that," Reid's voice said from behind her. Emily whipped around and found herself looking at an angry Reid. "Wh-Why would y-you read that?"
Emily held the book up in her hand.
"Reid, you know that we are here. The entire team is here for you, you don't have to keep everthing buried. Why do you think we wouldn't understand?" Emily said as she walked forward a few steps.
"NONE OF Y-YOU WILL EVER UNDERSTAND!" Reid exploded with anger causing Emily to flinch slightly. "N-None of you w-will understand the pain I-I went through. How c-can any of you understand? I w-was tied to a-a bed and used like I was n-nothing. He ripped throught m-me and b-beat me mercilessly and t-the entire time I could feel him. I wanted to d-die at that moment."
Reid had tears of anger falling down his cheeks before running his hand angrily through his hair. Emily put the journal on a nearby table and walked over to Reid, she tried wrapping her hands around him but he moved back.
"Reid, please let me touch you," Emily asked. Reid shook his head furiously before rubbing his cheeks.
"I-I don't w-want you to have t-this in your life. You deserve someone that is strong and c-can take of y-you. I-I'm not strong and you deserve better," Reid said before walking back into the bedroom.
"Reid, get back here," Emily shouted as she raced after Reid. She grabbed his wrist and pulled him back to her. She put her hands on his cheeks and made him face her.
"Reid, I want you in my life. You are the strongest man I know and I don't want to lose you. You make me feel so happy. I love you," Emily smiled at Reid. Reid looked into Emily's eyes and felt his heart stop slightly.
"You love me?"
Emily smiled as she tucked Reid's stray hair behind his ear.
"I love you Spencer Reid," Emily smiled at him. Reid swooped down and kissed Emily deeply, he ran his hands through her hair and loved the feel of it. Reid withdraw from the kiss and looked into her eyes.
"I love you too."
Emily grabbed Reid and pushed him to the bed. Both lost in the moment.
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