A/N: So, you guys are amazing, did you know that? There was a TE all time high of 96 reviews fir the last chapter. Wow. You really turned it out for the last chapter, and I LOVED knowing what you guys thought. If I skipped you, I promise it was an accident; I just had sort through a ton. Doesn't mean I don't love or appreciate your review any less. So, maybe... perhaps, you'll do the same for this one? Maybe? Please?

Anyway, as you can tell, we've got the ball rolling, and it's just gonna keep going... I think you'll enjoy the ride...

Well, whether you do or not, I still don't own Twilight... I do get Bella brownies though, so yeah... that'll have to tide me over!

Chapter 36

BPOV

Somehow I was able to make my way back upstairs and into the suite. Alice pounced on me the second I walked through the door.

"Ohmigod, Bella, I'm so sorry! I didn't think he'd do that...Oh, God, honey you must be freezing." She went into the bedroom and pulled out a blanket, throwing it over my shoulders. "Bella? Honey? Are you okay? When's Edward coming back?"

"H-he's not."

Alice cocked her head to the side and looked at me. "What do you mean he's not?"

"He left. It's over. He left."

"What do you mea--"

"IT'S OVER ALICE!" I yelled at her, feeling the anger, despair, and regret seeping from my every pore. "HE'S GONE! HE'S NOT COMING BACK! LEAVE ME ALONE!" I marched past her and into our room, and turned back to her. She was still by the front door, frozen solid, her mouth agape. "Please," I added as an afterthought, before going into my room and shutting the door behind me. I flopped down on my bed, expecting tears or something to happen. But they didn't. I was huddled up in the blanket that Alice gave me and stared at the ceiling. I'd brought this on my self, I thought, and that was the truth of it. I'd had millions upon millions of chances to get him back over the years; to tell him everything, but I didn't take a single one of them. Not until it was too late. Now here I was, in a suite we probably should have been having sex in, alone and cold. I felt so incredibly numb, though. I knew it was real because it felt real. I knew he'd meant what he'd said. It wasn't like last time, when there was the hope that he was somewhere, having fun and doing whatever, but still thinking of me every once in a while. He didn't love me anymore; he'd said so and honestly, I didn't blame him. Right now, I wouldn't love me, either. I had completely ruined his trust in me, and I didn't blame him for wanting to keep me as far away from him as possible. It's what I would've done.

Maybe hours or only minutes later there was a light knock at my door. I sighed, but didn't move from the bed.

"Alice, I'm sorry I was so rude. Just please...give me some time, okay? Maybe we can talk in the morning."

I heard the door crack open anyway, and the bright light from the hall hurt my eyes as it washed over me. Thankfully, she shut it behind her quickly.

"Bella, it's not Alice."

I sighed and closed my eyes. "Em, you really don't need to be here. It's okay; go home."

I heard him shuffle over to me, and then sit on the bed, his head clunking over to mine. "Well, I trudged all the way across town to be here for you. So come on. Talk to me."

I opened my eyes again, and he put his hand on top of mine. "What's there to tell? You already know what happened; you wouldn't be here otherwise."

"That's not true. I just know that you ran after my little brother, and then he...left?"

"That's pretty much it. But you missed the part where I scraped my knee."

"You scraped your knee?" He asked, leaning down to touch it. "At least you put a band-aid on it."

"I didn't. Edward did."

"Yeah, that's my little brother. God, Bella, even when he's mad at you, he's still so in love with you."

I scoffed, and rolled onto my side. "Yeah, right. That's why he told me he couldn't love me anymore. Because he loves me. And that makes sense."

Emmett sighed, and I felt his hand start to rub along my side. "Bella, he was upset. He said some things he didn't mean. You can't let that make you think that he doesn't love you."

"Em, he said it." My voice sounded flat, even to me. "And I don't...I can't blame him."

"Bella, I don't know if you noticed or not, but my brother's not exactly the most level headed of beings. He's jealous, irrational, spoiled...you name the trait, and I can give you at least three examples."

"Jealous."

"Newton."

"What?" I asked rolling toward him.

"When you first moved to Forks and started dating Newton. He wasn't upset because Newton 'got' the new girl. He was jealous that Newton got to do all of the things with you that, deep down, he wanted."

"Irrational."

"That one's too easy. The best one was when he got drunk when you went on that date with Newton, and then instead of just admitting to you how he felt, he hauled off and verbally assaulted you."

"You...you knew about that?"

"Loud mouth. Another one of my brother's wonderful traits."

"Spoiled?"

Emmett exhaled and pulled me into his chest. "After our mother died and he crawled into that shell he called a personality. He was rotten, Bella. He wasn't my brother anymore. At least he didn't act like the brother that I knew. But when you happened...I got my brother back. You got him to talk to Carlisle again, and he even told Jen that he loved her. Bella, do you know how important those moments were to our family? We were completely fractured before you, and because you brought Edward back, we had each other again. That's an amazing thing to do, Bella."

"We aren't talking about me." I said, feeling my cheeks flame.

"I know, but the thing is Edward and you are completely integral and dependent upon each other. Even though I hadn't seen you in a long time before that morning in your apartment, I knew that you'd had a rough last few years because Edward had, too. It's always been like that, Bella. When you were going through all of that shit in high school, he was so worried about you, and regardless of what you told people, I knew you were worried, too. Probably about Edward though, because that's the way that you two work. A mirror of the opposite half."

I closed my eyes and tired to pretend that I was talking to Edward; that the things I was saying he would somehow hear. "I always loved him, you know? I just didn't want to ever give him a reason to not love me. I wanted to be perfect, and it just got in the way of what really mattered."

"Which was?"

"Being with him," I mumbled softly.

He laughed and pressed a kiss into my hair. "Bella, you don't have to be perfect because you're already Edward's version of perfect, and you can't give him a reason not to love you, because there isn't any way that that could possibly happen. Not ever."

"But he sai--"

"I don't care what he said. Bella, you dumped him and he came running the second you needed him. If a love like that didn't die after almost three years, then what makes you think it would die in ten minutes?"

"But he's never...I mean, he hasn't ever said anything like that to me; not even when we broke up the first time."

"Bella, my brother...irrational, remember? He says things he doesn't mean all the time. Like this morning when he called me a fuckstick. He didn't mean it. I know he loves me, whether he says it or not."

"But--"

"Honey, you're just more sensitive to those things than I am. And I don't blame you. After everything you've been through, I would be sensitive to those things, too. But when Edward's upset or confused, he gets angry. In truth, that's his coping mechanism."

"Not the girls?"

"No, not really. Edward just wanted to feel like he could control something. And who he slept with? Well, let's be honest, who can't control that? It didn't have anything to do with being popular, because he would've been either way, but more so to make him feel like he could control the outcome of some decisions. I don't think he ever told you just how close he and Mom were, and you have to understand that it's still hard for him to talk about her.

"Bella, my mother never had a favorite. I know that she loved me just as much as the twins, but she went out of her way to make sure that Edward knew he was loved because he wasn't like Alice or me. He's quieter and more sensitive. Introverted. Like you."

When Emmett put it like that, it didn't feel like Edward and I were that different after all. Maybe all of the things that I thought were pulling us apart were only superficial, and the things that really mattered...the things that kept us together, were the things that you couldn't touch; you could only feel them and know they were there.

My, what a fool I've been.

"Emmett, I don't know what to do."

"I know. But Bella, it will be okay. Just give him a little time. He needs to cool down and think about what happened."

"Should I call him?"

"No, probably not. Just let him be alone."

"But what if I..." I couldn't even finish the sentence. The mere thought of having to be without Edward made my chest hurt.

"You will, Bella. I know it. It's fate. It's supposed to happen, and so it will."

If I'd been feeling better, I would have made a quip about that line. But as it was, I couldn't, so I just let Emmett hold me a bit longer. In fact, I was pretty sure he'd fallen asleep, so I shifted a little to get his attention.

"Oh, shit, sorry Bells. Hey, I should probably go. If Edward decides to come back, he definitely won't like that I'm all wrapped up with you."

I laughed sadly to myself at the thought of him even coming back. "Yeah, you're probably right." Emmett got off the bed and ran a hand through his hair before rubbing his face. "Hey, Em? I just wanted to say thanks. You know...for everything."

He smiled down at me, one hand on the door knob. "No problem, Bells. What are big brother's for? You gonna be okay to go home with Whitlock and the Whitlock-ette?"

I laughed again. "Yeah, we'll be fine."

He turned toward the door, but hesitated. "Do you...Bella don't take this the wrong way, but do you need any of your...meds?"

I took a deep breath. "No. I'll be okay Emmett. But thanks."

And for the first time all night, I actually believed that. It would be okay. I just had to make it happen. Edward was worth it.

EPOV

I didn't hear from Bella all week long. But I couldn't fucking blame her. I'd said some pretty fucked up shit, but then again, I couldn't find it in myself to take it back. I meant it, almost every word of it, because it was true. It was fucked up that she didn't think I would understand what was going on with her, and it was fucked up she didn't trust me enough to stay with her. It was fucked up that she had listened to someone who had no clue what the fuck our relationship was like, and it was fucked up that she didn't think to tell me about that. More than anything though, it was fucked up that I had let it go this far. I was so angry that I'd let myself believe that Bella actually did love me the way I loved her. I felt like such an asswipe for blindly having faith in this girl when it was completely unfounded. Why? Just because she had the two most perfect brown eyes that I'd ever seen in my entire life? Was that a good enough reason to love someone and grow to be dependent on them?

Fuck no.

As I drove to the airport Friday morning, I was still stewing over everything, and I sure as hell wasn't talking to Alice. I called Jen as soon as I got back to Providence, and asked her to move my flight. I thought briefly about having her send me somewhere else so I wouldn't have to worry about dealing with Bella or my sister, but decided against it when I realized that I wouldn't be able to go to La Push if I did that. And I couldn't fuck over my mother just because some chick had trampled me. It was probably the only thing I could count on anymore, and I sure as hell wouldn't be fucking that over.

I went through security easily, and found my gate where I sat down in one of the chairs and tried to sleep. But unfortunately, I had no such fucking luck.

"See, Little Brother, the thing is, if you're trying to pull something over on your siblings, don't call your step mother and act like a pissed off dumb-fuck."

I groaned at the sound of Emmett's voice, and hoped beyond hope that he wasn't really there. But sure enough, when I looked over, he had this sly grin on his mammoth face, and a baseball hat pulled down low.

"Emmett what the hell are you doing here?"

He scoffed and slouched down in his seat. "I'm gonna straighten your ass out. But no worries little brother; it's a long flight and we have a shit ton of time."

Fucking wonderful. I'd have to spend the next eight hours squished up next to my brother while he got drunk and yelled at me.

I was so fucking happy that this was my life.

I sat with him in silence for the next hour or so until they started boarding the plane, which Emmett followed me onto. We were on one side of the jet, the one with three seats in a row, and I tried to sit at the window to be as far away from Emmett as possible.

"Middle, Little Brother."

I scowled at him, "No fucking way, my seat's window anyway."

Emmett shook is head again, and pushed me into the seat. "Middle. Now."

Fuck. I just hoped that the person beside me would be a chick, that way I could at least distract myself with something. But then I saw it moving toward us. It was unmistakable, and I knew right in that moment I had been set up. The top of Alice's head turned into Alice as she walked toward what I now knew to be her seat.

"Hey, brothers! Let me in."

"Fuck off, Alice."

She mocked offense as she slid in past me. "Gee, Edward, I didn't think you were talking to me." I glared at her.

Neither one of them said another word to me until we had taken off and had that shitty airline food. Emmett was dabbing at the corners of his mouth demurely as Alice finally turned to me.

"You know, I think you're being a dumb shit."

I stared straight ahead.

"Well, fine you don't have to say anything, you just have to listen, and since there's no where for you to go, I expect your undivided attention. That thing I said about your future children? Still applies."

I gulped hard and looked at her. I was rather attached to my balls, both literally and figuratively.

She smiled triumphantly and twisted her body toward me. "I don't know how much Bella told you, but I know that she probably didn't tell you everything because she was nervous, and frankly I don't blame her because you ran out on her, but that's beside the point." I narrowed my eyes at her. "Edward the thing is, Bella was...is sick. She has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, as a result of the accident."

My head snapped up. "She had what?"

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder," Emmett replied disinterestedly. "It's a mood and behavior disorder, characterized by--"

"I know what the fuck it is, Dr. Freud," I said cutting him off, then realizing what this could mean. "I just didn't know she had it."

"Well, she does. And as you know, that's what was causing her nightmares, panic attacks and so on. At first she was freaking out because she didn't know what was wrong with her, and she didn't know how to explain it. Which is probably why she didn't tell you initially: she didn't know how."

"But I would've listened! I would've sat there for fucking days just for her to get out one fucking sentence."

"Yeah, Edward, I know that and so does she. But you can't make someone tell you something, and even when they want to, they don't always know how. Things like this are hard to talk about for anybody, but imagine when it's happening to you. You can still barely stand talking about Mom out loud, so don't tell me you can't understand that."

"But if anything, that should've made her want to tell me more...I could understand, and fuck...I could've helped her. I...I could've....done some shit."

My sister smiled at me sweetly. "I know you would've, but that's another thing to consider. You spent so much time giving Bella things. Edward, you bought her a car for crissake! Who does that? I don't know if you know this, but it isn't typical boyfriend behavior. And the brownies? Ridiculously cute, but again, not all boyfriends spend their nights at a bakery with the owner trying to develop a confection for their significant other."

"Yeah, Little Brother, thanks for making me look bad on that one."

I shrugged off Emmett's comment, and Alice continued. "But what has Bella done for you?"

"Alice, that's ridiculous. What Bella's done for me...she...just...she pulled me together. None of the shit I did or bought for her could ever compare to that."

Her eyes got ever wider and she nodded at me. "Exactly! But, you know Bella. She doesn't see those kinds of things as meaning anything, because she can't see them and that's just the kind of thing she's used to doing. Edward, she would walk all the way around the world for you, and at the end of it, if you told her that she started in the wrong spot, she'd go back and do the whole thing over. She just does things like that; she doesn't think about them.

"But the thing is, you'd give her all of these gifts and stuff, and honestly it's no wonder she felt undeserving. You went above and beyond the call of duty, Twin, and I'm not faulting you for it, because it's what any girl would love. And Bella did...Bella does love it. But you have to think about it from her perspective: she wasn't thinking clearly, and so every time you were your typical wonderful self she'd feel even less deserving of you because she didn't feel good enough for you. She was confused, Edward. She didn't know where to start."

Okay, wait. She was trying to tell me that Bella couldn't tell me...because of me? Because I was too...wonderful? What the fuck?

"So, I should treat her like shit? I shouldn't buy things for her because I love her?"

Alice shook her head quickly. "No, not at all. Edward, I'm just trying to explain to you how she was feeling. I know it's complicated and difficult, but that's what she was feeling. No matter how absurd it sounds, it's the truth."

I leaned over and put my face in my hands. "Alice, she should've trusted me. I would've taken care of her. I would've done anything to help her."

"I know Edward, but after what Dr. Ramsay told her--"

"What? What did she tell her?"

"This is going to be hard to hear. Are you sure you're ready for it?" I nodded. "She said that you were...damaged, Edward. That there was no way you had the capacity to love Bella forever in the way that she loved you. It just wouldn't happen. She pretty much confirmed all of Bella's fears. And in Bella's confused state, she soaked it all in. It's no wonder she believed her."

"But how could she...I mean, Bella should've known that I--"

"Edward, see previous," Emmett said, not taking his eyes off the Sky Mall magazine.

I sat back up and tugged at my hair, trying to piece all of this together. Let's assume that what Alice is saying was true, and that Bella didn't tell me...for me. She did it because she was protecting me from everything she was going through. Not gonna lie—that made me look at shit differently. She knew I would've gone ape shit on the doctor. I still might—I had to wait and decide. She didn't want me to worry about her; she wanted me to be happy. She didn't tell me for me. But then something else hit me.

"Alice, she still told you first. Why couldn't she just fucking...talk to me."

She turned a light shade of pink. "Well, that was kind of my fault. I bought her a box of wine and asked her why she broke up with you."

"You got her drunk." I was slowly getting livid with my sister.

Alice nodded. "It just kind of came out. So now you know that she wouldn't have told me otherwise. She came to my crying the next day, begging me to keep it a secret."

"I would've come back if you had told me," I said, staring at the seat back in front of me.

She put her hand on my leg and squeezed. "I know."

"So then she didn't want me to come back?"

"No. I think that she just wanted to tell you, if she ever had to, on her own terms. She was going to tell you last Saturday, by the way. I was only trying to help her work through it."

Fuck, I felt like an ass now. All of a sudden I thought of Bella, trying so hard to catch me and chasing after me barely dressed and barefoot down the sidewalk. That wasn't a girl who didn't love me; she wouldn't have done that (and skinned her knee) unless she loved me enough to want to work it out.

And fuck if I didn't love her, too.

That was my Bella...the girl who I met the first day of Bio, the one who held me after my nightmares, the one who kept me from killing Whitlock...that was the Bella who was chasing me down the street. It'd just been so long since I'd seen her that I barely recognized her.

"But...it's too late. She hasn't called."

"I told her not to," Emmett said. If we weren't on a plane, and he wasn't twice my size, I would have tackled him and beaten him to a pulp.

"What the fuck do you mean?"

He shrugged unapologetically. "I told her to give you time to work your shit out. Because she didn't need you to beat her back down again with all of your 'fuck this' and 'fuck that' shit. She was finally getting a backbone again. I wasn't about to let you fuck that up for her."

I would have, too. At first I wouldn't have wanted to talk to her and I would have pushed her away. I would've fucked shit up even more.

"Look, Little Brother, I'm sorry, and I love the both of you, but you needed some space to get your head together, and she needed sometime to get over your twat-ass comment about not loving her anymore."

"I didn't mean it," I mumbled. And I didn't. Of all the things I said to her that was the only one I didn't really mean.

"I know that. But that doesn't mean it didn't hurt. And I know you can understand that."

My mind went back to the day Bella left, and I realized that I had made her feel exactly the same way I had that day. Fuck, I was a cock-sucking motherfucker.

"She's never going to talk to me again," I lamented, mostly to myself, but Emmett decided to respond.

"No, she will. Let's just go home and take it one day at a time. She's taking the redeye tonight from Logan, but wait a few days until you go after her, like I know you will. And trust me. She'll want you. You just have to let her say what she needs to say and not freak the fuck out."

I nodded as the Captain came over the P.A. and announced our descent into SeaTac. As I closed my eyes, I thought of Bella and more importantly how one person could change your entire life. I lived and breathed for Bella, regardless. It was always the truth; it was just a matter of whether or not I was denying it to myself. And I couldn't deny it anymore.

As soon as we were at the gate, I turned on my phone and blew past Em and Alice.

"Dad?" I asked as calmly as possible. "I need the number for a Dr. Ramsay. I think I need to pay her a visit."