It has been a whole year since her death I won't even speak her name nor will I allow anyone else to. Everyday it's the same routine I wake up I pretend that I am listening during council meetings then I head to our meadow and wait for a sign from her I get nothing, so I spend the rest of my names with whores getting drunk out of my mind. Sometimes I even wake up there, it has become easier for me when I am drunk I don't have to feel pain I don't feel anything. I haven't heard any word from my son and Aishling won't speak to me anymore because she feels like I took her Mother away from which I did. There has been plenty of new enemies trying to take my life but none have succeeded either they are too weak so I handle them myself or one of my knights help me. I hate the living I don't wish to be here anymore but what choice do I have they took away my choice.

"Your majesty would you like your breakfast." A new servant name Winnie asked.

"No did you bring me more wine like I asked?"

She shook her head no.

"What why not?"

"I-I." She stuttered

"Well speak up girl I don't have all day."

"I was told by Lord Merlin not to give you any."

I stumble out of bed and stomp over to her. " What the hell do you mean he said who is your King?"

"You are sire."

"And who gives the orders?"

"You do."

"Then I suggest you march your pretty little ass down to cellar and bring me more wine." I snapped and she jump hurrying out of the room.

Once she left, I throw the plate of food at the door. I regretted the way I spoke to her but I could not speak the words to Winnie because I could not feel she took my heart when she died, when she left me behind. Winnie came back quickly and brought me two bottles I down the first one quickly and told her I would need to more, she did not argue. I looked outside of my window I watched my knights practicing with Leon, Gwaine and Percival they took over leading the training. I didn't care I didn't even care that my daughter was also training alongside them.

I walked through the town the people looked at me with either shame or sadness will they could all go to hell because they are the reason she was gone. When I reached the grass fields, I sat look at the trees and the way the wind blow through them. I uncorked my bottle and begin drinking it up soon I would head to Morgause she had the cleanest place her girls, were well taken care of but I would spend most of my nights with her though I would never fuck them. I would engage in other acts.

"What are you doing?"

"Go away Merlin."

"No I heard what happen with Winnie."

"Did you now? You like giving orders?" I smirked at him and turn back looking at the trees.

"Look brother I do always love our little talks that you assist that we have but I have an appointment with a very special friend of mines."

"Really that wench Morgause, Arthur I don't think that's a good idea what would-"

I interrupted him. "Stop right there I told you to never say her name ever again and what I do with whomever is my business so leave me alone."

"You disgust me look at what you have become your own children won't have nothing to do with you, Morgana won't even come and visit because she can't stand what you are doing to yourself you think you're the only one who lost someone I lost my wife too."

I rolled my eyes at him here we go again he always does this and it ends up the same way I am tired of it. I said no more and began to walk away from him.

"Arthur don't forget that everything that has happen is because we love you."

I turned to look at him. "The difference between me and you is that at least you got to bury your wife laid her to rest but where is my wife huh?" He was silent. "Yeah that's what I thought you keep silent just like Morgana and Kilgharrah and the rest of them. "

When I reached Morgause I with my true people the low life men who meant nothing to world this is my home now. Drunken scum who seek the company of whores.

"Ah, my lord you are late." Morgause said bring her arms around my neck she kissed me on my cheek.

"Sorry about that had to listen to one of my little brother's lectures, look I brought us something." I pulled out a box that was filled with hallucinating herb and more wine.

"Oh you found I thought you would run into trouble like one of your friends or your brother."

"I have no one that I care for its just taking them longer to get that, and the merchant was very discreet."

I took two of them out of the box and handed one to her. We both started to chew on them and drink it down with our wine to mask the taste and she walked over to me untying her robe. Her kiss was rough and sloppy and then hallucinates started working.

Guinevere

It was cold at first but then it became warm I was healed my body no longer broken or bleeding Arthur and I have saved the lands from. Now I was truly immortal. There was no time, no days it was blissful at first but then I wonder why Arthur wasn't here with me maybe humans go somewhere else I asked my Uncle if he had come across him in the Underworld. When I was told that he was brought back to life, the only treasure that fulfilled my days was spending time with my new addition my daughter. I did not even know I was pregnant but I loved her she looked like Arthur the most and because I was now immortal so was she but I won't Arthur to at least meet. Occasionally I would check in on my family and none of them was doing well at all mainly Arthur who spent his time with other women. This did not please me at all I would watch him touch himself while these wantons would fondle each other or one would be on his manhood and the other would be going down on her. It was always the blonde-haired woman that he was with Morgause I wanted to kill him I would cause violent rainstorms to happen but he ignored them even Merlin tried to get him to stop but he wasn't listening to them.

"Gwen dear why do you torture yourself you he does the same thing every night it been happening for a year now." Maan said she was now in her human form.

"My husband is a cheating son of bitch and if I could I would, I don't know something really bad." I walked away from what I was viewing and began pacing back and forth.

"I mean he is drinking his life away and now he wasting his money on those herbs so he can see a world beyond and that whore that he is with, when has he been into blondes anyway. So much for him mourning me."

"He is mourning you I know you can still feel his pain, Arthur is broken man he lost and he is angry and I least he hasn't slept with her."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better Maan because it does not; this wasn't supposed to happen like this."

I looked back into my mirror and he was laughing with Morgause but I could see deep into his eyes he was actually crying and she was ignoring it.

Arthur

"Arthur can you see there are some many colors its beautiful." Morgause said filling the air thinking that she was touching something.

"Ha ha ha." I laughed but something starting happening to me I started smashing my fist through the glass and Morgause started screaming for me to stop.

"MY LORD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Morgause shouted.
I crashed down to the floor throwing up the drugs and the wine I starting banging my head on the floor and I could not help myself I started crying. Morgause put back on her robe and told whoever that was at the door that everything was fine. She kneeled beside me stopping me from hurting myself but that wasn't what was causing me pain.

"Have you ever been in love before?" I asked her.

"What are you confessing you love me? Because I believe you are going about it the wrong why my lord." She said jokingly

"No sorry I didn't I mean." I was stumbling over my words and she placed her finger to my lips.

"Arthur I know you weren't talking about me it's okay you don't love me because I don't love and to answer your question yes I have been love with a man name Cenred he broken my heart."

"How so?"

"He was cruel bastard he loved beating me I ran away from him came to the Camelot and open up my brothel. I used to be a Lady but that when I was married to him. But when he broke my jaw and killed our unborn child I knew I had to leave him it took some time but I made it."

"To selling yourself to paying men?"

"Judge me all you like but I choose this life because in some ways I have the power, I did get you to spend your money on these drugs and on me and my girls so who is the fool?"

She has a point.

"My love broke my heart as well."

"I heard you two saved a lot of people so how could that be wrong?"

"Because I am left here while she in the afterlife and I don't know how to leave without her I wish that someone would take me out of my misery."

"That's awful selfish of you what about the young princess and your brother?"

"What about them I feel nothing it's like I am numb you don't understand."

"No I do I felt that same way after my baby die I wanted to crumble but when that didn't happen I decided that life wasn't so bad."

"So are you saying that I should forget about, about Guinevere and live because that's what everyone wants me to do?"

She got up, walked over to her vanity and pulled out a dagger.

"If you want me to I'll do it I'll end you miserable life right now and I want even bat a lash." She placed the blade to my throat I lend into it and closed my eyes.

Guinevere

"Gaia I have had enough I have to go back he needs me." I pleaded with my Mother as the tears fell from my eyes.