Never Piss Off A House-Elf

disclaimer: alas, I still do not own HP. I'd like to, but JKR wouldn't let me.

This chapter is dedicated to . . .GoodbyeYBR!

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Chapter 36: Organizational Interlude

As much as Hermione would have liked to have started immediately on the actual experimentation for her project, she had Head Girl duties, as well as the list for Dumbledore. Not the least of her duties were the prefects' rounds for the first two weeks of the term.

The Gryffindor prefects couldn't tour with the Slytherins, obviously, but the Hufflepuffs wouldn't walk with the Slytherins, either. Ravenclaw was indifferent, but Hermione didn't like the feeling of dividing along the house lines. On top of that, each group would be lenient towards its own and harsh on others.

Hermione was on her eighth possible schedule late one afternoon, her hair frizzing around her in a wacky halo. Satchel knew his mistress well, and while he brought food on a regular basis, he didn't try to get her to move or freshen up. Miki had tried unsuccessfully, and as Severus was caught up in his lesson planning and projects, he had only felt a niggling lack of Hermione's company.

"Master, the Himeko is not showering," Miki complained. Oddly enough, wizard-house-elf master-servant relations were rather like those of muggles and their servants; Miki complained when she felt the need, and prodded as necessary. "Himeko is being very smelly, and Miki is smelling the smell on Satchel. The Master is needing to speak to the Himeko before Miki's nose falls off."

Severus put his parchments aside, sighing. He knew Miki was right; he himself could be trusted to at least keep human. Hermione had no such sense. Standing, he shuffled his papers into a semblance of order before he doused the lights and followed Miki to Hermione's rooms, which she was using as an office for the time being. A few minutes later, Miki had left him outside Hermione's 'office', having declared her nose too delicate for such further abuse.

"Hermione, your presence is required in my quarters," Severus said politely, knocking gently. No answer.

"We're having dinner together tonight. Miki procured your favorite sauce and meatballs."

No answer.

"Hermione, I'm going to throw you across the nearest horizontal object once you've showered. I'm not going to show any mercy; you've been locked away for ages."

Still, no answer.

Severus palmed his wand and pointed it at the lock on the door. He blasted it with the unlocking spell a few times, and while he heard multiple clicks, the door wouldn't open. She'd warded it shut for peace and quiet. He thought about calling Miki or Satchel to break the wards or wink him in there, but decided against it. Miki would refuse and Satchel would do it, but there would be hell from Miki.

Taking a deep breath, Severus closed his eyes and sent his mind out and into the wards, carefully unraveling each one. It took longer, but the stress was less. Hermione had laid four wards: one for quiet, one for privacy, one to let her know who was at her door, and one more for protection. Finally, Severus felt the last ward fall away, his ire rising.

What was she so afraid of, here at Hogwart's with his protection, the protection of the school, and an army of house-elves that would give their lives for her? He bristled at her lack of trust and grabbed the doorknob. The door flew open and Hermione didn't even notice the intrusion.

"Well, at least now all your wards make sense," Severus sniffed. His nose wrinkled at the smell. "Hermione, when did you last bathe? I'd rather bed up with a hippogriff."

Hermione nodded and replied, "Yes, mum, I let Crooks out earlier, so if her scratches, let him in."

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose as he plucked the parchments from Hermione's hands. She finally broke free of her trance, staring stupidly at Severus.

"Severus? I'm in the middle of something. Can we talk later?" Hermione asked, still feeling the lingering effects of her work.

"No. You're done for the day. This schedule will work just fine for the first few weeks of the term. Get out of the chair and into your shower," Severus said in a voice that brooked no arguments.

"But--" Hermione was cut off by Severus picking her up bodily and striding to the nearest bathroom. Hermione struggled a bit, but it was futile.

Once in the bathroom, Severus let Hermione down on her feet, watching her. She stared at him, not speaking.

"What are you waiting for, Hermione?" he asked, scrubbing his hand down his face.

"For you to leave," Hermione said, crossing her hands over her chest.

"Well, I'm not going to. If I leave, you'll go back to work and die here, all shriveled up and smelling awful," Severus said, trying for levity. When Hermione rolled her eyes, he decided to take matters into his own . . . wand. Leveling his wand at her chest, Severus smirked. "Divesto."

Hermione's clothing flew off, and she shrieked. "Severus! Stop that right now! Out of my bathroom!"

Severus shook his head. "Into the shower."

Severus looked at the tub and used wandless, wordless magic to turn the water on to the right temperature. He picked Hermione up and plopped her into the stream and she gasped.

"Too cold!" Hermione chattered. She turned to Severus to ask him to fix the temperature and saw that he'd shed his own clothes.

"I'll fix the water, but you'll need to be warmed bodily," Severus said, stepping into the shower behind her, his arms coming around her waist. His hand brushed the undersides of her breasts and she shivered. The water warmed and neither noticed as they enjoyed their interlude.

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AN: Here ya go, a nice interlude before everyone comes back for school. Things will get interesting.

5 reviews, next chapter.