Chapter 36: Returning
The rain was a slow drizzle spattering the ground. Sarah's knees settled deep into the mud while she cast her gaze into the barrel of the rifle, cocked and ready to send her to her grave. She was not ready. She was not ready to have it all end like this. She did not want to die!
What a revelation to have kneeling at the end of it!
As if responding, one single rifle shot cut her thoughts. Her eyes slammed shut as it echoed above the rain and thunder. She had prepared herself for either searing pain or instant death. Still, she could not control the jolt it sent through her.
Was she dead?
There was a clattering, a thud to her left and then another rifle blast accompanied by a whiz past her left side. She remained frozen, waiting for death to rush in swiftly. Instead, she was left kneeling in three-inch mud, ears ringing and eyes clenched, fearful of opening them.
She knelt, uncertain of what would happen next. If she wanted to open her eyes. Was this another game? She shivered at the thought that perhaps he would play with her before killing her. Torment her.
Death she could handle. It would be a quick blast of pain, and then over. She might not even feel the pain at all, but to be toyed with, beleaguered like a cat messing with his prey before eating it, would be difficult to endure.
The ringing in her ears nearly drowned the other sounds around her, though she felt a presence. Someone stood over her, moving down to her side. She flipped her eyes open while jerking her head up and instinctively flew backwards on her palms and heels. The quick movement aggravated a sudden surge of pain in her arm. She winced while recoiling her hand, grabbing her arm, and landing with a squish into the mud. She breathed hard, staring up. Oh God, what was he going to do now?
Her chest heaved deep heavy breaths. She blinked. Water dropped from dark curls, and deep brown eyes stared at her under thick brows. He had squatted down beside her, dropping his rifle, and touched her shoulder.
" It's just a graze. " Sayid said, referring to the bloody gash in her left arm. "You're very lucky … The gun went off when it landed, and the stray bullet could have just as easily killed you. "
Staring dazedly, she struggled to hear past the noise in her head. "What? "
She sat with her butt in the mud, staring, and then flicked her eyes around trying to make sense of it. Glancing to the left, Jude's gun also lie in the mud, pointing in her general direction. She lifted her eyes catching sight of Jude crumpled on the sparse grass. She blinked, with mouth open.
Sayid had shot him. Unfortunately, because Jude's gun was cocked, it released the bullet and just grazed her arm. That was the whizzing sound she'd heard. Sayid probably thought she would have moved quickly, but she was not even aware that Jude was down. She stared at his motionless body crumpled on his side,and then turned to Sayid. Swept in a wave of emotion, she suddenly threw herself in his arms.
She had lost herself in the moment, forgetting proper etiquette and boundaries. She had faced Jude alone the first time around. Sayid had not rescued her. This time, though he did not even know her, he had woken from the gun butt, and bolted through the jungle to save her.
She raised her eyes, cathcing a glimpse of Sun standing just a few feet away observing with a half surprised, half amused expression, and snapped back to reality. She was embracing a man who not only did not know who she was, but hadn't determined if she were friend or foe.
The act had taken him by surprise, yet he hadn't the time to respond before she quickly withdrew from him apologizing timidly. " I'm sorry … I … "
She was cut off by a smirk, while he took her arm in his hands. He reached a hand to his waist and took the end of his tank, tugging it over his head until he was shirtless, and then ripped it in half.
"This will have to suffice until we can wash and rewrap it. " He said, after winding the shirt around her wound and then standing. He brought her with him, to her feet. She wobbled, and then nodded.
"Well, " He observed in an almost jovial manner, "It appears you have a fan club. "
She was too distracted to recognize his attempt at lightening the mood. Hardly listening, her eyes strayed to the lifeless lump that was Jude. Her feet took on a life of their own, making small cautious steps to where he lie, until she was gazing down over him, immersed in a tide of emotion.
An eerie feeling crawled along her skin noting his open eyes. There was no life in them, yet they stared out, a clear blue, from under his brows nonetheless. She couldn't help but wonder was this were truly the end of him, or would he somehow jump up from the grave once more to taunt her?
She let out an exasperated sigh. She had spent her life trying to escape, only to end up in the mud with a gun to her head. And now, staring at his corpse on the ground, she could not help but feel a little let down. Her struggling continued leaving her empty handed and wanting.
She had only a handful of cheerful memories consisting of cereal with marshmallows, tickles and laughter to push her forward, giving her something to hope for. And regardless of how willing she had been to keep going, to continue to fight and labor, to reach for it with all that she had, the more hope pulled back.
Is this what she had been fighting for? Was this all that there was? She dragged her eyes away from him and turned them to Sayid. He had been watching her with careful consideration. She closed her eyes and let her thoughts run; unaware of what explosive emotion was buried within. "Is this what it's like out here too? Is this what I've been fighting so hard for? How is this any different? Different from being locked up? Either way, it's still prison. It's still somebody trying to make you do something you don't wanna do, or trying to kill you. "
It began small, this bit of rage crawling out of her, and gained momentum with each syllable until it tumbled out of her in desperate tones. Her foot released and gave Jude a hard kick. Suddenly, she was swinging her leg back and forth, kicking and yelling. "I hate you! I hate all of you for what you did! Why?! "
She would have never admitted it, but the anger felt good. To finally release what had been confined for so long. She had challenged Ben before, but in small words and actions. Now she was unloading without reservation. Sayid called her name, but she ignored him eventually kicking Jude over on his back. "It's not fair! It's not right! "
"It's just not right! " She spat, red-faced and snorting.
Sayid strode to her in large deliberate steps yelling "Sarah! "
It happened quickly. Something grasped her ankle, and the next thing she knew, she hit the ground hard on her butt. She yanked her leg back only to have her ankle gripped tighter. Jude was alive, and hanging onto her with every bit of strength left in him!
She cried out, grunting while frantically kicking at him with the other leg, pulling her foot back as hard as she could. She grasped air with her hand, eventually digging her fingers in the thick mud trying to pull herself away.
She had not expected him to return from the grave so soon!
Sayid reached them in several strides, threw his leg out and slammed the bottom of his shoe into Judes head. He grabbed Sarah and pulled her back, setting her on her feet, keeping an eye on Jude. Sarah stared down at him wide-eyed, breathing hard, nostrils flaring.
Sayid turned to her, with a scowl. "Jin is still out there. You may either remain here, or come with us. Either way, we do not have the luxury of time to stand here while you play with a corpse. "
She glanced over his shoulder at Sun, who had moved in a few steps closer, watching them. Sarah dropped her eyes and nodded. This is why she had risked everything to escape after all. To help save Sun's life. Now she may have cost Jins his.
At least he had given her a choice, to remain there or go with him and Sun, providing her some small flicker of encouragement. She dropped her head and answered weakly. "I'm sorry. "
One last glance at Jude sent shivers through her. She knew what Sayid was capable of, but she had never seen it - aside from her dreams. He had been swift and chillingly deliberate. He placed a hand on her back and turned her around. (Not before he'd lifted Jude's rifle. )
They made their way some distance from Jude, and then stopped long enough for Sayid to question Sun. He wanted to know what had transpired prior to him and Sun appearing from out of the jungle. Sun explained that when she and Jin had awoken in the night and found the two of them missing, they began searching. She had walked ahead, calling their names. When she turned to ask him a question, he was gone.
She called for him, turning back to search and was greeted by Jude instead. He held her at gunpoint, forced her to continue walking forward and call out for Sarah and Sayid. She didn't know what had become of Jin.
Sayid prompted Sun to lead him to the place where she had last seen him. The three of them scoured the area, fearing the worst … hoping for the best. Sun seemed to sense her guilt and gave Sarah a look that said she didn't blame her. She was grateful for it, but the burden remained.
Sayid called them to the spot he had been carefully inspecting. "There are broken branches here. In addition, I believe this is from Jin's shirt. "
He drew a small piece of fabric from a limb and handed it to Sun. She took it hesitantly, and then nodded in agreement. It did come from Jin's shirt. Sarah noted the concerned expression in her eyes and drowning in her own sadness, hoped that Jude had not harmed him.
"I don't think Jude … " She stammered in an attempt to say something positive. " If he had done anything, he wouldn't have been so … he would have just said it, instead of toying with us. "
The words sounded better in her head. Here was Sun, frightened for her husband, worried that she might not see him alive, and Sarah was awkwardly trying to offer comfort succeeding only to upset her further. Sun didn't say anything, but Sarah noticed her clenched jaw and tightened muscles. Sayid shot her a warning glance and she said nothing more.
Sun began calling for Jin, moving forward in a quicker pace, her voice growing more strained until they heard something that made them all halt in their place. It was a rustling noise just ahead.
Sayid readied his rifle, holding it up and over his shoulder as he stepped in front of the two women, slinking through the underbrush. He motioned for them to remain a short distance from him while he scouted forwards. A few seconds later, he stood straight, turned his head backwards and called them, motioning with his hand.
Sun frantically ran ahead of Sarah and in just a few steps more, she discovered why.
Jin was curled up on the ground, gagged, with his hands and feet tied together. Sarah sighed thankfully when she saw him. It seemed as though the only person Jude had been interested in killing was herself, and oddly enough, she was glad of it.
Apparently, Jude had snagged Jin from behind, when Sun was looking elsewhere, holding him at gunpoint and forcing him deeper into the jungle. He then knocked him unconscious with the butt of the gun and left him gagged and tied. He had also taken Jins gun.
After talking for some time in the wooded area, the three of them agreed that they should continue moving towards the camp. If they started now, they would make it there before sundown. Otherwise, they would spend yet another night in the jungle, and all of them had had their fill of the jungle for a while.
Sayid took up the lead, Sarah and Sun walked behind him. Jin fell to the rear. The sun was high now and beating on them full force. They passed through underbrush and several clearings on their way. Sarah glanced over to Sun, feeling a lingering sting of guilt.
" I'm sorry. " She said.
Sun glanced back curiously and responded. "What for? "
Her head dropped down, and then back up. "It was my fault. You would all be back on the beach by now if it weren't for me. "
"Oh. " Sun nodded. "No, if it hadn't been for you, I might not be alive. You can't blame yourself for everything. "
Her words nearly brought tears to her eyes. She hadn't expected forgiveness, or understanding. Sarah smiled gratefully and turned her head forward at the sound of waves crashing on the shore. Her heart skipped taking in a long beautiful breath of warm salty air. They stepped out of the jungle into soft warm sand.
Spread out before them was a soft white beach that faded into the crystal blue ocean. Sarah gaze upon it as if it were a long lost friend, caught up in emotion. Everything was eerily exactly how she had remembered it. From the shore, to the tents that dotted the sand.
Her heart smiled with satisfaction. She had proven him wrong again. No Ben … THIS is real!
Sayid turned to Sun and asked her for first aide supplies. She nodded in agreement, and trudged towards the camp, which was buzzing with activity.
Not far from Sun, a yellow dot of sand bounced towards them. Sarah knew the insatiable barking and watched with amusement. Vincent was bounding cross the beach. He passed Sun, then Sayid and stopped with a quick jolt at Sarah's feet, turning around in circles and whining as if welcoming a missed friend.
Sun had stopped for a moment turning around, and watched with surprise as Sarah grinned warmly and knelt, happy to be greeted with recognition. She did not question it, but rather took his head between her hands. He ran a long wet tongue across her cheek, while whining. She laughed, scritched his ears and greeted him with an open smile.
" Hey Vincent. "