The Acquisition of Memories

by BorneToFlow

Embarking on their honeymoon, Charles and Elsie begin to process the events of their wedding day and those leading up to it. A series of internal reflections; lengthy, fun & sometimes in-depth conversations; &, interspersed with requisite amounts of playful holiday fun & honeymoon adult times. From Ch19 rating is a tasteful but strong M. Some S5/6 JF canon is blissfully ignored.

35. Chapter 35- Strange Landscapes

The Acquisition of Memories. Chapter 35- Strange Landscapes

Time has stopped entirely for Charles, as she carefully places her lock of hair in the cover of his watch and strokes it lightly into place. As she quietly clicks the cover closed to keep it safe for him, the sound seems to restart his heart and he hears himself draw in a large deep draft of air to replace the breath she had just taken away from him. He is floating on air. And smiles the most adoring smile upon her pretty, innocent and pink blushed face as she places his watch safely back in his waistcoat pocket – right next to their little sixpence.

They do not speak, but their eyes tell their whole story to each other. Charles simply offers her his arm once more and briskly tugs his waistcoat down in that little manner that he has as he draws himself up to his full and imposing height. Chin held high and smiling now at all the world, he walks out proudly, heart shining brightly and tickled to his absolute core, that this fine and graceful lady has agreed to be his wife.

CECECECECE

Charles and Elsie stroll around the Dering Lane loop and out onto Oxford Street, having decided to take in the last of the late afternoon light by walking down to Park Lane so that they may trace the eastern tree lined paths of Hyde Park on their way back to Green Park and their final night in the Ritz Hotel. Charles' stately and ridiculously happy demeanour draws people's eyes and both he and Elsie end up nodding quite a few silent hellos to complete strangers that pass them by. Elsie feels very much the new and blushing bride that she is and enjoys the acknowledgements of passers-by who seem to brighten unconsciously at the sight of such contented love personified in the older couple- as if they are something of a dream to aspire to, and Elsie happily realises that perhaps they are just that.

Having passed through the Marble Arch and around the crowd gathered at the Speaker's Corner, they wander in companionable silence until they reach a delightful sunken flower garden that was known to be a favourite of the late Queen Victoria. In unspoken agreement, they decide to sit for a while to enjoy the quiet sounds of the park and watch a Nanny with her two small charges splashing leaves and sticks into the waters of the fountain of a Boy and Dolphin.*

Elsie's arm is still tucked closely into Charles' own and she leans into him slightly as they sit.

She asks almost dreamily as she watches the children play, "Charles, I know you barely ever considered leaving service, but… what would you have done if you had? If you could have had a wife and children in your younger years."

"I…I don't rightly know, Els. I had wanted that with Alice all those years ago, but now I think on it... I couldn't have really stayed on the stage to support a family properly… and yet I didn't really consider anything else at the time. I was so young… so very silly really. I suppose I may have ended up anywhere, really- probably a factory I guess, although given how lucky I was to go to a grammar school, I guess maybe I could have become an office clerk somewhere. My only other experiences were as a stable hand and a hall boy really. That would not have gone very far in the city and I wouldn't have had any means to even start up a shop, really. It would have been such a harsh life, wouldn't it, Els? I have so seldom thought of anything like it, thankfully, not since I went back into service."

"But, do you ever regret not having children of your own, Charles?"

"I…" he starts haltingly and then breathes out long, for his stance is strange, even to his own ears and taking into account his own affinities for young children. "You have asked me this before, haven't you? … and I've never really answered properly, and yet, …I know it might sound strange, Elsie… because I think I really did want that with Alice all of those years ago…and I do love to see little ones running about…and I have even built strong attachments to children in the past- as you well know with the young ladies of the house, … I… even fancy that I may have been quite extraordinarily happy if I ever did have my own children … but… I think my answer is still no…I do not regret it."

"Really? Hmm..but I guess, nor do I anymore… Although, I know I have at different times. But not now, though. It's funny how we can change our views on things over time, isn't it?"

"Hmm... that's true. I regretted that loss most keenly when things fell apart with Alice, but… then I made my full commitment to being in service and I never really bothered to look back."

"You really would have given your all in anything you may have taken on in life, wouldn't you, Charles?"

"Well, I'd like to think so, Elsie. I'd like to think I would have been a good father and provider for a family. But you know Elsie, having seen so many little ones grow up now …I think… I don't regret it because…I think children if there were ever a way to control when and where they arrive in our lives... I think they are really just the added blessing in a couple's life- but… a couple can still be quite uncommonly happy without having children too. I think I saw that in Lady Rosamund with Mr Painswicke- before he died. They never seemed able to have children, but they still appeared to be very happy together."

"Aye, children are a blessing, though, aren't they? Like the light of all the world, Charles," she says without a hint of nostalgia, just gratefulness, as she watches the little boy and girl squealing happily as they bubble back and forth around the edge of the fountain as they play.

"Hmm… I guess, after Alice…for me, service was everything, though. It took all my focus, and really- in service, I knew that I could never have both, and I had fully accepted that from the outset, as you know. Having both was never an option, so I thought no more on it… hmm… although…" he pauses when an odd thought pops into his head, "isn't it strange, Elsie, that the clergy who serve God may take a wife and have a family, yet we never were given the option in service. I have never actually thought of that before!" Charles sounds amazed at this sudden realisation.

"I cannot say that I have either, Charles. It is odd, isn't it? For surely serving God at that level would require far greater focus and dedication than even our lowly task set for the peerage," she concurs incredulously.

"Very strange…but it was probably more a desire of the powers that be to show how different the Church of England was compared to the demands of the Papacy after the Reformation, more than any particularly wise reasoning about it all."

"Well, I never thought I'd hear you saying that the actions of the Monarchy and the Church may have been a little reactionary at times! Will wonders never cease!" And she looks at Charles with fresh new eyes again.

Charles just huffs out a bemused breath. "I am capable of some original thought, Elsie. I know well enough the feet of clay that the aristocracy have and they are as prone to making rash decisions as the rest of us, I am sure. Not that I am saying the clergy should not marry. Indeed, I think it is good that they can have that earthly happiness too."

"Well, all of that is the truth. Hmm… Anyway, I suppose the clergy are the pillars of the communities they live in… does not the church also want to model the ideal life to its parishioners?"

"I believe that is part of the theory behind it. It does make some sense on that level- provided that member of the clergy, marries well- and with love."

"Hmm… I wonder why Reverend Travis never married then."

"Because he is a horrible bore and no woman would likely have him, no matter how secure an incumbency he has in Downton."

"Charles! That is truly awful!" Elsie nudges into his side, but cannot help but chuckle at her husband's quite outrageous bluntness. Likewise, Elsie cannot imagine any woman finding much contentment in the good Reverend's rather dull companionship. "I shan't be able to look him in the eye when we return to Downton!"

"Well, I wouldn't want him to be getting any ideas about my wife if you did so, Elsie-love."

"Charles! Honestly! He is a man of God! You are being quite wicked now you know. Surely …" she is almost lost for words, "I just cannot believe you would even suggest that level of impropriety from him!"

"Well, … I am not really saying he would act upon it, Elsie," Charles goes on a little more reasonably, "but I have seen him looking longingly sometimes at the things he does not have. He is still a man, …I suppose, and I guess he is probably lonely." Charles finishes, now a little more sympathetic to this man's particular plight. "Perhaps he regrets not having his own wife and family, or even really any close friends, now that I think on it. I have been very lucky to have never truly been lonely at the Abbey, although I could easily have been that if I never had your friendship over all these years, Elsie." And he squeezes his free hand on top of hers. "Still, perhaps we are proof that it may not be too late, even for a man like him- if that is what he wants."

"Well, that could be true… and I do prefer it when I hear you wishing happiness for him, Charles. I know you have claimed to not being a gentleman in your past, but it pays not to be too disparaging of your fellow man- especially one who's choir we are proposing to commandeer within the next year!"

"Fair point, Elsie," he grins, looking forward once again to their retirement plans. "I do apologise." But then he just cannot help himself, "But perhaps you should try to fling the widow Wigan into his path a little more – it would keep her out of your hair with the Ladies' Auxiliary, would it not?" And he flinches ever so slightly away from Elsie, knowing she is likely to jab him hard in the ribs again for that little remark.

"Charles!" but she cannot help but laugh. "Stop it! And I would not wish that upon any man, no matter how boring and lonely he may be! … And besides- can you imagine how Mrs Wigan would swan about the village and try to lord it over everyone? It would be intolerable! And by the by, it would actually make things more difficult for the Auxiliary and the Choir to get anything done if she had that level of influence in the village behind her! Not to mention even more access to the village people's gossip! Now enough, Charles. The marital status of the good Reverend, or indeed the widow Wigan shall remain no concern of ours, I thank you very much! And anyway, you still have not told me how it you find you have no real regrets about not being able to have your own children, Charles."

"Hmm. Well, I guess it is because I have always been happy at Downton."

"That is true. And I have been happy at Downton too."

"So…really, children are not the only place to find happiness and contentment and beauty in the world, are they?"

"No, indeed not."

"And…well, I believe that children deserve the best life they can possibly be given, don't they, Els?" She just nods in agreeance. "And they need a house that is stable and loving… like with our Anna and Mr Bates… they are ready to offer all of that now- now that the worst of their troubles seem to be over…and I suppose, Elsie…that I don't know that I have ever felt confident enough that I could have given the best of myself to a wife and child in any other situation out there. I don't know if I could have ever been the secure father I would aspire to be if I did not have my job in service. I would have been a very different man, really- if I ended in a shop or a factory. I am quite certain of that after all these years- given what I know of how life can change us so. And I would have hated to think of a child of mine having to go off to a dangerous factory to work or the like just to get enough food on the table. And I just doubt that I would have been what a child deserves if I did not have that stable livelihood that service has given me."

"Well, that makes sense. I think that is why I was never keen to be so beholden to the trials of farm life. It was not an easy way to live when I was a lass. I ...I was scared for the same things really, Charles- that I may not be able to feed and clothe and protect any children of mine well enough. Service saved my own life from poverty and the poor house at a very young age too, really, and I am very grateful for it."

"Indeed, we have been fortunate." And he squeezes her hand firmly. "Hmm, but equally, Elsie, … I really have not felt that I have needed my own children to feel like my life is complete- not at all, over all of these years, and especially not now, Elsie-love…And he lifts her fine gloved hand to brush a kiss across the back of it. "So I do not regret it… I do feel most content with what I have achieved in the past and what I have in my life now, it is all more than I could have hoped for years ago."

"Hmm. You make it sound like nothing is really ever missing if it was not there to begin with."

"I suppose that is one way of looking at it, yes... and …it is true really, isn't it? For I would have desperately regretted missing out on this love and marriage with you, Elsie- once I knew that it was there to share in… but you cannot love and regret losing something that does not actually exist yet, can you?"

"Ha!" Elsie laughs at his strange but provocative logic. "That does make quite a bit of sense there, Charles. I shall remember that if ever I find myself wallowing again in a past I never had!"

"Hmm…But I guess it is a bit strange, though, isn't it … that I don't feel some regrets about this- of all things… but I just don't. But, as with you, the situation was never quite right to have children, and so life went on – as best as I could make it… But, still… I do like the steady role I have played, and maybe will still be able to play in the lives of the ladies, and now with their own children. It is fun, and still fulfilling to share what I can and what I am allowed to with young Miss Sybbie and Master George and Miss Marigold. And now with Anna due…I know with how close you are to Anna that we will have a place in that little one's life too… and that is a very happy thing… and it is enough for me, Els. It is a blessing enough to be able to offer the best that I have of myself in these ways to the children of people we care for. I am very lucky to have all of that… Does that make sense now, Elsie?"

"It most certainly does, my man. You a fine man for these children to be lucky enough to spend time with, including the boys of the future Carson's XI cricket team! Although, I still maintain that, no matter the circumstances, you would have been a very fine father to any child you may have had Charles."

"Thank you for believing that of me, Elsie. And you will be a fine Granny very soon, Mrs Carson, if you want to be to Anna and Mr Bates' little one."

"Ha! I am not sure I am ready to think of myself as some sort of Granny! It makes me feel terribly old again- which is certainly not how I have been feeling for these last days with you, Mr Carson. Let me settle into to be a new bride for a little longer, if you please, Hmm?"

"Oh," Charles leans into his pretty bride to secretly speak into her ear, "I think you already know that it pleases me greatly," and he revels in seeing the pink blush rise quickly up Elsie's neck. He moistens his lower lip with his tongue and continues soto voce as her gazes longingly upon the elegant pearl necklace that draws all his longing into focus upon her warm and supple skin, "Shall we walk on again, young Mrs Carson, for I feel there may be far…mmm... finer views for me to peruse in this big city than this rather grotesque looking Dolphin."

Elsie feels an electric shiver roll over her skin at his insinuation, and given they are in the presence of children, she feels a strong need to once again divert Charles' more amorous overtures before they get too out of hand. Elsie has very quickly discovered that wit seems to be her only real weapon with Charles when he is acting like this in public, although she is awfully pleased by the powerful affect that she knows only she will ever have on this man of ultimate propriety.

"Agreed, Mr Carson, for I find it is rather too much like looking upon the slow torture of an oversized Baron Trevor de Brown Trout."

Charles chuckles happily at this part of their now closely shared history as he guides them back onto the eastern paths of the park. The dreamlike quality of the dappled light speckling through the trees seems to strangely mimic of the sense of other-worldliness they have found in their private time together in their lovely room at the Ritz these last days.

oOOo

As they make their way towards the south-eastern exit of Hyde Park, they stop briefly to observe a moments silence at the Memorial to the Cavalry lost in the Great War. They do not speak as the gravity of the loss of those who once were the light of all the world flows over them both. Those boys were not protected well enough, they think in kind but cannot speak it. In time, all they can do is walk on, in silence through Hyde Park corner and past the Wellington monument, and then slowly across Green Park towards their hotel and the strange alternate landscape of their honeymoon world.

oOOo

Charles wants to shake off the seemingly inevitable heaviness their silent prayers at the memorial have settled over them and so he turns his thoughts to their plans for the rest of their holiday.

"Elsie, did you have any particular ideas for how you would like to spend our days in Scarborough?"

"Hmm?" Elsie shakes the dark mantle of the legacy of the war from the front of her mind too and attends to Charles' query with some light-heartedness returning to her voice. "Well, Charles, I am not too fussed. Perhaps it will be nice to face at least a few more days together with little of a clear plan about them. I should like to walk on the beach again of course. Maybe we could go paddling again if it is warm enough… and I understand they have a band playing on the foreshore regularly, so we could go dancing again. That would be lovely don't you think- to dance by the seaside," she continues dreamily, "I do love to dance with you, Charles. So very much." And she blushes again at her memories of their vibrant closeness last night on the Ritz Restaurants' dance floor, and their subsequent, most delightful evening activities, "that may always form a part of your ongoing reverse courtship of me, I think you will find, Mr Carson."

Charles hums happily, at the thought of it. "It will be my absolute pleasure, I can assure you. And speaking of this budding courtship of ours, Miss Hughes, … I thought we might perhaps go picnicing – maybe on the castle grounds somewhere there…. For…I …" he stumbles over his words a little again, which he knows is silly, given his current, very sure situation in life, but he suddenly feels like a nervous young suitor again, as he once again fears his Elsie seeing him as a bit of sentimental old goof.

"What is it, Charles?" she coaxes him gently.

"Well, … I …I hope that you might enjoy this too, but I thought I should like to read to you from that book of Thomson's Seasons poems when we are by the seaside, I brought it with me, you see."

Elsie looks up at his entirely endearing and slightly abashed face- he is still so unsure that she will enjoy being romanced by him.

"Charles, I should love for you to share that with me," she reassures him with a big smile. "I did give you that book after all because I knew you would appreciate it and like it… just as I like the poems myself. I do hope you know by now that you don't have to be nervous about doing these things with me anymore, Charles. I may be more of a stranger to romance than you were in your early days- for Joe was not really that way inclined… well, certainly not with the style that you have thus far managed on our honeymoon!" and she squeezes his arm again. "But I can assure you that I am not at all immune to its charms. I adore this side of you, Charles, really." And she stops them in the middle of the path and looks up into his face. "You may court me however you see fit, Charles, without fear of me ever thinking it silly, for a lady does not give a lock of her hair to a suitor if she is not ready for such full attentions from him, surely you must know that."

Charles face loses all of its nervousness and breaks into the sunniest smile for her.

"No, I don't suppose she does. Thank you, Elsie. I'm sorry, I guess I am still so new to all of this…and… I always think I may push things too far and I fear that you will think me ridiculous. "

Elsie returns his smile. "Charles, showing me your love is not a ridiculous thing, it is lovely. And it makes me feel like I can have most of those things I once gave up any hope of having with a man just so that I could be in service. But, Charles, I adore it, really, and most especially when I see how happy and content it makes you too." With shimmering eyes, Charles tucks his head around and brushes the inside Elsie's gloved hand with his lips. "In fact, Charles, why don't you start reading Thomson to me tonight in our rooms, while I sketch this little nosegay while it is still fresh… and then we can have a late dinner sent up… and maybe we could dance to the wireless again… whatever you like. I shall be delighted to spend time with you this way, truly." And she caresses his cheek with her hand. "You can tell me all of your favourite parts of the poem, and we can read even more of it in Scarborough- for it is rather a long and rambling suite, isn't it.? So, how does that all sound to you?"

"It all sounds like a dream come true, Miss Hughes" he says in a voice thickened with emotion. Then more clearly, "May I continue to escort you across the park to your hotel, Miss Hughes."

"Indeed, you may, Mr Carson." An Elsie smiles broadly again at her Charles and his love of the art of performance manifested in their very own love story.

oOOo

As they stroll the final section of Green Park before reaching the Hotel, Elsie muses, "You know, I do rather think Thomson meant for his poems to be shared between people in this way, don't you, Charles?"

"I suppose you are right. I know that I always find my mind just wanders to you whenever I read them on my own, and I struggle to get very far with it at times- as when you were away from me for such an interminable amount of time and I felt the desperate need to torture some worms in the lake because of it."

Elsie scoffs aloud at him, "Ha! Well, that brings to mind an entirely different vision of a Boy with a Dolphin I can assure you!" Elsie chuckles at him, and is rewarded with another one of Charles delightful full belly rolls of laughter. I really do make him happy! "And besides, I was hardly away for very long Charles, you have been away far longer each season in London. I think I was only away for about four days at my sister's then."

"Well, it was still far longer than I could happily endure. I don't like not having you there at the Abbey to brighten my days."

"Oh, you are sweet, Charles. But just think," she adds quite giddily, "neither of us needs face such hardship as that again- and you need never be alone if the need to lay waste to some worms should ever seize you again, Charles! Not for a moment if you don't want to be."

"How you managed to make that sound in the least bit romantic, Mrs Carson, I may never know, but I thank you all the same!"

"Well," she grins cheekily at him, "I think I may be starting to learn a thing or two from a rather young man at heart- filled with romance and passion- who has ably commandeered the body of a certain stuffy old Butler I know quite well!"

Charles just huffs out another happy laugh at her particular brand of backhanded flattery that he knows only he is ever rewarded with. He looks into her gleaming happy eyes and his eyes tell her Just keep on ribbing me until the end of my days, Elsie Carson. I'm yours.

CECECECECE

Author Notes (if you want them)

On Hyde Park sites to see-

The Boy and Dolphin water fountain was moved from the site I have listed it in this chapter when that Eastern side of Hyde Park was redeveloped to allow for the broadening of Park Lane in the 1960s. In 1926, this fountain would have been in a sunken flower type garden that was favoured by Queen Vic. I haven't found any original photos of it in that space though. When Park lane was widened, this Dolphin, fountain was moved to Regents Park and only returned to Hyde Park Rose Garden in 1995. Where Charles and Elsie are sitting watching the children play is actually a lovely new fountain called the 'Joy of Life' Fountain. This newer fountain inspired, in many ways, Elsie's line of questioning and their short discussion on having children and finding happiness in this chapter. Plus, the original dolphin fountain is unaccountably gooby looking beastie, and I just couldn't go past using it for this pair of old goobers!

The Cavalry Monument to soldiers lost in WW1 was in existence in this part of the park in 1926- it depicts St George Slaying the Dragon. Installed in 1924 near the Stanhope Gate- (which now has a memorial to the July 7th London Bombings in its place). St George is nearer to the south-eastern corner entrance of Hyde Park today.

The Wellington Monument is a rather impressive looking 18ft high piece of public statuary depicting the Greek Warrior Achilles, installed in 1822 to commemorate the Iberian Peninsula victories during the Napoleonic Wars. Google maps is confusing as to its current position- I think it is actually across the road from Hyde park- on what I believe is known as Hyde Park Corner- kind of the entrance to the north-western corner of Green Park. Anyway, the Wikipedia site is easier to look at for that one. wiki/Wellington_Monument,_London

Google each if you are interested in a bit more information, or just follow this link to sights to see in Hyde Park. It is a full website of all the Royal Parks in London, including Green Park.

royalparks. /parks/hyde-park/things-to-see-and-do

I think all of these monuments would have affected Charles and Elsie much more than they necessarily do us today. The war is still a fresh and personal memory for them. I tend to forget these things myself, having never been touched so closely by any conflict. These are defining social events for our heroes and these types of WW1 public artworks and memorials have only recently been installed around the nation- They would take note of them, whereas we might just walk on by and not really see them at all.

Google Maps street view is also fun- so that you can vicariously tread the paths of our heroes in this little story of mine- albeit almost a century later!

Total DA Canon side note: just a bit of an anachronism I have picked up in JF canon because of all by traipsing through all these 1926 London streets and sights for my fiction.

At the time, Anna mills about Piccadilly wondering about Green's death and being trailed by an undercover cop-(approx. 1923 in the series) - the Shaftesbury Monument is shown at the centre of a busy Piccadilly roundabout. I would just like to be a pedantic know-it-all and point out that in 1922- 1931- this statue of Anteros, that I have already referred to in this fiction of mine, was actually in the Victoria Embankment Gardens because the Charing Cross underground tube station was being constructed directly underneath this monument's Piccadilly home. So, the DA researchers got it wrong! ; P —but hey- it gave them a known landmark to film around – so I do forgive them!

CECECECECE

**Hmm…It wasn't all too fluffy this chapter, I hope! Not my best work, I know… but I have other things up my sleeve before I am done with this loved up pair of Galapagos Tortoises!

Regards,

BorneToFlow : )