Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters
Rick and I check the house to make sure we have everything needed before we retrieve the van to resume our journey home. After our discussion in bed that morning, he'd given me space to get dressed and ready, knowing I was still getting comfortable with him. We'd just finished breakfast and got in the van to finish the drive to Alexandria.
I was unsurprised to see broken tree limbs and other debris scattered around the ground. Some houses had newly broken windows and there were several fallen trees. I shudder, we were lucky the big trees surrounding the house we were in didn't come down. Rick notices my shudder and glances over at me. "Cold?" he asks. I shake my head as I back out of the driveway and pull onto the road. "No. Just glad a tree didn't fall on us last night." He glances around at the destruction surrounding us, saying, "Yeah. I see what you mean. We'll need to take it slow, make sure there aren't obstacles on the roads." I nod and slowly drive down the street, dodging things littering the pavement as I go. Once we get several miles down the road, things clear up considerably and I'm able to speed up.
Seeing that I don't have to concentrate on the road quite so much now, Rick asks, "So. How soon do you think we could be ready to leave to start the charter discussions at the other communities?"
I look at him surprised. "You're approving Michonne's plan then? Ready to get started?"
He nods. "Yes. It's a good plan, the collaboration is needed and now that I know there's a way to keep us from being separated for long periods of time, I'm all in." He gives me an intense look I can't quite interpret and continues, "In fact, we might actually get more time together away from Alexandria than staying there." I laugh. It's true, people are always tracking him down, needing him to solve one problem or another. That actually helped me avoid him before, he rarely got alone time and someone always needed something from him.
"Well, it all depends how long it takes you to lay out all your projects on paper. Then we'd have to go through them all to put them into a project plan, outline all of the steps that need to be done, assign tasks and dates," I say.
He nods. "We could work on that today after we get back then?" I glance at him inquiringly. For something he was against yesterday, he sure seems to be in a big hurry today. "Yeah," I reply. "We can work on it some today, after I spend some time with the kids."
"Good," he states with satisfaction. "If we get it done today, then we can leave for the first community tomorrow." I look at him in shock, saying, "Slow down there cowboy. No way we have it done today, that's a lot of work."
He responds, "You put together the whole plan for the war in the middle of one night. By morning it was ready. Why would this take longer?" I look at him in surprise. "The war was different, we'd spent a whole day coming up with ideas and plans, all I did was organize them after that day of discussion. I also had a lot of that in my head already, I'd spent a bit of time thinking about how to get to Negan, how to take out the saviors. Plus this isn't just one project from what you said, it's several that I know nothing about. It's going to take at least a few days to work through them all."
"I just figured we may as well get right to it, ya know?" he replies.
I shake my head at him. "Well, it's going to take more time than just today from the number of projects you listed. We can get started today, but I can't work on it tomorrow. We can pick it up again on Thursday if you want? I think it would be more realistic if we aimed to get all the planning done this week and leave next week for the other communities. That would give you some time to work on delegating some tasks to people. I really doubt you could do that overnight, you need at least a little prep time."
He looks surprised and asks, "Why can't you work on it tomorrow?" I smile. "Annie turns 19 tomorrow. It might be the end of the world, but I'm going to do my best to make it a special day for her. I've picked up a few things over the last few months for her." He nods in understanding now. "Yeah, we gotta do our best to give them some good days, especially on their birthdays." He glances at me, saying, "Alright, we'll shoot for leaving on Monday then. You're right, it'll give me a chance to get things set up and ready."
I reply, "Well, my hope is that if we do this right and bring the communities together, we can give them more good days than bad in the future. Heck, we might even be able to give them a future." I pause and then ask, "Why the hurry anyway?" He looks out the window. "Rick?" I continue to push, wanting to know what he was thinking. He sighs and then looks at me, saying, "I just like how we are together, who we are together while we've been on this road trip, just the two of us. We've had a bit of time to get to know one another, finally. I worry that things may change once we're back in Alexandria with our kids and normal lives and responsibilities. I like what we've found the last couple of days and wanted to extend it a bit so we could build on it, strengthen it before we have to make it work back in real life."
I understand what he means, we found a kind of harmony with one another on this trip. And no, I'm not talking about the sex. We're finally communicating and have been in sync more than not. He didn't get all overprotective and shut me out. We worked as a team to take out the guards at the farming outpost. I guess we're learning to trust one another.
"Well, real life is always going to be there and I think we're just going to have to negotiate our way through it together." I glance at him. "We've been doing pretty well so far, haven't we?"
He heaves out a large breath, saying, "You're right. We'll just have to continue on this way, communicate with each other and be honest with each other. It's not like I don't want to be around the kids and the others, that's not it at all. It's just that we so often take two steps forward and then slide back almost immediately. I don't want that to happen this time." I reach over and pat him on the leg reassuringly. He grabs my hand and holds onto it tightly. I say, "I know you love your kids, don't worry. I understand what you mean. But we'll make it work." He nods and we travel the rest of the way home to Alexandria in silence, hand in hand, in harmony.
After parking the van and walking into Alexandria, it comes as no surprise that several people want Rick's attention. I listen as people describe what they need from him. Tobin wants his help and approval for a construction project within the town. Abraham wants him to take a look at the expansion plans. Michonne wants to talk to him about the charter. Aaron & Daryl want to talk about plans for recruitment. Rick gives me a sad smile and tells me he'll catch up to me later. I grab some people to help get all the food transferred from the van to Olivia in the pantry. When I'm done, I grab a couple of items I'll need for tomorrow from the pantry and ponder his dilemma as I walk home to find the kids. Honestly, none of that was urgent. He needs to start setting boundaries so he's not set upon the instant he enters the town or walks out his front door. Maybe set up some office hours? I make a mental note to talk to him about it later. I think we can make his leadership role less of a full-time burden for him. He deserves to enjoy life just as much as the residents of Alexandria do. I think our plan of him accompanying me on the first round of visits to the other communities is an excellent idea and a good spot to start setting up some boundaries so he isn't on call 24/7 for the town residents anymore. That's not sustainable, they're going to burn him out. The poor man is up at dawn and I think he's one of the last to sleep. He can't keep that up.
I walk into the house to find the kids eating lunch. They're excited to see me, so after happy greetings all around I join them for lunch, relaxing in our homey kitchen. I look around and it sinks in just how much we've found, how lucky we are. This really is home and I have more hope than I've ever had since the walkers started walking that we can conquer this world, that there is a future for my children. I update them on Jane and how things are going at the farming outpost. I give them a brief overview of the charter discussion and what Michonne wants me to do. I tell them to think about it and we can talk later about what it would mean for us. The kids also have to be on board if I'm going to do this. After lunch, I put all my gear away and start some laundry. Then the kids and I find some board games and play a few rounds. It's a relaxing afternoon just spending time with them and enjoying their company.
Shortly after we put the games away, there's a knock on the door. Kira answers the door and Carl comes in carrying a box followed by Rick carrying Judith in one hand and her booster seat in the other. Rick smiles at me and says, "I thought you all might be hungry for some dinner by now, we brought sandwiches for everyone. Olivia was testing some meat slices from deer Daryl's caught and wanted us to try them out." I give the box a cautious glance asking, "So, like deer deli meat? Is that even a thing?" The doubt is evident in my voice and Rick laughs. "Come on, give it a try. It can't be that bad." I shoot him a look that very clearly says it can be that bad and worse and he follows me into the kitchen laughing at me and my expression.
We pull the sandwiches out of the box and I distribute them to the kids at the table while Rick sets up Judith's booster seat and gives her small pieces of bread to work on. I get some water for everyone and join them at the table, eyeing the sandwich in front of me. Rick takes a big bite of his sandwich in front of me with an exaggerated, "Mmmm." I roll my eyes at him and pick mine up. I nibble a little on the edges only getting bread. Rick scoffs at me, "Ya gotta take a nice big bite, you didn't get anything but bread there." I tell him, "Yeah, that was kind of the point." I look over at the kids who are eating without a care. Well, it can't be too bad then if they're eating it. I look Rick in the eyes and take a big bite that includes some of the meat. I chew tentatively but am pleasantly surprised by the taste. Not bad, slightly gamey, but it was a deer after all. Rick grins at me in approval, taking another bite of his own sandwich.
I finish quickly and grab some applesauce to feed Judy to finish up her meal. She enjoys it greatly and by the time she's done the kids have set up in the living room to watch a show and Rick has cleaned up the table.
He comes back in from the kitchen and leans down with both hands on my shoulders reaching over me to put a kiss on Judy's forehead. He asks, "How are my girls tonight?" and leans around giving me a kiss on the mouth as well without waiting for an answer. I'm surprised, but it's just a quick peck before he pulls back and walks around me to clean Judy's face with a rag. He pulls her out of her booster seat and takes her in to the living room with the kids asking them to watch her while we work on project plans.
I get up and head for the office where he meets me and we dive into working on all the projects he lists.
First we divide them up by priority, then start to assign co-owners. Abraham for the expansion, Michonne for the charter, of course. He's not sure about the farming expansion and seems hesitant to share that project with anyone. I suggest Tina from the Sanctuary who now resides in Alexandria. She grew crops there in extremely harsh soil, I assure him she can grow crops here. He thinks about it and then agrees as long as after meeting her he thinks she can handle it. I have no doubts so I go ahead and list her on the project plan. We go through several more projects and get them set up as well. Then we work on the key elements that need to be done, the steps that need to happen for them to be successful. Rick lists out several things and I add a few items as well. By this time it's getting late and Rick sits back looking exhausted. He looks at me and says, "Now I understand why you said this couldn't be done tonight. There are so many details to think of, I can't believe you finished the war plan in one night." I pat him on the shoulder and say, "Well that one was easy. We already had all the details but we're having to flesh out all these projects from scratch. I have another idea I had I'd like to talk to you about though."
He says, "Yeah? What's that?" I shake my head, "Not tonight, you're exhausted. Just some ideas I have on setting some boundaries so you aren't bombarded with people with questions and needing your advice constantly like when we stepped back into Alexandria today." He looks surprised. "What kind of ideas," he asks, "I don't know if it will ever go away. It just seems to be a part of being a leader." I respond, "Yes, there will always be things that need to be done, but that doesn't mean you have to be on call 24/7. There are some things we can do to minimize it, but we'll chat tomorrow. We should check on the kids, I haven't heard much from them for a while." He nods and we walk out into the living room. Judith is asleep in Carl's arms on the couch along with all my kids. They all passed out while watching the movie they chose. I smile as Rick puts his arm around me saying, "Well, look at that. They look so peaceful." I smile, they really do. He continues, "Well I'll take the kids home and get them into bed, but first…" he pulls me into his arms and kisses me hard and then rests his forehead on mine. "Goodnight." I smile and respond, "Goodnight." I help him get Carl up and he retrieves Judy. I see them out of the house and lock the doors behind them.
It takes me about a half hour, but I manage to get all the kids up and sleepily moved to their beds. By the time I get into my bedroom I want nothing more than to just crawl into bed and pass out, but the shower is calling me. After a couple days on the road I'm filthy and a hot shower sounds even better than bed...as long as I do it quickly before I pass out from exhaustion. I shower quickly and cross the room to the closet from the bathroom practically with my eyes closed. I'm so tired. I quickly put on some underwear and a camisole-my go to pajamas when it's warm like it is tonight.
I walk over to the bed, anticipating climbing in between the clean sheets and passing out. I'm about to climb in when hands slide around my waist from behind me. I scream, letting out a small shriek before a hand quickly covers my mouth cutting it off. "Sandi, stop, it's OK, it's me," I hear Rick say in my ear as he pulls me back against him and then takes his hand off my mouth. I take a few deep breaths and then whirl around like an angry dervish, hitting him on his bare chest as hard as I can with my hands, pushing him back a couple steps. "What the hell are you doing sneaking up on me like that?! You scared the crap out of me!" I whisper yell at him. I hear his breath puff out from where I hit him. He recovers, shaking his head, saying, "You walked right past me to the closet, I thought you saw me," he points to a spot on the other side of the room where a backpack I don't recognize sits on the floor. I assume that's where he was? I'm confused. I walk over to the door and peak out to see if I woke up the kids. Silence. OK, well at least I don't have to worry about them finding us together in my room while we're barely clothed, but that still doesn't explain to me what he's doing here in the first place. I shut the door and lean against it and then look at him. He's standing there in his boxers and nothing else. I look over at that backpack again and see his clothes neatly folded on the ground beside it. His hair is damp so it appears he's fresh from the shower as well. I take another deep breath, telling myself to be calm, to be patient and ask, "Rick, what are you doing here? How did you even get in, I locked all the doors? I thought you went home to put your kids to bed? Who's watching Judith?" He walks over toward me with his arms out like he's going to put them around me and I put a hand up and say, "Stop right there. Start talking." He reluctantly stops saying, "I'm here because you're here. I have keys to all the houses. I took the kids home, got them to bed, showered and laid down on my bed when I recognized that I wasn't going to sleep well without you. One night, and you have me hooked. Then I realized that I didn't have to, that we're together now and I could come be with you. The kids were out cold so I asked Michonne to watch them tonight. I can wait till tomorrow to get them moved in over here, but for tonight I could bring myself and settle in with you, be with you." I look at him with such disbelief, I can't even talk.
The silence stretches on a bit, becoming uncomfortable. Rick starts to look worried. "Sandi?" I continue to just stare at him. I can't believe this. "Sandi, say something. Please." I snap out of it saying, "So you just decided to move in? All on your own? Without even talking about it with me? Without asking me?" He looks very concerned now, obviously starting to realize that I'm not onboard with this. He takes a step toward me and I hold my hand up again. He stops but says, "It just made more sense than staying separate. We changed things last night.." I cut him off. "We did. We made some changes last night, but that doesn't mean we make these kinds of leaps. Not yet and not without talking about it. We haven't even talked about how last night changes our plans. Even more, we told the kids we were exploring a relationship, that we were going to start with a friendship and then start dating in a couple months. Now you want them to wake up to find us not only sleeping together but that you've moved in? With no warning?" The disbelief in my voice is growing.
He shakes his head in frustration, "Yeah, we had an agreement, but everything changed while we were gone. You're not really going to make me wait two months to kiss you again? Just because of some arbitrary timeline you came up with?" Now his voice is filled with disbelief and frustration.
I stalk over to my closet and walk in while throwing over my shoulder, "You agreed to that timeline, regardless of how arbitrary it may be!" I grab my robe out of the closet and throw it on. No way am I having this conversation in my underwear. I swing around to find him right behind me. "You see," he grates out, "it's two steps forward and then five back with you. Every time." I look at him with incredulity. "You think this is my fault? You rush forward into everything so fast it's amazing I don't have skid marks from how quickly you charge into things in this relationship!"
I push past him and stomp over to the wing chair and take a seat. He follows, standing above me. Of course he doesn't sit down, he has to show who's in charge. Well not this time buddy!
"Well, you're like a turtle, always hemming and hawing about every move, every decision. If I didn't push then we'd never get anywhere." I look up at him, saying, "Because you always know what's best for us? You're always right? It needs to be your way or the highway?"
He stops and pinches his nose hard, getting himself under control. Finally he looks at me and says in a calmer voice, "No. Of course not. I wasn't trying to make it sound that way. I'm sorry." My breathing starts to slow as I look at him and realize he's backing down. That he apologized. I take a deep breath to further calm me down. Finally I say, "Rick, obviously we have things to work through, to talk about before we're ready to move in together, to take that step. I'm sorry too, sorry I flew off the handle. But there's something you need to know right up front, before we take this relationship any further." He reaches down and pulls me up from my chair, into his arms, into a hug. He rests his head on my shoulder and rumbles in my ear, "What's that?" I pull back so I can look him in the eyes.
"I'm no shrinking violet in a relationship. If what you're looking for is a little woman to wait at home, someone for you to make all the decisions for and to fade into the background except when you want her, then I'm not the girl for you. I'm always going to tell you what I think, whether I agree with you or not. I'm not a yes man. If I disagree, I'll likely argue with you."
I'm a little confused because he's grinning now. I just want him to know what he's getting into and now he's laughing at me? With a chuckle, he picks me up and sits down in the chair I was in, placing me on his lap. "Rick, what are you doing?!" I exclaim.
"I'm just sitting down so we can have a chat," he replies. "I don't want another woman. I want you, exactly you. You are the one for me."
I heave out a breath and say, "But you make decisions without even talking to me about them, without knowing what I think. I can't do that, it doesn't work for me."
He says, "And you call me out on that which is a good thing for me. Sometimes I forget that you aren't someone waiting for me to make a decision, that you have your own opinions. I've led groups since the end that have needed me to make decisions, sometimes quickly, many times where our lives depend on them. I've carried that responsibility for so long that sometimes I forget that there are other people that have good opinions and are willing to offer them, willing to speak up. Usually everyone just looks to me to tell them what to do."
I put one hand on his chest and the other on the side of his face. "I'm always going to have opinions. Sometimes they won't mesh with yours. I'm going to expect you to talk to me so we can make decisions together about things as a couple. I won't be dictated to."
He covers my hand on his face with his. "That's OK, I can do that. We can talk about things together and come to an agreement together. You may have to remind me sometimes though until I get used to it."
I nod. This is going better than I thought. I hadn't ever thought about where his high-handedness, his expectation that everyone follow him without question came from. I didn't realize it was because no one else was willing to make the hard choices and he'd carried that load alone for so long. I say, "As long as you're willing to work on some boundaries, to understand that we're in this together and we make decisions together, then we'll be OK. We'll figure things out." He nods and says, "Together. I like the sound of that." He leans in and kisses me. The kiss goes on for several minutes as we revel in surviving our first major argument as a couple. He pulls back and says, "Does that mean I can stay?" I shake my head, "No. The kids have no idea things have progressed this far. Do you really think it's fair to spring this on them with no warning?" He sighs, and kisses me again.
"Alright, I know you're right but I don't have to like it. How do you suggest we tell them then?"
I shrug. "I'm not sure. We're so far ahead of where I thought we'd be right now. How about we just tell them we've started to date now?" He gives me a look. "We're far beyond dating." I chuckle. "Far beyond dating without even having had one date. How does that even happen?" I sigh and continue, "I know we're beyond that point, but I'm not so sure they're ready for that yet. They need to see us together more I think, get used to us being together." I pull back and pat him on the shoulder, "It's late and I'm so tired I can't think straight anymore. How about we talk about this tomorrow after we've rested up and have some time to think about it?" He looks me in the eye, saying "I assume you mean sleeping in separate houses."
I smack him playfully on the chest. "Yes. Go home. We'll talk tomorrow. I need to actually sleep tonight." I stand my ground with him. As much as I'd love to sleep in his arms tonight, if I give in now it will set a very bad precedent. Start as I mean to go on and all that. Him just assuming he can move in without even talking to me about it is just one example of behavior he can't continue with if we're going to be together. I at least have a better understanding of where that behavior comes from though. He reluctantly gets up, kissing me again and then gets dressed. I walk him down to the front door and wish him goodnight with one last kiss. Then I lock the door behind him and go back upstairs to pass out in my bed. I'll think about what to do about Rick and the kids and everything else later. Right now I need sleep.
A/N Happy post-4th of July! I'm back from vacation, so I have another chapter for you! So...Rick can be very high-handed and make assumptions. Sandi can move too slowly while Rick rushes in. Can they find a way to make things work between them with these obstacles? Sandi at least understands where his behavior comes from now.
Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more. I would always appreciate feedback if you are so inclined!