"You look like crap." Callie stated flatly.
"Wha?" I peeled my half-dead face off of the table and looked at her. "Thanks."
"Well you do." She handed me a fresh cup of coffee as I straightened myself out. I stood up and flexed my muscles out; I had been here all night again, pouring over hospital policy and legislation. Derek had essentially given me the go ahead for the trial, allowing me; but he was making me work for it, hard. "What are you doing?"
"Yoga." I systematically stretched the all muscles that needed it. "Helps my back." My attempt at an informative voice was on the sharp side today. "Sorry."
"No worries." Callie was sat on the sofa in her scrubs looking like she had just finished a long surgery. "What is the deal with you and the chief?"
"With the trial?" My voice was strained; I could feel the blood rush to my head.
"Yeah; why is he blocking you?" She pulled a piece off of the muffin she had in her hand and ate it slowly.
"I think he's just trying to be protective; but I'm a grown up. And I'm so sick of talking about it. Sorry. My life at the moment just seems to revolve around Derek and this trial." I finished stretching and got back onto my feet; feeling a bit more refreshed and human.
"How's Mark?" Callie was understandably concerned about her friend.
"He hates it; I think this is going to ruin things. I should just stop; I'm holding on to this like it's my baby. It's ridiculous. He doesn't hate it; he just hates that I don't come home, that we don't go to bed at the same time."
"He doesn't like waking up without you." Callie ate a bit more of her muffin before continuing. "He's miserable in the mornings; he's eaten breakfast with us every morning for practically a month without you. He misses you."
"Oh god; I need to stop this, it's crazy." I slumped into a seat; defeated.
"It's not crazy to want to save lives." We sat in silence; relative silence because Callie was still eating her blueberry muffin. "Hey Mark."
"Hey. Callie can you give us a minute?" I saved the document on my laptop and pulled the screen down as Callie obliged and left the lounge.
"Mark I'm not stopping." I was going to remain defiant; I had to.
"I'm not asking you to; I just want you to take a break, this is too much." His voice was pleading.
"I'm sorry; I can't. You spent years organising a face transplant; how much time did that take up?" His face apologised and looked resigned. "I need your help."
"I'll talk to Derek if you want." He offered.
"I don't need you to talk. I need you to support me." I gestured at myself. "I need you to be Meredith Grey."
"Meredith Grey?" He confirmed with a bemused look.
"Yes. I need you to be my cheerleader. Keep me going; tell me that this trial is worth the effort and that I'm going to save lives. I need that because I'm about to quit, and it'll be something I'll regret for the rest of my life. You don't need to be dark and twisty; but I need at least one person here on my side." I knew I was the one making it hard; but I needed to get across how important this was to me.
"Call me Meredith." I brought him in and held him close to me; that's all I wanted to hear. He kissed my cheek and released me.
"Thank you." I giggled. I returned the kiss and we made plans to have dinner alone later. Then I realised what I had been missing; I had this amazingly kind guy at home waiting for me every night, and I was stressing about all of this. I need to balance my priorities because, at this rate, I was only going to end up with one instead of both. "I'll catch up with you later."
I desperately needed to freshen up and splash some water on my face. I wandered in the general direction of the bathrooms; my mind not fully with it, still in the books. I pushed the door open to find the space empty, thankfully; I stood at the basins and turned the cold tap on. Using my hands I caught the liquid and patted it across my cheeks and forehead; I finished by rubbing the back of my neck. Drying my face off I heard a sniffle from one of the stalls; I tip-toed along the rank looking under each to find a pair of feet.
"Hello?" I didn't get a reply in any form of recognisable language; just more sniffing. "Are you okay?"
"Yes." A very small voice squeaked.
"Meredith?" I looked under the stalls again and found where she was hiding; I occupied the one next to her and closed the door. "What's wrong?"
"I'm fine." She sighed.
"I find that hard to believe since you're crying." She didn't sound happy. I heard her unlock her door and leave her tiny hideaway; I followed to discover why she was so happy and still crying. We met on the tiles; she was holding something in her hand, a small white paper bag. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm pregnant." She looked shocked that she had told me.
"Oh my god; Meredith!" I couldn't hold myself back; I knew she didn't do hugs but this was a totally huggable moment. "Congratulations!"
"I can't believe it." She was talking to herself; and smiling.
"I didn't realise you and Derek were trying."
"We were – sort of – yes." Her words were aloof; but her smile betrayed them.
"Meredith this is just amazing news." I could restrain my excitement.
"Don't..."
"My lips are sealed; when you tell Cristina, that'll be the first time." I washed my hands out of habit and dried them off with a paper towel.
"Thanks." She pocketed the paper bag and washed her hands. "Derek may complain about you at home; but I like you, you get people. You don't judge." Well, she almost got me.
"I like you too; what you did for Derek was amazing, I have to thank you for looking after him."
"I...um...well...I enjoyed it." Now that was obvious. "You knew Addison right?" She leant on the tiled wall near the door.
"Yeah; we went to medical school together." I could see where this was heading. "You know I always told Derek that he needed some grey in his life." She had a kind laugh. "He's always been too black and white." That sounded less cheesy in my head. Way less cheesy. It caused me to blush.
"Thanks; I think." She laughed to ease my embarrassment. "I need to go tell my people." She smiled contentedly and left the bathroom; with a spring in her step. Why was I suddenly so insanely jealous of her?