Chapter 37
A soft breeze blew inside the room, making the white lace curtains flutter like two shapeless uninvited ghosts. Louise kept her eyes focused on the unsteady movements of her drapes. The fresh breeze on her skin made her shudder, and soon she felt Kid's arm reach to cover her with the quilt. His right arm lay wrapped around her waist while his chest softly brushed against her body with the steady rhythm of his breathing. Making love to him had filled her with powerful sensations that had left her shivering minutes afterwards.
Her old ghosts which she had feared would perturb her seemed to have vanished and she had been able to fully enjoy being with Kid. It was the first time for both of them because despite her past, Lou felt in her heart that he was her first one, the first one to make her feel like a woman. Making love was more than a physical act, it was total devotion to that special one without caring for the consequences, and Louise hadn't felt so vulnerable and so strong at the same time.
Lou's heart surged with hope and love as she felt tenderly draped in his arms. The storms and tempests that had threatened to destroy them had cleared up, and Louise couldn't help but shiver with fear as she thought about how she had almost ruined everything between her and Kid. She now understood that her jealousy had made her see more than there was in reality and even though it still hurt her to think about it, she had decided to forget about that matter of the duel.
Kid snuggled closer to her and kissing her neck softly he exclaimed, "Gosh, Lou. I love you so much!"
The girl beamed with a satisfied smile while she absent-mindedly ran her index finger across his hand which held her lower abdomen in a firm grip. "Rachel was right," she muttered, almost talking to herself. "Making up is so much fun."
Her words surprised him, and before she knew what was happening, Kid suddenly turned her over so that they were face to face. "Did you tell her about this?" he asked with a frown, not sure if he liked Louise discussing the intimate part of their relationship with anybody, even with Rachel.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed. "I didn't know this was going to happen. I didn't plan it." She had been about to leave him for good and would have never thought that they could sort things out. Actually, Lou had felt everything between them was so bleak that she hadn't seen a possible solution.
"I'm happy it happened," he said, kissing the tip of her nose softly.
Louise giggled as his kiss tickled the skin on her nose. "Me too," she admitted after a beat.
"And I'm happy you're staying," Kid added, smiling from ear to ear.
"Who says I'm staying?" Louise said with a serious expression.
Her words left him speechless momentarily, and he stared at her as if he had been shot in the back and didn't know there was a bullet coming his way. After a few minutes, he finally found his own voice and managed to say, "But ... Lou… I thought this… you know… this meant we were back together. I thought … I…" His heart sank precipitously as his joy was killed with that brief comment coming from Lou's lips.
"Of course we're together," she replied matter-of-factly, which instantly brought a sense of relief over Kid. "Do you think I'd let you even kiss me otherwise?" Kid smiled happily as if his life had been spared from the block, but he still didn't understand what she had meant with that comment. Lou continued, thus clearing up his doubts. "But I never said I would stay in Rock Creek, and if I don't remember wrong, it was you who said you'd come with me. All that stuff about … what was it? Oh yeah…'My place is where you are'."
Kid was taken aback by her words. He had thought that after working things out she would decide to stay in Rock Creek with him, where his job, his family and his future ranch were. She had also had a life here, a nice job, friends, and … well… she had him. Why should they move when they were just fine here? Truth to be told, the idea that she could take his offer to go together seriously had never crossed his mind, but if she wanted to go, he would follow her anywhere, to the end of the world if necessary.
"Sure. That's what I said," Kid finally said, trying to sound convinced and enthusiastic. "And I intend to keep it. So where would you like to go and live, sweetie?"
To his utter astonishment she burst out laughing and kept guffawing for a few minutes. "You're such a liar, and a bad one to boot. You were just trying to lure me into your trap," she said in amusement.
"I wasn't!" Kid stated, feeling somehow hurt that she doubted his word although he knew it was just for a good laugh.
"You were! Come on, Kid. Admit it!" She insisted. "Nothing wrong with that. You already got me where you wanted me, didn't you?"
"Never!" he exclaimed, sharing her amusement as he moved toward her so that his body hovered over hers. "Take that back now, Miss McCloud or…"
"Or what?" she challenged him, her eyes shining with sheer mischief.
"Or I'll have to kiss you," he said as he lowered his face towards her and without waiting for anything else, he joined his lips to hers. Their mouths met passionately as if it was their last opportunity, their last day on this earth. When they broke the kiss, his hand came to caress her face and Louise closed her eyes as the simple gesture was enough to leave her shivery and longing. "Please never leave me again, Lou" Kid croaked with a husky voice, his previous amusement gone.
The seriousness she heard made her shoot her eyes open instantly and the pain she saw in his blue orbs broke her heart. She knew that they had both been victims of misunderstandings, her jealousy and of course her damn distrust. Since the very beginning she had expected Kid to blunder it and prove to her that she was right to mistrust all men. Why couldn't she understand that not all men were the same? She needed to start to let go of her fears and trust Kid. He was a good and honest man who loved her. What else could she wish for? He wasn't perfect but neither was she. They needed to learn to lean on each other and the rest will work itself out.
"We ain't leaving Rock Creek, honey. I was just fooling around," she said gravelly, trying to say more than what her words literally meant. She hoped he got what she wanted to let him know.
"Yeah, I know you're exceptional at fooling around," Kid remarked ironically, ticking her ribs which sent her into a fit of giggles and made her squirm in the bed as she tried to get rid of his torturing hands. Finally, he stopped and as they laughed together, he added, "I tell you, Lou, I don't know how I'm gonna stand spending my nights in my lonely bunk after today."
"Then stay with me," she said seriously, "at least tonight."
Kid grinned at her and was about to accept her enticing suggestion but her wide smile faded as soon as a thought sprung to his mind. "I can't!" he let out in a whining voice and pushing himself to a sitting position he inched to the edge of the bed and started looking for his clothes scattered around the room.
He started to get dressed as he sat on the edge of the bed. "Kid, what's wrong?" Lou asked as she came behind him and hugged him from behind.
Kid smiled as soon as he felt her arms around his torso and her skin pressed against his back. Swiveling slightly around towards her he said as he looked into her eyes, "Cody's leaving with his unit tomorrow, so Rachel wants all of us to be at dinner tonight. As a matter of fact, I'm already running late."
"I see," Lou muttered, unable to hide the disappointment from showing.
"I wish I could skip it, but you know, it's gonna be the last time we'd be all together," he explained, cursing Cody for his idea of enlisting.
Lou disengaged herself from his hold and flopped back onto the bed as she watched him finish with his trousers and start with his shirt. "I understand," she finally said, "I understand that you have to go and leave me here all alone." She felt unable to stop herself from sounding pitiful and pathetic. Suddenly, her room and her bed felt too big and cold even though he was still there.
Kid stopped his fingers from doing his buttons and with the shirt still dangling from his shoulders he lowered his body on the bed, his hands resting at both sides of Lou's body. "I ain't leaving you here. You're coming with me."
Lou shook her head. "No, Kid. This is a family thing, and I don't want to intrude."
"You're family too," Kid stated without a single trace of doubt. "I know everybody feels the same way I do… well… I hope not exactly the same way," he joked which made her giggle softly. "You know, Rachel will be so glad when she sees us together. Besides," he continued with a tired sigh, "I guess Rosemary will be there, and I'd feel much better with you by my side."
"Who's Rosemary?" she asked with a frown.
"She's the widow of an abolitionist. Jimmy hangs out with her all the time," the Southerner explained with a bitter gesture, moving away from Louise and continuing with his shirt buttons.
Louise remembered Rachel mentioning the woman when they had talked after Noah's death. The station mistress had said something about some riders blaming this Rosemary for the black rider's demise. Lou had also seen Jimmy, and that lady in the store but he had never introduced her to Louise. As she watched Kid's expression now, Lou realized that he was probably the one Rachel had meant who resented Rosemary.
"You and Jimmy are having problems?" Lou asked as she inched to the edge of the bed, covering her nakedness with the white sheet.
"We ain't talking," he muttered somberly and turning his face to Lou, he exclaimed, "I just can't understand how blind he can be with that woman."
"Kid, don't be unfair," Lou said as she stood up before him and stroked his back with her right hand while her other one gripped the sheet around her body. "Your friend has a right to fall in love with whomever he chooses, and you should respect his feelings."
"Lou, you're only saying that because you don't know her," he retorted.
"Kid, Jimmy's your friend and not her, and that's what you should care about," Louise continued stubbornly. "Don't you remember how you reacted when your friends, especially Jimmy, let you know what they thought about Doritha? You're now doing the same."
"It was different!" Kid exclaimed loudly, getting annoyed that she was taking his friend's side against him.
"Why? Because she was your fiancée?" Lou insisted. "Well, Rosemary might be Jimmy's fiancée or even his wife someday. It's the same, Kid."
"They were right about Doritha, weren't they?" Kid replied pointedly and letting out a weary sigh, he exclaimed, "And I really don't know why we have to bring her up right now. She's been out of my life for months."
"But it has been a part of it anyway," Lou added matter-of-factly and after a brief pause she continued, "Kid I already told you before, family is family, but whether we like it or not, we have to accept the baggage coming with the package."
"Whatever you say," Kid replied roughly, not liking to feel defeated by her logic and turning around he started looking for his hat that he spotted on the rocking chair. He placed it on his head with a strong push, clearly ready to leave. Lou watched him, wondering if he was as mad as he looked. She hadn't wanted to argue with him on their first day back together, but she could see that the situation with Jimmy was hurting him more than he was ready to admit and she hated seeing him so low. As she saw him putting on his hat, she realized that she might have gone too far with her words, and now he was clearly leaving her behind.
Kid turned around back towards her, and when he saw her in the middle of the room with her hands holding the sheet tightly around her body, his mouth spread into a big smile much to her surprise. "You're really an irresistible sight, honey, but I'm afraid we need to get going or Rachel will have my hide."
"You still want me to join you?" she asked, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.
"Of course!" he exclaimed, stomping towards her and encircling her in his arms. "I ain't letting you out of my sight. You might want to run on me again."
"No, never again," she replied, looking intently into his eyes, "as long as you behave yourself."
"Oh I will, I swear I will. I've been too scared for my life, and I won't risk losing you again," he said in the same amusing tone but meaning each word he uttered. Then he lowered his head towards hers again, engaging her in a long sultry kiss. After a while they pulled back, their breaths coming in ragged intakes. "We'd better get ready to go," Kid said. "You're enough temptation to make me forget about everything."
Lou gave him a coy smile, feeling as if she had risen from the ashes. Her perspectives hours ago had been so bleak and hopeless, and then everything had taken a sudden turn. She had thought that Kid would become part of her past, a bitter-sweet memory to treasure in her heart as her plans had been to leave all that behind. But when he had come to her, looking at her with those blue eyes of his, she had given in to him. It hadn't taken Kid a lot to convince her about his good intentions and his genuine feelings. Maybe she had been ready to forget about their rift since the first day, but her pride had forced her to believe the worst of him.
These few weeks had been a terrible torment, but somehow she had learned the hard way that she didn't want to live without Kid. Even though Louise had always laughed at and ridiculed all that silly, mushy stuff other girls talked about, she was now experiencing what it really meant. Kid had become an intrinsic part of her soul as the air she breathed or her own skin. It scared her to death to think that she might lose him again. There were many dangers to her peace of mind outside this room, but she swore to herself that she wouldn't let her insecurities rule her. Never again.
They were sitting around the table without saying a word. As usual, Teaspoon was at the head while Rachel and the other three riders sat on the benches along both sides of the long bunkhouse table. As Kid had predicted, Rosemary had come with Jimmy and had placed herself next to him at the far end. Feeling this was a special occasion, Rachel had dressed the table with the best cloth they had, one with embroidered flowers along the edge which Amanda O'Connell had sent them as a present when they had first come to live in Rock Creek. The station mistress had also taken out a couple of silver candlesticks, part of her own trousseau, their china plates and the best cutlery and glassware. They hadn't had many occasions to celebrate lately and even though tonight wasn't a proper celebration, Rachel had thought that Cody deserved to have a special gathering. He was after all the rider who by far enjoyed the meals at the station the most and the woman reckoned they wouldn't be the same without him from now on.
Cody eyed the platters with the untouched food that Rachel had prepared and was the first one to break the silence with his usual whining voice, "Rachel, when are we gonna eat?"
"Not till Kid comes," the woman replied gravelly.
"He's not gonna come," Jimmy stated, convinced of what he was saying.
"Jimmy, I know things are kind of strained between you two, but could you give him at least the benefit of the doubt?" Teaspoon said a bit too roughly. He didn't know what the world was coming to. All his riders lately were behaving like a bunch of spoiled, ignorant brats who didn't want to see beyond their very noses. After all this time together the marshal had thought that they had learned something, and he would have expected more than lack of brains. The truth was that they were giving him more headaches than when they first arrived at Sweetwater station and were just a bunch of young boys.
"I just know him, Teaspoon," Jimmy replied, irritated that everybody thought that he was purposely being callous to the Southerner. Despite all their problems the rider respected and appreciated Kid to thoughtlessly go against him at all costs. "He was too upset."
"And he won't have anybody around when he's like that," Buck finished off for his friend, receiving a grateful smile from Jimmy, who was relieved that somebody had understood his reasoning.
"We don't know what he's been up to," Rachel added.
"He stormed off to see her as clear as day," Cody replied without a single doubt. "He's been sulking for her during all these past weeks and I imagine that Louise won't be very understandable. If I didn't know better, she must have beaten him to a pulp. So I don't think the poor fella is eager for some company right now."
"Cody, we don't know that!" Rachel exclaimed mortified. "They might have talked things through." As she glanced around the bunkhouse, her eyes met the skeptical looks of everybody else. Ironically, only Teaspoon, the most experienced person and consequently the most likely person to believe the worst, seemed to show some understanding or belief in her words.
"Lou ain't gonna forgive him for the stunt he pulled," Jimmy said matter-of-factly.
"I wouldn't," Rosemary, who had remained quiet all this time, piped up. She was quite familiar with everything that happened around the station or to the riders as Jimmy didn't talk about anything else.
Rachel stood up irritated that the woman could dare to voice her opinion about somebody she didn't know and about a matter that didn't concern her, and she sent her a brief glaring look before shifting her gaze to the other riders. "That's for Louise to decide. Thank God Kid doesn't have to lean on your support because he would be truly disappointed."
"Rachel, I didn't mean it like that!" Jimmy protested vehemently.
The station mistress wasn't in the mood to continue talking about something that they had no right to stick their noses into, so with a sigh she turned towards the stove as she muttered, "You can eat now. I'll heat your food."
As soon as she uttered those words, the familiar neighing of a horse was heard outside the bunkhouse. "Men of little faith! There he is!" Teaspoon proclaimed, tucking a napkin in his shirt collar as they were sure going to start eating now.
Steps pattering on the wooden porch resounded outside, and then the door opened and Kid appeared. "Sorry I'm late," the Southerner said from the threshold as he removed the hat from his head.
Rachel walked towards him and asked straightaway, "Kid, where have you been? Did you go and see Lou…?" She stopped in mid-sentence as she spied the petite girl behind the rider, who had been hidden from her sight till now. "Louise! What a nice surprise!"
"Hi, Rachel," she muttered, coming out from behind Kid, and as she noticed the curious looks the station mistress and the rest were sending in her direction she felt her cheeks blush furiously. With a nod in greeting to the others present she folded her arms over her chest as she became more and more self-conscious by the minute. Realizing that Rachel kept staring at her quizzically as if she expected her to say something, she started awkwardly, "Uh… I heard Cody's leaving … and … well… I wanted to say good-bye."
On hearing her words Cody stood up and said in his usual flamboyant way, "Much obliged, Ma'am. I always knew you had a little something for me. I'm so sorry to be causing so many young hearts to break for my decision to fight for my country."
"Cody!" Rachel exclaimed while Lou blushed to the roots of her hair out of irritation and embarrassment. While the rest cackled, Louise instinctively inched closer to Kid and the southern rider wrapped his arm around her back. "Excuse this fool, Louise. He will never change even though he were decorated with the highest honors," Rachel added, sharing a smile with the girl. The station mistress felt joy warm her insides at seeing that apparently things were working for the young pair before her. "At least something is back on the right track," she thought with relief. "Will you stay for dinner, Louise?" she asked.
"Of course," Kid answered for the girl as they shared a sheepish look.
"Good!" Teaspoon exclaimed from his position. "Come and sit down next to this old dog. I'm gettin' fed up with havin' oafish boys around all the time. A pretty face like yours is much more to my likin'"
Louise smiled coyly as she sat at the far end of the table next to Teaspoon while Kid placed himself between the girl and Buck. Rachel placed a plate and cutlery in Louise's place while she introduced her to Rosemary. The two women shared a nod at each other in acknowledgment without saying a word, and Rachel proceeded to serve the different dishes she had been preparing all day long. Everybody started tasting the beautiful meal, and soon they were complimenting the cook. Apart from that the bunkhouse was pretty quiet, and after a while Buck addressed Louise, "We heard that you were leaving Rock Creek."
"Uh… yeah," Lou let out in an ambiguous tone without elaborating any further.
"I gather that she's changed her mind. Haven't you, Louise?" Cody quipped with a smirk.
"She ain't going anywhere," Kid stated a bit too stern and softening his voice straightway he turned to her. "You are staying, aren`t you?" Somehow he wasn't completely convinced that she wasn't going to walk away and needed to reassure himself that wasn't happening.
"For the moment I'm staying in Rock Creek," Lou said dismissively.
"I wonder what good deed he had to do to convince her," Cody remarked, sharing a knowing look with Jimmy.
At his words Lou felt her cheeks blush terribly once again. She didn't enjoy being the center of attention, and after what had happened between her and Kid in her rooms, she had the impression that everybody could see it written plainly on her face. The Southerner noticed her squirm uneasily on the seat and turning to Cody he said in a very firm voice, "Will you stop embarrassing Lou?"
"I ain't trying to embarrass her, I'm trying to embarrass you," Cody replied which sent the rest cackling, and Kid and Lou even found themselves laughing along.
The rest of dinner took place without much incident. For one moment Rachel thought that they were back to those sweet times where there was no fear that a war would rip their family apart and despite the danger the riders had to face every day, they had lived in relative peace. The boys had formed a solid unit from the beginning, fighting alongside and ready to lay their lives for each other. The bunkhouse at mealtimes had always been a raucous occurrence, which in contrast to the atmosphere lately had sounded like music. Rachel hated the silence that was now so often in the bunkhouse, which reminded her of so many absences, not only in the physical sense.
Today as conversation flowed easily around the bunkhouse table, Rachel felt warm and extremely pleased and forced herself to push away the thought that soon another member of their makeshift family would be leaving. She tried to focus on the moment rather than the reason behind it. Tomorrow she'd have to face the reality, but today she wanted to enjoy the conversation, the jokes, the laughter, the presence of her boys. Surprisingly, Jimmy and Kid were talking like they had always done and even the Southerner didn't have that stiff attitude towards Rosemary. Rachel didn't know whether the two riders had called a temporary truce or whether Lou's presence was having a transforming effect on the sandy-haired rider. All in all, Rachel couldn't help but beam with delight to see the young couple together again. She was glad that they had finally realized that it was senseless to remain apart when they belonged together. In a way, both of them were quite similar: stubborn, proud and resolute, and Rachel had feared that strong sense of pride ingrained in both of them could win over their obvious desire for each other. Fortunately, those bad airs in their relationship had disappeared and Rachel prayed that the good news would last.
Cody's voice resounding loud in the bunkhouse snapped Rachel out of her thoughtfulness. He was talking to Teaspoon and everybody else's whole attention turned to the pair instantly. "How much longer do you reckon the Pony Express will last?"
"Can't rightly say," the marshal replied. "Maybe weeks or a few months. Hard to tell when those white-collar fellas ain't talkin'. I imagine they'll drop the bomb at the last minute."
"You heard Teaspoon, boys," Cody address his friends now. "You'd better start making your plans because you will be out of work before you know it."
The three remaining active riders looked visibly concerned but only Kid talked. "There ain't much to think about, Cody, at least in my case. I know what I need to do, what I feel is right to do."
Everybody looked at the Southerner quizzically but he didn't elaborate any further and simply started on the delicious pudding Rachel had made. Louise stared at him with an expression of horror on her face, an expression he never saw. She fearfully wondered whether he was talking about his intentions of going back to Virginia. This was something that had always been on his mind for as long as Louise had known him and now that war had broken out and men were eager to join up, Kid might be the next one to go.
Lou didn't want to see him go and meet an uncertain fate. What would she do if he decided to travel thousands of miles to fight and leave her behind? She just couldn't understand if he finally made up his mind in that direction. Would she be ready for an agonizing wait, not sure whether he'd be coming back some day? All Lou knew was that she loved him terribly and wanted to be together with him … always. She just didn't want to imagine him leaving when they had just solved their recent problems. Louise knew that Kid was a man proud of his origins and the land he had been born on while for Lou there wasn't a place she could call home. Of course he would want to defend that place and the more she thought about it, the more fearful she got.
Louise kept looking at him with big eyes, dying to ask him what he had meant with doing the right thing, but she just couldn't in front of everybody else. She knew she would cry if he confirmed her fears and her question would surely make some tempers heat up. The conversation at the table had come back to less serious matters and laughter filled the room once again. It was then that she saw him turn to her with a smile on his lips and leaning his head to her, Kid whispered in her ear. "You've made me truly happy today. No wonder I love you so much."
The girl responded with a nervous titter, her body very much aware of the fear that had started dominating her once again. She fumbled to find his hand under the table and when she did, she gave it a hard squeeze and didn't let go of it. She just needed to touch him, make sure that he was there, because he was likely to be gone much sooner than what she could think of. For the moment he was there and that was all she could expect. Today, this minute… nothing more.