I wake up with intense pain in my head and my leg. My breasts are heavy and aching and I wince as I shift under the blankets. I'm wearing pants but a hospital gown over them.

And I'm alone.

What has happened and more importantly, where is Peeta? He would never leave my side unless…

"Nurse! Doctor! SOMEONE!" A nurse pushes the door open and runs into the room.

"Miss Everdeen! Are you alright?" Everdeen?! What the hell is going on? What kind of nightmare am I stuck in?

"Where is my husband? Where is Peeta?"

"Oh," her face falls into a look of relief. "Thank goodness you're back." Back?! I'm getting more confused by the minute.

"Your husband went home to rest. I'll call him immediately." That's not like Peeta at all. He sleeps in my hospital room and refuses to leave my side.

She comes back to tell me that Peeta is on his way and asks if she can get me anything to eat. I shake my head, feeling a bit numb. I fidget with the blankets until I hear a knock and see him poke his head in.

He looks anxious, wary even, as he pushes the door open.

"Good morning, Katniss. How are you feeling?"

"In pain. And confused." He nods but doesn't come any closer.

"I know. I'm sorry. I, um…I think your mom is coming. She should be here soon." I frown. He's acting so…cool towards me.

"Peeta, I don't want my mom to come here." His brow furrows.

"I can see if Gale will come by if you like." I jerk backwards against the pillow.

"Gale?! Peeta, what are you talking about? What's going on?" His eyes narrow, like he is trying to figure something out.

"How old are you, Katniss?" I frown at the odd question.

"I'll be 37 in May."

"What's your full name?"

"Katniss Mellark."

"And who am I?"

"You're going to be my EX-husband if you don't tell me what the hell is going on," I say rather heatedly. He doesn't say anything but he crosses the room in two steps, takes my face in his hands, and kisses me hard on the mouth.

"Miss Everdeen," another nurse says from the doorway. Before I can respond, Peeta breaks our kiss and rests his chin on my hair.

"It's Mellark again," he says in a breathless sigh. I lean backwards and stare up at him.

"Peeta, what-?"

"I know you're confused, Katniss. Bear with me for two minutes while I talk to your doctor and then I'll explain everything," He hurries out of the room and I wait impatiently. When he comes back, the doctor is with him.

"Hi Katniss. I'm Dr. Brandon, or Giles if you like. I've been overseeing your recovery and I understand you're pretty confused." I just stare at him with my brow raised.

"That's ok," he continues hastily. "You had a nasty fall on the stairs and hit your head hard. Broke your leg as well. We had to perform minor surgery on you and you suffered a little memory loss." Peeta snorts and Giles shoots him a look. "Ok, a lot of memory loss. But it seems that you're back with us. How is your head feeling?"

"It hurts," I mumble. "So does my leg."

"We weren't sure how much pain medication we could give you. Let me give you a higher dosage and take a look at your vitals." Peeta waits patiently by the door while Giles examines me, then he announces he is going to check on some things and he will be back soon. Peeta's eyes meet mine and they soften as he crosses the room and sits in the chair by my bed, taking my hands in his. He rests his forehead on our joined hands and I watch him.

"How long was I out for?"

"Giles says you were hysterical and they had to sedate you. You've been in and out of it for about four days now."

"Four days? I haven't fed Rye in four days?!"

"Rye is fine. Annie bought him some formula from the store until you are better. Haymitch and Effie have been helping me with both of them."

"I was…confused. When I woke up and saw that you weren't here, I was so afraid…I thought something must have happened to you…" he winces and kisses my knuckles.

"I'm sorry, honey, I should have been here but…you were so panicky and I didn't want to upset you even more and it killed me that I was, that I had no way of helping you."

"They called me Miss Everdeen when I woke up." He nods and bites his lip.

"You told us you were 14 years old," he says slowly. I gasp and he nods again.

"You kept asking for your mom and Prim and Gale. When you first woke up, you wanted to know why I was here and you just got more and more confused. I came back to check on you and you were…um, you were staring at your chest and…I guess you have more than you did when you were 14."

"That couldn't be more true," I say as I glance down at my tender breasts.

"You just got hysterical so I went home, I didn't want to upset you any more. I've been taking care of Rye while Finn is watching Willow."

"I'm sorry Peeta," I sigh. "I keep leaving you to care of a baby by yourself." I'm referring to the time after Willow was born when I slipped into depression. He frowns.

"Katniss stop. It's not your fault. Any of it. And we've been fine. Worried sick about you, of course but thank God you're back with us." He kisses my forehead and I look down at my hand and gasp.

"My ring! Where's-?"

"Shh, I have it," he pulls it out of his pocket and slips it onto my finger where it belongs. I stare at the pearl and move over so I can lean against him. He rises to his feet and I panic for a moment until he gently scoots me over, and wraps his arms around me. I bury my face in his chest, inhaling the scent of cinnamon and spices.

"When can I go home? I hate hospitals." His chuckle shakes the both of us.

"That's what I told them too. But they are going to want to keep an eye on you, make sure there is no lasting damage from your head wound. Your leg is broken in two places so you know you are going to have to stay in bed when we get home." I huff. I have never been a great patient when I am sick or injured. He leans back and smiles.

"Remember when you hurt your ankle and I carried you up and down the stairs? We stayed in your room and worked on your plant book."

"Oh that was when they turned the fence back on and peacekeepers were waiting for me at the house." He nods, his smile fading.

"I was so scared that night. They kept asking us where you were and I didn't even know. I thought you had run off, leaving me behind."

"I couldn't have, Peeta. Even when I was confused…I'd never have left you behind." He kisses my forehead and rests his cheek against my hair.

"It's funny. I hated to see you in pain but I was so happy those few weeks you were stuck in the house. We got closer and it made me happy that you couldn't go to the woods with Gale." He looks guilty and shrugs apologetically. "I mean, I felt like I was getting to know you and I remember telling you things about my life. It was the closest thing to normal we ever had." I have to agree with this; it was a confusing time for me because I was trying to figure out my feelings for both boys. Those hours spent with Peeta did not give me any clarity; or maybe they did and I was so blind so I couldn't see what I had in front of me. Well, I already know I couldn't but I remember feeling closer to Peeta even back then and thought, what if I did marry this boy?

Well, my 36 year old self can laugh at my foolish 17 year old self. What an idiot you were Katniss Everdeen.

A pink flush comes to his cheeks.

"I could have sworn…I mean…when I was drawing…I swore you were checking me out. Every time I would look up, your eyes would fly elsewhere and I got this giddy feeling in my stomach…" he trails off and shakes his head.

"I was such a lovesick fool."

"You were," I tease. "But you weren't wrong. I was watching you. It's the first time I really took a moment to appreciate your beauty," his pink cheeks get pinker and I find it endearing. "I mean, I always thought you were attractive, don't get me wrong. But I was so fascinated by your eyelashes."

"My eyelashes," he repeats, looking dumbfounded.

"They're so long and look like they're spun from gold. They just rested on your cheeks and the way you would look up and your eyes would hold mine…" I trail off, for his eyes are doing exactly that. They're soft and loving and full of warmth and kindness. I could never forget those eyes. I lean forward and his eyes close slowly as my lips find his. I startle when I feel his lashes brush against my face and they are wet with tears. I jerk back and he hastily rubs his face.

"What is it," I say softly.

"It's been a really emotional few days. Hell, a really emotional year," he mumbles.

"Why don't you go all the way and say it's been an emotional 36 years?" He smiles sadly.

"That's true but I learned at an early age to accept life for what it was. We answered to the Capitol, we watched our friends and family get Reaped, and starve to death, and die. I was an optimistic kid but even I couldn't envision a future where there were no more Reapings, or where I was married to Katniss Everdeen." I smile and kiss his cheek, using my thumb to wipe at his tear-stained face.

"And if you could tell your 17 year old self something right now…what would it be?" He sucks in a breath and closes his eyes. When they open again, I can see he is far away.

"To never give up hope. No matter what it takes. No matter what they do to you. Don't ever give up on Katniss." Tears fill my eyes, not just at his words but because I realize that I am the main reason it was so easy to hijack his mind... or was it easy? I have no idea how long they were doing it to him, how long he fought it. If I hadn't spent so many months stringing him along, breaking his heart again and again, he might have been able to fight off the poison longer. As they tortured him, they convinced him what he had only thought to be true; that I'd never love him in that way. If I had just told him in the Quell, that day on the beach…would it have mattered? Would he have known it wasn't an act, or would he have thought I was just saying it for the cameras? I don't know and it shatters my heart to think about it.

He's caressing my face, his thumbs wiping under my eyes and I realize I am crying too.

"We can't keep going back to that dark past, Katniss," he whispers as he kisses my cheek. "We can't keep wondering what if. We have done that too many times and can't afford to waste any more time thinking about what we would have done. We're both guilty of it but we have to try to focus on what is in front of us right at this moment. It's the only way we won't go completely insane." I nod and he wraps his arms round me, bringing me into his chest. We stay like that until Giles comes back in to reveal nothing looks out of the ordinary on my test results and if I am feeling strong enough, I can go home tomorrow.

Peeta spends the night in my room despite the doctors asking him to leave. He pretends like he doesn't hear them and they give up and slump out of the room. I guess our reputations precede us because they don't try again after that.

The next day, Peeta is quiet while they finish up blood work and check me for more injuries. They give me some crutches but tell me I am on bed rest for at least a week. I remember when my mom would treat someone in the Seam who had injured their leg- Thom or Gale would fashion crutches out of sticks they found and Mom would teach them how to use them. These are much nicer than mere sticks.

My head is aching and Giles warns us (mostly Peeta) that if anything happens, to call him immediately. Peeta glances at me worriedly, clearly afraid that I will forget him again. I honestly don't know how he keeps it together so well. If our situations had been reversed, I don't know how well I'd be handling it.

I wince as I remember Haymitch's words during the war to me.

" I think it's time you flipped this little scenario around in your head. If you'd been taken by the Capitol, and hijacked, and then tried to kill Peeta, is this the way he would be treating you?"

I wince and blink back tears. Not for the first time, I wish I had been the one taken and hijacked. They tried to destroy the one good person left on this earth. Snow knew that he couldn't get to Prim, so he chose Peeta. The only two people who could have completely broken me.

I feel him nudge my arm and I blink up at him. He looks down in concern.

"You ok?"

"Yeah. Just take me home." He picks me up with little to no effort and carries me to the car. Giles follows us and hands me a bottle of pills.

"For when the pain gets really bad. Call us if you need anything at all, Katniss." I nod and thank him. Peeta, ever the nicer one of the two of us, shakes hands with the doctor and thanks him again.

It's dark when we get home, and Haymitch's door opens as I see my little girl run across the lawn. Peeta jumps out of the car and runs around to my side so he can open the door. He sets a hand on Willow's shoulder and whispers her name and she stops. I smile as I put my feet on the ground and remain seated, but hold my arms out for my daughter to jump into. Willow casts her father an anxious glance before she leaps into my lap and I hold her close.

"I missed you Mommy!"

"I missed you too, baby," I mutter into her hair.

"Ok Willow, Daddy needs to help Mommy into the house. Can you wait on the porch?" Willow nods and Peeta helps her down, then wraps his arms around me and lifts me from the seat. Willow holds the door open while he carries me into the house and sets me on the couch. He bustles around the room, propping me with pillows and making sure I am comfortable. He kneels in front of me and glances up at me.

"Need anything else?" I reach out and stroke his cheek.

"You are wonderful, do you know that?" He smiles and takes my hand and kisses it, before he rises to his feet and scoops up Willow in his arms.

"Can you stay with Mama while I run to Grandpa Haymitch's to get Rye?" I see my daughter huff and nod her head. Peeta gives her a stern look and her shoulders slump. I have no idea what is going on so I reach out for Willow's hand and pull her onto the couch with me.

"Keep Mama company while Daddy is gone. Did you have fun at Mimi's and Grandpa's house?" I see Peeta smile and back out of the room while Willow launches into a conversation about how Haymitch took my daughter into the basement to help him clean and they found lots of dead mice, which he let Willow throw away. I make a mental note to strangle him later.

I hear the door open again and Peeta reenters the room, making quiet shushing noises. Rye is trembling in his arms, his face red from crying. I reach up for him; I can't believe how much I have missed holding him. Willow makes a face and I bring her closer.

"Hey," I say softly. "Why are you making faces at your brother?"

"It was his fault," she says quietly. "His fault that you fell." My eyes widen and fly to Peeta's and he sighs heavily, shaking his head. I wrap my arm around my daughter and run my fingers through her hair.

"Willow, that's not true sweetheart. You can't blame your brother for that. It was an accident, we all have accidents."

"He kept you up all night," she says, tears welling in her big blue eyes. "With his crying! Always crying! You were tired and you fell." I stroke her cheek, my thumb wiping at her tears just as they did with Peeta's tears earlier.

"Sweetie, he's just a baby. He's going to cry a lot. We just have to deal with it. Mama's fine, I just had a little accident but I'm fine now, ok? You promised Santa you would help us take care of the baby, remember? And you promised Daddy and me that you would help. Now we really need your help. Mama can't walk right now and I'm going to need my big helper around here a lot in the next few weeks. You think you can do that for me?" She nods and leans against my shoulder.

"I'll try, Mama." I kiss her forehead and bring Rye lower so she can see him.

"See? He isn't crying now. Why don't you hold him?" Willow opens her arms and I place mine under hers so I can show her how to hold him. A wide smile crosses her face as she holds her baby brother.

"See? I knew you were a terrific big sister." She looks up and grins at us before she looks back down at Rye. He turns his head, his eyes squeezed shut, and lifts his hand next to his chin.

"Hey Willow, you want to help me put him down for his nap," Peeta whispers. She nods and he takes him from my arms so Willow can climb out of my lap. He kisses my hair before he takes Willow's hand and leads her upstairs to the nursery. I lean back against the cushions and close my eyes. I hear his uneven tread a few moments later and Willow climbs back onto the couch with me. Minutes later, she's fast asleep in my lap. Peeta drapes himself on the arm of the couch and grins down at us.

"That's going to be my next painting." I glance down at our sleeping daughter and raise my brow in question. He shakes his head.

"You showing her how to hold Rye. It was so adorable and wished I had my paintbrush in hand." I shake my head and lift my face so he can lean down and kiss me. His fingers brush my cheek and I kiss his knuckles.

"Can you put Willow in her bed, and I will try to get upstairs?"

"No. I'll put both my girls in bed," he says in a firm whisper.

"Peeta-"

"Katniss for once in your life can you not be so stubborn? You have to stay off your feet. I'll be right back." He scoops up our sleeping daughter and her head lolls backwards as he shifts her in his arms. I watch him carefully climb the stairs and I yawn, so ready for bed. Peeta returns a few minutes later and bends over to wrap his arms around me. I hate feeling so helpless but I think he secretly loves to have me in his arms so I don't say anything.

He sets me in our bed and I lean against the headboard while he props my foot up on several pillows.

"Let's get you changed for bed." He picks out a sleeping gown from my drawer and helps me sit up so he can pull my pants down my legs without bothering the cast. I pull my shirt and bra off and pull the gown over my bed. Peeta goes back to the drawer and pulls out some clean boxers.

"I'm going to jump in the shower really quickly, ok?" I nod and watch him strip off his shirt and pants and fling them into the corner. He doesn't close the bathroom door so I stare, unabashed, as he pushes his boxers down his legs and climbs into the shower. Sighing, I reach for a book to try to distract myself. The nurses helped me shower before I left but I would much rather be in the bathtub with my husband right now.

I hear the water turn off and he walks out with a towel around his waist, water dripping from his hair and chest. I turn over so I can't see him, can't watch the droplets of water drip toward the towel and what it hides, and I hear the towel hit the floor. I chew on my lip as I stare at the wall and then he comes back into view. Dressed in only his boxers, he climbs into bed and leans down to kiss me. I shriek when the cold water from his curls hits my skin. He chuckles and shakes his hair all over me.

"Peeta!" I swat at him and he laughs, and kisses me before pulling away.

"We completely forgot about dinner. Are you sure you're not hungry?"

"I'm fine. I think sleep is more pressing right now." I yawn again and that just proves my point.

"Alright. Wake me if you get hungry in the middle of the night."

"I thought those moments were only allowed when I am pregnant," I say with a grin as he leans over me to turn off the light.

"Well, since you're broken all over, I'll make an exception."

"I'm not broken all over! It's just my leg. Only two bones."

"Uh huh. We're lucky it wasn't more. And if you were still pregnant…" he trails off and looks somber. I don't have to speak; we both know what could have happened. We really are extremely lucky. I'm so grateful that I had put Rye down for his nap. I blink back tears at the thought of what could have happened had I been holding him.

"Well, while you were signing discharge papers, Dr. Mersa came to my room for my check up," I say softly, eager to change the subject.

"Oh that's really good. How did it go?"

"Good. Everything is normal and healed, she's cleared me for everything and all the stitches are completely gone." He leans over me and kisses me deeply. When he breaks the kiss, he has a sly grin.

"Cleared for everything?" I shiver at how deep and husky his voice has gotten in half a second.

"All cleared." He smirks and leans down to suck at my throat, his hands moving under my gown and up to my chest. He's gentle and very careful as his thumbs lightly touch my nipples, never putting pressure on my sore breasts. His soft caresses are maddeningly teasing; when his head disappears under my gown and I feel his tongue flick across my nipple, I let out a loud gasp. While his tongue tends to both breasts, his hand slides down my stomach and into my panties.

"God you're already so wet," he moans into my skin. He's not wrong. It's been over 4 weeks since we brought Rye home and I helped Peeta celebrate his birthday late. We haven't done anything like this since then. Oh how I have missed his hands.

"We have to be careful," he whispers.

His fingertip slides over my nub and I cry out when one of his fingers sinks into me. His eyes lock on my face, no doubt watching for my reaction but my eyes flutter shut and I toss my head back. He moves further down the bed and pulls me down so my head is on the pillow and my legs are spread wide. He's careful not to jostle my bad leg as he wraps my other around his head.

"Try not to move around much." I grab a pillow and hold it over my face as his tongue works furiously at me. He keeps one finger inside me, thrusting to the time of his tongue's motions.

I reach down and grip his hair tightly, grinding against his mouth.

"Peeta," I fight to keep my moans quiet. "I want your dick in my mouth!" He groans between my legs, making me jerk from the vibrations and he gives me one last lick before he pulls away and pushes his boxers down his legs.

"Come up here." He looks hesitant, but I wriggle around so he can straddle me without putting that much weight on me and he complies, his legs on either side of my head. His lips immediately latches onto my center again and I lean up so I can take him into my mouth. He groans loudly and I do the same, giving him the same reaction from the vibrations. It's awkward at first and I almost choke twice but I develop a rhythm and his moans get louder and louder. He doubles his effort, determined to make me come first. It becomes a competition and we drive each other crazy, his tongue diving deep inside me with his finger and my hands squeezing his balls while I suck him. I feel myself getting close and I suck harder, hearing him gasp and then chuckle.

"Come on, Katniss," he says as he kisses my thigh before he goes back to his task. My hips jerk and my toes curl but I hold off for as long as I can. Peeta is bucking his hips, thrusting into my mouth; I spread his cheeks and lean up so my tongue dives between the cleft of his ass. He gasps and throws his head back, momentarily caught off guard. I suck on my finger and probe his entrance, his grunts and groans driving me crazy.

"Oh fuck," he gasps as I feel him release all over my face and chest. I smirk at my victory but my smirk turns into whimpers and moans as he fingers me roughly, his lips wrapping around my clit and sucking until I jerk against his mouth and fall to the bed, panting. He climbs off me and turns, his face flushing red.

"Shit I'm sorry, Katniss!" He doesn't give me a chance to respond before he runs to the bathroom and comes back with a wet towel, which he immediately uses to wipe his cum from my skin.

"It's ok, Peeta." He quickly wipes between my legs, and cleans himself up as well before tossing the towel aside and pulling the covers up over us. His nose nuzzles my hair and he sighs contentedly.

"You cheated," he finally says.

"It worked, didn't it?" He chuckles and kisses my sweaty forehead.

"I love you."

"OK everyone, smile and say cheese!" The flash of the camera is blinding and I blink several times, shaking my head.

"Hey, Princess Willow needs her pumpkin," Finn says with a grin as he hands her the plastic pumpkin she is supposed to collect candy in. There is a knock at the door and Haymitch and Effie enter the room, grinning broadly at all of us. As usual, Haymitch has refused to dress up but Effie looks beautiful as some sort of genie.

"Well Princess, you look stunning tonight," Haymitch says as he gives my daughter a bow. Willow giggles and shrieks when Finn takes her hand and twirls her around the room. I feel my wheelchair being pushed forward and I look up, smiling when I see how handsome my prince looks tonight.

It was Willow's idea, of course. She wanted to go to the Halloween Ball and insisted we all dress up. And because we can deny our daughter nothing, we agreed.

Peeta and Annie worked together to finish the costumes in time, and Willow picked one of her favorite stories from before the Dark Days, about a princess who wore glass slippers to the ball and met her prince. It's not my favorite story but I like that she defied her stepmother and went to the ball anyway, determined to take her fate into her own hands for at least one night. I guess it helps when you have a magical fairy godmother helping you out too.

Peeta holds a small pillow with a glass slipper and in his other arm, our son is dressed as an adorable little mouse with a red jacket. Willow continues to twirl in her little blue dress and Annie made me a long blue cloak and hood to wear as Willow's fairy godmother. Peeta completely transformed my wheel chair into a pumpkin carriage, and Willow and I both squealed when we saw it.

"Alright baby girl, remember, just be careful of Mommy's leg tonight, ok," Peeta whispers to our daughter.

"Leave her alone, Peeta, I'll be fine." He lifts her onto my lap and I stroke her hair, straightening her tiara.

"You ready, Princess?"

"Let's go, Daddy!"

"How you gonna carry a mouse and a slipper and push a pumpkin carriage at the same time," Haymitch scoffs.

"Well since I am short of white horses, I asked Finn to carry my little mouse while I push my Queen and princess around."

"Fairy godmother," I correct him with a smile. Finn takes Rye from Peeta's arms and starts to jiggle him a little when he starts to sniffle and whine.

"We're not going to be able to stay long," I warn. "He's going to be fussy if he doesn't eat later."

"I can bring you home, Aunt Katniss. Analise doesn't want to stay long either. She hasn't been feeling too well the past few days." Peeta raises his brow and we exchange looks but we don't say anything.

"Alright everyone, we should get going," Annie leads the way out of the house, clutching the camera in her hand.

When we arrive, Haymitch helps Peeta take out the wheelchair and Peeta moves me from the car to the chair.

"Ok, watch this," he says with a broad grin as he pushes a button and I see bright orange lights coming from my chair. Everyone gasps.

"That is amazing, Peeta," Annie gushes.

"Really dear, you could give those District 3 tech boys a run for their money," Effie nods. Peeta blushes but smiles. I tug him down to me, and grip his collar. He looks surprised for a moment, his brow shooting up into his hair.

"Baker. Painter. Husband. Father. Engineer. Is there anything you aren't great at?" He starts to speak when I yank him forward to kiss him. I think I hear Haymitch mutter something crude but I ignore him. Peeta's cheeks are pink when I pull away. "God Katniss," he whispers, closing his eyes. He straightens up and I fight to keep from smirking; I know he is going to have some problems throughout the night. A surefire way to turn him on is being aggressive with my kisses. He loves to be in control but he also loves when I take over every once in awhile and become possessive. I think it still reassures him that it's all real. He clears his throat and I notice his hands on my wheelchair handles are shaking.

Willow insists on walking so Peeta clutches her hand while he pushes me with one hand. I hold the velvet pillow in my lap.

It's really a fun evening and I am glad to see Willow enjoying herself. Some of the adults help the kids with bobbing for apples and pumpkin decorating. Peeta, of course, sits with her to help her paint her pumpkin. Finn and Analise dance in the corner while Haymitch and Effie assist the children with their ghost crafts. I look around the room and see my friends and neighbors enjoying themselves. I sigh contentedly and lean back into my chair.

"Katniss?" I inhale sharply when I see her standing beside my chair, her hands folded in front of her and her face lowered to the ground, shame coloring her pale face.

"What do you want?" She winces and clutches her dress. She's dressed as an angel, the white dress hugging her pregnant belly. Her blonde curls are bouncy and perfect, her face with that pregnant glow. I can't look at her or I will just get angry again.

"Delly, what are you doing here," I hear Peeta say with surprise. He clutches the handles of my chair with white knuckles and Delly glances up, tears in her eyes.

"I wanted to speak to you…together. I'm…I am so sorry. To you both. Truly, I am. I understand if you hate me…but I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am." Neither Peeta nor I can speak. What can we say? We agreed to try to forget about what happened.

Now here she is, bringing it up again.

"You and Brent look…happy," Peeta finally says. Delly nods, and her eyes flick across the room to where Brent is helping Dex decorate a pumpkin, Lila asleep in his arms.

"We're getting better. We are seeing a therapist and he's really helping us. The hormones from the baby aren't helping much but I'm working on stabilizing my mood." Good for you. Now leave us alone.

"Delly," Peeta says in a strained voice. "I know you're sorry…but what you did…it's-"

"Unforgivable," I finish coldly. Delly hangs her head.

"I understand. But I feel so terrible, Katniss. And I just want you to know, Peeta loves you so much, he would never look at another girl let alone touch her. It was all me. I hope you know that." I reach up and grip his hand.

"I do know that." She nods, looking miserable.

"Well...bye." She shuffles off toward her family and I hear Peeta exhale deeply. I glance up at him, my face softening. She was his best friend. How this must be killing him.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah. I won't deny that what she did was horrible, Katniss. And during those weeks you were away, I couldn't even think about reconciling with her. Just seeing her again…it's just weird. I'm glad she and Brent are getting help. I want them to be happy but I also want it for the children. I know firsthand having a mother and father who don't really love each other is a pretty terrible way to grow up." I chew on my lip. Of course he would be thinking of everyone involved, not just Delly. I guess it makes me a really terrible person that I just don't think I can ever look at her again.

"She's pregnant too, Katniss."

"So now you're making excuses for her," I retort angrily. He sighs heavily and kneels next to my chair, lifting my hand and bringing it to his lips.

"No of course not. I'm just saying…look, in the hospital, you told me you were hormonal and irrational. It's a side effect of your pregnancy. I know it, you know it, I think the whole district knows it. And I'm not blaming you in the slightest but Delly wasn't doing well before she found out she was pregnant. Add her depression or anxiety or whatever to the pregnancy, and she can act pretty irrationally too."

"You're defending her!"

"I'm not-"

"You are! God Peeta, I feel so terrible about walking out on you that day. Really, if I could go back, I would have taken Willow to Haymitch's for a little while and come back to check on you. But what got me on that train was the image of her grinding in your lap, touching you…her lips on yours! I see that in my mind over and over. And it's like your hijacking, Peeta, it doesn't go away! I know we said we would try to forget about it and move on. When I see her, though, all I see is her kissing you. So excuse me if I can't forgive her for that!" I back my chair up as quickly as I can and he nearly falls forward.

"Katniss, damn it, stop running away from me," he hisses as quietly as he can. He jumps to his feet and grabs my chair, leaning in close, his face just inches from mine.

"What happened to 'always', Katniss? What happened to you staying with me for the rest of our lives? What happened to always believing I would love you and protect you until my dying day? Huh? Don't tell me that one person…a person I have never ever had eyes for, can change all that." I close my eyes and play with my cloak but he snatches it out of my hands and wraps his fingers around mine.

"Stop running from me, Katniss. When we have problems, we talk them out. You can't keep running from me. It's what you used to do but you're not that girl anymore. You trust more, love more, smile more, and know I will always love you. So why do you insist on fighting about everything and trying to get away from me? That day you ran. I wanted to go after you. Haymitch convinced me to give you some time to cool off. I kept waiting and waiting for you to come back and you never did. I'm grateful to Johanna for calling me when you went into labor, otherwise I would have missed the birth of our son! Do you know what that feels like, Katniss? Do you know what it feels like to have your daughter look at you like you are some kind of monster?"

"Peeta-" I start but he shakes his head.

"Don't. I need to get this out. You hurt me. You hurt me like I hurt you. You accused me of something so vile, so unbelievably…NOT me, that I completely lost myself for awhile. It wasn't just seeing that stupid sketchbook again. It was your lack of trust in me. It was like seeing you again after I tried to strangle you in 13. Your eyes were so full of pain and mistrust that I forgot you were my wife and just remembered the girl who strung me along and then ignored me for months. The girl who abandoned me to the Capitol, and flitted around with Gale all day while I was held down and beaten within an inch of my life. Seeing you look at me like that nearly killed me. Whether you believed I had done anything with Delly or not, seeing that look in your eye crushed my heart. Because after everything I have done for you and all the years I have spent loving you, you actually thought for a second that what you were seeing was real. That I could actually do that to you…to us." He runs his fingers through his hair and shakes his head.

"I didn't believe them at first, you know. When I woke up in 13 and was piecing together what had happened…I still had a semblance of who I was, before the hijacking took over again. And when they told me I had nearly killed you, I didn't believe them. How could I do that? How could I possibly hurt the woman I had loved all my life? Only when Haymitch told me did I believe it. And it made everything worse. It was like a downward spiral into the world of poison, where I was eternally trapped and replaced by this mutt that looked like me and who spoke with my voice. And who tried to hurt you. And that's what happened when you yelled about Delly. All I could see was the mistrust in your eyes and it all attacked me at once. You are the reason I returned to 12, Katniss. You are the reason I fought off the poison in the Capitol, agreed to comply with Aurelius's demands and treatments. Because I wanted to get back to you and show you how sorry I was…convince you that the mutt was gone and it was me again. But when you yelled at me that day, I became that mutt again and couldn't think straight. Once again, I was left thinking, how could anyone believe I would hurt the woman I love? How could Katniss believe that I would hurt her in such a terrible way? I know you say you might not ever forgive Delly…but will you ever forgive me?"

"Peeta." I pull him down to his knees and roll closer so he can rest his head against my chest. His eyes are red-rimmed and his coiffed curls are standing on end from his fingers. I pull him even closer and wrap my arms around him so he can bury his face in my chest. I hope people aren't looking at us but I know that's too much too ask.

"Hey," I say softly. "Let's get some fresh air." He wipes at his face, nods, and stands back up. I try to roll myself but he swats my hands away from the wheels and proceeds to push me outside.

The air is cold and biting but Peeta pulls me into a small corner where we huddle together for warmth. I watch him, his hair and face sparkling in the pale moonlight, his eyes a dazzling shade of blue with tears making them even more dazzling. Though we are nearing the end of our 30's, Peeta still looks like the 18 year old boy on our wedding day. His blonde locks are still wavy and golden-colored, while his arms and chest are toned and muscular. Maybe it's because I am used to it but he doesn't look that different to me.

He hasn't changed much, either. He's right; he has always promised to protect me and our children. And his heart is still as pure as it always has been.

"Peeta?"

"Hm?" He glances over at me and I hold out my arms. His brow furrows for a moment, before he hurries forward and lifts me out of my chair. I wrap my arms around his neck and he sits back in the chair, holding me across his lap. He gazes into my eyes, his hand resting on my cheek and he presses his forehead to mine. I feel his heart racing against his chest and I reach down to press my hand against it.

"I do forgive you, Peeta," I say softly and his eyes shoot open.

"I do. I just can't forgive myself."

"What do you mean?" My hood has fallen back and my hair escapes into my face. He pushes a strand behind my ear and strokes my cheek with his knuckles.

"Time and time again, you tell me how you fought against the poison and what they did to you. How you defended me and protected me with your life. I will never forgive myself for those months I spent ignoring you, or forget the look on your face when I told you it was an act. I went into that Quell intending to die for you, because you were the only decent one of Haymitch, you and me. I looked at is as maybe a way to make up for some of the things I'd done to you. And I will never forgive myself for allowing you to be taken by the Capitol. For leaving your side that night. I'll never forgive myself that Snow destroyed you to destroy me. For those horrible things I said about you when you joined our Squad. For not telling you how much I love you sooner. For waiting so long to give you a child. I have a long list of regrets, Peeta, and I can't forgive myself for them. Add walking out on you to that list. I should have stayed and heard you out. You always have a way of calming me down. But I let my ridiculous fears and my crazy hormones take control over me and I ran. And you're right. I've spent too much time running from someone. You, my mom, the Capitol, District 13…but you have to know, Peeta, I forgave you a long time ago. You can forgive yourself, you know."

"Not until you can forgive yourself," he says, his voice thick with emotion. "God Katniss, we are so fucked up. And yet we let ourselves live this happy life. This wonderful, perfect, happy life together, with friends and children and so much laughter. What's the point in beating ourselves up over the past? We both keep running from the past and I am so tired of running. I just want to stand up and face it but I can't face it alone."

"You won't face anything alone," I cup his chin. "We always face everything together." He nods and kisses me softly.

"Together," he repeats before he kisses me again.

"So are we ok?" I raise my brow and he lets out an uncomfortable chuckle. "I mean…god, we need to talk to each other more and not let everything boil to the surface like that. Is there anyone else you want to say?"

"I don't think so. We should go back inside though. You're sniffling and I don't need you getting sick." He smiles and places me back in the chair; we turn the corner and find our path blocked by two somber-looking figures. Peeta's hands clench on the handle bars. Delly is shoved toward us and she bites her lip. Peeta's voice is low and angry when he speaks.

"We don't really have anything to say to either of you, Delly."

Sorry it's been a while, I just got back from New York, seeing Finding Neverland and unfortunately didn't take my computer with me! So hopefully this long chapter will make up for lost time ;) you guys are wonderful as always! Hope you can breathe better now you know they're ok! :)

XOXO