Hi guys! A whole day early, whoop! You proud of me... *cricket noises*... well fuck it, I'm proud of me. Anyway! Another update in the shebacke of Alexia Senefold's life, also a wee Levi section for you :D hope you guys enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own AOT (anyone else caught up with the manga...?)

LEVI POV

I watch the wagons pull out.

Finally the shitty-bastards had left.

Eventually a couple MP's had had the courage, or the orders, to head into the woods. They found me easily. I was yelling loud enough just for that reason, not to mention I had to burn through some of this fucking mess in my head. Having watched her slip away so easily, it wasn't something I could easily brush off. Just when I thought I was getting some footing in this world, it tilts all over again. When those pathetic weasels found me, it took hardly any persuading to explain what had happened. Their eyes never left my bruises, my wounds. Yeah, you're right, not many people could land a hit on me. Be afraid bastards, be very afraid. She wasn't to be messed with. I went back with them, suitably irate and acting my part, but I was a little torn on returning. Erwin looked reservedly pleased with my act, but the two cadets were irritatingly convinced. Jeager and Artlet were in bits. It was a credit to her work at fooling them, and a compliment to my own facade, but it stung to know they could question her so easily.

Then again, I had in the beginning as well.

My various scrapes and bruises ache, and I focus on that for the time being. The pain was something I could rely on, something constant.

I wait till the wagons are out of sight before I head inside. Thankfully no one speaks to me, no one would dare at this point. Not only do I look like hell, I'm likely radiating it off me. Whilst I'm glad of the solitude, it feels like any progress I made towards feeling human was just smashed. I'm just the Captain again, just Humanity's Strongest. If that's still true, though? Humanity is fucked. I'm just a soldier, in a box waiting to be nailed shut. Shit.

Damn these evasive eyes. Either they believe the stories and think she's a traitor, or they know the truth and mourn her loss. Fuck. She isn't dead dammit, she's just... she's just gone into hiding. It was the right thing. It is the right thing. It's the only choice that gave her any kind of chance. That gave any of us a chance. Now the Brass would be so wound up in the illusion we had turned on her, that they'd leave us alone to brood. They knew our history. They knew our love of justice. They'd assume us keen to hunt her down for them, the lazy bastards wouldn't lift a finger. They never did if they could help it. My footsteps echo along these damn corridors, the whole place seems empty. A wasted husk. I bark at a couple cadets to get the floors mopped again, damn mud was everywhere. It was all a damned mess.

"Captain Levi!"

My hand hovers half-way to my door-handle, and I grit my teeth. Duty first, right? It had to be important if someone had called to me now. I lower my hand and turn, mask in place. The cadet runs up and salutes. I just nod, unable to speak as I try and dissipate this fucking lump in my throat. They'd said it, right? Captain. Not human right now.

"The major is still here," they pant, but I just wait with my frown in place. They'd explain further if they knew what was good for them. Major? What fucking major? "He wants to speak to you and the Commander, before he leaves with the rest of the MP's, sir. Sorry, sir," they add with a small dip of their head. I appreciate the sentiment despite how it makes my chest clinch. I nod and head along towards Erwin's office, I can only assume this 'Major' had the decency to address us in there. If not, I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't lose what little composure I was gathering with each echoed step.

"Thank you for joining us, Levi," Erwin greets me when I enter, and I nod to him. He doesn't look happy. I head over to stand next to him in order to face this 'Major'. But I don't recognise him at all. All MP's looked the same to me these days, mangy mongrels with tails between their legs. They were nothing. Especially now.

"Captain," the man nods to me and I return it, albeit less enthusiastically. "We appreciate the lengths you went to in order to try and contain the fugitive. I am sorry you had to be hurt in the process." She has a name you bastard. My bruising aches, the blood had congealed into my brow and along my jaw, but I just nod again. "As a regiment we are glad to know that that Scouts, and Humanity's Strongest, are back on our side. We have a common enemy now, and we should not allow ourselves to be distracted by anything else until she has been apprehended."

Apprehended? We're not the doe-eyed public you fucking waste of air, we know what you mean. You don't want her in chains, you want her in bits right?

Or perhaps the sick fucks want to torture her some more?

"We have much to do, Major, please get to your point," Erwin presses, earning some gratitude from me. At the best of times, I don't have time for this political placation shit. Every movement of those pale lips makes me want to grab his oiled hair and slam this MP bastard's face against this desk, beat him till he was a pulp, till she could come home and I could forget this feeling. My hands slowly curling into fists, soon warm again as I split the dried blood on my knuckles.

"Indeed, Commander, sorry. With the skill of the fugitive's Titan form, we have to deduce that, despite his emotional attachment known to many in the higher-ups, Captain Levi will be essential to taking the fugitive down," the man says with brows knitted together. He isn't happy about it, and frankly neither am I. A coldness runs along my spine. I suppose I should have expected it, but somehow I'd already started to hope that I might be left out of this witch-hunt. It was fairly common knowledge now that I was involved with her. So why risk my involvement in capturing her? Oh right, I was an unfeeling tin-soldier right? Erwin sits forward a bit.

"I had hoped to remove my Captain from this scenario, after all-" I appreciate the effort Commander, I really do, but you and I both know it isn't going to work. The Major holds up his hand, his soft hand. Could he even spell Titan?

"It has been decided, sir. I spoke to the council before they left. I'm sure you'll receive official word of it soon enough. Whenever the mission to the plains is planned, and the apprehension of the fugitive is put into motion, we require that Captain Levi be present. We have read the reports ourselves, and indeed heard the accounts of those from missions. No one else has his skill-set. He has been described as too fast to see."

Well that just didn't make any fucking sense.

I'm not actually a flea you sack of shit.

I just grind my teeth as this idiot continues.

"Considering the fugitive's speed, skill, and technique with crystal, we can only deduce that a mission without him would be folly."

"Fine." I say, cutting Erwin off and hopefully ending this bullshit. The Major blinks and looks to me finally, and I know he's unnerved by my stare. Very few people could withstand my lacking fucks given, one of them had just fled the building. It was easy to tell his balls were shrinking. "When the mission happens, I'll be there to help take her down. My attachment is immaterial anyway. She's a traitor to Humanity and the Scouts, I have no issue in helping." I nod and then glance to the Commander. "May I go?"

"Yes, Captain, thank you for your co-operation. I don't believe the Major needed you for anything else," his gaze is fixed on the intruder and I can only assume he got a nod in response when he looks to me instead. "Go about your business, Captain, thank you for attending."

I nod and leave.

They wanted me to help track her, find her, kill her.

I'd play along, but I wouldn't help them butcher her, in fact I'd do everything I could to avoid finding her. Whatever it took. I wasn't about to let her down again. Not now. Not after I'd finally got the courage to say those damned words. Then again, look at all the good it had done. Not much.

I get to my office and immediately lock the door, I don't want the outside world to have access right now. But then I can't move. I stand there gripping the handle and the key, a tremor running through me and sinking into my bones. This wasn't right at all. It was the only choice, yeah, but it wasn't right. I was a fool to think otherwise. I swallow hard and rest my head against the door. Movement rumbles around beyond; cadets dutifully cleaning, and others moving past whilst avoiding the clean patches. It continued like normal. Like nothing had changed. Like the life hadn't just been dragged out of this place and slunk into the forest.

I grit my teeth.

There was still work to be done, there was still time to make this right and bring her home. I jolt. That word again. I back away from the door, staring at it like it was the one that just said that stupid remark. Home? Damn my arrogance. Where the hell was her home anyway? I couldn't claim it as this place, I mean we dragged her here in chains and forced her into submission, right? I glance over at the door that led to my bedroom, and I feel a sickness settle in my gut. That might be how it began, but that wasn't how she left it. That wasn't how she left here.

She came here a prisoner, she left here a... a... I don't know what.

That face.

My knees quake.

When she backed away into those shadows, waving and clearly withholding tears, dammit she didn't want to go. I know that. I know it as well as I know how cold that bed is going to seem. That face had spoken of a want to stay, I know it did, that couldn't be denied. Doubt wasn't something I was going allow myself, it was a selfish indulgence that I'd push aside. I know she wanted to stay. Yet that sickness lingers. I head over to sit down behind my desk. My chair creaks as I land in it heavily, not able to hold myself up any more. Maybe I was still human.

I know what that sickness is.

Its the memory of her being so calm against that tree, so thankful as she breathed those words without hesitation. "At least now you can do it humanely." Like discussing a new training technique. Dammit, she'd really been willing to die. I know that look too well, a calm glazed effect on the eyes that means they've accepted it. It didn't happen often, not many soldiers were truly willing to go that far for anything. But when it did happen? Shit. I clamp my hand over my mouth. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9...10. I breathe out and in, counting again and then swallowing. That look wasn't something I could forget. It wasn't something I wanted to forget. A part of me wants to hate her for it, to throw her to the ground and demand she think straight. There was too much left to fight for, it wasn't time to give in yet. But then another part of me knows that its selfish as hell. It was her life, right? I wince as the grip I have on my jaw irritates my bruising. It was selfish for her too though, to cast us all aside like that, right? To consider leaving us all the mourn her. Fuck, I can't think straight at all. My eyes cast towards my bedroom again, my heart hammering so loudly I think it's going to burst out of my chest. She wouldn't do it would she, she wouldn't go somewhere and end it now that I wasn't there to stop her. That coldness in me bursts. I grip the desk and try to focus, nails digging into the woodwork.

Dammit, no.

She wouldn't do that. I know she wouldn't.

Don't I?

The quietness is wrong.

I should have her rambling in my ear, talking nonsense, making smart-ass comments as she tries not to freak out about what she'd done. As she tries to deny giving a damn about Erwin's well-being. As she snorts about how satisfying it was to do away with Meghan, despite the clean-up required. Dammit that was what I should have instead of this emptiness.

Should I have gone with her?

No.

I couldn't do anything out there beyond the walls. Nothing, except run with her and pretend none of this mess was behind us. It was a tempting thought. I'd likely wonder about it from now on, but it wouldn't work. This place had got to her, like it had got to me all those years ago. These people, these soldiers, so dedicated to the fight that it was infectious. If only we wore masks to avoid infection. Running was only temporary for her, I knew she'd want to come back to the fight. Or perhaps I was just hoping harder than before. If she didn't want to come back, she could easily evade us. Now that she was out there, now that she was free, she could simply gather her things and move on.

With my head in my hands I try again to think clearly. I try to start planning, try to remember I'm meant to be a Captain as well as a fool.

"Fucking hell... you better remember your orders, Senefold." I growl to nothing, hoping she can hear me on some level. "Please, Alexia..."

Damn that Meghan.

Damn her, and everything she stood for.

I hadn't seen the attack on Erwin coming. Perhaps I'd been stupid not to, but I genuinely hadn't. And in turn I hadn't seen Alexia's train of thought, until it was too late. Until it was jutting out the back of Meghan's thick skull. It was a bold move, but now as the dust settles I can't help but be angered by it. Cooler heads might have thought of something else, might have made a better plan that meant we could all keep fighting together. Couldn't they? Surely Erwin, and that Artlet kid could have thought of something. Hell, even Shitty-Four-eyes might have come up with a concept. But it was easy to look back and wonder what else could have worked, it was easy to wish for something else to have happened. What I needed to do was focus on what had happened, and then how to move forward from it. How to get her back.

"Shit." I feel my eyes get warm.

I fight it as best I can, this wasn't the time to fall apart. It was a time to regroup, to keep pushing whilst the MP's and royals were on the back-foot. If we waited too long, they'd eventually just send in another Meghan. Then it would have all been for nothing. It had to mean something, it had to lead somewhere. Didn't it? Another shiver traces up my back. The past smirks at me. No, sometimes it didn't mean a damn thing, did it? Sometimes it was just mindless pain. I groan and rest my head on the desk. Please, just remember your orders Alexia. If you don't... I really don't think I'll count as human any more.

Underground thug to soldier.

Soldier to Captain.

Captain to man.

Man to...

Man to broken.

Damned disobedient bastards escape anyway. They run along my nose and cheeks, tracking their itchy paths before falling away. The damn weakness escapes me, falling down to sink into the woodwork.

I can't do this again.

Alexia POV

Running comes easily to me. Running is second nature by now.

But this time it feels different. It's like there's a string attached to my back. It sinks through my skin and wraps round my spine, it coils through my ribs and latches onto my heart. The fibres spread, fanning out and soon encasing the entire shuddering muscle as it thunders, struggling to keep up with my escape. That string is attached to everything left back there; the comradery, the belonging, the friendship, the purpose, the humanity, the fight. And of course the people. And of course... my Captain. I grit my teeth, the string getting tighter as it pulls against my retreat. It tries to hold me in place, tries to keep me within my bounds of unsaid promises. But eventually it gives. It goes taught, my breath hitching and heart stuttering, before it snaps and flails pointlessly behind. A thin bedraggled tail that lolls with my staggering steps. I have to cut it away, I have to separate myself from that connection. Or else my feet won't move another inch. But they have to, they have to move inches, feet, metres and then miles. They have to create as big a gap as possible, they have to reach that pale oak and then help me hide. For myself and for the Scouts, for myself and for possibly humanity. If the fools in charge hunted me instead, perhaps my comrades could work on everything else. I could act as the shiny penny for morons to clamber after, leaving plenty space for Erwin to plan, for Eren to train, for Hanji to plot and for Levi to fight. Fucking hell... I don't know if I can really keep up, but then again, I was only going to have to run so far.

You. Are. Nothing.

You. Will. Be. Forgotten.

No. One. Cares.

He. Lied.

Words swim around me now, as they did then.

Fluid, moving, never settling or allowing me to grasp them.

Perhaps it was more like smoke then?

Fuck it doesn't even matter, does it?

I breathe thinly and rest against the tree trunk I'm currently clambering. I have to pause right now, or else I'll just fall back down again and that was simply inefficient. Right now I can't do inefficient. Two days ago I fled, two days ago my mind began to wander. My direction was set and so I simply followed it, trying not to think outside of that. I crossed over the wall and entered the wastes of plains. Silence rules these rolling hills, except for the occasional groan from a wandering beast; be it Titan or animal. I avoid them all. Life passes around me as though I were nothing but a pebble being thrown around a river.

My knees quake, and I slide down onto the branch, clinging to it as I'm a good fifteen metres high by this point. Ah yes, not only inefficient, but bloody sore too. The Titans couldn't climb this high, and the bears couldn't be bothered. I probably didn't look like much of a meal right now anyway. I rest my head against the damp bark and gasp, trying to refill my lungs after the last dash to cover. But I'd made it at least. Time was once again being an illusive bastard; ebbing and rushing, stalling and galloping. Bastard needed to make up his mind; either run me ragged, or drain me.

"What a mess..." I cough and carefully manoeuvrer onto my back.

I wait a couple dizzied seconds before firing my stolen grapples into the trunk. I lie there and let sleep claim me. I should wrap the cloak round me properly, I should take the blades off in case they shift and fall to the undergrowth. There are a lot of things I should do, but instead I just sleep.

Dreams plague me.

The happy ones make my heart ache, to the point I want to drive a blade into my chest to rip it out. The sad ones make my head throb with all the withheld tears I deny myself, refusing to allow this human-ness consume me now that I was alone. The painful ones were almost a reprieve at this point. But in all honesty that might simply be because I don't have the will to fight them any more. My body goes slack, feeling heavy as my muscles unwind and gravity pulls me against the unforgiving wood. I feel cool air waft through my fingers. Fuzziness takes to my mind and the world slips away, a far off groaning seeming to mock my want of a scream.

"Come on, look at me," she hissed between those white teeth, bared like the fangs of a feral cat driven mad by hunger. Only Meghan didn't hunger for food, her fat arse had given indication enough of that. No, instead she hungered for power, for importance, to matter to someone else other than her own reflection. Beyond anything else, I pitied her.

I swallowed hard and forced my eyes open. The close proximity of the lantern once again made them ache against the darkness. I hadn't seen daylight in so long. She'd have made me go blind at the rate she was going. Though if it meant I didn't need to focus on that deranged face any longer, would it really have been so bad?

"You need to stop hiding little Alexia, you need to face up to the situation you're in. No one is coming for you. No one-"

"No one cares. No one loves me. Just get the violinist in here whilst you're at it, eh?" I snarled, bored with her feeble mind games.

Only now my heart really does ache, the loneliness adding more chill to my bones.

A cruel laugh slipped between painted lips.

"What do you want, Meghan? Just spit it out already, or at least do me the favour of cleaning your teeth," I groaned.

"I want you broken."

"How original-"

"It's the only way to deal with headaches like yourself. You will do it, I know you will. No one can endure forever," it had sounded like an attempt at a threat. Except there had been too much doubt in there. Meghan had never really known how far I could go, she had never understood conviction. Her own will was ruled by greed, as soon as something was clearly not worth her time in terms of profit, she abandoned it. How I wished she would have abandoned me.

When the silence continued without end, my eyes stubbornly stared her down all the while, Meghan growled. A small clanking of metal made my spine quiver, but of course I was unable to move. My jaw was held open and a metal bar shoved between my teeth. Instantly I drooled, and instantly I was reduced to her dog. Fine bitch, you contained me, you confined me, but you also knew my hatred didn't you? You felt it sink into you like I tasted that bitter metal on my tongue; sharp and undeniable.

"You will break. I will rule you. I will win. You'll see Alexia, in the end, you'll be broken and thinking of this moment. Just wait. Someday, it will come, and I sincerely hope it knocks you on your mongrel arse," she hissed, tightening the metal so my mouth was stretched back painfully. The metal shifted between my teeth and I choked down the iron taste.

Disgusting.

Never-ending.

True.

My eyes blink open and I stare up.

Dammit, why did the bastards of the world always end up being correct?

A cold rain pitters and patters against my face. I draw in a shaken breath, my lips feeling chapped as my whole body trembles. This wasn't good. I needed to move. I needed to actually shelter myself from the elements as well as the hunters of this world, no point in escaping if all I was gonna do was die of a cold. Yet my body feels so heavy already. It was oh-so-easy to consider Meghan looking up from her fiery pit and cackling, she'd see this mess of a human and claim victory. I want to fight it. I want to be defiant as always and refer to her flaws brazenly. Hell, I want to slap her and ridicule her simply for the fun of it. But I can barely keep my eyes open.

Just remember your orders.

They flicker open again and I groan.

Dammit why was I suddenly wanting to obey?

If there was any luck left to have in this world, he would forget me soon, and yet I wanted to follow his orders all the while. Was that pathetic, or devotion? Or was Pathetic simply the hard-boiled term for that level of affection? I sit up slowly, whole body shuddering with the effort, it felt like fighting that compulsion from Eren. Like I was meant to lie here and fade away. My legs dangle off the branch and I stare at my hands as they rest on the woodwork, fingers clinging to the bark as I gather my breath. From the looks of it I was two forests over, this was my first stop for a home initially, the woolly effect of the leaves had tempted me to stay. Yet I knew once winter came they would fall and leave me exposed. So I'd moved on and eventually found my pale oak surrounded by evergreen. A small smile pulls on my lips as I recall the last time I went home, clinging to my Captain as I nearly bled out. The romance was unbelievable. I sniff and shake my head, wiping tears away stubbornly, I unhook my grapples and get to my feet. I had ample supplies, having stopped by a military post next to Rose before going up and over.

Just like old times.

In that small outpost there had been no news yet, apparently I was still outrunning the scandal. It was all so normal there. A couple houses thrown together, and a pully system in place to allow the Garrison to be atop the wall for patrols. I wondered whether that had been in place before Maria fell, or if they were only allowed to 'desecrate' the oh-so-holy wall afterwards. Whichever way it was, the system sure came in handy for saving me some gas and effort. No one woke when I set it in motion, a couple snorts interrupted the otherwise tranquil snores from the watch-tower. To be fair, I don't know why they would need to be alert, but as danger followed me at that moment, I did hope they didn't get into too much trouble. I'd thought about taking a horse, but really I knew that would just make me easier to track.

I had to go back to basics.

I had to go back to rock-bottom.

"Okay... let's do this." I sigh, rolling my neck and then getting myself ready. I have to move on before that string found me again, before it burrowed back into my skin and reclaimed my being. Right now I can't let anything in but the need to survive. Right now I don't think I could endure anything else. My heart's too bruised. With a good push I might make it to the next forest by nightfall, but then again it was also difficult to determine what time of day it was. The sky was overcast, so really it could be minutes from darkness. Guess I'd just have to chance it. I tuck that bleached streak of hair back and click my tongue, time to move. I leap from the branch and fire off, zooming through the canopy and foolishly trying to outrun my mind.

You. Are. Nothing.

You. Will. Be. Forgotten.

You. Will. Break.

Mongrel.

Apparently my mind had decent stamina.

Unfortunately the squirrels hadn't had time to prepare anything for my return. Poor souls, I know how they love the dramatics. Not to mention an excuse to decorate. I apologise to them for not sending word ahead, but they just tut and move on. They're miffed at me for sure. I sit on the main level of my home and look around, it hasn't changed much. There's a couple messy parts where the birds had decided to be shit neighbours, but otherwise fine. I swallow hard and try to move. But the landing was clumsy, and with the rain sunk into my clothes for three days, it's hard to think of anything but the cold. I shiver from head to toe, trembling like these messy leaves.

"Home... sweet... home..." I gasp between coughs, a ringing in my ear as the trees rustle. A wind was building, it would likely grow unkind.

My bones grumble, but I haul my sorry ass towards the wood store. I had to at least attempt being a good soldier. Thankfully there was still plenty there, and the rain had stopped for now. I get a fire going and drag some dry blankets over to that small homey pit, pulling my make-shift screens into place to protect from the wind too. There, I was getting back into the swing of it already. So why won't my eyes stop misting? I take my gear off and feel my hips ache with the release, it had been a long time I travelled so far with so much haste. Perhaps I was getting old? The world swims and I put a hand to my head, it feels nice and chilled against the throbbing pain behind my eyes. But step by step I make it to my cupboard, getting some dried meat out and whatever else I can find. I didn't want to move any more than necessary once I had huddled up. I also reckon I won't be able to, even if I did want to.

Eventually I have some food, water and plenty blankets around me. It would suffice. I watch the flames slowly caress their way across the wood, and I add another log to see me through a decent nap. Or perhaps a coma. At this point I wouldn't mind either. My lids feel heavy and I don't fight it, letting them slip shut before my body slumps down against the floor, a soft groan escaping me as I submit to a fever, the sweat already coating my brow.

"I'm done with these games!" I yelled, moving my head constantly to avoid the metal bar they tried to shove between my teeth. Not again. Please not again, I cannot take this constant bleeding. They'd empty me out like cheap wine at this rate. Damn them, it still hurt, even if I was only a beast to them.

"Contain me all you fucking like!" I roared. A click of Meghan's fingers made the bastards stop. I panted hard, tongue heavy with the taste of iron. Through my screen of hair I stared at my captor, my tormentor, my relation. Those hips swayed into view and she knelt down in front of me. Her nail scraped my forehead as she tucked the hair back, that sickly sweet smile soon in place. My stomach churned. That brow arched and those eyes gleamed.

"So eager to be contained now?"

"Fuck you."

"No, no Alexia, we're going to talk about this properly." She chuckled and I swallow hard, a tremble running through me as my arm is held out. They know I'm too weak already, but they enjoy it by this point. The thin blade pressed into my arm and I winced, the vein submitted and poured willingly. The cold trickle began, that silver bowl would soon be filled and the world would once again dance before my slow blinking eyes. Her gaze though, that manic look flashes with extra excitement. "Speak up little cousin." She purred, running that fingernail up my throat.

"Contain me all you like, Meghan. Take my freedom, but all you're doing is make me hate you more." I growled, throat scratchy. Her eyes tightened. "That's all you're doing. Right now, you're stoking the Scout's fire, and you're simmering mine." I whispered brokenly, my voice sinking into her and she frowned.

Yeah, I'm pointing out the obvious here you stupid wench. By keeping me alive, she only caused herself issue. I'm underlining the fact that eventually, they need to kill me, or else it's just going to backfire on them. It's pathetic, but right now? With my leg only just healing back into place, my jaw aching from being dislocated a couple hours beforehand, and my blood being once again drained like a blocked sink; I can't. If I rebounded off this window any more, my brain would dribble out my ears. I'm done.

I'd never known hopelessness before, and the only hope I had at that point, was that I might end it sooner rather than later. I don't know if that actually counts though. Technically that was still hope, right?

"If you want rid of me, if you want to remove me from your ongoing list of issues? Kill me. That's it Meghan, no more games, no more bargains. Just kill me."

"And waste your power?"

"You will never gain my power." I sighed, it breaking into a desperate sob at the end. Is this real? Did this even happen? I can't focus. It burned deep, showing that weakness was so wrong, but I can't do it any more. All I want is selfish things. I'm not a hero in that cell; I'm no-ones friend, lover or comrade. I'm me. And I'm tired of it. All I ever wanted; to be loved, to belong, to have my parents value me, to escape, to be free, to live my life. Me, me, me. It had to stop somewhere.

"You seem so very confident."

"If you don't realise that yet, Meghan? You really are an idiot. I will not submit to you, I would genuinely rather die. So... s-so slice my nape open here and now if that is what you wish, but for god's sake stop playing..." I groaned.

"But I love to hear you scream..." she purred, the metal shoved between my teeth as their games begun again. The dice rolled, clacking against each other as the soft glow of a heated iron approached. Sweat runs along my brow and I screamed. I could do nothing else as they branded me, burned me, cooked me for their enjoyment.

Dreams are bastards.

Panic, fear, loathing, rage; such toxic emotions, such vile things that only lead to the darker side of humanity. And yet we gorge on them. Whenever I'd been in the walls, how many times had I seen it? How many times had I watched higher-ups reprimand soldiers for feeling fear, how many times had I watched civilians look at those walls with something beyond curiosity. I was nothing but a fly on the wall, only hopping into society to refill my boots. But in those snapshots, over those ten years, I saw plenty. Greed, lust, envy, arrogance; it ruled them all, and in turn it ruled me. I had thought myself so above it all, hadn't I? I coasted through life beyond societies means and thought myself superior. What an ass crack full of shit. I was nothing more than a bug that crawled over a wall and took to the wind.

Panic; I'd felt it plenty when alone those first few weeks, when realising what I was, when a twig snapped at a particularly quiet moment. Fear; I had a fuck tonne. It followed me round as close as my shadow, I feared their hate, my own power, my inability to fight back with anything more than hot air. In all honesty I feared death out here; alone and unwanted, never found and eventually turned to dust as the elements bore down on my stripped bones. Loathing was hardly something I lacked. I hated them all; my family, my parents, my small-minded home. It was all against little old me, all pointed at me like a fresh-made blade, right? Hate came as easy as breathing.

I smile faintly in my delirium, before I feel bile rise up my throat again.

My sweat soaked body rolls slightly as I wretch inelegantly, muscles exhaustedly screaming in protest. I couldn't keep going much longer. My nails dig into the stinking woodwork, what was that last one again?

Rage.

Yeah. I had that one down too.

I flop back onto my back and gasp, my tongue feels heavy and my breath tastes disgusting. But as weak as I feel, and as hard as it was to even take those vile breaths, my rage keeps me going. Rage at the world, the injustice, at Meghan, at the broken system that laid waste to humanity's future. I hated it all and wanted to rip it apart. I gag, body not allowing me to roll this time. Fuck. I... I can't breathe. I choke, air abandoning me as that hot putrid liquid blocks my throat.

What a dignified end.

Sorry Captain, guess those orders were folly.

What was it that went through the minds of those that died in an instant? My heart stutters, thumping harder as my body makes a last stitch attempt to pull through this. But why? Lingering was pointless. What had you thought, Petra? What had your mind brewed behind those bright hazel eyes before you smashed into that oblivion, before your broken body claimed you. Oluo, you weird fucker, what the hell had been running between your ears before I was used to destroy you. Did it even matter? I hack and feel spittle against my lips, body writhing as it seeks out some relief, a small gust of air to keep it moving.

In truth I've never been sold on either way.

Do I go through life alone, or do I try to depend on others?

Family, comrades, friends.

Either way there's not guarantee right?

This currently pathetic situation was testament to that if nothing else.

"Damn... what a sorry sight."

I hear a voice I don't recognise, my eyes rolling back whilst I feel my body pushed onto it's side. The sludge leaves my slack mouth, and I hear rustling as I'm propped up with my cloak. That was a good idea. But who the hell was this?

"You better be worth this... fuck this is disgusting," the voice complains, and then I hear the brush of my broom. They were cleaning. At first, my weak mind flits to pale grey eyes framed by dark hair, an unmoving scowl and rare smile. But it isn't him. It can't be him. That voice is distant, removed. They don't know me, so I can only assume I don't know them. So why save me? And why the hell are they out here?

"Alexia Senefold, I cannot deny that you're a little underwhelming... the Titan who was free, hm? My, my how the mighty have fallen." I can't tell if I've been awake consistently or not. But I don't feel that slickness of sweat on my skin any more. Had they bathed me? I feel fresh clothing on me and a cold press on my forehead. They weren't kind, but apparently they weren't stupid either. They knew how to tend to the sick, and had at least enough compassion to do so for me.

The Titan who was free?

Was that the dumb-ass name I'd been given?

Which did I count as more of now?

Titan or Human?

Human or Titan?

I groan, my mind aching as these words swim around with the sound of rustling leaves and the crackle of a fire. The cold press is turned over and I sigh at the fresh chill.

Soldier or Civilian.

Civilian or Royal.

Woman or Chess-piece.

In the end it was my choice, and because of all those wrong choices, so many people have died. Soldiers and civilians alike, right? If I'd become a weapon of the Royals like I was meant to, whose to say the Colossal attack would have ever happened? Sure the populace would still be ignorant to it all, hidden in their bubble of safety from the harshness of the world. But Eren would still have a mother, Armin would still have a grandfather; they all might still have had a future. But now? Now the Titans infected it all, every waking moment was consumed by the fear of them, the want to kill them, the need to run from them. Could I have prevented that? Or would I have been nothing but a useless pawn, moved into play when it was convenient?

I feel something scratch against my skin. Crystal forms against it, shoving whatever it was away. Who is this playing with me?

"Of all the times to be stubborn, this really isn't it, Senefold. You've come a long way, but you've got plenty ground left to cover," the voice sounds so very bored. I keep the crystal there though and I hear a sigh.

Then all I know is a sharp pain and a ringing in my ears.

A hand grips my nape tightly, fingers pinching deeply into the flesh there and rendering me immobile. How... how the hell had they known... ghn... stop...! That scratching pierces my skin and I feel something being pushed into my veins. Soon enough it's over, it can't have been more than a couple seconds, but as I pant and feel sensation return to my limbs I know I have to wake up. I groan again, teeth ground together as I try and force my eyes open.

"Give it time, you foolish girl. Force it any further and I will do that again until you pass out entirely. Don't test me," the voice says, a new edge to it now.

A strange prickle appears at the back of my mind. I feel myself submitting. It wasn't like Eren's compulsion though, it was more like a child's inherent want to obey a warning from a parent. Beyond being a cheeky little shit that is. I'm tempted, but as I feel a warmth spread out from where my skin had been pierced, I decide to wait it out. This cheeky little shit would wait, and if I was being tended to in order to return to full strength, then fine. I'd let it happen.

But only because of this returned feeling.

It bubbled into existence when I was in that cell.

When those maniacs played with me like a puppet.

They could contain me, but all they were doing was building my hate, building my resentment. I could be repaired, I could be brought back from the brink yet again. But if I didn't like what I saw when I opened my eyes? If I didn't like what I heard from whoever this person was mending me? I would disobey all over again, I would unleash all that toxic humanity and I would go back there. I would somehow continue the fight.

Wouldn't I?

Doubt runs along those abandoned threads of string in my chest, those entwined fibres that bound my heart and soul. They tremble. They cling tighter. The fight had gone on so long now, and that light at the end of the tunnel kept flickering. Perhaps it was nothing but a lantern, slowly running out of oil? I breathe deep and let myself rest. For some reason this voice had found me, for some reason this voice had tended to my fever and was seeking out my recovery.

For some reason I still cared.

Thank you for reading! I hope it was good for you! I realise that technically not a lot happened in this one, but I also kinda wanted to be able to really explore where they were in the story. Plenty shit will be going down now anyway, who's looking after Alexia hm? Any ideas?

Thanks for reading, please leave a fav, follow and or review, I love to hear from you all! See you in 3-4 weeks!

I'd just like to say an initial thank you to everyone that reviewed the last chapter. It really is what keeps me going with these fics, all three of my stories have such wonderful fans. Of course they actually share a few as well. But it really is amazing how much time some of you take to let me know your reactions. It's awesome, you're awesome, I'm gonna weesht now. THANK YOU.

SHOUTOUS:

MadnessIsContagious96: Thanks for coming back! I'm glad the shit hitting the fan was convincing for you, I always worry about those quick turnarounds, whether they'll pay-off or not. So thank you! I'm glad you like her relationship with Erwin, I really like developing it and writing it! My most emotional... yeah I guess it was. I didn't actually intend it to be, but I guess it morphed that way on its own. These tits shall not be calmed! NEVER! Haha, sorry. Sorry for overwhelming you, I don't really know if this will have been better or worse to be honest... fairly emotionally driven too... if not entirely... sorry! Tissues at the ready? Thank you so much for reviewing again, I love to know that you're still around and still reading. It's great to know I can remain consistent for fans :D thanks! See you next time!

Grimm: Was Frank a typo? It made me laugh nevertheless, like... a lot haha, so thanks. And I understand that you might hate me, I get that a lot as an author on here actually... hehe... and it's awesome. I made you cry?! Oh my god that's amazing, sorry to take pleasure in your pain, but to get such an emotional response from someone is amazing. Thank you! Yeah Alex might've done a stupid thing, but hey ho, hindsight is everything right? I know I'm evil, I'm afraid I've accepted it and have perfected the cackle. Thanks for reviewing as always, you're a gem, I hope the update was good for you, and I hope to see you next time! Thanks!

AuroraStargazers: I love you summation of that. I hadn't really thought of it as a half-way point, or a finale, but I guess it was a big underlining wasn't it? She is able to be free but now doesn't want to be. Funny how stories can evolve beyond what you plan! THank you so much for pointing that out. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it! A lot of people have commented on how emotional it was, and in all honesty I genuinely didn't intend it to be, but I'm glad it's come across so strongly. The fact that you're all so convinced by their relationship is amazing, it was intimidating to start fics with Levi as a romantically involved character, but I am so thrilled to know I've done it convincingly. Thank you so much for reviewing! Speak soon!

Chrissykinz6: Why are you a pirate?! I'm glad I caught you by surprise, that's always the goal of course! Yeah Alexia has rather landed herself in hot water, hasn't she? Ach well, she'll pull through... probably... hehe. Only a million? My, my not many, eh? I'm glad to have you wondering though, its a big compliment to me as an author. Sorry for tugging on those heart strings, I doubt it was much easier on you this time round either right? Catching a break isn't really my forte for my characters, but hey, I'll consider it okay? Haha, thanks for reviewing, hope the update was good for you! See you in a few weeks.

ChrisHlynn: Sorry for the false alarm, but c'mon I have been VERY clear about the new update schedule! But again, sorry... *bows head and whimpers*. Thanks for the support though, I'm glad to know I have my readers behind me ^-^. I will be posting sneak peeks eventually on the sister site of here, but it'll all be mentioned in updates etc. I hope this update made up for the false alarm the other day!