An unlikely explanation dawned on Kida and even then he knew he was merely grasping for straws.
"Is this some weird way of patronizing me? You let me hit you to show how better than me you are-"
"As if. Trust me on this, I may be arrogant but no ego trip is worth getting punched in the face."
Kida took a tentative step as if to inspect the bruise already spreading on Izaya's cheek. He was still shell shocked, it made him forget about keeping his guard up. It was as if Izaya by shattering the rules had plunged Kida into pure chaos and left Kida to dismiss all rules himself. The security distance that Kida strove to maintain between himself and Izaya suffered from this onslaught on sanity.
Kida went as far as to lightly touch Izaya as if he fully expected him to dissolve very much like a phantom. That Izaya remained a solid entity did not seem to reassure Kida as much as disturb him even further.
"Did I have a heatstroke or something…? Maybe it's a dream…"
Izaya had to laugh and once he started it was difficult to stop.
"A dream, oh dear! Maybe it's a dream for you but it sure as hell isn't one for me. You can't feel pain in dreams."
Kida stepped back rapidly.
"It's some trick after all."
Izaya sobered immediately. His fits of hilarity were often unstoppable and almost always inconvenient but had a quality of coming to a halt abruptly. It rang of psychotic and tended to chill people.
"I don't expect you trust a word I say. In your shoes I know that I'd hate me. But I know that if you let hate dominate your life and guilt paralyze you then you are only making things worse for you and for everyone that cares for you. The past doesn't define you, it's how you react to you that makes you who are."
This caught Kida's attention.
"What did you say?"
"In this world you cannot account for the existence of the future, it may not exist. Only the past is absolutely real beyond questioning and the present stands in relation to the past as being both a consequence and a reaction. Since you have your memories to fall back, since they define you, they become a God of sorts. The past becomes God and God is all about control. You cannot change the past but there is one thing you can change, that you can control and that is how you react to it. That makes you your own God."
Kida opened and closed his mouth a few times.
"You've changed your tune since last time."
"Many things have changed."
Kida's hands turned his fists and he stared at the floor, bleached hair covering his eyes.
"You ruined everything for me. Everything. I don't just hate you, I despise you."
"Yes. But if I were to die at your hands you would only be more miserable. Hate finds its way back to you."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I've wronged you."
Kida faced Izaya.
"Why now? After all you've done, after all this time- why now?"
"I've changed too."
"So what is this? You want us to become best buddies?"
Izaya smiled kindly. It further disarmed Kida.
"No but you do have a best buddy. Give him a call now and then. That's what friends are for."
Kida spun on his heels and strode resolutely toward the door. He yanked it open and stopped.
"If you hurt Saki again,"
"You can take your revenge on me."
Kida looked over his shoulder.
"You're a strange man, Orihara Izaya."
And with this Kida slammed the door and was gone.
It was Namie who bandaged Izaya's wound but she was not at all sympathetic. She did not know the precise details of what happened but she knew enough not to at all approve. Namie made a mental note to have him checked by a psychologist. Or maybe even a psychiatrist. But later developments might very well make such steps unnecessary.
"Sorry about making you do this, Namie-san."
His apologetic smile was charming.
"I have good news about your situation."
"You mean my memory loss?"
"Our experts have a way of restoring your memory. There are no risks involved."
Izaya paced up and down his long living room. All restlessness.
"Are you sure about that?"
"I've looked into the procedure myself. The only negative effect is minimal, you'll lose your memory from up to the point you originally lost it."
Izaya froze on his tracks.
"You mean I'll forget everything that I remember now?"
"Yes, it's a side effect. But you'll recover your remaining memories."