Coming round the next morning, I felt two things. One was pain in my stomach. A burning sensation. And the other was of pure, pure enjoyment. I wanted to stay with Deena and Graham for forever. They'd been so good to me – even better since Mum had gone nuclear and started beating me up. Deena had spent most of last night healing my cuts and bruises before making Graham promise not to give me any more customers before making me a cup of tea and tucking me up in bed with a hot water bottle and letting me sleep it off.
I could tell she'd slipped between the duvet earlier this morning because her arms were wrapped round me – I loved the way she snaked them round my body. I'd always loved that gesture of hers.
Yawning and fiddling round for my phone, I reached it out and checked for any new calls or messages. About a dozen missed calls from Tom and Maggie and about a million 'I'm sorry, baby, please call me, I love you,' texts from Mum. But no missed calls from her, however. I rolled over and snorted into the pillow. She wasn't getting anything from me – did she really think I'd forgive her for cracking my ribs? I was jacking in school anyway. Graham said I could live with him and Deena full time, provided I paid my share of the rent.
I knew exactly what that meant. They'd said the first month was free which was good. I yawned again and settled back down under the covers, tugging the hot water bottle Graham had refilled for me in the middle of the night right up against my bare stomach – it always seemed to soothe my bruises.
'Jodie?' A soft, shy whisper in my ear made my insides feel like jelly. She always knew how to do this to me!
'Morning, gorgeous!' She moaned as I kissed her, deeper this time. Exploring every single part of her mouth and she in turn pulled us both back under the covers, our arms wrapped round each other, not giving a single thought to anyone but ourselves. It was bliss! I was in love! Despite wanting to stay in bed with Deena all day,I knew I had to face the consequences at school – even though that was the last place I wanted to be; I wanted to spend forever in bed with Deena – even if she was married, sleeping with people was technically her job.
'Sorry, babe. I'd love to stay like this but I have to get to school – everyone'll be wondering where I am. Deena, I'm so sorry.' She sighed as she pulled me towards her, giving me another kiss before allowing me to slip into the shower. The blasts of hot water soothed me and I hurriedly dressed, placing another kiss on her lips before grabbing my phone and my bag – checking I had everything before quickly applying some make up before Graham drove me to school, parking in his usual spot and kissing my cheek as I climbed out, promising to call him.
Fortunately, I ran into Mr Clarkson before Mum. He motioned me into his classroom when he spotted I'd been late again. He wasn't angry, far from it. He looked and sounded more relieved than anything.
'Scout, how're you feeling?' I was quickly on my guard – I wondered whether he'd told anyone else what Mum had done to me last night.
'Better than last night, sir. Thanks for coming to my rescue.' We shared a genuine smile at each other.
'My hero!' I grinned like a child as he laughed before folding his arms and sitting back in his chair.
'Scout, your mum's not feeling too well. I think it's best if you go back to the School House for a few nights. Maggie's already made up your room.' He paused before taking a deep breath and smiling sadly.
'Where did you go last night? Once I'd calmed your mum down and got her in bed, you were gone. Where did you go?' He paused, waiting for me to answer.
'Just to a mate's house – It won't happen again, I promise. It was only to give Mum time to calm down. Is she alright? I want to see her!' Tears burned behind my eyes. 'This was all my fault... She lashed out because she didn't trust me.'
Mr Clarkson instinctively squeezed my hand, leaning forward, hardening his tone of voice reassuringly. 'Scout, none of this is your fault. But you're not to go home tonight – your Mum's made that clear. She thinks it's best if you have some space for a while, OK?'
x x
'Kacey, can I have a word?' I smiled softly at her, the last thing I wanted to do was frighten her. Her brother seemed to be doing such a brilliant job of that already. Locking her in the PRU and smearing her face in makeup – she must've been terrified!
'Come on, in here.' I lead her from the PRU, down the corridor into the closest classroom, knowing exactly what to tell her. I followed her in and shut the door, nodding that she should sit down.
'What d'you want, Miss? Can I go join the others?' She was pleading, looking like she was about to cry. My heart broke for her. What chance did she have? A mental brother who'd happily land himself in jail because he wouldn't man up enough to support his sister when he could get sent to prison for assaulting her?
I walked over and sat on the desk next to the one she was sitting on. 'I wanted to talk to you, Kacey.' I smiled softly. 'I know I'm not as touchy-feely as some of the others here but I do care, y'know?' I paused as we looked at each other. I looked at my lap, feeling contrite as I thought of Jodie. I did care.
'I know what you're going through might seem hard to adjust to for your family but...' I paused, feeling a lump in my throat. 'They'll never know how hard it is for you to experience, Kacey. Parents don't understand even the slightest thing if they've had no education.' I paused, chuckling to myself.
'What d'you mean, Miss? I don't get you. Why're making out you understand what it feels like?' I looked up at her, she was smiling, and smiling as if she wanted me to open up to her and tell her what was on my mind.
I gulped, swallowing hard. 'Let's just say I understand more than you think. In a way I'm as similar to you Barry's as no one is. My mum and dad married when they were your age; had me at Dynasty's age and they were grandparents in their early thirties because I had Jodie when I was 15.' I gulped, swallowing hard again.
'I joined the army when I was Barry's age. 18. Thought it'd do me good – teach me some life skills.' I coughed before continuing. 'It taught me to mature anyway.' I smiled at her again; feeling stronger each time a sentence flew out my mouth. Who would have seen me opening up to Kacey Barry? Let alone anyone but a Barry?
She laughed, brushing her blonde-brown hair out of her eyes. 'What did the army teach you, Miss? What kinds of life skills?' I was flabbergasted. Kacey Barry interested in the Army? Was she serious? She came from a broken family – criminal brother, make up mad sister and a good for nothing mum who stuck by her jailbird husband and overlooked Kacey as the daughter she was ashamed of.
'Cause there's nothing for me at home, Miss. Nothing.' My heart went out to her as she started to get upset, choking on her words.
'All everyone's interested in is money. Dad's in prison for armed robbery. All Mum cares about is Dynasty looking the part – hair, boobs, lippy, clothes. Anyone'd think Dynasty was a Barbie doll.' She chuckled weakly at her own comedy and looked down at the floor, a tear rolling down her cheek.
'Kacey, are you OK?' I lowered my tone of voice, using the tone I used with Jodie; I knew it was only a matter of seconds before she crumbled.
'In here, right?' She looked up at me, failing to notice she was sobbing as she placed her hand over her heart. 'In here, Miss. I feel different. I feel alive when I'm playing football – like the world just stops. Nobody else understands how I feel because they don't understand what it's like to be me!' Her tone was tough even though she was sobbing. I offered her a tissue. She refused to take it.
'Nobody can understand what it's like to be you because nobody will ever feel the way you are now. You feel like the whole world's punishing you for coming out and saying who you truly are – am I right?' I lowered my voice, not wanting to say something in the heat of the moment.
We glanced at each other, both of us folding our arms. She nodded, fighting back the tears. 'Thanks for being so understanding, Miss. Nobody's ever been like this with me before – y'know, actually asked me how I'm feeling in meself – so thanks.' We smiled at each other, I chuckled lightly, leaning in and patting her reassuringly on the shoulder.
'How d'you feel inside, Kacey?' I asked her gently, wanting nothing more than to reach out and pull her into a hug and let her cry her poor little heart out – I wanted to comfort her the way her mother clearly never had.
She burst into a fresh wave of tears. 'In here, I'm not a girl.' She paused, looking deep into my eyes, pleading with me to understand and not to hate her for coming out.
'I'm a boy.' Her voice broke and she started to cry softly, wrapping her arms round herself as if to say she was fine, she could handle it. I knew instantly what to do. I leant in even closer and whispered gently, making sure she could hear what I was saying.
'Kacey, adjusting to something like this isn't something to adjust to lightly. You've been in a hell of a lot of pain and discomfort for far too long – too much for even someone like you to handle. I want to help you, if you'll let me. Let me sort something with your mum.' I smirked as I squeezed her hand. 'She'll definitely answer to someone like me – she has to. She's a Barry.' Kacey burst out laughing through her tears and hugged me without thinking. I laughed and although I was taken aback I held on tightly, softly stroking her hair and offering her tissue which she accepted.
'Did you mean that about the Army, Miss? Because I want to join when I'm old enough.' I opened the classroom door and led her out, smiling, promising her I'd think about it and to come and see me at the end of the day.
x x
After a fry up at Deena and Graham's, they both got ready go out, surprised that they'd invited me with them.
Deena lent me some fresh clothes and helped me do my make up before Graham drove us to a nearby house that I knew had been split into two flats.
'We're going to a mate's party, Jodie; they said they wanted to meet you.' Deena smiled, squeezing my hand tight as Graham parked the car and knocked on the door. We were invited in quickly and I noticed that me and Deena were the only two girls in the flat and that there were lots of doors off the main room leading to different bedrooms.
'Hi, Jodie, isn't it?' An Asian teenager held out his hand and Deena nodded encouragingly and before I knew what was happening I was snogging him hard, dragging him to a bedroom before I knew what i was doing. He slammed the door shut to the tiny prison and pulled out a wallet that was discarded on the floor, pulling out £500.
He kissed me harder, forcing me backwards onto the double bed and as I closed my eyes, my body silently screamed in agony, wishing Mum was here, wishing she'd save me from a sordid world of prostitution.