So I have no excuse about being busy or anything. I'm just being really, really lazy nowadays. Hey, it's summer. I have four years of stress and anxiety to look forward to. Speaking of which, I'm moving into my new dorm room in August, and I'm a little bit freaked out. I've never lived away from home for an extended period of time, so this is a whole new experience for me.
I've been working on other stories not involving Shaman King. Actually, if any of you are into the Percy Jackson series, which I've been reading since I was nine, I may be publishing my first fic soon…maybe. I may wait until the Blood of Olympus comes out just to keep it accurate. I like it when my stories somewhat follow the original plot. Other than that, enjoy this new chapter!
Ayame heard a commotion in the yard, but prudence and sensitivity kept her from investigating. After all, the noise was coming from the hot spring, and the last thing she wanted was to walk out and face a group of naked men. Anyway, they were probably just fighting each other, because apparently that's the way boys bonded.
"Will you speak with Hao if you get the chance?" Anna asked, standing at the doorway of Ayame's room. "He might turn up here."
"What makes you say that?" Ayame asked. She and Anna were already in their yukatas, since the boys had been kind enough to let the girls bathe first while their wounds were treated. Ayame looked out the window at the dark night, catching a glimpse of a few stars.
"Yoh seems to think that he'll come to us since his fort was destroyed." Anna replied, though she seemed apprehensive at the prospect.
"Would you allow that?" Ayame asked.
"Would you?"
Ayame turned back to face Anna. The two had always been serious with each other, especially where the Shaman Fight was concerned. Even now, Ayame hesitated to call Anna a friend. She'd always seemed cold and uncaring, and being unable to read her mind made Ayame nervous.
The blond had yet to find out about Yoh's advance on Ayame. To be honest, the idea of Anna finding out made Ayame kind of sick, especially after what he'd told her this morning. Anna was already hard on Yoh. The last thing anyone needed was for her punishments to become more severe.
"No, I won't speak to him." Ayame said. "I'm planning on meditating tonight. I have plenty to let go of before we embark towards the new battle grounds tomorrow."
"So you plan to continue shunning him?" Anna asked. "Yoh said Hao was eager to make it up to you."
"He'd have to have a very convincing argument, after what he did."
For some reason, Ayame felt guilty about her kiss with Yoh where Anna was concerned, but with Hao, she almost felt elated by the concept, no matter how wrong it had been. This was the first time she had actually defied her husband. In their years apart, she'd had plenty of chances to be unfaithful, none of which she took. Now, she'd dropped everything for her husband's brother, in spite of how unplanned it had been. She knew she should feel bad about it, but she couldn't help but think that Hao deserved this small punishment.
"It annoys me that Tamao isn't back yet," Anna said, her eyes narrowed.
Ayame looked out the window again. "She's on her way to meet the rest of the Asakura family."
Indeed, she could feel two spirits speeding towards the Asakura's temporary home, each containing shamans. She could feel Tamao among them, as well as Marco, and Hao's companion Luchist. Ayame wondered why they'd be going there, but decided not to dwell on it. It sounded like the boys were out of the bath and heading for their separate rooms. It occurred to Ayame that many of them were thinking about Hao, and she wondered if something had indeed happened while they were outside.
"I should speak with Yoh about the finals. Will you go out tonight?" Anna asked.
"No, I'll be here," Ayame said. "Maybe somewhere I can see the stars, but I'll stay close."
Anna nodded and walked out of Ayame's bedroom. Ayame wanted to go out into the cool night air, but she still felt too restless to meditate. Instead, she walked out of her room and into the kitchen, where AJ was cleaning up after that night's dinner, and May was in deep conversation with Ren.
"You're saying he was here," May said, her eyes narrowed with worry. "And he was asking for help?"
"In a way, I suppose he was," Ren replied. "He said that the island has been discovered, and Manta's father is on the way with about a dozen military ships, probably ready to blow us all up or exploit the place for some sort of revenue."
"And Hao wants us to destroy them?" May asked, bewildered. "A handful of shamans against fully armed battle ships?"
"He was pretty clear about having us there," Ren's face was dark and brooding, like he suspected that Hao had ulterior motives, which he very likely did. "Whether to help, or to perish with them is anyone's guess." He turned to Ayame, as if asking for her opinion.
Ayame looked away. "Hao was here, then?"
"Apparently Yoh finds it acceptable to invite enemies to bathe with us," Ren replied. He was careful about what he said. May had told him about what had happened between Hao and Ayame, and he felt kind of bad about it. Ren hated abusive people more than just about anything else. Ren couldn't stand the thought of ever becoming like that…of ever hurting May.
"He would," Ayame said.
"What do you think of this plan?" Ren asked.
Ayame ran her fingers through her red hair. She didn't know the details, but the last thing she wanted was to watch Hao get slash-happy on a bunch of regular humans. But perhaps if she did attend, she might be able to keep him in check. After all, the cause was somewhat noble: keeping humans from interfering in a sacred fight to determine the universe's next god. Perhaps Yoh could convince Hao to take it easy.
"If Yoh and Anna agree, then I'll be there." Ayame replied reluctantly. "I can help with revivals, if they are needed."
"Ah, so you've learned that now, as well."
Ayame felt her blood run cold, and her heart felt heavy in her chest, like a lump of coal rather than a functioning organ. Her mouth was dry, but she willed her eyes to close, and her lungs to fill with air.
"Who invited you here?" Ren stood, but he was empty handed. It's hard to look formidable in your pajamas. May remained seated, but she looked past Ayame with a glint of what could have been either curiosity or fear in her violet eyes. AJ paused in her washing dishes to look on.
Behind Ayame, Hao put his hands up. "I come in peace. I'm simply here to talk."
Ayame turned around and looked at him. His hair was up and he wore an orange tracksuit with a star on it. He looked more prepared to run a marathon than to take over the universe, but Ayame didn't voice that opinion.
She didn't wait for him to say more. Instead, Ayame walked past him, and he didn't stop her. She felt slightly bad about leaving her friends behind with him, but she needed to get away. She walked back to her room and closed the door. A small part of her mind hoped that if she stayed there long enough, he would go away, but something told her this wouldn't be the case.
Back in the kitchen, May stood up and walked towards Hao, her hand outstretched.
"I want Yun back." She sounded braver than she'd expected, and she looked at Hao steadily. She didn't want to wait any longer. She wanted her spirit back.
Hao smiled. "What makes you think I haven't already given him to the Spirit of Fire?"
May shook her head. "You haven't. You've kept him safe for me. I know you have." She stepped closer to him, and she could tell he was surprised when she took his hand. "Thank you, Onii-chan."
Hao looked at May for a few moments, flabbergasted. Finally, he sighed, reaching into his back pocket.
"I can see why you like her, Ren," Hao said, handing his sister Yun's tablet. The white tiger leapt out of the table and bounced around May, rubbing up against her and purring like a lawnmower. She giggled and hugged him, feeling happier and safer with him back. "You can't say no to those eyes."
May hugged her brother. "There is good in you."
"You just keep thinking that." Hao said, backing away. He obviously wasn't used to being shown affection by people other than Ayame. "I have to speak with Yoh, so why don't you tag along? You'll want to hear this."
Ren, who still looked more than a little bit uncomfortable, walked past Hao and headed for the front door. He walked out without saying anything, and May wondered if perhaps she shouldn't have shown Hao so much affection. He might accuse her of taking the wrong side later.
"Touchy," Hao said. He regarded May and AJ, his usual playful smile on his face. "So, sister, sister's friend, shall we?"
AJ looked at May with a look that said: Is this guy serious?
"What exactly is it that needs to be discussed?" May asked.
Hao turned, gesturing for the two girls to follow. "The future."
Hao was well aware that Yoh wasn't asleep. It was well past midnight, and the house was alive with the sounds of sleep. In the darkness, Hao could hear the dreams of Yoh's friends, all the thoughts swirling around him like a brewing storm. After a thousand years, it was still annoying how nagging the desires of other people could be. Some of the thoughts he heard were outright embarrassing. He knew more about these people than they knew about themselves. He knew about Horo Horo's spirit, Chocolove's past as a murderer, even the fact that AJ was a lesbian. Most might call that leverage. Hao only saw it as boring.
Yoh was wide awake, though. He was lying as still as possible, and Hao got the impression that his younger brother was trying to fool him. Not successfully, of course. His mind was full of nerves and anxiety. Hao had spoken to him earlier about his first life, and his ability to read minds. No doubt Yoh found that to be slightly unnerving.
Hao shoved his covers off and pulled himself up. Yoh tensed slightly, but Hao only walked to the door, opening it.
"Are you going to see Ayame?" Yoh's voice cut through the silence, even if he was only whispering.
Hao only looked back for a moment to regard Yoh. "Get some sleep, Otouto. You'll need your energy for tomorrow."
Without another word, Hao left.
Ayame's mind refused to settle. For hours, she tried to convince herself to let go; to let her mind be free. She took breath after deep breath, and still she felt anxious and jumpy. She willed herself to be still, but her limbs wanted to move, and her mind was trying to think a million useless thoughts at once as it fed on the dreams of the people around her. It was incredibly distracting.
Finally, she opened her eyes. She was sitting on the porch of the house, surrounded by darkness. Everybody seemed to be asleep except for her, and perhaps Yoh, but she didn't pay attention to him. Her eyes scanned the sky, which was peppered with shining stars. She tried to calm her mind by searching out constellations, but that didn't help much either.
The sound of footsteps behind her made her tense. She didn't know who it was, but because she couldn't read their mind, she knew that it was either Hao or Anna. She wasn't eager to see either of them.
The footsteps stopped next to her, and Ayame looked up. Hao wasn't looking at her. His eyes were on the stars, as if he were also trying to rid his mind of uselessness. In his arms, he seemed to be holding some sort of bundle, like a jacket or a blanket.
"So," Hao said, his voice as soft as a summer breeze. "Shall we?"
He gestured towards the fields in front of the house, then began to walk away. He was barefoot, and he wore a yukata similar to Ayame's, but that didn't seem to bother him. He walked with the same calm confidence he'd had since Ayame had met him.
Ayame stood, feeling foolish and weak, and followed. She wasn't sure where Hao was headed, but soon they were so far off that the house looked like a toy in the distance. Finally, Hao stopped in the middle of the field and unfolded his blanket, laying it on the ground. He sat down, facing Ayame, and nodded to the area next to him without saying anything.
Ayame hesitated. The last thing she wanted was to be near him like this, but he didn't exactly look threatening. Granted, he'd be able to hurt her no matter what state of apparel he was in, but that wasn't the point. He wasn't looking at her bitterly or angrily. Ayame could hardly tell what kind of look he was giving her.
After a moment or two, Ayame finally decided that if he hadn't threatened her yet, then he probably wasn't going to attack her. She sat down quietly, drawing her knees up and looking away from him.
Hao didn't say anything at first. He leaned back and looked at the stars for what felt like hours. Ayame sat next to him feeling self-conscious, but not uncomfortable. They'd done this dozens of times before, after all. Granted, those other times had been much more romantic, and about a hundred times less tense.
"Remember that time," Hao suddenly said, cutting into Ayame's thoughts. "When you were still my student, and we got snowed in at that cabin in the north. You were laughing so hard because I kept trying to explain revival in a way that you'd understand, and I felt terrible because your lips were turning blue from the cold?"
Ayame did remember. It had happened almost a year after she'd arrived at the school, back when Hao was still learning how to control the elements. He was eventually able to summon enough fire to keep them warm until morning. Ayame remembered the glow in his eyes when the room lit with his power. He'd looked so relieved and exuberant, as if he'd suddenly found the answer to everything. She also remembered how much fun they'd had that night, sitting so close to each other and laughing like maniacs in spite of how hopeless their situation seemed.
"I remember," she said gently. "Why?"
Hao shrugged. "No reason. I just…remember how happy we were then…how young. The world seemed to be falling apart around us, but we didn't care." He looked at her. "It's one of my favorite memories."
Ayame looked up at the stars for a few moments. "I remember that time we traveled to China, and I had to talk the Tao family out of beheading you."
Hao smiled. "Oh yeah."
"I had to come up with some crap about armies and emperors and serious celestial consequences," Ayame shook her head. "I'm still amazed that they listened to me."
"That family was as dumb then as they are now," Hao said. "But I'm glad you were there to help."
Ayame finally risked a glance at him. He was sitting so casually, as if he were relaxing at a picnic. His hair was loose, and he smelled like springtime. In the low light, Ayame could almost imagine herself a thousand years earlier, sitting with her first real love under the stars, just talking softly.
"Why did we come out here?" Ayame asked quietly.
Hao's brown eyes grew gentle. "Because I need to apologize."
Ayame looked at her hands, and she felt that familiar lump in her throat. "Do you?"
The bitterness in her voice caused Hao to pause for a moment. "I never meant to hurt you."
Ayame stood up. She still felt restless, even after the long walk to this isolated spot. She paced around a bit, wondering if she should storm off or not.
"Ayame," Hao said, beginning to stand. "Please, just hear me out."
"Seriously, Hao?" Ayame said. "You waited this long to apologize? What, are you going to give me some sort of excuse? Some crap about how it was all for my own good or something?"
"I never…" Hao looked away. "I just…needed you to see things from my perspective for once. You don't understand–"
"Oh, of course I don't understand. I'm just a stupid woman. What would I know?" Ayame felt anger and bitterness flowing through her like power. "And what was it you were trying to achieve? What did you even want? To turn me into you? A despicable, heartless monster?"
"No," Hao stood now, well aware that the situation was flying out of his control. "I had to protect you! I needed to know–"
"Don't you dare say this was some sort of test. What did you need to know? If I was loyal? If if I was faithful?"
"I was trying to keep you safe."
"You made me hate you!" Ayame said, her eyes pooling with tears, blurring her vision. The world seemed to darken around her. "And more than that, you made me hate myself. You made me feel weak. You made me feel like I wasted the past thousand years."
Hao paused, looking at her in dismay. He seemed to be torn between trying to comfort her and trying to give her space. He certainly didn't look like he wanted to hurt her. Despite all the hurtful things she was saying, he didn't look angry at all.
"What I said before," Hao said, looking down. "About controlling you – I didn't mean it. I was…I am scared, always. I fear that you'll grow so strong that you won't need me anymore. That's why…" he covered his eyes with one hand. "Ayame, I love you. I was a fool to think…" he looked up. "Just, please put away your oversoul."
Ayame wasn't sure what he was referring to at first, until she noticed that the world had grown darker in the past few moments, but only because her entire body seemed to be surrounded by a gossamer veil of shadow. It swirled around her, surging with energy. In her anger, she'd summoned her spirit, and it flowed around her, trying to escape and attack the nearest living thing, which at this point, was Hao. It had taken Ayame years to learn to control this type of oversoul. The thing about having a cursed, angry demon for a spirit was that it was always fighting against the controller. Had she gotten even angrier, the shadows would've lashed out and killed everything within reach.
Ayame took a shaky breath, and the darkness receded slightly.
"Don't you think I fear the same thing?" She felt tears beginning to fall. "Every time I see you look at Anna, every time you compare me to her…"
Hao laughed in a very desolate way. "Would you believe me if I said that that was my weak attempt to make you jealous?"
Ayame had had enough. She raised her hand, ready to slap him. She wanted to hurt him. She wanted him to feel the fear and anger and hatred she'd been feeling ever since that morning when he'd tried to hurt her. She wanted him to know what it was like to feel weak.
Then she saw his eyes. He looked so accepting, so resigned that she felt herself falter. He knew he deserved this, and he accepted that. She lowered her hand. The last thing she wanted was to do what he was expecting her to do.
"So what now?" Ayame asked, looking down. She was trying to stop her tears, but they were relentless. She took a step back. She hated how weak she must look right now.
"Would you..." Hao cleared his throat. He seemed to be trying to control his own emotions. "Would you agree to start over?"
Ayame looked at him, standing there like a fool, trying to win her over. He'd let go of everything. He no longer looked cool or confident. He looked on the verge of tears.
Ayame wiped her eyes. "How…how do we start over?"
Hao smiled and bowed kind of shakily. "Nice to meet you. My name is Asaha Douji. I want to make the world a better place, but sometimes I get so caught up in it that I hurt the ones I love. I have a lot of flaws, and I'm very good at burning every bridge I've ever built. I think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever met, and if I ever hurt you, it's because I'm a fool, and you have every right to hurt me back. I don't deserve you, but if you'll take me, I'd be more than happy to be your husband." He looked at her expectantly.
Ayame paused for a few moments, a little shocked, then bowed as well. "My name is Etsuko Hiromi. I have trust issues and I don't always know how to be honest with myself, let alone others. I want to live in a world where I don't have to be afraid of being hated for who I am. You're the first person who ever made me feel genuinely loved, and you're an idiot if you think I'd ever hurt you on purpose. You are a selfish, narcissistic, self-centered fool who should've gone to hell a thousand years ago." He winced slightly. "And despite all that, I still love you more than anything in the world. So yes," her voice softened. "I'll take you."
Happy?