Chapter 34:

Rae's Letter

Raven carefully open envelop as she looks back on her relationship with Beast Boy. Raven knew that when she first met him, she found him annoying. She thought about each relationship with the Titans. Those relationship was different compared hers with Beast Boy. At first she thought he was like her annoying little brother, but it doesn't feel right. Raven sighs, it was only recently when she found out that she loved him, not as a brother, but as significant other.

Raven tries to not to cry as she pulls out the letter.

Raven unfolds the letter carefully and holding back her tears as she read the first two words scribbled on top of the letter.

Hey Rae,

For the thousandth, or maybe trillionth times but who is counting, I am sorry. I am sorry for the every time I interrupted your mediations with those knocks on your door. I am sorry for being loud. I am sorry for calling you creepy. I am sorry for not being there for you. I am sorry for telling you those lame jokes. Most of all, I am sorry for hurting you. I never meant to hurt you. Never, but yet I succeed. All I ever wanted to see you laugh, or even a tiniest smile. I did the completely opposite. I am no better than Malchior.

You are the strongest person I've ever seen. You literally went into hell and back. You fought off your inner demon. You defeated your destiny and made a new one for yourself. You give your all in the battles for the sake of others. You were never a demon. You are far from evil. You are a hero, an angel. You may be a half-demon, but you have a heart of gold. You are always an angel in my eyes, a misunderstood, dark, and mysterious angel. If people want to see what demon looks like, then they shouldn't be looking at you. They should be looking at me. No matter how much you deny the fact that I'm a bad guy, you know it's true. I have seen it in your eyes and the others' too: I am a monster.

Raven, don't break down for me. Please move on. You deserve someone better than me, way better. You asked me a question back in the tunnel, about how I always come back with a smile plastered on my face and forgave you every time you threw me out of the window. I could be angry with you instead, but I didn't. I never stopped, no matter how many times you threw me out or insult me. It was because I knew that it made you feel and you push me away because of it. You were scared Raven, because I was breaking through your walls. Every time you threw me out of window, your wall cracked because you felt an emotion. You tried to push me away so I wouldn't break your wall completely. You were afraid that you would lose control when your wall falls. Honestly, the wall wasn't even helping you. It was trapping you; limiting you. You couldn't feel and you couldn't show emotions without breaking something. You are stronger than that Raven. It's all in your head. Yeah, your power is linked to your emotions, but it is not the emotions that are making you lose the control. It's your head, your thoughts. Once you let go your doubts, your insecurities, and worries… You will be free to feel. Go on and feel, Rae. You deserve it. If you don't believe me, then look around you. I'm pretty sure that you have been crying, and there's nothing broken.

Raven takes a look around her, so did her teammates. Her eyes blur from the tears, but she could see that she hasn't broken anything. None of her powers are lashing out. Raven takes a shaky breath as she directs her eyes onto the letter and continues reading.

My favorite memory is when I first met you, on that day. Once I first heard your voice, it was like the whole world made sense. When I first saw you, it seems like the time had stopped. It's you Rae. It's always has been you.

Again, I'm sorry. It's not your fault. None of this is. Please don't lock yourself in your room. Don't think so negative about yourself. Don't go back to that Raven who was so full of doubts and self-hatred. You are so much better than that, Rae. Don't compare yourself with others. You are amazing and it kills me when you don't see yourself like that. You remind me of the moon. It's you who shine the brightest in the darkest times. Raven, please don't lock yourself up. Let yourself be free.

Be there for Robin when he feels alone.

Be there for Starfire when she needs an ear to listen.

Be there for Cyborg when he feels lonely.

Watch out for yourself. I may be gone, but I'll always be around nearby.

We may be the total opposites, but I understand you and I promise you, you are never alone.

Love,

Beast Boy

Raven, who had been trying so hard to hold back her tears, finally broke down sobbing. Cyborg quickly wrapping Raven into his arms, and Raven welcomes his embrace. The team stays silent as Raven quietly sobs into Cyborg's chest.

It had been an hour after Raven finally stopped crying, but she stays in Cyborg's embrace, resting her head on his chest.

"It's almost midnight," Robin comments after glancing at the clock, "It didn't felt that long."

Starfire steals a glance at Robin, "I agree, Boyfriend Robin. It seems like the clock has done the flying."

Robin's eyes meet Starfire's and nods.

Cyborg sighs as he rubs Raven's back, "It had been a hard day."

"I agree," Robin sighs, "I'm exhausted."

"Well," Cyborg gulps before continuing, "I think we'd better get some sleep if we can."

Robin glances at Starfire on his chest and nods, "That's a good idea. We all need a rest."

Robin wraps his arm around Starfire's waist, "Come on Star. Let's go to sleep."

"Boyfriend Robin, I do not want to be alone tonight." Starfire frowns as she stands up.

"I'll sleep with you tonight if you want me to," Robin offers with a gentle smile. Starfire smiles back, "I will like that very much, Boyfriend Robin."

The two lovebirds exit the room, leaving the metal man with a dark girl alone.

"Hey Raven," Cyborg nudges gently, "You ok?"

Raven opens her mouth, planning to say a sarcastic retort but decided against it, "No…"

Cyborg continues to rub his metal hand on Raven's back and not saying anything.

Raven looks up, "Cyborg?"

Cyborg meets Raven's eyes, "Mm?"

"What happens now?"

"I dunno, we've still got one more letter from BB" Cyborg nods toward to the table where the last letter lays, "But I guess we will read it tomorrow after we get, hopefully, a good sleep."

Raven nods slowly, "I guess… but that isn't what I meant."

Cyborg's eyebrow raises in confusion, motions Raven to explain.

"I mean, what happens now? Beast Boy is gone, and what will become of us?"

Cyborg sighs, "All I know is that it will be difficult to get through this, but I'm not giving up. We all need to watch each other out, more than ever now. We will get through this."

Raven nods gently, "Thanks Cyborg, I guess that's what I needed to hear."

Cyborg smiles a small smile, "Ya know it's not your fault."

Raven's eyes fill up with tears and her voice cracks, "Yes it was. If I opened the door and talked to him, he will be alive now. I'm a horrible person."

Cyborg pulls her out of his embrace, holding her shoulders, "It is not your fault. You couldn't have known that he was goin' to kill himself."

"But I-"

"No. Look at me Raven, I was BB's best friend and I didn't even look at him in the eye for the past two weeks and now I never will. It's ripping me up inside. I could have look at him, and make him feel… I don't know, not a monster."

Raven stares at Cyborg silently with occasionally sniffling.

"My point is, we all could've done something' different but we didn't." Tears are pouring out of Cyborg's human eye, "The damage is done, and we lost a family member…"

Raven's lips quivers, "I-I never felt like Beast Boy was part of the family. I-I mean… Robin is like a father, Starfire is my big sister or, sometimes a mother, and you." Raven pauses as she stares at Cyborg, "You are like my protective, big brother and I thought B-Beast Boy was an annoying little brother, but I realized he wasn't…" Raven's trails off

Cyborg chuckles sadly, "You loved him, don't you?"

Raven's eyes widen in surprise as Cyborg continues, "More than a friend. Am I right?"

Raven nods uneasily, "How…?"

Cyborg smiles, "It wasn't that hard to notice. I started to notice the change of your actions toward to Beast Boy when he got captured. I couldn't believe at first and then, seeing how long Beast Boy had been trying to get you to like him. It was about time, too bad it had to end like this."

Raven continue to stare at Cyborg in shock, finally she regain the ability to speak, "Wh-What do you mean? Beast Boy had been trying to get me to like him?"

Cyborg tilts his head slightly, "You didn't notice?"

Raven shakes her head and Cyborg sighs, "It was so obvious. He was in heads over heels in love with you ever since he laid his eyes on you."

"No he wasn't."

"Yeah, he was."

"What about Terra?" Raven scowled, "Beast Boy fell in love with her instantly. Beside, even before Terra, he called me creepy and he told me he never liked me."

"First of all, Beast Boy only went for Terra because you weren't showing any interests. Truth is, I don't think that Beast Boy remembers what it feels like to being loved in return and seeing that Terra does. He went for her, but it was never real. Secondly, he never meant to call you that and you know that, Raven. Look what BB wrote about you. You being an angel and how the time stopped when he first saw you. Lastly, when did he say that?"

Raven looks away from Cyborg nervously, "Well, he didn't exactly say it…"

Cyborg sighs, "What happened?"

Raven starts to sob, unable to control her tears but she start to explain nevertheless, "Y-You remember the tunnel?"

"That leads to the clowns? "

Raven nods, "Beast Boy and I were rushing to your aid. Beast Boy knew it was trap and he got the entire plan worked out. I didn't like the first plan, so Beast Boy made another to satisfy me. He switched back to the original plan when we reached the edge of the tunnel where the battle was happening. We were arguing, and then I gave up. Before I gave up, I made him to promise me that he will be okay. He didn't say anything, but he leaned closer. His face was inches away from mine when he finally whispered 'I promise.' Then he kissed me." Raven smiles at that memory, then frowns at the other and Cyborg refuse to interrupt her as she continue, "When he woke up after three months, I notice he was forcing his smiles and laughs. After you guys left, I confronted him about it and then he changed the topic, bringing up the kiss in the tunnel. He told me that it meant nothing."

Cyborg's head falls into his metal hands, "Raven…"

Raven sniffles, "I-I told him that it meant nothing to me either."

Cyborg removes his head out of his hands, "Oh Raven… Is that why you had been avoiding him for the last two weeks?"

Raven nods, sobbing once again and Cyborg pulls her into his embrace again.

"It's ok."

Raven shakes her head against Cyborg's chest, "No it is not…"

"For what's worth," Cyborg whispers, "I have a feelin' that BB was lying to you. I mean, that dude had been in love with you for a long time. I think he kissed you because he knew that he was going to die in the battle…"

Raven gulps and turns her head to see Cyborg's face, "Really?"

Cyborg nods, "Trust me Rae, that guy could never hate you."

Raven smiles her ghost smile, "Thanks Cyborg. You always knew what to say."

Cyborg chuckles, "Raven, you can't carry this burden of guilt and regrets. BB wouldn't want you to."

Raven nods, "You are right. I'll need time though."

Cyborg smiles, "We all need the time. The best thing is that, we aren't alone in this. We will get through this together."

Raven smiles as her tears continue to pour down her cheeks and hugs Cyborg who hugs her back.

They failed to notice a green fly that flew out of the room.

They have been hugging for a while; finally Raven broke it off, "I'm really tired."

"Me too."

They got up and make their way into the hall. Cyborg glances at Raven, "See you in the morning; I'll be sure to whip up some waffles for breakfast."

Raven smiles, "That sounds nice, see you in the morning."

They both went to the opposite sides of hall to their rooms.

Raven pulls the letter out of her cloak and unfold carefully once again as she made her way to her room. She stares at the last two words on the letter,

Love,

Beast Boy

She sighs, "Only if things went differently." Raven suddenly notice something scribbled on the very bottom of the page,

P.S.

There's something in your room for you. I hope you like it, Rae.

Raven reread it to make sure that her eyes weren't any tricks on her. She reaches her door and gulps, 'What did Beast Boy left me? How did he manage to leave anything in my room?'

She opens her door and scans the room. Raven spots a green feather and a note resting on her bed. She walks carefully as if it will disappear if she approaches it quickly. She gently picks up the green feather and runs her index finger through it.

'It's soft' she thought before picking up the small note and starts to read.

It's a raven feather from yours truly.

It's something to remind you to be free.

You were the best thing ever happened to me, Rae.

I'll be always watching you.

Love,

Beast Boy

Raven shifts her attention toward to the feather and smiles as her tears roll down on her cheeks.

She gently places the feather on her bedside desk before she gets into the bed. Raven stares at the feather before turning the lights out.

Her last thought before falling sleep was, 'I will always love you, Beast Boy.'

A green spider stayed in the celling corner for a moment before silently makes his exit out of Raven's room.

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter.

There will be one more letter from Beast Boy, addressed to the entire team.

There were couple of hints in the story. Is Beast Boy still alive? What happened when he went to the city before the suicide happen?

R&R