Disclaimer: Maybe yesterday and maybe tomorrow but never a disclaimer today.

The Dark Bunnies Strike Back

"You know," Fred said. "I could mention the corruption, I could mention the incompetence, the stupidity, the cowardice, and the fact that he denied the return of Voldemort putting us all into danger. But I won't."

The crowd groaned in disappointment. "Why not?"

"Because I wanna get in insults that have nothing to do with the election and shouldn't matter," Fred said loudly. "I wanna know how Fudge felt when he was making false allegations about Harry Potter. I wanna know what it feels like to be a spineless coward that puts out smear campaigns against anyone they perceive as being a threat and while I don't consider Fudge anything more then a spineless dishonest nobody, I refuse to insult anyone worthy of respect as anyone that posed a credible threat to my political aspirations would be."

"Can I say something?" Fudge asked nervously.

"NO," the crowd shouted.

"Cornelius Fudge," Fred said as he turned to the Minister. "I never did care for you hat, it's in the wrong colour. You have bad fashion sense."

"Burn," the correspondent for Teen Witch shouted. "You go Fred."

"Cornelius Fudge, you have bad teeth and poor skin. You are ugly."

"Woo hoo," the aforementioned correspondent cheered.

"Cornelius Fudge…" Fred shook his head and turned back to the crowd. "I'm sorry, but I can't be anything like Fudge for any longer than that and I promise that if elected, I'll continue to be nothing like Fudge. If elected I'll bring a bit of the modern world into the archaic, corrupt, and inefficient Ministry."

"FRED. FRED. FRED. FRED."

"Cast the mark now," Alicia said with a satisfied grin.

IIIIIIIIII

The chanting outside their window woke Hermione and she was surprised to see a naked Luna looking down at her.

"Good morning, Hermione."

"I thought that bloody ward was supposed to keep out naked people?"

"But I'm not naked."

"You're not?"

"Nope," Luna agreed. "I'm wearing a belt, see?"

"I also see that you shaved the hair around your personal area into the shape of a… what is that?"

"A grubalak."

"Looks like an H."

"Nope, it's definitely a grubalak."

"I've got a spare set of clothes hanging in the closet," Hermione said in defeat. "Put them on."

"But…"

"NOW."

"Fine." Luna stormed over to the closet and started dressing.

"And stop sulking."

"Can we have pancakes for breakfast?"

"If we can convince Harry to cook them," Hermione agreed.

"Yay."

"It's like having a bloody child," Hermione muttered to herself. "Wake up Harry."

"What is it?"

"You need to do some more work on that ward," Hermione replied. "Luna got in wearing a belt."

"I'll get to work later."

"Good, and right now you need to get up and make us pancakes."

"Pancakes?"

"Luna wants pancakes," Hermione explained.

"Fine," Harry groaned. "Hand me my pants."

IIIIIIIIII

"Fred and George are ready," Ron began. "Now all we have to do is find some way to contact the Fox and the Hound."

"About that."

"What is it?"

"We found a note in the safe after we woke up," Gretchen said.

"We have a safe?"

"It's were we keep our knickers when we're not wearing them, Master," Elizabeth explained. "To keep them safe from the Dark Frat Boys."

"Why wasn't I told about this?"

"It's embarrassing to talk about that sort of thing with a boy."

"So after all the things that I've done to you, that you've done to me, and that we've all done to each other. You still find talking about your under things to be embarrassing?"

"Yes, Master."

"Fair enough, what did the note say?"

"Just that they were planning on dropping by later today to find out when we wanted to launch the raid and that they were done."

"Excellent," Ron hissed.

"Go, Master."

"That was a great menacing pose," Gretchen agreed. That said, the two girls pounced on Ron.

IIIIIIIIII

"Hmmm," Amelia said as she looked up at the clock. "He's late, should have been here ten minutes ago."

"What do you plan to do about this?" Fudge shrieked as he stormed into her office.

"About what?"

"About the documents stolen from my home and office."

"What documents would those be?"

"The ones proving how corru… uh."

"Were you going to say proving how corrupt you were?" Amelia asked with a predatory smile. "Because if you want to confess to committing a crime?"

"No… that will be all Madame Bones, you're dismissed."

"But we're in my office."

"Curses," Fudge screamed as he stormed out.

"That was fun, most fun I've had in quite a while."

IIIIIIIIII

"I think I've got it now," Harry said. "The problem was that I was a bit… lax in defining clothing for the ward. It is much more comprehensive now."

"No more waking up with naked Luna looking down at me," Hermione gave a content sigh. "Bliss."

"You know I wouldn't have to redo this if you'd have caught my mistake before."

"Or if you'd have just gotten it right in the first place," Hermione agreed. "Next time do a better job."

"I… so do you think we should go visit the Dark Wizard Jeremy in our alter egos the Fox and the Hound?"

"Sure," Hermione agreed. "But why don't you put that charm up first?"

"Ok," Harry agreed. With the ward up, the two friends got on their costumes and faded away.

IIIIIIIIII

"So when do you think they're going to get here?" Gretchen asked.

"How about now?" Hermione replied.

"Wow, you guys are good."

"Thanks," Harry said. "So where's this hide out?"

"Gretchen, get the twins."

"Yes, Master."

"Elizabeth, have refreshments sent up.'

"At once, Master."

"I've got a portkey ready," Ron said. "Shouldn't take too long for the others to get here. Would you care for anything while you wait?"

"No thank you," Hermione said politely. "We just ate."

"Very well."

It didn't take long for the twins to arrive in their colourful jackets.

"Who are they?" Ron asked indicating the imposing figures that came with them.

"These are my bodyguards," Fred replied. "And this is my girlfriend Alicia."

"And my girlfriend, Katie."

"I see, well I guess we can get going then."

"Not yet, Master," Elizabeth said.

"Why not?"

"We're still waiting for Auror Tonks who's disguised herself as an Auror named Honks to arrive," Gretchen explained.

"Why?" Ron demanded. "Don't tell me she's coming, too?"

"No, Master."

"We just don't want to leave Tim alone," Gretchen said nervously. "What if he got hurt?"

"Or lonely?"

"Fine," Ron agreed. "We can wait."

"Oh, thank you, Master."

"Who's Tim?" Fred whispered to his younger brother.

"Their pet tentacle monster."

"They have a pet tentacle monster?"

"Yeah."

"Oh… kinky."

"So I'm told."

It was at that moment that Tonks decided to arrive. "You called?"

"We were hoping that you could watch Tim while we were gone," Elizabeth said.

"Why?"

"It's just not safe around here what with; Death Eaters, door-to-door evangelists, nudist motorists that need to use the telephone (or so the wife said), and salesmen."

"Not to mention the fact that he'll get lonely, won't you Pookums," Elizabeth said to the tentacle that was making its way out of one of the air vents.

"Why not," Tonks agreed. "Partners have to stick together."

"Thank you," Gretchen squealed. "We're ready to go now, Master."

"Everyone got a hold of the Portkey?" Ron asked. Upon hearing everyone's affirmative answer, he activated it.

As soon as they arrived, Ron leapt into action and began issuing commands. "Peter, take Kitty and a few other girls and back door."

"Got it boss, nothing will go in or out of that back door while I'm watching it."

"Just be sure to plug that hole," Ron said firmly. "I'll fill in the front and Gretchen."

"Yes, Master?"

"You take a few girls on brooms and make sure that any opening in the top has something in it too."

"Yes master," Gretchen agreed.

"Elizabeth," Ron barked. "Put up the anti-transport wards. I don't want them to find any other way out."

"Got it, Master."

"Fred, George. You and your people can start spreading your traps now, just make sure that none of my girls get hurt or caught in them."

"Got it, Dark Wizard Jeremy."

"Fox, Hound."

"Yo."

"You do that voodoo that you do so well."

"Huh?"

"He wants us to take down the wards, Hound."

"You got it, Fox," Harry agreed.

"I love it when a plan comes together," Ron purred.

"Check this out," Hermione muttered. "They really are idiots."

"Hiding the house but leaving a driveway to nowhere," Harry laughed. "That's basic stuff."

"You can start casting spells on the place now," Hermione said conversationally to the nearest Dark Bunny. "Their wards are toast."

"So soon?"

"Would have taken less time but I wanted to get a look at them," Harry said with a yawn. "From the looks of them, they were put up by a drunk insane homeless person."

"With Syphilis," Hermione agreed.

"Why Syphilis?" Harry asked.

"Rots the brain," Hermione explained. "Makes them even nuttier."

"Ah."

While Harry and Hermione had their conversation on the relative intelligence (or lack thereof) of whoever put up the wards, Ron and his followers began casting their own set of spells. Lust charms, snugglebunny spells, stamina spells, and a curse designed to stave off climax and prolong activity were all continuously cast over the area. Ensuring that the unlucky Death Eaters would experience what would seem like a never-ending orgy.

"Thank you, Fox, Hound," Gretchen said. "And Master sends his thanks, too. It's just too bad you didn't manage to break the Fidelius."

"Oh but we did," Hermione said with a smug grin.

"You did?" Gretchen said in shock.

"Or rather we found a way around it," Harry explained. "It'll probably destroy the charm over the next few days, but you should be able to take advantage of it soon."

"So?"

"So cast your spells and wait," Harry said. "Or cast your spells and disappear, let the Aurors deal with it."

"Doesn't matter to us," Hermione agreed.

"Shall we cast the mark?" Harry asked.

"I think we shall," Hermione agreed. A few seconds of incantation produced a quick red fox jumping over a lazy brown dog, a hound to be specific. The hound then jumped over the fox and the two began tussling in midair.

"Shall we add our own brother of mine?" Fred asked.

"Not yet," Angelina said. "Let our host cast his first."

"Thank you," Ron said. "Gretchen."

"Yes, Master." And a hazy monochromatic stag film began playing, complete with seventies era porn music.

"Now," Alicia said.

"Right," Fred agreed and the triple W took its place proudly alongside the other two.

"Time to break this party up," Ron said with a grin.

"It's been fun," Harry said. He took Hermione's hand and the two of them vanished.

"It has," Fred agreed. "I'll have my bodyguards report this so you don't have to do your own mop up."

"Thanks," Ron said. "Girls, it's time to go." The Dark Bunnies took hold of the Portkey and returned to their dark lair for the post attack cuddle.

AN: The ongoing list of people that contributed to this fic without whom, it would not have been nearly as good . . . one might go so far as to say it would be quite bad: nonjon, Ed Becerra, ausfinbar, David Wangen, neil.reynolds, dogbertcarroll, hattenjc, the caitiff, AlanP, Lone Wolf, meteoricshipyards, Shawn Pickett, Morris Rague, luinlothana, Treck, Drake, moshehim, Arthur Hansen, Marneus Calgar, Goblin214, Chris LeBron, and everyone else on my yahoo group. They gave me scenes, ideas, and all sorts of other things. Tell me if I missed you so I can add to this list. Another thanks goes to meteoricshipyards who wrote the majority of the continuing adventures of the tentacle monster. Anything I wrote on that sub plot was fairly minor so kudos.

More Omake by Andrew Joshua Talon

Omake 11:

Draco yawned, feeling more rested than usual. He got out of his bed and walked downstairs, smacking his lips.

'Why do I taste sleeping draught?' He absently wondered as he entered the kitchen.

"Morning Draco," Remus said pleasantly. Draco nodded as he grabbed some eggs and bacon from the oven.

"Morning," he mumbled. Narcissa kissed her son on his forehead.

"Good morning Draco," she said happily. Draco yawned... He blinked.

His mother was dressed in a man's shirt. Not his father's, he'd only wear silk. The werewolf was dressed in a bathrobe at the table. His mother had a dreamy expression on her face.

Draco dropped his breakfast plate, curled into a fetal position and began muttering "There's no place like home, there's no place like home..."

Remus raised an eyebrow. Narcissa sighed.

"Probably shouldn't have drugged him last night. Maybe he wouldn't be so shocked now?"

"I think hearing... Us, would have been far more traumatizing," Remus coughed.

Omake 12:

"So, you wish to join me because...?" Voldemort asked.

"You want to destroy Harry Potter, right? So do I. Bloody lucky bastard," Dean snarled. "You don't er... Have any old women here, do you?"

"Just the cleaning lady, Mertyl," Voldemort said. Dean paled as said cleaning lady winked at him.

"OH GOD IT'S A CONSPIRACY!" Dean screamed, turning and running for his life. Voldemort grumbled.

"Why does my organization attract all the bloody weirdos?"

Omake 13: (DUN DUN DUN...)

"Harry, I think you're going to like this new spell I found," Hermione said with a smile. Harry nodded.

"Okay, what?"

The two were standing in Knockturn Alley in the dead of night in their Fox and Hound costumes. A random thug (Let's call him... Stebbins) meandered towards them.

"Oi, you! Circus clowns! Hand over your pretties or I'll down you!" He growled. Hermione produced, instead of her wand, a dagger. She seemed to blur and a moment later, the thug fell unconscious, Hermione now behind him holding several valuables.

"Brilliant!" Harry grinned. "What is that called?"

"It's a move that's simply called 'Mug'. Found it in one of your father's books."

"What's it called?"

"'Locke's Guide to Theft... I Mean Treasure Hunting. Yeah. Treasure Hunting,'" Hermione quoted. Harry blinked, and Hermione shrugged.

"If it doesn't break, don't fix it...?"