Chapter 35. Scopos

The smell of breakfast brought Kaidan to the mess, where he found Ashley at the table, fork poised over the remnants of an omelet. Pressly poured himself a cup of coffee, muttering something to the mess sergeant, who responded with a dry chuckle. Steam curled up from a frying pan along with the sizzle of eggs. At the sight of Kaidan she grinned and gestured to an open seat. "Greico's cooking breakfast, but I warn you, I think Shepard made the coffee."

Kaidan grimaced. "Does it taste like tar? Does a spoon get stuck if you try to stir it?"

She examined her mug. "Yup."

"Shepard definitely made the coffee." He yawned. "Morning, Pressly."

"Alenko," the navigator said with a nod. "If you'll pardon me, I've got to go down to engineering. Adams found gas deposits on Tharopto. Going to move in and take a closer look, see if there's anything useful we can salvage."

Williams tossed him a serene wave. "Later."

Kaidan wandered to the coffee maker, poured out the offensive pot and fished out some fresh coffee grounds to get a new one started. Greico had egg substitute and a pile of dehydrated vegetables on the galley counter.

"Omelet?" the mess sergeant asked.

"Oh, God, yes."

"What do you want in it?"

Kaidan eyed the desiccated vegetables. "They all ultimately taste the same, don't they?"

Greico shrugged one shoulder, unperturbed. "Yep."

"Then surprise me."

He headed back to the table to wait for the coffee, sitting down heavily and arching his back with an audible stretch. Williams watched with amusement.

"Not enough beauty sleep, LT?"

"Rachni are hell on my exquisite complexion." He turned his head to the side to give her a better look. Williams nearly snorted with laughter, the sound bringing a smile to his own face.

"You're a regular Adonis, Alenko. Your poster hangs in my sleeper pod."

He raised his chin and gave her a lofty glance. "I'm honored."

"You know," she said, sobering. "All jokes aside, I've never been so glad to see your face as I was in that jail cell."

He cocked a half smile, eyes flicking to the table. "Well, I was your bail ticket. I bet you were glad to see me."

"You guys had been gone a long time," she said, dark irises not budging from his face. "First time I've really had to wonder about whether you'd come back."

Kaidan swallowed, not daring to examine that sentence any closer. "Nothing we couldn't handle."

She shook her head. "Rachni. Of all the things you found out there. Rachni. I bet that just made your day."

"At least geth don't spit," he concurred, then exhaled. "You should have seen that queen. She was monstrous. How the hell they thought they could keep her locked up like that…"

Greico approached with Kaidan's omelet, set it on the table with a nod and left. Kaidan stared at the yellow, spongy mass and picked at it listlessly with his fork. Thinking of the carnage they'd left behind in that lab didn't do his appetite any favors.

"Rough, huh?"

"It was not a pleasant experience, no."

When he felt Ashley's hand over his he looked up in surprise. Her fingers were cold, but the touch sent heat rushing through him.

"I'm sorry," she said simply. "Sorry it sucked. Sorry I wasn't there."

"Me too," he said. She offered him a brief smile, then pulled her hand away. If the brief contact had affected her at all he couldn't tell. In fact she looked enviably relaxed, leaning her elbows lazily on the table and propping her chin in her hands while Kaidan tried to unknot the sudden ropes of tension coiled between his shoulder blades.

"How bad was it with Benezia?" she prodded. "Shepard kept that part of the report a little…vague."

"I…really thought for a second there we were going to talk her down," he said, letting out a frustrated sigh. "We were so close. Or maybe not. Maybe we never had a chance."

"How's Liara?"

"She's—" He hesitated, unable to prevent the sudden dart of his eyes, the subtle surprise that crossed his face at the question.

Williams raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"I…sorry. I didn't expect you to ask."

"Ask about Liara?" Her eyes narrowed. "Why?"

Dismay swept through him. Fix it, fix it, before you drive the train right off the tracks. "Well, I just didn't think—"

"You didn't think I'd ask if she's ok after seeing her mother get murdered because we're not best friends? Because I didn't automatically trust her with the keys of the ship like everyone else?"

"No!" he squawked. "Of course not, I—"

Her arms folded over her chest like a shield generator coming online, and he wished fervently for a hull breech to open up under his feet and suck him out into space. She pulled her shoulders back until they formed a defiant wall, the hard glint in her eye the one she usually reserved for the person on the wrong end of her assault rifle. Not a friend. And certainly not him.

"I thought you of all people knew me better than that."

The accusation hit him like whiplash.

"Ash, I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

She stood abruptly. "It's fine. Don't worry about it."

"Ash, wait."

But she didn't. He swore, foot catching on the leg of the table as he clamored to his feet, nearly sending his tray and the untouched omelet flying. By the time he reached the elevator she'd already smacked the door seal with the force of a kiloton bomb. Kaidan swore, hands lacing behind his head.

"Everything all right?"

Kaidan jumped, turning to see Shepard standing just outside his quarters, cup of coffee in hand, eyebrow raised in a question.

"Fine," he said, casting one last frustrated glance at the elevator and lowering his hands. "Just…never mind. I'm an idiot, that's all. Nothing new."

Shepard nodded, that shrewd gaze as usual seeing far more than he was comfortable with. "Give her a few minutes to cool off, then talk to her."

He decided it wasn't worth arguing, and he damn sure wasn't going to inquire if the advice came with the understanding Kaidan's distress wasn't entirely professional. He'd learned to assume that with Shepard the answer was always yes: he knew.

Shepard took a sip of his coffee, scowled at the cup, then at Kaidan. "Did someone mess with my coffee?"

Kaidan leaned against the bulkhead dividing the elevator from the mess. "You mean make it compatible with human consumption? Yes."

"Don't fuck with my coffee, Alenko. This is my ship."

"Yes, sir."

Shepard grimaced as he leaned against a wall, one hand shooting protectively to his hip. Kaidan suppressed the urge to comment. Shepard was legendary for avoiding bone knitters, and if there was anything in that hip that needed mending he'd keep a mile away from Chakwas for as long as he could stand it. As though sensing his train of thought Shepard scowled at him, daring him to ask, then changed the subject before Kaidan could take the bait.

"Did you read the mission report?"

Kaidan nodded, trying in vain to see behind Shepard's inscrutable façade. The report had conveyed nothing but bland, dispassionate facts that whittled the standoff in the lab down to a handful of cold, toneless sentences. Target isolated in secure labs. Retrieval and interrogation attempts failed. All enemy targets eliminated. No casualties.

If only the experience had been so impartial. It would be a long time before he forgot the look on Shepard's face at the sight of Liara kneeling over her mother's body. Their conversation in the conference room before leaving for Port Hanshan roared in his ears.

You don't know that's how it's going to end.

Of course it is, Shepard had replied, rank with bitterness that few could probably fathom. That's how these things always end. Why should this one be any different? Something horrible has to happen and I get to give the order. If Benezia dies it's on me, no matter who pulls the trigger.

And he'd been right, of course. That's how it had ended.

"I heard you hung up on the Council."

Shepard tested the coffee again and hissed with displeasure. "I don't have time to deal with people who don't have anything useful to say."

"Understood."

Shepard shifted his weight again, eyes darting briefly towards the medbay before coming back to focus on the offending beverage in his hand.

"I haven't seen her," Kaidan said in response to the unasked question. Two can play at this game, he thought. Sometimes, anyway. Shepard looked up sharply, a defensive glint in his eye. But instead of the retort or rebuke Kaidan expected, Shepard merely grimaced. Took another sip. Grimaced again.

Kaidan cleared his throat. "I, uh, hope I'm not out of line in saying I think she'd probably…appreciate it if you looked in on her. Sir." And if it was out of line, it would fit in quite well with his day so far.

The commander eyed him warily, tapping his fingers against the side of his mug. This time when he looked towards the medbay, he didn't try to hide it. "If we're going to talk about Liara, I need better coffee."

"Do you want to—"

"No."

A small smile flickered across his face. "Fair enough."

Shepard pushed off his heel, presumably to go make another pot of terrible coffee, but paused in mid-stride and looked over his shoulder. "I need you and Williams to do a gear inventory today."

Kaidan groaned. "After I just made a giant ass of myself? Thanks, Shepard."

"Give her time to cool off, then go talk to her," Shepard cajoled. "We may not know our next move yet, but when we do I want to be ready. Find out who needs armor. Who needs guns. Requisition it and tell them I want it now. I'm not going up against Saren with a hardsuit that looks like a varren's playtoy."

"Or a naked krogan," Kaidan muttered. The sight of Wrex in the medbay was now permanently burned onto his retinas.

"A what?"

"Nothing. Yes, sir. We'll get it done. Just…make sure the airlocks are secure."

"I won't let her space you, Alenko."

"With all due respect, sir, I don't think you'd have a say in the matter."

Shepard grinned. Kaidan eyed the elevator.

Give her time to cool off. Right.

Caroline Grenado came to a halt in front of Tali, who looked up from her drive maintenance scans to see her wave a handful of ration bars.

"I come bearing the breakfast of champions."

Tali reached up her hands and caught Grenado's toss.

"It was between gilga berry or amarantin spice," Grenado said. "I figured you wanted the amarantin spice."

"Oh, thank you," Tali said with a grateful sigh. "I'm not sure which is worse, drive core systems maintenance or gilga flavored ration bars. I'd almost rather eat levo."

Grenado glanced around with a conspiratorial expression. "Tanaka was curious about how the levo bars tasted. So while you all were on Noveria he snagged one out of the mess and tried it."

Tali glanced at Serviceman Tanaka, bent over an open diagnostic panel and completely oblivious to their whispering. "What happened?"

"Puked for hours."

She stifled a giggle. Grenado pulled up a haptic interface while Tali fed the ration bar through her suit filters, grinding it into a paste she could safely consume. The young engineer smoothed a few loose strands of hair – blonde today, with hints of purple when she stood in the light – behind her ear. Tali envied her hair. Short but thick, falling just right to compliment her round face, and constantly a different color. Much to Adams' chagrin.

"I like the purple," she commented, restraining herself from reaching out to touch it.

Grenado grinned and raked her fingers through it. "Thanks! Adams about had a hemorrhage. Says it isn't proper decorum for an officer." She rolled her eyes, but there was no rancor in it.

Despite Adams' constant hand wringing over his engineer's exploitation of dress code boundaries, Tali knew for a fact Adams had personally jumped down the Alliance's throat when they'd failed to send part of her paycheck home to her family as she'd requested, and even funneled some of his own credits their way to get them by until the problem got sorted out for her. Grenado didn't know, and Adams didn't appear inclined to inform her.

"Well, I like it better than the red."

The engineer flushed happily. "Me, too. Wanna take bets at how long it'll take before Tanaka complains?"

Tali glanced back at the other engineer, who by now had noticed them whispering and started to scowl. "After what you did to his environmental systems report I'd say he'll have it filed by the end of the day."

Grenado snorted. A few days ago they'd rigged Tanaka's equipment to swap 02 and C02 values on his report, and the surly engineer hadn't caught it until after it had been submitted. Adams hadn't been thrilled, but Tali had seen him chuckling to himself when Grenado wasn't in the room.

"Well, that taught him not to mess with my admin files for the air recyclers."

Tali tilted her head. "I'm not sure people like him…learn." She could name a few individuals from the flotilla who fit that mold.

"Maybe not." Grenado glanced furtively about them, then leaned in to whisper, "Do you think anyone found out about the upload?"

"No," Tali assured her. "I was careful."

"I'm worrying maybe that was a little…um, stupid. Harebrained, as my da would say."

They didn't throw you in prison, Tali thought sullenly. The little present she and Grenado had prepared for Port Hanshan's security authorities was a public service, if you asked her. But she hadn't exactly considered whether or not Shepard would mind. "It'll be fine," she insisted, as much to herself as to Grenado. "Shepard won't be upset."

"Are you sure?"

Tali toyed with the hem of her hood as the last of the ration bar passed through her filters. Well. The more she actually thought about it the less sure she was.

The doors on the far side of engineering opened with a swish, and Grenado's eyes widened. "Shepard," she hissed, giving Tali a nudge. Sure enough, Shepard strolled down the ramp towards Adams, shoulders loose, stride fluid, expression amiable. No trace of the Shepard that had been on Port Hanshan remained.

Both engineers turned swiftly to their consoles, Grenado stealing occasional glances at the commander as he lounged against the rail overlooking the drive core and spoke to Adams and Pressly about a probe.

"Relax," Tali whispered.

"Relax?" The human engineer gave her an incredulous stare. "Most of us aren't tech geniuses who mod the commander's gear and provide ground support on away mission. With a shotgun. I have to actually look like I know what I'm doing when he's around! Especially after last night!"

Tali considered this. After all, the sentiment was a painfully familiar one – she'd been in Grenado's shoes more times than she could count. When, exactly, had that changed? She glanced at Shepard, who'd finished with Adams and now headed towards her. Grenado made a small strangled sound in her throat and bent feverishly over her haptic interface.

"Commander," Tali said pleasantly, nudging Grenado with a foot. The engineer swallowed, standing up straight and clenching her hands behind her back. She offered Shepard a meek smile.

"Tali. Grenado." He nodded at both of them in greeting. "Everything all right down here?"

"Well," Tali said, hesitating for just a moment until she decided they'd all be better off if she just came out with it. "Last night Grenado and I uncovered a tracking bug the NDC must have uploaded during their…inspection."

A subtle transformation in posture washed over Shepard, hard gleam entering his eye along with a subtle tightening of every muscle in his body. In barely the space of an eye blink the casual cant of his shoulders shifted into steel. There was the Shepard who had terrified Anoleis in Port Hanshan.

"They did what?"

She raised a calming hand as Grenado kneaded her fingers together behind her back. "Don't worry. We purged it out of the system overnight."

"Those bureaucratic bastards—"

"And," she continued quickly, "because we thought you would appreciate it, we may have uploaded a little present of our own in return. That exposes Kiara Stirling and her lackeys for their…dereliction of duty. To the NDC investors."

Beside her, Grenado held her breath.

"You hacked NDC security," Shepard said dubiously.

"I believe I'd like to think of it has helping them identify some flaws in their system," Tali replied. She pointed at Grenado. "She found the problem. We…didn't really think the Alliance would have approved of my solution, so I did the dirty work."

A brief fountain of anxiety leapt into Tali's chest. Maybe Grenado had been right, and she'd overstepped her bounds. But the concrete expression on Shepard's face slowly thawed, a smile creeping across his lips. He nodded at Grenado. "Nice catch."

"Thank you, sir," she said, offering a hasty salute. "Tali was very careful, sir. To avoid any repercussions with the NDC. Sir."

Shepard smirked, eyes shifting to Tali as he crossed his arms over his chest. The tension had drained away as quickly as it had come. "I have no doubt. But if they'd spied on my ship I would have found another use for those antimatter warheads." He nodded towards Grenado. "Good work."

Grenado beamed.

"Caroline!"

Grenado came right back to attention at the sound of Adam's voice, springing towards him with one last respectful nod to Shepard, who watched her go with an amused smile on his face.

"You make her nervous," Tali informed him. "She was worried you wouldn't…approve of our actions."

"Well, in the future, it wouldn't hurt to run it by me first."

Tali ducked her head.

He offered her a smile, a real one that spread all the way to his eyes. "But off the record? I wish I'd been there when they found out."

"At least they'll think twice before arresting me again.

Shepard chuckled.

Emboldened, she leaned back against her console. "Is there something I can do for you, Commander?"

"Just getting a feel for things," he replied. "Did Alenko tell you about your dampening grenade?"

She shook her head. "I haven't talked to him since we got back. Did it work?"

The grim lines that spread across his face came as such a surprise she almost apologized. He nodded. "It worked. Saved our asses. I owe you one."

"You don't owe me anything, Shepard." She offered him a small shrug. "You saved my life."

A small sigh escaped him as he leaned against the rail beside her, much as he had done with Adams. She did not miss the way he shifted his weight deliberately away from his left hip, or the tiny grimace that passed across his face so quickly she might have imagined it. Apparently Wrex and Garrus were not the only ones who needed time in the medbay.

"We're a pretty big distraction from your Pilgrimage," he said, a note of apology in his voice. "But I'm glad you've stuck around. We need you."

"This comes first," she insisted. "There's no way I could go back to the flotilla with Saren still out there. Not when I can help. I'm going to see this through, no matter how long it takes."

"Thank you, Tali." Shepard looked briefly down at his boots, an almost faraway smile drifting across his face that she couldn't interpret. When he looked back up, his mask was firmly back in place. "And once we're done. What will you do then?"

She tilted her head to the side. It was a question she'd thought about, certainly, but only as a flight of fancy, a wish that had no weight. Because while she missed home, and couldn't imagine not going back to it, she no longer laid awake at night listening to the Normandy's silence. "Complete my Pilgrimage, I suppose," she said finally. "Bring something back to the flotilla that will make my father – and my new captain – proud."

"And what will that be?"

She kneaded her hands. "That's…something I've wanted to ask you about, actually." The idea had been brewing since they'd left Feros, but she hadn't had the need – the nerve – to ask yet.

Shepard shifted his weight slightly, discomfort ghosting across his eyes as he found a more suitable stance. "Ask me what?"

"The geth data," she blurted out. "Everything we've collected from Feros. Therum. It's…valuable insight into how they've adapted and evolved since the war. If my people are ever going to reclaim their homeworld, we need access to that information."

He held her gaze for a long beat, long enough for her to feel her heart hammer in her chest. He couldn't see her face, but she had no doubt he saw her. Even absent the facial ticks and tells that meant so much to nearly every other species, when he looked through her faceplate he found what he was looking for. Whatever it was.

"I'll make sure you get a copy," he said at last. "Take whatever you need. And if that's not enough, let me know. I'm not above knocking some heads around for a friend."

A broad smile crept over her face, one she wished he could see. "Thanks, Shepard."

At the sound of footsteps behind her, Ashley grit her teeth and polished her rifle a little harder. When the footsteps halted, she set the casing down on the weapons' bench a little harder than necessary and leaned her weight heavily on her hands, refusing to turn around. "Back for more already, LT?

"I told him to give you some time to cool off."

She whirled, sending pieces of the disassembled rifle clattering to the floor, and found Shepard standing behind her. "Sir," she stammered. "I thought…"

He crossed his arms and leaned against the row of lockers, easy smile on his face. "There's a lot of people on this ship, Chief. Funny how you assumed it was him."

With a noncommittal grunt she knelt down to pick up the pieces she'd scattered, wincing at the sight of the internal computer housing lying several feet away. That's probably going to need some recalibrating. Shepard did the same, hissing softly when he knelt down to fish the ammo block out from under the weapons' bench. Ashley eyes him as he straightened, shifting his weight awkwardly off of one hip.

"Better let the doc take a look at that, sir. Looks like the rachni put you through the ringer, too." They put everyone through the ringer, apparently. Except for me. And Tali. Her sour mood intensified. And why exactly was that, Shepard?

"She had her hands full with a krogan," he grunted as he got back to his feet and handed her the ammo block. "And it's nothing that won't heal on its own."

"If you ask me you're just avoiding that bone knitter."

"Who the hell wouldn't?" Shepard said in distaste.

She leaned back against the weapons bench and regarded him with a mild look. "So is coming down here an avoidance tactic, then?"

"Just getting a feel for things," he replied. "Mako repairs go smoothly?"

Feel for things. It was almost as though Shepard made rounds after every mission, picking everyone's brains without anyone realizing they were being picked. And never, she noted, calling anyone to him. He always sought his crew out somewhere they were comfortable – at the mess table, down here in the cargo bay. Places where they'd be more likely to speak freely, maybe without even realizing it. Feel for things, indeed.

"More or less," she replied. "Garrus has a few tweaks he insists are vital to the effort that he plans to tackle when Dr. Chakwas gives him the all clear. But if Tali's happy I tend to think we're ready to get our murder on again."

"Hopefully we won't need to for a while," Shepard muttered. "Be nice to wind up somewhere and everyone just play nice for once."

"Don't count on it, sir. You're persuasive, but I'm pretty sure Saren is immune to your charming wit." She patted the assault rifle. "Don't worry. I'll have this put back together before we wind up in another hot zone. Assuming you still trust me to watch your back."

Shepard stilled, his expression turning guarded. "That wasn't about you, Ashley."

"Sure," she said, the sudden surge of bitterness tasting like brine in the back of her throat. "It was about my grandfather surrendering Shanxi to the turians. That's always what it is. For my father. For me. The Alliance has shat on my family for years, because my grandfather did what he thought was right to save the lives of his men. But it looks bad to historians, so hey. Who cares if we tar and feather a few other folks in the process?"

For a long time Shepard didn't speak. Then, so soft a chill slipped down her spine, "After all we've been through, do you really think so little of me?"

Shame washed through her with a sudden onrush of heat, slithering into her stomach where it curled up and refused to abate.

I thought you of all people knew me better than that.

Briefly she closed her eyes, fingers curling on the weapons' bench. "No, sir. I think it has more to do with not knowing my ass from my forehead."

"And being so angry at things outside your control you lash out at the people who try the hardest to help you?"

"Yeah," she said, entire body tightening with surprise. "Something like that. Sound familiar?"

"Little bit." The crease in his forehead loosened, but his arms remained folded neatly across his chest. After a silence that nearly broke her into a sweat, his jaw quirked slightly. "It was about me, Williams. Not you. Can we just leave it at that?"

"Of course, sir."

"Good. Now. I need you to work with Alenko on gear inventory."

Her teeth clenched, but all she did was nod. "Yes, sir."

"Oh, but before that, Joker said to find you and let you know that he's arranged something for you in the conference room. Said you owed him dinner?"

Her eyes widened. "He did? Now?"

"Well, I don't know if he meant dinner now. Didn't everyone just have breakfast?"

"Skipper, excuse me, I have to go!" She darted past him, shooting towards the elevator. Finally. Something that might actually go right.