Baby Now That I've Found You
by aprilhope
Ch. 35 - Searching For Signs
"I don't know what you and Sonny think you're doing, but you are not moving in here, Jason. This is our home, Sonny's and mine. He is my husband, and this is our life together." At least I hope it is.
Carly kept her voice controlled for Michael's sake, but the excitement woke him anyway. His head lifted from Leticia's shoulder, eyes falling not on Jason but a framed picture that sat on Sonny's desk.
"Daddy."
Carly heard her son, saw him reaching for the picture of the two of them with Sonny, and it brought tears to her eyes. She silently cursed Sonny for not being there to hear Michael call him "Daddy" for the first time. "Daddy will be home soon. I know he will," she whispered soothingly to him, taking him in her arms and turning back to Jason. "Sonny is my husband, and he's also Michael's father. He belongs here with us."
"I see that."
Jason felt the sting from Michael calling Sonny his father and not him, but he had known, especially since Sonny and Carly married, that it was inevitable. What surprised him more was hearing the way Carly spoke of Sonny. He knew things had changed with them, recalling the message he'd gotten from Sonny calling Carly the most important thing in his world. He knew his best friends had been through a lot together. And he knew Carly was loyal, but… considering how she felt about Sonny when he'd left town, her new attitude took getting used to. It didn't hurt him. It was just… different.
"I think we need to talk."
She nodded, handing Michael back to Leticia and saying goodnight. Jason smiled as Michael threw him a little wave on his way upstairs with Let, while Francis, who had already carried up the bags, headed down and off duty. Once it was just the two of them, Carly headed to the couch, Jason following her, and waited for him to start.
"Carly, first… I'm really sorry about the baby. Emily told me."
"Thank you. And thank you for going to Puerto Rico so Sonny wouldn't have to. I know you wanted to help us, and you did. I needed him with me." Her eyes glistened. "I still do, Jase. Now what happened? Sonny told you to take his place with Michael and I and you just said okay? Don't tell me you didn't ask any questions, 'cause not even you follow Sonny's orders that blindly."
"I asked, but I didn't get many answers."
x
(flashback to phone call)
"Morgan."
"It's me."
"Hey, Sonny."
"So it's done? You're home?"
"Yeah. Carlos knows what side he's on. And I'm back in Port Charles, like you asked."
"Good. There's something even more important I need from you."
"What?"
"I need you to take care of Carly and Michael."
"Take care how? Did something happen to them? To you?"
"What always happens. And you're gonna fix it."
"What is it you need me to do?"
"Move into the penthouse with them."
"Them? Sonny, where are you gonna be?"
"Just say you'll do it."
"Move in with your wife? What does Carly have to say about this?"
"Don't argue with me! I'm doing this so she'll be happy! I can't… I can't be with her now."
"Sonny, I don't…"
"You always take care of them, Jason. I know you will now."
"Sonny… Hello?"
x
"'I can't be with her now'?" Carly stood up and paced, trying to make sense of the mystifying quote. "What does that mean… right now or from now on?"
"I don't know, Carly. I didn't feel right about any of this."
"Then why did you go along with it? You probably thought, why not? Sonny doesn't want her with no baby, right? What took him so long?"
"No, Carly, I didn't think that. I went along with it because he sounded…" Jason searched for the right description, wanting to be honest without panicking Carly any more than she already was. "Like I haven't heard him for a while… very raw… struggling to keep it together."
She tried to not hear what he was saying. "Jason, don't talk like that. You almost sound like you think he's…" She heard anyway. "No, not… like before? Like last summer?"
Jason nodded. Carly crumbled. He held her as she cried.
"I don't think he's at that point yet, like you're thinking. But I'm worried it might be coming on him again."
"That… that must be what he meant by 'what always happens,' Jase. We have to help him. We have to help him."
Jason stayed until she calmed. She was determined to hop right back on the jet she'd just left, but it was the middle of the night, she was visibly exhausted, and he convinced her to get at least a few hours sleep first, promising to call her early in the morning. He knew there was no keeping Carly from Sonny, and he didn't want to, but he was a little afraid of what Sonny's reaction to her would be in this state, since he had apparently convinced himself that they couldn't be together. Jason knew Carly had handled Sonny's breakdown last year, but their relationship had changed considerably since. If he treated her the same harsh way, it would hurt a thousand times worse.
Carly lay awake in bed nearly all night, alternately trying to convince herself that Jason was wrong about Sonny and searching her memory for signs that he was right.
xxxxxxxxxx
The next morning
Chloe Morgan's morning jog came to an end outside of Kelly's. She slowed to a halt next to a table, placing one hand on the table's edge for balance to begin stretches, and using the other to check her pulse rate and make sure her heart would not pound its way out of her chest. She wiped the sweat beads from her forehead and tightened her damp ponytail. Definitely a good workout.
"Eat it! You can't go jogging without some kind of fuel."
"Oh yeah? What happened to your gross, green health shakes?"
"I'm saving that for your dinner."
Chloe's first instinct was to hide when she heard the familiar voices and the laughter. Looking up, she saw Jax and Hannah leaving Kelly's, Jax playfully trying to feed Hannah some kind of pastry. Rather than sneaking off, she remembered what she had said to Johnny at the picnic and decided to approach them.
"I never drank the green shakes without the promise of a chocolate shake as reward." Chloe stepped forward and offered them both a warm smile. "Lovely morning for a jog, isn't it?"
"Chloe," Jax uttered in surprise, feeling slightly awkward but trying not to show it. "Yes, it is."
Hannah felt a bit out of place but realized that she shouldn't. Jax and Chloe were broken up. Trying not to stare too jealously at Chloe's no-fat frame, she took the pastry triumphantly from Jax's hand and spoke to his ex with friendly confidence.
"He tried to sell me on the wonder of that green gook, but it's not happening. And I've discovered that if I, say, try skipping breakfast, he will happily buy me a danish instead."
Chloe had to laugh at that. Good thing she didn't need to hate Jax's new girlfriend, because she didn't. "Uh oh, Jax, she figured you out fast."
Jax just looked back and forth, confused by his ex-girlfriend and new girlfriend's sudden bonding over how much of a sucker he was.
Hannah, seeing Jax short circuit, thought it might help to simplify the equation. "Why don't I jog ahead a little? You can catch up in a few minutes."
Though he knew what she was doing, he teased her. "You need that much of a headstart?"
"You wish. Good to see you, Chloe."
"You too, Hannah."
"That was nice of her," said Jax after they'd watched Hannah run off. "Don't you think? Giving us a chance to talk alone."
"I think she-" Chloe started to say, "I think she's great," but stopped, thinking how Carly, Sonny, Leticia, and Johnny all had strong reasons to disagree. "I think she's good for you, Jax."
"Thanks. Me too. I mean, it's only been a couple of weeks… morning jogs, a few dinners. But I'm happy."
"And I'm happy for you. When I first saw you two together at the Fourth of July picnic, I said I was going to make sure I told you that."
"I didn't see you there."
"I don't think you saw anything but Hannah, and maybe the fireworks. I know what that's like." Chloe's eyes softened, like she was thinking of…
"You were there with Johnny… Sonny's thug."
"Jax, please! We were having such a nice, civilized conversation. Johnny is a bodyguard and a wonderful man. Don't take your issues with Sonny out on him."
"Sorry," said Jax, genuine. "Honestly, I didn't even think of it as an insult. I think I mentally made 'Thug' his last name."
"His last name is O'Neill. And how did you know we were there together if you didn't see us?"
"Ned and Alexis mentioned they ran into you."
"I see. Is that all they said?"
"Well, Alexis just basically said it was none of her business, but Ned wasn't too thrilled with you dating one of Sonny's th-… I mean, Mr. O'Neill."
Chloe giggled at Jax's careful reference to Johnny. "And what about you?"
"I don't like it, but it's none of my business either, is it. Besides, Ned had a similar reaction to me seeing Hannah."
"What? What does he have against Hannah?"
"It's not about her. It's about Brenda. Come on, Chloe. You've been kind not to mention it, but you must have noticed how similar looking they are, at least at first glance."
"Yes, I did notice."
"Ned sees my relationship with Hannah as some kind of cry for help. Maybe the whole town thinks the same thing, but it's not true. I'm not a masochist. I'm not dating her because she looks like Brenda… if anything, in spite of that. I just like her. And it gets easier as we go, because I get to know her more and more as her own unique woman. She's still getting over Sonny using her as a Brenda replacement, so no way would I do that to her."
Chloe discreetly rolled her eyes at Jax's inability to pass up a chance to slam Sonny - even if he might be accurate this time - and focused on all the good that he said. "I believe you know what you're doing. I'm even proud of you."
"Besides, if I were looking for someone to replace my lost love, I'd be dating a beautiful blue-eyed blonde… with a flair for design and a tendency to dance in the rain."
They shared memories through a smile, and Chloe held back a sentimental tear. "I don't know if I believe you on that one or not… but thanks for reminding me what a sweet, good man you are, Jax."
Jax nodded, glad she still thought so. "And Johnny makes you happy?"
"Yes, he does… very much."
"Okay. I'll leave it at that then. Just… be careful, please?"
"I will, Jax."
"I should go. Hannah's waiting for me. But thank you, for this."
"You, too. Bye."
Jax tentatively reached out for a hug. Chloe hugged him back for a few seconds, feeling both new hope for their friendship and a better sense of closure on their romantic relationship. He jogged out of sight and she waved.
That was nice, but there was someone else she wanted to talk to now. Pulling her cell phone from the nifty velcro holster at her waistband, she dialed the familiar number, swallowing her laughter when it rang from somewhere in the bushes behind her.
"Hello?" the voice whispered.
"Hey, it's me. Why are you so quiet? I can barely hear you."
"Oh, uh… must be bad reception."
"Really? Huh. You'd think reception would be great from this distance."
Johnny turned around to find Chloe aiming an affectionate smirk his way and clicking off her phone. "Hi," he offered sheepishly.
"What are you doing? You're a little too cute to be a stalker."
"I wasn't spying. Carly sent me to get the cookies Michael likes, and when I saw… Well, I didn't want to interrupt… Okay, I wanted to interrupt, but knew I shouldn't… and I didn't want you to think…"
Chloe stopped him with a finger against his lips. "Did you hear what I said about you?"
He nodded and kissed her fingertip, smiling. "Back at you. But… are you sure… you don't wish… you and Jax…?"
She tilted her head at his doubt. Silly sweet man. "Johnny, it's true you make me happy, but if you're going to keep rambling, you have to buy me a cookie first."
"Can do," he laughed, relaxing. Opening the door for her, they walked inside the diner. "Then maybe you can help me figure out what the hell is going on back at the penthouse."
xxxxxxxxxx
Earlier that morning, before anyone else was up, Carly wandered the penthouse, restless, unable to relax. She opened up Sonny's closet, running her hand over his shirts and suits. She checked in on Michael. She went downstairs, got a glass of water, and finally alighted in her husband's favorite spot for thinking too much, in front of the balcony doors.
Staring at the sunrise, she had tried to remember everything about how Sonny was acting before she left the island… what he said, the tone of his voice, the look in his eyes. The more she remembered, the more she was afraid Jason might be right. It hadn't been anything obvious. No broken glass. He hadn't even raised his voice. But something about Sonny was withdrawn. He'd kept his eyes hidden from her and once or twice moved to avoid her touch. And it all seemed to start with his announcement that they were going home.
x
"We're going home tonight."
"Tonight? Why so all of a sudden, Sonny? Is this about business?"
"That's part of it, but mostly it's just because you're ready."
"Yeah, I am. Thanks to you."
Sonny looked away and said nothing.
"I guess we've got to go home sometime."
"Nothing lasts forever."
"Just promise me we can come back here for lots of plain ol' vacations." Wrapping her arms around him, he tensed strangely and stepped back. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I've just got to go take care of something at the casino before we leave. I'll be back in a couple of hours and we can go." He started walking away. "Go pack up."
"You want me to pack your suitcase?"
"That's okay, I can do it. I'll… see you."
x
Carly realized why he had refused her offer to pack his suitcase… He never intended on going anywhere. All the signs did seem obvious now. She knew then something wasn't right with him, so why didn't she try harder to find out what? They'd gotten so close and been so happy in those recent days, maybe she just didn't want that to change. But there was a sadness about him she hadn't let herself feel at the time, even as they kissed their goodbye. He had barely responded to her kiss at first, but then had kissed her back so intensely, desperately, it was almost… almost as if he knew it was for the last time.
x
"That's more like it."
"Yeah… I have to- to go."
"Okay. I guess that'll last me a couple of hours, as long as that doesn't mean six like last time. You'll meet us at the plane?"
Sonny just stared at her for several seconds, and then nodded his head yes.
"All right then. I'm gone." She lovingly swept a bit of sand from his hair, then brought her hand down to cradle to his cheek. "Don't be long." She turned to go and was almost out of sight when he called to her.
"Carly… you… the necklace… it looks beautiful."
x
Carly was broken out of her memory by the ringing of the phone, startling her so much that her hand would have flown to her heart if it hadn't already been clutching that little gold rose at her throat. She wondered at the early hour but figured it was probably Jason… though hoped it might be Sonny.
"Hello?"
"Is this Carly? This is Dr. Byers."
"Dr. Byers, thank God!" Carly began talking excitedly. "Sonny went to see you. How is he? I need to know. He sent us away and I don't-… Oh… Oh." She stopped, realizing. "He's not okay, is he? That's why you called."
"Without alarming you too much, yes, that's why. He didn't come to see me, but I've come to him. One of the housekeeping staff called me."
Carly felt her stomach lurch. "Lots of broken glass?"
"Some, yes. That and he ran her off. Marta says he reminds her of her son, and she's been around here long enough that she's seen hints of this before, so she called me to come help him."
"Are you? Helping him?"
"I'm keeping an eye on him. That's about all I can do. But there's someone I think can help him more than I can."
"Who?"
"You, Carly."
"Is he asking for me?"
"He's… talking about you."
"That doesn't mean he wants me there. I want to be with him, Dr. Byers. I wanted to fly back the second I got here. But what if… what if I make things worse?"
"Carly, there's no way to tell how he'll react to anything. He doesn't even know what he wants right now. But the one thing that is clear is how much…" Dr. Byers traded the words that had come to mind - "Sonny loves you" - for a safer sentiment, remembering Carly's issues with that particular one. "How important you are to him. It is my opinion… personal, professional, take your pick… that you are his best medicine. You have experienced this kind of episode with Sonny before, haven't you?"
"Once. I wasn't important to him then. He hated me. But I guess he needed me. And I think I helped him."
"Has his violence ever extended beyond breaking things?"
"Sonny has never hit me or hurt me and never could."
"I didn't think so. I only had to ask because, if I'm the one putting you in this situation…"
"You're not. I am. Sonny's my husband, and I need to be there to take care of him. I'll get the jet ready right away, and as soon as I can explain to my son why I'm leaving again, I'll be there."
"Good. I'll stay with him until then, and even once you're here, I'll be close by. I've canceled my appointments for the next couple of days."
"I'm really glad you're Sonny's friend."
"As his friend, I'm glad that you're his wife. See you soon."
"Bye."
As soon as she hung up, Carly thanked God that Sonny hadn't hurt himself and had someone with him. After that, she called first the pilot, then called Jason and asked him to come over in fifteen minutes. Heading upstairs to shower and dress, she cursed herself for not asking Dr. Byers what he thought had caused this latest breakdown. Whatever Sonny's reasons for getting her and Michael to leave him, that seemed to be a symptom, not the catalyst. She reached their bedroom on her left but kept staring straight ahead, to the end of the hallway.
The nursery.
God, that was it. The baby. When they lost the baby, she had so completely fallen apart that Sonny had to put everything he had into holding her together. He never had a chance to really grieve himself. Now it was truly hitting him, and he'd sent her away because he was afraid to make her sad again.
It was her turn to be strong.
With that thought, she ran to the bathroom and threw up.
xxxxxxxxxx
Jason made his way to the docks and sat down on his favorite bench, blowing out a breath that held the stress of the last 24 hours. He had just left the penthouse, where Carly had informed him of Dr. Byers' call and said that she would be going to the island alone to care for Sonny.
x
"Dr. Byers will be there, and I'll call you if I need you, Jase, but this is my place now. I'm not waiting for you to show up and take over this time. I'm his wife. I have to go alone."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. The fewer people he has to deal with, the better."
"Yeah, you're right about that."
"Anyway, he'd just yell at you for letting me come."
He nodded. "Just be prepared, Carly. I know how much you were affected last time, and you didn't even like Sonny. To watch him going through this now…"
"It's gonna hurt like hell. I know. But he watched me tear myself apart for weeks, and he was there for me, and it's because of him that I have enough strength now to be there for him. So that's what I'm gonna do."
She gave him a hug.
"I sent Johnny out to get Michael's favorite cookies in a pitiful attempt to soften the blow of me leaving. Something else that might help, though, is if you spent some time with him… I mean, only if you want… Don't if it's too…"
"It's fine, Carly. I'd like that."
Francis came and got her suitcase and took it to the limo.
"Good. And Jase… I will bring Sonny back. I'll bring him back and I'll bring him home."
x
Jason was brought back to the present by a soft uttered frustration.
"Damn it."
He knew that voice. He smiled. While he'd been remembering his talk with Carly, a beautiful young artist had settled at the other end of the docks with her sketchpad, and she was currently erasing something she wasn't quite happy with. Rather than make his presence known right away, he watched her work for a while. Though he couldn't see what she was drawing, and probably wouldn't understand it even if he could, he loved how caught up she got in her art, forgetting where she was to the point that she sometimes even…
"You're singing again."
Her hand stopped its fervent sketching, and any unconscious musicality quieted. No, it couldn't be.
"Don't stop on my account."
She finally got the courage to turn her head and look… and hopped up so enthusiastically that she almost dumped her latest sketch into the harbor. Managing to catch it, she set the pad gently down, and then raced toward his now standing form, jumping into his arms.
"Jason!"
He held her, squeezing affectionately, and breathed the scent of her hair.
"Elizabeth."
xxxxxxxxxx
Rising from the wreckage
Every single fear that you had
Every time that you felt bad will all fade away
And I'll be holding you like I always do
I have seen you through before and you never knew
Carly was acutely aware of every long minute of the flight to the island. There would be no card playing or magazine reading to pass the time. All she could do was think about Sonny and how he was doing. She didn't want to think about it, and yet she did. She wanted to prepare herself. She wanted him to feel somehow that she was thinking of him, that she was on her way, and take strength from it. She wished he felt that connected to her.
Oh I believe you're under mountains now
But someday you will rise like the tide
Oh you will find peace there sleeping by your side
You know that I believe in you
Yes I do, I believe in you
Carly had told Michael that she had to go get Daddy and bring him home, and that happy thought was enough for her son to accept her leaving again, which she said wouldn't be for long this time. She hoped that was the truth. She also hoped that Sonny could deal with the gift Michael had given him. Maybe it was just what he needed.
And you'll be getting better
Every single tear on your face
Falls a million miles away, oh and I'll be here
And I'll be holding you like I always do
I have seen you through before and you never knew
"Sonny, hold on… for me."
xxxxxxxxxx
Sonny was in some unique state of consciousness… too manic to sleep, yet too sedated from alcohol consumption to be fully awake. Half-slitted eyes, he circled the room constantly, the darkness and the wreckage. It looked the same inside his mind, but now something else was playing over it. The image was much too light. Make it go away. But it was so beautiful. Come back. No. She doesn't belong here. Dark. Broken. She'll be destroyed, too.
"Carly, let go… for me."
You'll be getting stronger
Every single time that you fly
From your tree branch to mine, oh and if you can't stay
I'll be missing you like I always do
I have seen you through before oh and you never knew
(Lyrics - Secrets of the Lotus, Stephanie Dosen)