They sat on the porch looking at the stars just as he promised.
"They're beautiful," she said, breaking the quiet.
"So are you…"
She just remained silent, looking up at the sky filled with so many stars…many more than back in L.A. but back there, she had spent some evenings on the helipad looking across the landscape of the sprawling downtown to the horizon. And back in Texas, when she had been out camping, sometimes with the man beside her.
He looked at her sideways noticing how quiet she had been on the ride back and how she had spent most of her time looking out the window, apart from him. The distance that had grown up suddenly between them…and when he looked at her, she seemed even further away.
And now sitting together, their shoulders brushing, she had seemed even more distant.
"C.J. what's going on here?"
She turned to look at him, smiling.
"I'm right here Houston…"
He sighed.
"No…you're not. You haven't been since we left the gallery."
Her shoulders slumped.
"I guess I'm just really tired…I've been working hard…"
She did appear weary to him but he saw more there on her face, and how tense her body had become since he'd asked.
"I know you have…I also know that there's something else going on here…"
She just looked down at her hands in her lap.
"Something recent…?"
She turned to look at him then, her eyes flashing suddenly.
"Because I didn't want to…when we got back? Like I said, I'm just tired…"
He had started kissing her the moment they had set foot in the house, in the darkness but instead of responding, she had put her hands on his chest and told him to stop. So he did but instead of explaining, she had said something about being tired and had walked away.
But she did agree to his suggestion that they go sit outside for a while and enjoy the last remnants of warmth around them, the heady smell of the flowers.
"You know you can tell me anything…"
She narrowed her eyes at him.
"Do I have to tell you everything…about me…my life…my past…is that necessary?"
He watched her carefully because what she had been trying not to say still spoke volumes, and his investigative skills kicked in without him noticing.
"What happened in the past?"
That stopped her cold…damn he had always known her so well, could figure out somehow what was going on with her, or what she was thinking. Not that she was any different with him, chalk it up to a lifelong friendship she guessed. But still…
"Houston, the past is the past, we're in the present and right now I'm just tired…"
"So you won't tell me?"
"Maybe there's nothing to tell Houston…Maybe it's better off just left alone…."
He zeroed in on her fear, the sound of it in her voice and how more rigid she became sitting there close to him, yet getting farther away.
"Maybe it's not."
"Oh come on, don't tell me you tell me everything that's been going on in your life…your past…we all keep parts of ourselves private…nothing wrong with that."
He sighed and shifted his position.
"You're right…but this one's got you upset…and you can try to hide that and tell me to get lost…run away…but it's going to follow you."
She got up and started pacing…obviously not happy with his observation.
"I'm fine…just like you are when you keep things to yourself that maybe you shouldn't for the same reasons."
He watched her pace and finally she stopped and just looked down at him, her eyes on his and her arms folded.
"So what's your big secret…the one you carry around you that I see in your eyes sometimes?"
He looked up at her, his jaw set and she knew what she said had grabbed a hold of him and he was thinking of how to respond. She turned around to walk away from him.
"I'm…adopted."
That stopped her in her tracks and she turned around to look at him.
"What…really…?"
He nodded.
"Yeah…really…I haven't known that long…about two years…"
"Back when Bill was still alive…oh god…"
He just took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"Yeah…he never knew I discovered the truth…I never wanted him to know…or maybe I was too scared to tell him…and I thought I had time."
She heard the pain in his voice, that hadn't gone entirely away with time. She walked over and sat next to him again.
"It was that guy…wasn't it…the one who died protecting you back in Texas…"
He looked at her and nodded.
"So you had two fathers then…"
That was one way to look at it, he thought, but it had taken him a long time to get to that point. For a while, he had believed he had been fatherless, because one had abandoned him and the other hadn't ever told him the truth about it.
"I was angry at him C.J…Wade before he was killed…I don't know for sure if he ever knew that I…"
She put her arm around him and moved closer to him.
"Of course he knew…he was your father…and I know how much Bill loved you…especially when…you got shot and we thought you died on the operating table…I thought your father…well when we found out you were alive, we were both really relieved."
She looked at him and saw moisture in his eyes.
"Houston…I'm so glad you told me…I understand why you didn't but thank you…"
He took her hand and kissed it.
"Thank you for listening…and it was time to tell you the truth…it's only fitting if we're together."
Meaning if they had children together…and then she realized she hadn't told him about the pregnancy test. But there wasn't much to say about it right now until the results came back.
They snuggled together in bed, his arms wrapped around her while she placed her head on his chest. The best way for her to get to sleep, after they had remained on the porch for a while, they had headed inside. He stroked her hair, as she finally began to relax against him.
Silence fell between them for a long moment and he almost thought she had drifted off to sleep.
"I slapped Bryce…"
He looked down at her face.
"What….tonight?"
"Yeah…outside the gallery…."
"What happened?"
She pulled around and sat up in the bed, wrapping the sheets around her. He gave her some space.
"He came onto me…no it was worse than that…"
Matt's body tensed.
"Did he…what did he do?"
She looked away for a moment, trying to catch her breath again, like she had to do earlier that night. Just thinking about it, finding the words to say brought it back.
"It doesn't matter…because I walked away…"
"It matters to me…and I can see that it does to you…if he did anything to hurt you…"
She put her hands up.
"No…he gave me a choice…to do what he wanted…sexually…or he would…he knows about something that happened…years ago…"
Matt looked incredulous…but she noticed he also appeared angry…though not at her…but if he did something rash…what would it matter?
"So he tried to blackmail you…with what?"
She wrapped her arms around her legs and tucked them close to her.
"It happened back in Harvard…well the summer I spent doing that internship before I went there…I was so excited about being accepted to law school there…it's been my dream since I was a little girl…because…"
"Your daddy went there."
She nodded, and he knew that her father had meant everything to her…only she hadn't had much time before he'd been killed. But she did remember the photos her mother had left her of him graduating with his law degree from there before her own death.
"Well I was looking for a paying job that would pay my room and board until my scholarship kicked in…and this internship, it seemed perfect…it would be a small group of us working with one of the most foremost defense attorneys of all time…who also had taught in the other Ivy Leagues and in Oxford."
"So you worked with him…sounds like a great opportunity."
"I thought so too…for a while…You know I always worked really hard in school…even when I could have been doing other things…when I wasn't busy on the ranch."
"I know…you won every award they gave out…and you were valedictorian…president of the Honor Roll."
"Yeah…I really wanted to get into a great university and then Harvard but I loved learning and applying what I learned."
He smiled.
"And you liked helping others including certain thick headed athletes."
"Well…that too…and you know you're smart…it's just a matter of fitting it into your very busy schedule."
"So what happened there…that Bryce is using against you?"
She bit her lip and rubbed the bridge of her nose and Matt knew she didn't want to tell him…didn't even want to talk about it…and he wasn't going to push her and risk her closing herself off to him.
"I spent a lot of time with the professor…I really liked the excitement of researching criminal cases because I really wanted to go into that area of law…probably more than any of the other students…and I liked him…he was so brilliant and dedicated to his work…and that's catching…not to mention he was very…good looking…"
"So what happened?"
He saw her struggling to find the words.
"I started having these feelings about him…you know…I was attracted to him…but mostly it was because I thought he spent time with me because he thought I…he kept saying that I had potential to be a really good attorney…"
"You know you were the smartest kid in school…"
"Yeah…but I was a big fish in a little pond…and at Harvard…that's a much bigger pond filled with big fish….you grow up feeling really smart and that you're an achiever and you get there…even in the internship and everyone seems better and smarter than you."
"I felt like that when I was playing football at Rice…at first…I had a very difficult first couple of years…"
"Maybe…but you turned out to be this football star…winning play in the Cotton Bowl…Heisman award…could have been a pro…"
He paused.
"But C.J. you did the same thing…you landed in a huge pond filled with sharks…much tougher world than mine and you graduated with honors…you led the…the law review and you passed three bar exams, all of them the first time."
She smiled.
"Thanks…but even that summer…I felt sometimes like I was drowning…looking back I realize I did fine but back then…so I told the professor and he told me to spend more time on his project…that it would help boost my confidence for the difficult first year."
"And that wasn't the only thing that he wanted…"
She paused, running her hand through her hair and then she nodded.
"Yeah…he wanted a lot more…it wasn't like that at first…but he started making personal comments…and then he starting touching me…innocently I guess at first…then not so much…"
Matt digested that.
"What'd you do?"
"Nothing…I just pretended that it wasn't happening…and part of me…I enjoyed the attention. Houston…I'm not like you…I'd only had a couple boyfriends and to have someone older and that well known pay attention to me like that…was I wrong to like it?"
"No…it's not…but I think we're coming to the part where you started not liking it."
Damn, he had read her accurately once again.
"Well the other students started complaining that he was favoring me and he was…only it took me a while to figure out why…"
"Did you…and he?"
She nodded.
"It didn't last long…but …when he invited me to a party with his friends…they were all well known in the legal field…and I felt really lucky to be able to meet them…and that it was really great to listen to their stories about their work…their own experiences…"
Matt didn't say anything just listened…not wanting to interrupt her flow of speech.
"Then we were cleaning up afterward…and I'd had some wine…and then he started kissing me afterward on the couch and touching me…I thought it was because he believed I was special…that maybe I had finally…well anyway…afterward…I left and went back to the apartment where I stayed with Julia…but I didn't tell her what happened…."
"How long did you see him?"
She sighed.
"About a month…it wasn't much of a relationship really…he just wanted sex…and not much in between but I was pretty young and I thought that's what older guys were like…and then I started finding out that he'd left part of his history out…"
"Oh..."
"He was married…he had a wife, also an attorney, the daughter of a prominent senator who lived in Connecticut and had a couple of kids…Julia found out and told me and she told me to break it off with him…I wanted to…but he…well he invited me to talk about it and I went over to his place…"
"And he didn't want to talk?"
"No…he and some of his friends were there…and one of them asked me if I wanted something to drink…and I said water…and someone spiked it…it didn't take me long to figure out that something was wrong…but by then…I …if Julia hadn't shown up when she did…"
"How'd she know?"
"She tried to call me on my cell and I didn't answer…so she got worried…at least I'd been smart enough to leave her information on where I was going that night…so she came and got me…and got pretty rough with them I heard."
"Oh…God…"
C.J. covered her face with one of her hands.
"Yeah…and then he got in an argument with one of his friends about a week later…and his friend went to the dean."
"About you and the professor…"
"They were going to do an investigation but they cut some kind of deal to save his career…and prevent it from getting out…I didn't have much to say about it but I didn't want to mess up my whole life…if it had gotten out…I would have been kicked out of Harvard before I even started…I just wanted to put it behind me."
"Did you do that?"
She looked at him and nodded.
"Yeah I did…but he's world renowned and if it got out…he's a federal judge now…it would hit the news…and…it would make life difficult for a while for me…and for everyone around me like you."
Matt knew from the expression on her face how badly she didn't want that…didn't want the past dredged up in some sort of scandal…now that she had put it behind her. She had always been a private person and even when he got attention for his exploits, his business or his looks, she always stayed in the background by choice.
"C.J. you were drugged…how do you know what even happened…they could have done something…committed a crime."
She shook her head.
"No…Julia had gotten there in time although I wasn't wearing much…and they'd taken pictures…I didn't know that but Bryce said…he said he had copies of them and would send them to you and the media."
"If you didn't do what he wanted…"
She heard the anger in his voice, as calm as he sounded…and his fists had clenched tightly and she knew right then what he wanted to do. He wanted to run off, find Bryce and kill him or at least maim him.
But he couldn't do that…not even for her. And it wasn't just to protect himself from repercussions for any revenge he might exact. It was because, she realized, they had to find the truth about whether or not Bryce had committed worse than blackmail.
"Houston…if you go after him, you'll go to jail for it…"
He sighed.
"I can't let him get away with it earlier…what he did to you was a crime…"
"Yeah well…it'd be my word against his…and in the process what happened in Harvard will come out…I don't know if I'm ready for that and the lives it will rip apart."
He heard the anguish in her voice and he moved closer to where she sat.
"Okay…so what do you want to do then?"
She didn't hesitate.
"I want to find out what happened to Betty…if it's her body that's been found, I want to find out what happened to her, who killed her."
"You mean if it's Bryce who did it."
She nodded.
"We can't do that if you try to kill him…you're working closely with him and his fiancée…you might be able to find out something."
Matt considered it and even though he much preferred the quick revenge route, he agreed that she had a point. Betty hadn't left town on her own, they both knew that and if Bryce had anything to do with her disappearance, they had to find out. Matt just didn't know what it would do to Elizabeth…if her fiancé turned out to be a killer.
"Okay then, we'll come up with a plan tomorrow but in the meantime…you need some sleep…it's been a long day…"
"But Houston…after what I just told you?"
He tilted her head with his fingers so she'd look straight at him.
"C.J. it's okay…I'm glad you told me…I know how hard it must have been but it doesn't change how I feel about you…how much the past few weeks…hell most of my life that I've spent with you has meant to me…"
Her eyes filled with moisture then.
"Thank you…"
"No thank you…for being you and for being there when I needed you…but we've talked enough tonight…now it's time to sleep…"
She nodded and he took her in his arms and they lay down on the bed, where she curled up against him, once again listening to his heart beating. And he stroked her hair as long as it took until she fell asleep.