Disclaimer: Mash-up. I merged my favorite book as a kid with my favorite book as an adult. The basic premise is from Elizabeth Cadell's 1955 "The Lark Shall Sing," while the characters and setting are from Charlaine Harris' Southern Vampire Mysteries. Cussing, kids scheming, white trash, anything having to do with sex was NOT in the original Cadell book, okay?

Chapter Thirty-Six: That Thing Owes Me A Pair of Pumps

A little less than an hour later, Eric and Sookie found themselves at breakfast with the rest of the household. Just when one would've thought the household couldn't possibly get any bigger, the announcement was made that it had.

JB was there for breakfast as he'd stayed over with Tara. Not only did the kids respond enthusiastically to the news that JB was joining the family, but they also seemed unsurprised.

Indeed, they weren't. It hadn't taken them long to see which way the wind was blowing. They'd actually taken bets on how long it would take for JB and Tara to get it together.

Mouthing the words "I win," Amelia, smirking at her brothers, found herself $50 richer before breakfast. Amelia, having age as an advantage, as well as, perhaps, her dual interest in XX and XY, had deduced it would be quick, telling her brothers unequivocally, "I say they're engaged before Douche Bag gets here."

The two boys, unaccustomed to relationship matters moving that quickly, had laughed at her. They had spent the past year watching Aunt Linda trying to get Old Felipe to fold, all her efforts going nowhere. They exchanged a surprised look. Well, hell…

Tara and JB continued to ride their high, barely able to take their eyes off one another. Pam and Maxine were busy getting breakfast on the table. Jason was wearing a big grin. Only Sookie seemed a bit out of sorts, her mind preoccupied with something. Her siblings were oblivious, still caught up in the news of Tara and JB's engagement, but the three honorary Stackhouses were aware of it and exchanged knowing glances. Only one knew exactly what had her so preoccupied. Eric made a determined effort to not cause Sookie further discomfort by sending too many glances her way.

Pam, in the meantime, kept gazing speculatively at Eric trying to discern what exactly had transpired between him and Sookie the previous night. Never one to kiss and tell, Pam was usually able to get more out of Eric about his conquests. Pam could only deduce that the Barracuda scored higher than a mere "conquest," which Pam had pretty much figured anyway. It would be interesting to observe Eric in a relationship. While they had been friends a long time, Eric had spent most of that time focused exclusively on his career. It was only in the past few years, since he'd turned thirty, that he'd allowed himself to relax a bit, and he finally seemed more open to the idea of a relationship. Of course, his annoying Scandinavian sensibilities pretty much made him much too rational for most of the head-cases in Hollywood. Pam frowned. So, we had to export a head-case from Podunk? She wondered.

"Hey, JB, you gonna live here with us now?" This from Hunter.

"Yeah, after the wedding," JB looked up at Tara with a smile. "Tara and I will be living here."

"Cool," Hoyt replied.

"Yeah," Hunter agreed, nodding. "We need as many folks here as we can. Gotta keep an eye on that fuckwad Cal Myers."

Ah-hah. Jason looked up at Hunter and then his eyes went around the table. Maxine was dishing out eggs, while Pam was adding seasoning to the hash browns.

"Okay, Hunt." Jason looked at Hunter, Hoyt and Ame in turn. "Cal Myers' mother and sister stopped by here last night. They were not happy about your little visit to Hotshot. And I'm saying again: we need to make this right."

The three youngest Stackhouses exchanged guilty looks. Finally, Amelia spoke. "Jase, I'll apologize to the little asshole. I'll tell him I was only pretending," Ame smiled. "I know I wasn't but I'll reverse the spell. How about I put a new spell that if he breaks into the tree house again, like a fucking squirrel," Ame started to laugh, "he'll lose his nuts." Amelia's last words were nearly lost to her peals of laughter, quickly echoed by Hoyt and Hunter.

Proud that Amelia's knee-jerk reaction to idiots was to castrate them, Pam smiled an appreciative "that's my girl," grin, while Jason couldn't help but shake his head. Eric kept his face immobile, while Maxine's eyes widened and her mouth opened silently to an "O". Sookie, however, was startled out of her reverie by the combination of Amelia's rant and the kids' laughter.

"Amelia Adele Stackhouse, what the hell are you going on about?" Sookie's eyes were flashing.

Pam's smile of appreciation—now directed at Sookie — widened and she sought eye contact with Eric. Nodding at him, she raised her brows. Her look said: "See? See what you could have?" Eric kept his gaze off Pam as best he could, instead focusing on Sookie.

"Well, Sook, Cal broke into the tree house and graffitied it. That's why Jase, Eric and Hunt were painting yesterday. So we went to Hotshot—we got a lift from Terry —"

"What? Yesterday?"

"Yeah."

Sookie paused and attempted to take a deep calming breath. This is where they disappeared to when they went for their 'walk,' she thought. Bracing herself, she asked the question that begged to be asked.

"Ame, what did you guys do in Hotshot?"

"I put a spell on Cal that at the next full moon, he'd transform into his true form. Kid's an idiot. He shows that every day. Couldn't wait to see what else he might be," she snorted. "Anyway, he's all scared now and his mom and sister came by last night to yell at us."

"What? Crystal Norris and Tanya Grissom were here?" Sookie turned to face Jason. "Jase? You talk to them?"

Jason met Sookie's gaze. "No, Sook. I did not speak with them."

"What? Who talked to them then?" Someone cleared their throat across from her. Sookie looked around the table. Pam. Uh-oh. Jesus H. Christ.

"Sookie," Pam smiled. "I had the pleasure of speaking with the lovely mother-daughter-sister-cousin team."

Sookie frowned at Pam whose smile just widened in response. Sookie wasn't ready to go there yet. "Jase,why the heck didn't you talk with them?" She gave her brother an irritated glare.

Jason, taking a lesson from Eric, kept his gaze stone-faced. Before Jason had a chance to say anything, Pam started to explain.

"Sookie, they asked to speak with you. You were not here," Pam gestured with her hand towards Eric. "I believe you were engaged in some physical activity with Eric." Pam could practically see steam pouring out of the Barracuda's ears. "I informed them of your absence and they did not ask to speak to anyone else. They did seem very interested in JB's car, however. The younger one thought it appropriate to conduct a search of the house. I informed them this was inappropriate and I politely asked them to leave."

Pam smiled sweetly. Sookie shook her head.

"Uh-huh," Sookie glared at Pam. "Why do I think there's more to this story?"

Contemplating, Pam looked at Sookie and then quirked her head.

"Well, as a matter of fact, there is more now that you mention it," she paused, nodding her head. "That Thing owes me a pair of pumps," Pam sullenly reported.

"What?" Sookie exclaimed, exasperation clearly ringing in her voice. "Why the hell does Crystal Norris owe you a pair of shoes, Pam?"

"Not that Thing. The other Thing. She grazed my heel with her Podunk flip-flop. It was filthy." Pam made a face, scrunching her nose.

Sookie closed her eyes and took a few slow deep breaths, trying to get her temper in check. What the fuck?

Sookie finally opened her eyes and looked at Pam.

Pam eyes never left Sookie's. Pam shrugged.

Sookie really did not like not being the one in charge. That alone was bad enough. But now…now, she was not even being kept 'in the know.' She goes with Eric for a walk and comes back with a sprained ankle, a new 'lover' interest, and the 'extended family' having run amok in her absence. And Pam—PAM!—is the family spokesperson. Time to regain her lost footing.

'Okay," Barracuda Sookie, reporting to duty, turned her attention away from the thirty-something child and back to the three under fourteen. "So, the three of you—after I yelled at you the night before for running away—hitched a ride to Hotshot, a strange place where you don't know anyone. Amelia put a spell on Cal Myers and then you hitched a ride home. Am I missing something?" Her eyes narrowed dangerously as she looked at the three kids.

The kids looked at one another. Technically, it was accurate.

"Tell me why I shouldn't be putting the three of you in boarding school right now?" Sookie's eyes were ice as she leveled them at the three of them. "Honestly, you seem to be hell-bent on doing what you want. You seem to have forgotten you're 11, 12, and 13, for fucks sake."

Another throat was cleared. Sookie looked over. This time it was Jason. "Sook, I spoke with them yesterday. We left it with they are apologizing to Cal. Ame's lifting her curse —" Seeing Amelia's hand suddenly waving around frantically, Jason quickly revised his statement. "Er…spell,not curse, and we're installing a security camera to make sure no one breaks into the tree house. If someone does, we're gonna give the tape to Sheriff Dearborn and press charges." Jason's tone was final. As far as he was concerned, the matter was, if not fully closed, then at least somewhat resolved.

"But, Jase," Sookie wasn't about to give up. "They hitched a ride. Again. These kids are gonna get themselves hurt the way they keep pulling this shit."

"Well," Jason nodded at Sookie, "you bring up a good point. We need to get their bikes back here pronto so they can get around on their own again. As for yesterday, they called Terry Bellefleur for a ride. They knew better than to get in any strange cars." Jason looked at his younger siblings, giving them a 'seriously, do not screw this up' look. "Isn't that right?"

"Yeah!" This from Hoyt.

"No way were we gonna do that again!" This from Hunter.

"Yes. Besides, I'll be able to drive in a couple of years. Legally, that is." Amelia threw a satisfied look over to Sookie.

Sookie, biting her lower lip, looked thoughtfully at the kids. Terry…apology…bikes… Finally she spoke. "So, you got the part about no more riding with strangers, then?"

"Yes!" This from Hunter.

"Yes'm." This from Hoyt.

"Yeah," Amelia. "Got it. Check."

"You understand just how fucking bad it will be for you if you do that one more time, right?" Sookie's voice was steel. The three kids just nodded. "Amelia, no more spells on people?" Sookie threw her younger sister a direct look.

"Yes, Sookie. I mean no, Sookie. No spells on people." Amelia responded automatically; she thought she sounded whipped. Fuck, how does Sook do that? she thought.

"So, we'll be getting the kids' bikes with the rest of their stuff. Ame needs a new cell phone. We need to get one for Hunter, too," she smiled at her youngest brother, whose face broke into the biggest grin.

"Thanks Sook!" Hunter jumped out of his seat and ran to where Sookie sat and threw her arms around her in a hug.

Hugging Hunter back, Sookie smiled. She did like being in charge.

"As for yesterday, I guess no-harm, no-foul. We need to figure out how we're going to make this all work." More than one person seated at the table raised their brows at her words. Sookie was definitely not talking like someone who was planning on going back to Dallas in two weeks. "We should be grateful for small favors. Speaking of…" Sookie turned to Pam. "Pam, I must thank you and apologize."

Eric let out a breath. Pam kept her face a mask.

"Those Norris's are the nastiest family in Renard Parish," Sookie continued. "I am grateful to you for dealing with them, and also sorry you had the displeasure of meeting them and that Tanya…er…damaged your shoe. As for their relation," Sookie snorted a laugh, "they are mother-daughter, that's a definite. Anything else is purely conjecture."

Pam smiled. Hearing Sookie laugh set Eric at ease. Really, Sookie's suddenly much-lightened mood affected all of them. In a good way.

At a loud buzzing, everyone started. JB grabbed his cell phone from his pocket. Flipping it open, he read the text that just came in. A big smile played across his face.

"Hey," he looked at Tara, and then around the table. "Barbecue at the DuRones today."

The kids promptly started high-fiving and screeching.

"Your folks still got the pool, don't they, JB?" Hoyt asked.

"Yeah, still got the pool and the deck," JB nodded.

"Oh," Tara clasped her hands together. "Nice! Fun! Like old times. Did you tell them?"

"Tara," JB started to laugh, "it's more like did they tell me. They knew this would happen before I did. I sent a text that I asked and you said 'yes,' and my mom's response was 'wow, your dad and I should've bet on it because I would've won.' Apparently my dad thought I'd let my pride keep me from asking you for at least a week …" JB and Tara both laughed and Tara reached out and took his free hand in hers. "But my mom knew better." JB kissed Tara's hand.

Sookie smiled and looked down at her plate. This situation just keeps happening, doesn't it? She looked up to find Eric's eyes on her. Not wanting to encourage any of that, she ignored him and turned her gaze to JB.

"JB, what time your folks expecting us?" she asked. "And are they aware of how many we have in the household these days?" Sookie still couldn't believe it herself.

"Yeah," JB nodded. "They met everyone yesterday. Ma said 3 o'clock, but I'm sure she won't be upset if we show up early."

"Um, okay," Sookie, thinking, made a face. "Bill is coming today. This afternoon. I may have to hang out here a bit, depending on when he's supposed to arrive. Not a problem. We'll work it out."

At being reminded of Bill's imminent arrival, Eric looked like someone had thrown cold water on his face. A few of those around the table shared the same hit-in-the-face-with-reality expression.

The sour looks weren't lost on Sookie as she glanced around the table. And she had no illusions as to the cause of the sudden shift in the room. No one, it seemed, wanted Bill there.

Bill, Sookie thought, you have no idea what you're in for.

AN: I didn't really change this chappie much. In general, I think my dialogue chapters are okay, while my internal thoughts chapters kinda flounder. Hmmm...

Anyway... I'm really trying to step this up. Believe me! It occurred to me last night that in this fic, I torment Bill. In "Oh No! Vampire Bill!" I kill him. In "The Dead Man", I just sent him to Peru so I didn't have to be bothered with him. Oh, and in my new fic, "Your Autumn Moon" which is like 12K words in (maybe a third), it didn't even occur to me write him in. LOLS...

Thanks for reading/reviewing! New readers, Re-readers, your interest is keeping me on task! THANK YOU!

:D