Hey, seeing as you all asked so nicely, here's another part. Don't hate me but I'd prefer to warn you now, it ain't pretty.

CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN

JOHN PAUL

"Yes...no, no it'll be fine, you'll be fine alright, just remember everything I told you" I hear Craig say reassuringly as I approach. He laughs, the deep, melodic sound ringing out in response to the other persons reply, causing a wave of jealousy to hit me that someone else can bring that out in him. Then he sobers up and his voice becomes serious. "We'll handle it, don't worry, I trust you to sort things until I get back, okay?" Hearing Craig talk so persuasively into the phone makes me hesitate behind him and I start wondering if I should come back in a few minutes. I'm too late though. As though sensing my presence, he turns around and sees me, looking surprised for a second before beckoning me over and patting the cushion beside him, all the while continuing to listen to the person on the phone.

"Now then, when did you say the party is again?"

Party? What?

"So that's the first Friday after we start back then?"

He continues the conversation right in front of me, like it's not supposed to be a big deal to me that he's already cracking on arranging his social life for the New Year without me and you know what...? It fucking hurts.

"No!" My ears perk up even more at Craig's exclamation and suddenly I pretend to be very interested in the hot chocolate that I'm blowing on. "Just...leave that for a bit yeah, I think I might have that covered" he says persuasively. I feel him glance at me, can see him fidgeting around out of the corner of my eye but I still say nothing, purposely turning the pages of the magazine slowly so it actually looks like I might be reading. Chancing a glance, I look away quickly when his eye catches mine. Shit, busted! Craig clears his throat, turning his back on me slightly more when he continues talking again.

"Listen, I have to go". He rubs the palm of his free hand along the knee of his jeans. "Uh huh...yeah...we'll sort it just...not right now okay?" I can tell from the edge in his voice that he's trying to get away now, clearly uncomfortable at having me so close by. Well you know what? Tough shit, I was here first. He suddenly lowers his tone and I have to really strain my ears to hear, closing my eyes and resting my head back against the settee, acting as unaware as possible. "Yes he's here...I'm going to...well NOW if you'll get off the bloody phone...yeah thanks, I appreciate that" he laughs suddenly, "wish me luck...yeah bye".

CRAIG

Slipping the phone back into my pocket, I turn with a smile to face John Paul. He isn't smiling back though and he doesn't look happy. Anything but if the frown lines etched deeply into his forehead are anything to go by.

"Another one of your admirers or was it James again?" he asks, sarcasm dripping from his tone, his whole demeanour becoming...hostile? I laugh but he doesn't join me and it's at that point, I realise he isn't just oozing hostility, he's jealous. What's he got to be jealous about? Have I missed something. I go back over the conversation I just had but there was nothing in it I can see John Paul being bothered about. It's not like I was flirting or anything. Then I think about what happened at the beginning of the holiday, his hesitation when I'd produced the condom and that kick in the solar plexus I'd got when I saw he'd done the same and it isn't a laughing matter any more.

"John Paul?"

"Yeah?"

"There was never anyone else you know" I tell him quietly, sincerity pouring from my voice.

"What do you mean?" He turns to me more fully, frowning a little, his gaze falling somewhere between my shoulder and the picture on the wall behind me, making me think that maybe he knows exactly what I mean, he just needs to hear me say it. I shrug, dropping my hand from the back of the settee where it rests, to the back of his hand, curling my fingers into his, my thumb stroking the backs of his knuckles.

"Whilst you were in Hollyoaks, I haven't...there hasn't been anyone...anything". A faint patch of pink creeps onto both of his cheeks and it takes a few seconds for his gaze to lift to mine but when it does, I see something spark in them, some of the tension leave his body. He swallows hard, like there's a lump in his throat and then he licks his lips, his eyes turning inquisitive.

"Nothing at all?" he whispers back, his voice filled with emotion.

"No, nothing" I reply honestly. He nods thoughtfully, relief beginning to shine in his eyes as a sick, realisation hits me. "You thought...you thought there might be something, didn't you?" I ask, the sudden pain I'm feeling evident in my voice. He shakes his head vehemently, grasping my hand tightly with both hands.

"It's not you, okay, I trust you, I do, I just...I couldn't help thinking that someone else would come along and do something, make a play for you" he explains hastily, splaying his hands and shaking his head. "Hey, I never said it was logical" he says, attempting a laugh when he sees how upset I am. I frown back, not quite seeing the humour.

"Do you not think if someone did that I'd have something to say about it?" I'm incredulous and down right mad. "I'm not some naïve little kid who's going to let someone take advantage you know...Jesus!" So that's what all this is about then, he thinks there's potential in my life for me to be with someone else. Now it's my turn to sigh and shake my head but for me it's in frustration and annoyance.

"No but...I've seen you pissed Craig and it wouldn't take much..." I hold my finger up, my mouth twisting with sadness and anger at his words.

"Don't, I swear to God John Paul, don't even say it".

"I'm sorry but you..."

"I what John Paul? I missed you so much that I let some tart stick her tongue down my throat so I could forget you, even for a minute? Or maybe it'd be some random bloke taking advantage eh? Buys me a few drinks and offers me a blow job and I...well, I'm pissed so maybe I just go along with it, imagining it was you doing that to me?" I spit the words out in a harsh whisper, determined to hold back the tears that I can feel are pressing against my eyes.

"It's not that, it's just...you've got these new friends and you've been out a lot and..." I laugh incredulous.

"You've got no fucking idea" I throw my hands up, covering my face with them for a second, my elbows on my knees.

I can't do this. I can't.

I wanted this holiday to be perfect and now things are turning sour between us. And the worst thing is, it's probably my fault. I wanted to keep the business a secret until I could surprise him but obviously me mentioning the parties has thrown these wild thoughts into his head. Still, he should know me better than that, he should know me better than to think I'd ever want to cheat or put myself in a vulnerable enough position to cheat. Even if I was going to parties to socialise, it doesn't mean I'd mess around with someone the first chance I got. I honestly thought he knew me better than that. Getting up from the settee, I stride over to the door, grabbing my jacket and rushing out of the door before he even has chance to catch up with me.

"Craig please!" I carry on walking, not sure if I want to kiss some sense into him or deck him for what he's been thinking. "Craig!" The anguished plea in his voice stops me in my tracks and I turn to him, dashing the tears from my cheeks before they freeze like tiny crystals. He looks at me distressed when he sees how upset I am, his usually serene face twisted with sadness as he reaches up, his finger resting beneath my eyelash as it captures a tear. Then he takes hold of my hand, studying it without it's glove.

"I'm sorry, I...I never doubted you Craig but..." I feel my insides knotting when he verbalises the 'but' that I knew was coming.

"But?" He takes a deep breath and sighs, the fingers of the hand not captured in mine sweeping through his hair.

"I just kept imagining you out, having a laugh, meeting new people, doing all the things we could've been doing together and..." I cut him off, extracting my hand from his and waving it around, stopping him in his tracks.

"I get that but that doesn't mean I'm going to get off with the first person who comes along and offers themselves on a plate. I've been..." I'm about to try to explain but he doesn't give me chance.

"What about James?" he folds his arms around his jacket stubbornly, a tremble wracking his body from the cold.

"What about James?" I ask back. He licks his lips, his eyes meeting mine steadily. Then he bites his lip and shrugs.

"You've mentioned him a few times and you said he was with you last Friday" he blurts out, his tone accusatory.

"So?, he was". After having coffee with him and hearing his presentation, I'd realised he could well be the perfect guy to take over some of the work from me, take up the slack to give me more time to spend with John Paul instead of working. I'd been letting him shadow me. I see the look on John Paul's face and I can't believe what he's hinting at. "Hang on, you think me and James...?"

"No! God no! Not you, you aren't...I don't..." he's shaking his head in denial but I can see he's thinking something. "I know it's not like that for you but what if he...?" I laugh now at the ludicrousness of it all, the high pitched sound cutting through the silent air, tainting the beautiful stillness of the night with it's harshness.

"What? You think because he's my mate he's going to declare his love for me and then spend the next few months pining for me until I finally give in?" As soon as the words are out of my mouth I regret them but it's too late, they've already registered with him and I can see that they've done the damage intended. They've hurt him as much as his have hurt me...maybe more. His jaw locks and his gaze hits the ground as he shivers, tears forming in his eyes. Then it's like a dark, menacing cloud of emotion hovers around him, circling him as it conjures up memories, the atmosphere around us sparking as I wait for the thunder. It doesn't come though. In fact John Paul shouldering past me without saying a single word, head down as he runs to the cabin, is far worse than anything he could've said.

He's fucking fast, I'll give him that and if it wasn't for me skidding on my arse as I run after him, I'd be right behind him. As it is, I just see him dart past Mikael as the guide comes out of the cabin, John Paul almost knocking him off his feet in his haste to get inside.

"John Paul!" I call his name again but he doesn't look around, he just keeps going until he's out of sight, the figure of Mikael in his snow-suit blocking my view of him.

"Lovers tiff?" He asks in his thick, Nordic accent, side stepping me as I come to a halt along side him.

"Too much gingerbread" I reply, inclining my head inside. "I'll...I'd better make sure he's alright, see ya". I go in, probably appearing rude as I close the door behind me, blocking out the cold once more. Kicking off my boots as quickly as possible and dropping my coat to the floor, I head through into the main room, stopping in my tracks when I see John Paul standing by the settee, his head hanging low, his shoulders shaking.

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