Disclaimer as said by Light: "...We do not have the rights to any of the properties featured in this story."
~Fic Start!~
*Aria is up incredibly early, watching Good Morning, Ivalice on TV*
TV: "And today, we're going to show you how to make a book out of stale pancakes."
Aria: "What?! Why?! Who the fuck would want to make a book out of stale pancakes?! Who has stale pancakes lying around?! They're just out of ideas all ready!"
TV: "Right after these commercials!"
Commercial: *plays a jingle* "Buy Mog-inspired Loopy-doo Diapie Wipes, now with more pompoms!"
Aria: "Wut..."
Commercial 2: *shows the band Harvey Danger playing Flagpole Sitta on stage, then it blows up. the screen turns black and blood drips down the screen. The blood forms into letters that say "GOT MILK?" in horrible, almost illegible font*
Aria: "Did Mateus take control of the TV station again?"
Mateus: *sticks his head out of Ryoko's bedroom door* "No, Aria, I'm home this morning."
Aria: "Wow, that's... terrific."
Mateus: "You always blame me for whenever something goes wrong. I'm goin' back to bed where it's warm." *closes door carefully*
Aria: *sigh* "Yeah, the colder months are upon us. Thanksgiving went without a hitch, amazingly. It's time to start getting ready for Christmas."
*the TV has gone through about ten commericals and they still aren't over.*
Aria: "What are we going to do to celebrate Christmas this year? Does Mateus even celebrate Christmas, because he's convinced he's divinity?"
Mateus: *sticks his head back out* "If you want to talk to me, instead of behind my back where you think I cannot hear you, please say so."
Aria: "That'd be nice, now that you mention it."
*Mateus pulls himself into a robe and walks out to the living room to sit on the recliner across from Aria's couch. The TV is still playing commericals, even 20 minutes after saying they'd be right back.*
Aria: "Mateus. Do you celebrate Christmas?"
Mateus: "What? Is that the holiday dedicated to the God of Christianity or something? His birthday?"
Aria: "Here in Ivalice, Christmas is celebrated, along with New Year's Day, to bring in the new year with family and friends. We exchange gifts and eat special sweets... there's lots of other things to do, but that's the main jist of it."
Mateus: "And why is it important that I celebrate it?"
Aria: *sigh* "Because Ryoko will be sad if you don't."
Mateus: *nods* "Then I will celebrate Christmas, regardless of the reasons. I will not stand for my future empress to be sad on my watch!"
Aria: "But... be careful."
Mateus: "Huh?"
Aria: "Ryoko, she doesn't really like the holiday very much."
Mateus: "Why? You just said that you'd be sad if I didn't celebrate it."
Aria: "Yes, but... if you're incredibly excited about it, she'll avoid you until New Year's. Ryoko likes the holiday, but she has a hard time showing it."
Mateus: "Typically when she loves something, she's open about it."
Aria: "Oh, I know."
Mateus: "Why would she hide her love for a holiday?"
Aria: "It's not my place to say. Maybe, if she loves you enough... she'll tell you. She guards the secret closely."
Mateus: "So, you're saying it would be a sign of her love if she tells me about it?"
Aria: "It would have to be."
Mateus: "Then I will have to get her to tell me before she tells Light!"
Aria: *grunt*
*Mateus skips down the hall with an evil look on his face and Firion comes out into the hallway and trips him.*
Mateus: "Why did you do that?!"
Firion: "You look even gayer when you skip."
Mateus: "Like you have the right to talk, PANDA."
Firion: *kicks Mateus a few times, then walks away*
Mateus: "You're just angry that you have to deal with me, even though I've possessed you once in the past. And you... enjoyed every moment of it."
Firion: "LIES! SLANDER!"
Mateus: "I could remind you, but I am pledged to love only one now. My polyamorus days are over. Lucky for you, Nobara."
Firion: *punches Mateus in the face so hard that it breaks the door going into Ryoko's bedroom* "Keep your mouth shut. You said you put the past behind you. Well leave it there."
*Light rolls out of bed, landing on the floor. He's snoring so loudly that Aria can hear him*
Mateus: "Warm bed! I come to claim my spot next to my beloved~" *jumps in the bed*
Firion: "Attention span issues. Yes? Oh yes."
Mateus: "Close the door~"
Firion: "Umm... there kinda... isn't one anymore."
A FEW HOURS LATER!
Light: "So, Aria, you want us to do something for Christmas."
Aria: "Well, yeah. Why not? We could use the fun, right?"
Ryoko: "What's so fun about putting up decorations you're only gonna take down in a month?"
Firion: "Ryo-chan, don't be like that."
Ryoko: "I still don't think it makes any sense."
Light: "when she says it in that way, I kinda almost agree with her."
Aria: "It's about the Christmas SPIRIT~"
Mateus: "What is the Christmas spirit?"
Aria: "The good will towards men, and knowing how good it feels to give and make your friends and family happy. Oh, and you have to be nice to strangers."
Mateus: (thinking) "What a weak holiday."
Light: "What's with that expression, Mateus?"
Mateus: "I was just thinking about what a... kind holiday this seems to be."
Ryoko: "I... want to go buy new door hinges."
Firion: "You know what that means."
Mateus: "I shall be her escort!"
Light: "Why are you so enthusiastic, Matty?"
Mateus: "One should always be enthusiastic when going out with one's love, don't you think?"
Aria: *facepalm* "Oh God someone punch the fuck out of him."
Firion: "Gladly!"
Ryoko: *gets up* "Come on, then. Grab your coat. It's more than nippy out now."
Mateus: *his coat magically appears on him*
Ryoko: "...screw being a normal person, right?" *grabs her coat off the hook by the door*
Mateus: "Well, excuse me for commanding the powers of Heaven and Hell and not being able to use them to their full potential anymore because I gave up being an overlord."
Light: "Stop your bragging." *puts on his coat quickly*
*as Ryoko, Mateus, and Light make for the door...suddenly, Alis busts through it*
Ryoko: "STOP DOING THAT."
Mateus: "Your time warping powers are amazing. Seriously, everytime I try to warp, I end up on the roof or somewhere in the building across the street."
Alis: "You mean that decrepit, condemned barn full of rotting cow carcasses?"
Mateus: "That would be the one."
Aria: "Ho... no, I'm not going to ask that question."
Alis: "The reason I know what it is? I've never been inside it, but I do know people who work there."
Firion: "People work in there?"
Alis: "Yeah. Some mage was able to turn liquified rotten cow bones into ink. That's where the ink for all the newspaper is made."
Aria: *shudders as she looks at the stack of newspapers on the nearby coffee table*
Firion: "Where's Squall?"
Alis: "I left him on the ship."
Light: "Doesn't he wanna come in and say hello?"
Alis: "After the world we just came from? HA."
Ryoko: "I thought the Bahamut Council sealed off all otherworldly travel?"
Alis: "Oh, sis, you don't even want to know the half of it. But as an early Christmas present, I thought I'd give you this." *hands her something that looks like a newspaper*
Ryoko: "It's a... the hell, it's a school paper? Who the hell has even heard of Ivalice Private Academy?"
Alis: "Look at it."
Ryoko: "It's not holly decorating the corners and a wreath on the front?"
Alis: "Good gravy, Ryoko, you're more irritable than usual."
Aria: "I think it's her Holiday Blues."
Alis: "I nearly forgot about that! Anyway, flip through the pages of that paper, you might find it interesting."
Ryoko: *throws it on Aria's face*
Aria: "GAHHHHHH! GET THE LIQUID ROTTEN COW INK OFF ME!"
Firion: *snatches the paper* "Hmm. Says here 'December issue of the Ivalice Academy school paper. Editor... Aria?"
Aria: "What."
Firion: "That's exactly what's typed. Alis, where did you get this?"
Alis: *grins* "I'll tell you when you read it."
*they all sit down around the table in the living room to look at the paper*
Mateus: "Well, look at this picture here. That's the little samurai herself. Undoubtedly."
Ryoko: "Holding a microphone?"
Light: "The caption underneath... 'Ryoko Ronsenburg preforming a solo piece with the IPA Choir. Her outfit was designed by Mateus Palamecia, the head of the Art Club'."
Mateus: "Of course, I'm always designing clothes for you."
Ryoko: "And on this page is a sport's section."
Firion: "The hell? Light and I... on the school's soccer team? As forwards!? And look here, there's Onion and Squall listed on the team, too! As defenders!"
Aria: "And Light's name is over here again, in the kendo results."
Firion: "This is peculiar, to say the least."
Alis: "If you look here, Aria is not only on dance team, but she has recipes listed on the very last page because she's also the head of the cooking club. Talk about an overachiever."
Aria: "I am NOT an overachiever!"
Alis: "Not from what I saw."
Ryoko: "What you... saw?"
Alis: "I filmed some of it!"
Mateus: "WH..WH...WHAT?! Is that even legal?!"
Light: "Oh, you're asking about the legality of something? Come on, try to stay in character somewhat, ex EVIL EMPEROR."
Alis: "There isn't a police force for multiple worlds, and if there were... they couldn't stop me anyway. I'd just warp away."
Ryoko: "If I had to guess, you want to force me to watch the footage recorded while you were there?"
Alis: *gives her a big, shit-eating grin*
Ryoko: "Firion!"
Firion: "What's up?"
Ryoko: "Punch her."
Firion: "WHY ME?!"
Alis: "Sit down, shut up, and come watch this beautiful movie!"
*Everyone takes of their coats and puts them away, then sits down to watch the footage Alis recorded on the TV*
~ON THE TV!~
*camera fades into a cafeteria and a very young looking Ryoko is sitting a table by herself. all the students are wearing purple uniforms, because there are not enough purple uniforms in anime dammit.*
Ryoko: *eats bento*
Mateus: "Ahh, Ryo-chan! I thought you were eating in the classroom today."
Ryoko: "Nope."
Mateus: "May I sit with you?"
Ryoko: "Even if I told you no, you'd still do it."
Mateus: "I've been meaning to tell you for a while, but I-"
Light: "There you are. And as always, Matty-sempai is clinging to you."
Mateus: "I am not clinging. We are apart. If you want ot see clinging-"
Light: "Please refrain." *sits down on Ryoko's other side*
Ryoko: "Hiya, Light-sempai~"
Light: "I... I told you that you didn't need to call me 'sempai'."
Ryoko: "I do it anyway. You are older than I am, after all!"
Mateus: "What's in your bento?"
Ryoko: "I don't know what the fuck's in it, it all got mushed on my way here today."
Firion: *runs up to the table* "Nyaaaaaaaaaaaa, BROOTHERRRRRR!"
Light: "Calm yourself, we're at lunch, not a game."
Firion: "Heh."
Aria: *is not that far behind* "I made dessert~"
Firion: "AWESOME!"
Onion: *zips around the table a few times before sitting down* "And the crowd goes wild!"
Lynn: *comes up from below the table holding paint brushes* "You seem happy today!"
Alis: *falls from the ceiling, landing on the table, turning it over* "Hi guys!"
Lynn: "Glad I got from under there just in time."
Ryoko: "What were you... doing under there anyway?"
Lynn: "I don't have the slightest clue."
Squall: *also falls from the ceiling, but lands on his feet next to the table* "And that's called Falling. With STYLE."
Alis: X'D Ryoko: "So, the whole gang is gathered together, hmm. Well, I suppose that means it's time to discuss plans for the holidays."
Aria: "I can't do much. I'll be putting a paper together."
Mateus: "Oh, you have a paper for a semester test? That's letting you off pretty easily."
Aria: "Not a research paper. A newspaper!"
Mateus: "Forgive me."
Aria: "I got that on top of the Great Will Bake-Sale with the cooking club and then there's that Pep Rally I have to dance for, and then there's appeasing my family during the holidays themselves and-"
Ryoko: "Forgive me for asking."
Mateus: "I don't have any family. I'll be staying in my dorm."
Light: "My father's out of town. I won't be here."
Squall: "My dad WANTS me to come home, but I don't want to go."
Alis: "My family sucks ass. I'm staying here."
Lynn: "I don't have family either."
Ryoko: "You're... all pretty lonely, huh? Well, then... I suggest that we be each other's family. You don't wanna go home, Squall? Don't. We'll do something - by us, for us."
Squall: "That's kind of ya."
Ryoko: "Aria, you, too."
Aria: "...but-"
Ryoko: "Shut up, you're staying."
Aria: "That's sweet, but I'm... y'know, expected to do big things."
Ryoko: "So you do them. And then you tell the world 'hey world, fuck off, I'm enjoying my holiday.' Just like that. I'll even write the letters so you can send them to anyone who might bother you over the break. And once you get all the school work done, then we'll party. With lots of cake. cheesecake. Hmmmmm~ CHEESECAKE~"
Mateus: "Ahh, yon angel is so generous~"
Alis: "Generous? HA, she's gonna EAT the whole damn cake herself."
Squall: "Yeeeeah, she would do that."
Aria: "I guess since I'm the editor... would you guys like to help me put the paper together?"
Everyone else: "Would we?!"
*there's a montage of all of the group together in the paper room, writing articles on each other and compiling it to make the school paper that they have sitting on the coffee table*
Ryoko: "Because that's what the holidays are about, dammit! Togetherness and people who care about you and working together!"
Mateus: "I must thank you for teaching me about this stupendous holiday season! Without my beloved angel, I would only know of sorrow and loneliness!"
Light: "I insist you go into the drama club, Matty."
Mateus: "I don't like the people in there. They're so snooty. Especially Kuja!"
Firion: "Yeah, you're snooty, too."
Mateus: "I am NOT snooty!"
Aria: "Yes you are."
*they all gather around a Christmas tree made of old newspaper and start singing carols, but the only good singers in the group are Ryoko and Alis.*
~BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM!~
Alis: "And so, Ryoko inspired everyone to be together forever. The end."
Ryoko: "That movie sucked."
Alis: "SO Not funny."
Ryoko: "Think about it. It had no plot. There was no conflict, because without a conflict there can be no plot. Sure, there was character development, but... as a movie, it lacks too much to stand up against good, well thought out movies."
Alis: "I followed them around with a camera. IT WAS NOT A MOVIE."
Ryoko: "You said to shut up and watch the damn movie, so I have to take it like it IS one."
Alis: "I was just trying to brighten your spirits because I know how you hate the season!"
Ryoko: "I don't want your 'brightening', I want to go get door hinges to fix the door of my bedroom so I can have sex without the lot of you staring in on the action!"
Alis: "But... it might be good sex! Who doesn't like watching good sex?"
Ryoko: "GAHHHHHH!" *grabs her coat and stomps out the door*
Light: "For the record, I don't like watching it."
Alis: "Yeah, then why do you share a bed with two other people?"
Light: "Because my fiancee came with... extra."
Alis: "Dude, you're in a threesome. You're gonna have to watch at some point. And GIVE ME DETAILS!"
Mateus: "...and you guys tell me that I'm horrible..." *he and his coat vanish*
Light: "Alis, I understand why you come around, but I don't understand why you're so... intrusive." *grabs his coat and walks out the front door*
Alis: "You just don't understand me."
Aria: "Well you are confusing."
Alis: "I knew that all ready."
Firion: "I don't think it's a compliment."
Alis: "Firi, man, let me level witchu. I don't give a shit."
Aria: "Either way, you're a part of Ryoko's family, so you're a part of ours. We'll accept anyone that comes our way."
Firion: "We fucking accepted MATEUS into our family, we can accept ANYBODY."
Alis: "It sounds like a family of rejects."
Firion: "In all actuality, yeah, now that you mention it, that's what we are."
Aria: *sigh* "What are we going to do to bring the Christmas spirit out of Ryoko?"
Firion: "We give her cheesecake."
Aria: "Yeah and then she's happy while she's eating it. I mean, change her outlook on Christmas forever."
Alis: "Oh! I have an idea! But it will involve both Mateus and Light."
Firion: "I'll pull the guys aside when they get back. What's the idea?"
~OUTSIDE, NEAR THE LOCAL SUPERMARKET!~
*everything is playing Christmas music*
Ryoko: "oH. mY. GOD. This isn't going to end until NEW YEARS!"
Mateus: "Forgive me for pointing this out, but you're the one who wanted to leave the apartment. You knew they'd be..."
Ryoko: "You don't know anything about normal life. I tell you that I need you to get a 'door hinge' and you wouldn't know what that is or the right kind to get."
Light: *catches up* "Ohhh... milady... you should not have burst off like that."
Ryoko: *gives him an evil glare* "The sooner I left, the sooner I can go back."
Mateus: "Oh, little samurai, one would think that someone who's about love and peace like you would simply adore this time of year."
*Ryoko walks away from them for a minute*
Ryoko: "STAND BACK."
Light: "why?"
Mateus: "I'm confused."
Ryoko: "I don't want you hit by this."
*She pulls out a katana from her dress*
Ryoko: "DRAW OUT!"
*the spirit from her sword cast silence on all the radios, speakers, and other music creating things... and on the carolers, too*
Ryoko: "Humph!"
Mateus: "You know, it might be easier to just work with you to cancel Christmas forever at this rate."
Ryoko: "Really? That'd be swell!"
Light: "Heavens, no! That would ruin winter for pretty much everybody. No one likes the cold or the snow, so let them have their Christmas so the winter is worth something."
Ryoko: "Okay. We're moving to the desert then!"
Mateus: "Those scars run deep."
Light: "They must."
Mateus: "Your father... well, we knew about his fate on Thanksgiving, and you don't hate that holiday. What could make you hate Christmas so much?"
Light: "I wonder! Did Sephiroth do it?"
Mateus: "Yeah, everyone knows how much you hate him!"
Ryoko: "...no. It was not Sephiroth."
Mateus: "I know a whole bunch of villains, want me to start naming them out?"
Ryoko: "...it's not a villain that destroyed Christmas in my heart."
Light: "Whoever made you this vengeful must have been a villain!"
Mateus: "Indeed. Most powerful!"
Light: "And evil!"
Mateus: "And corrupted by the depths of hell! Worse than I am! And that's saying something!"
Ryoko: "No. He wasn't anything like that."
Mateus: "So it was a man! I knew it! Men ruin shit all the time!"
Light: "Do you... ever listen to yourself when you're talking?"
Mateus: "What?"
Light: "...nevermind."
Ryoko: "He was a peaceful person. He loved life, lived full of love, and never did anything wrong, ever."
Mateus: "Wha... WHAT? Then how-"
Ryoko: "He left scars so deep in my heart that they still haven't recovered."
Light: "Who is he?! I'll rip him asunder in your honor!"
Ryoko: "Nice try, my love. Too many have asked me that question, and I still cannot speak his name." *walks into the supermarket*
Mateus: "Can't speak his name?! She's under a CURSE!"
Light: "That's terrible! She's cursed to hate Christmas forever!"
Mateus: "We have to break the curse."
Light: "Yes! We do!"
*they start to rush into the store*
Light: "Wait a minute."
Mateus: "What?!"
Light: "How do we break the curse?"
Mateus: "Hmmmmmm... once we take her back home, we make a break for the Arcane Library!"
Light: "There's one of those in Igros?"
Mateus: "You know a witch that transcends the will of the great machrosim of space-time and a dark wizard with connections to the bowels of Hell. You have access to the Great Arcane Library."
Light: "...fair enough. That's the plan."
Mateus: "We'll save Ryoko's Christmas!"