Author's Note:
It's been said that my world is a dangerous place to live...
Bad news folks...ANYWHERE can be dangerous. But usually in my world the good guys get little breaks all the time that help them through the day. Then again...sometimes things just go horribly wrong for those who try so hard to be nice and helpful.
This is one of those moments...
THE OLDER GENERATION
"It feels just like I'm fallin' for the first tiiime! Yeah it…feels just like I'm fallin' for the first tim!"
"What song is that that's playing on your cell phone?" Rupert asked as Grey picked it up.
"Falling for the First time by Barenaked Ladies."
"I imagine if Jay were here he'd say "greatest…band name…ever", right?"
"He did, he did. The song is about the contradictory feelings you have while in love. I really like it. Hello?"
"Hey there, buddy-boy!"
"Rueben! How's it going?"
"Not so good, my boss is on the other phone and he wants an excuse for why I'm not in the Crabhead nebula."
"Why aren't you?" Grey asked.
"Well, I was bored and wanted to check out Mars. My blubber butt buddy's not helpful either…"
"…I know! Put your boss on but make like you're being attacked..."
Rupert was pretty sure that if he could SEE 625, he would be blinking stupidly, but he must have done it because he now heard shouts, a phony death cry that was muffled and then a voice that sounded oddly familiar going "Hello? Who is this?"
"I'm going to eat you." Grey remarked, picking his teeth to get in character. "Just like I ate Rueben. You're gonna be in my belllll-eeeee, you're gonna be in my belllll-eeeee!"
"AAA!" The person screamed and disconnected. Grey's cell phone was quickly called back. "Thanks, kid."
"No problem, Rueben. When he calls you again, say you survived, but don't go into details. Your Executive Commander's imagination will fill in the rest. Now could you help me with a crossword puzzle word I've been stuck on?"
"Sure. What is it?"
"Hmm. Let's see." Grey said, tapping the pencil on his table. "Dance song by the artist Elissa…"
"No problem! You spin me inside outside, and then you hold me so tight!"
"OH! It's Mamboleo!" Grey scribbled it in. "Mahalo!"
"Take care." Rueben said before he disconnected. Grey returned to the crossword puzzle. "Let's see now…this is interesting. "Joy at somebody's misfortune"? Isn't that Sadism or something? But no, it's too BIG…"
"Schadenfreude." Rupert immediately said. "It means "finding happiness in the misfortune of others"…"
"Wait, hold up…that sounds German…" Grey blinked for a few moments. "Oh, OH. OH." He said painfully, holding his stomach. "That's just SICK!"
"It's about to get sicker!" Leroy snickered. Rupert and Grey turned their heads to see the villains approaching.
"Oh overloooord…" Esmeralda called out. "Ever wonder what it's like inside a trog's mouth?"
"Rupe. Run." Grey said.
"Run? And where is he going to go?" Eclipse asked softly.
Grey quickly leapt up from his seat, clenching his fist as an aura of darkness swirled around him. "Darkness, darkness, bind him to me, hide him in your velvet cloak!"
Rupert suddenly vanished in a dark cloud that filled the bar. The others coughed and spluttered while Rupert made his exit. After ten minutes, the cloud was gone and Grey was in the middle of the bar, holding up a pool cue at the villains.
"What do YOU guys want?" Grey demanded to know.
"Oh…to make your evening suck." Leroy said. He suddenly grabbed a huge table and flung it at Grey, who didn't jump away in time. He went sailing out of the bar and into the street, groaning. Legion and Belle passed him by with their children, heading home. He looked up, the table still upon him.
"Little help here?" He asked.
Legion blinked a few times, rubbing his chin.
Right now you are down and out and feeling really crappy…
No kidding! Grey groaned.
And when I see how sad you are
It sort of makes me...
Happy!
Grey blinked stupidly. Happy?! THE HELL!?
Legion shrugged.
Sorry, buddy! It's my nature-
Nothing I can do!
It's...
Schadenfreude!
Making me feel glad that I'm not you!
"You're a horrible person!" Grey shouted as Legion and his family walked off. He jumped up, getting the rubble off of him and shaking it out of his fur.
"Aw, feel the apathy!" Jay snickered as he came up behind Grey and put one arm around him, stretching up at the sky. "EVERYONE finds joy in innocents suffering!"
"They do NOT! Friggin' German concepts." Grey said, looking disgusted.
"Oh come on, I'm sure you've done it." Jenkins said.
D'ja ever clap when a waitress falls and drops a tray of glasses?
Grey spat on the ground, pushing Jay away.
NO, ya lousy punk!
Jay grinned evilly. Grey, ain't it fun to watch figure skaters falling on their asses?
The mutt looked disgusted. And break a bone? You stinkin' SKUNK!
Aw, don'tcha feel all warm and cozy,
Watching people out in the rain!
Grey raised an eyebrow, looking mortified.
Why would I?
Jay gave him a look like he was the biggest moron in the world.
Cuz it's… Schadenfreude!
People taking pleasure in your pain!
Grey stormed off, looking disgusted. He happened to bump right into Eclipse…five moments later he was being dragged by his tie-dye pants, screaming and hollering as people watched him being strung up from a telephone pole…and then his pants ripped. He was alone on top of the telephone pole…
Underpants not included.
"…these were my GOOD pair." He whimpered, holding for dear life onto the pole, afraid to show people his business-maker while his pants and underwear were laying in a heap below. He looked down at the large crowd of onlookers and called out. "Chopsuey, Carmen, come on! Help a cousin out, dude!"
"Sorry, but we want to take a picture first." Chopsuey said. "Carmen…camera."
Carmen handed her husband dad a digital camera as he tried to position it right. Grey gaped. "Oh NO! Don't tell me you're into that whole "making fun of other people over trivial stuff" crap!"
People began to laugh. Vee spoke up, snickering as she did so. "Get real, Grey! A LOT of us like this sorta thing! And other stuff too!"
"Like WHAT, I asked, half wishing I hadn't?" Grey wanted to know.
Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken!
Or watching a frat boy realize just what he put his dick in!
Being on the elevator when somebody shouts "Hold the door!"
Grey raised an eyebrow.
And you say "no"?
The adults all answered right back.
Of course! It's…Schadenfreude!
"Fuck you lady, that's what stairs are for!" Kuko laughed.
Leroy suddenly raised his hand. "Ooh, ooh! I just thought up some more examples! How about…"
Straight-A students getting Bs?
Chopsuey looked over at Bonnie and Clyde, snickering.
Exes getting STDs!
They stuck their tongue out at him and looked over to their right at Eclipse.
Waking doormen from their naps!
Eclipse nodded.
Watching tourists reading maps!
Esmeralda brushed her hair back.
Football players getting tackled!
Jolie, Pitt and their "friends" spoke up.
CEOs getting shackled!
Grey groaned.
And lemme guess…watching actors never reach the ending of their Oscar speech?
Everyone grinned.
NOW you've got it!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!
Rupert, who was now at the bottom of the telephone pole, shimmied up it with a towel and handed it to Grey, who quickly wrapped it around his waist. He embarrassingly slid down the pole with Rupert, who sighed sadly.
"This sort of thing happened to me and my brother all the time." He admitted. "It's nothing new to me."
"I think I actually understand why we get knocked around so much." Grey remarked.
The world needs people like you and me who've been knocked around by fate…
'cuz when people see us, they don't want to be us, and that makes them feel great!
Rupert rolled his eyes.
"Abso-freaking-lovely…"
So we provide a vital service to society?
You bet! Leroy cackled.
Schadenfreude!
Making the world a better place...
Making the world a better place...
Making the world a better place...
To be!
Everyone then all raised their hands and spelled out the words as they all twirled around in true Bollywood fashion.
S-C-H-A-D-E-N-F-R-E-U-D-E!
Grey and Rupert walked off, leaving the other adults behind. Grey turned to Rupert.
"At least I didn't see Stitch and Angel in there. Rupert…I think we need to teach them a lesson in an AMERICAN concept known as "Don't get mad, get even"! Time to administer street justice!"
"But I thought that an eye for an eye makes the world blind! Didn't Gandhi say that?" Rupert remarked.
"True, but C.S. Lewis said we have to treat our enemies the same way we'd treat ourselves. Now would we want OURSELVES to get away with something like this?" Grey asked.
Rupert rubbed his chin. "Well, If I did something wrong, I'd want to atone for it or make it right…and if I couldn't, I suppose it would be right to be punished for it…"
"Right." Grey said. "Now then…let's get cracking. It's time for Schadenfreude to meet "turn the other cheek"!"
"I suppose you're right." Rupert admitted.
"Darn right, I'm right. Nobody exposes my tighty-whities and gets away with it." Grey said, slamming his fist into his palm.