Chapter 36

Buffy breathed in slowly, her chest caving inward with the effort, but somehow it seemed to stick inside her so that she could not release it again. Sitting in the hallway beside her bedroom door, hugging her knees to her chest, she let her head droop forward as she fought the hot tears prickling behind her eyes. She had been sitting here for almost five minutes now. She knew she had to do this, and soon..but god, it was so hard…

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When Buffy had heard Wesley's words to her on the other end of the line, it had been difficult to breathe. He had launched into a lengthy explanation for a spell that would undo the effects of an aging spell or curse- one that he was convinced, if it were adhered to precisely, would work for Faith. It had soon become apparent to Buffy that his efforts would have been better exerted on Giles or Willow, who might actually understand what he was talking about, and she had suggested exactly that. When Wesley hung up, preparing to relay the information to Giles, Buffy had stood there for several moments, stunned. She had known this would happen, that they would find a spell to counteract what had happened with Faith… she just hadn't realized it would be so soon.

She had gone back down to the basement to finish sparring with Faith, and it wasn't very long after she had finished up the last five minutes of exertion Faith had needed in order to settle down before Giles called. By then Joyce was attempting to head Faith towards the bed; between them, Buffy had attempted to slip out the house quickly to meet Giles and the others. Faith, however, had spotted this immediately and instantly morphed into beg mode, grabbing her and looking up at her pleadingly.

"You're gonna go out again! Take me too, please! Please? I wanna go too! I wanna kill some bad guys, let me go too!"

Again she'd had to pry Faith off of her, thrusting her towards her mother, who now had the thankless task of trying to get the child to sleep in her renewed frustrated and hurt state. All Buffy's efforts in the basement with her seemed to be forgotten in seconds when Buffy tried to leave her again. But it couldn't be helped… Buffy knew they had to talk about what they should do, and having the little girl anywhere in the vicinity while they did would not be a good idea at all.

Once everyone had gathered at Giles's house- Giles, Buffy, Willow, Xander, even Anya and Tara- Giles had started to go over the spell with them, analyzing the difficulty and what they would need to be able to carry it out. Though the spell was complex, the few items they would need were already owned by Giles, Willow, and Tara, so the performance of the spell itself had not been an issue. What it was that they were all there to debate was whether they should use it… and what would happen, whichever decision they made, as a result.

They had been debating back and forth for five to ten minutes, laying out the strengths and drawbacks of either choice… or rather, Giles, Buffy, Xander, and Anya had been. Willow and Tara were quiet throughout this, not saying anything… something bothered that Buffy once she noticed it. She wouldn't have expected Tara, given her shyness, to say much…but Willow? Usually Willow would be vocalizing her thoughts, particularly since she still carried some reservations about Faith, still thought that they should turn her into an adult again so she could pay for her past crimes.

Buffy had been about to ask her what she was thinking, why she was being so quiet, when the redhead spoke up suddenly, her face pinched, eyes shining with apprehension.

"Guys…we have to change Faith back into what she was before," she said slowly, quietly, and she glanced over at Tara as though for support.

Buffy sighed; so this was it, finally. She knew it would have to come sooner or later. Willow just couldn't seem to understand…

"Will…look, I know you think that," she sighed, turning to face her friend. "But it's not that black and white. Either way it's gonna have problems with it, that's why we have to talk this out. But I really think it's better in the long run if we let her stay little. I mean, she's an entirely different person then, she's-"

"Buffy…it doesn't have to do with who she is or isn't or what she did or didn't do, or how hard or easy it will be either way anymore," Willow interrupted, holding up her hand. "It's about saving Faith's life."

At that, everyone present other than Tara turned to stare at her, stunned and rather confused by her declaration. Buffy frowned, her eyes narrowing slightly. What exactly did she mean, saving Faith's life? From the Council? That was the only thing she knew of immediately threatening it…

"Will, what are you talking about?" she asked, and Xander and the others spoke up as well.

"You lost me… why exactly does it need saving?" Xander questioned, cocking his head, and Anya eyed Willow almost suspiciously.

"I thought that the nice miniature amusing version of the big scary killing Faith is a Slayer still and quite capable of defending herself. Has something changed? We need to start contacting people with memos about important changes… or has Xander simply neglected to inform me again?"

"Yes, do explain, Willow… what is it that you mean?" Giles queried, pushing his glasses further up his nose as he frowned at her.

Willow looked a little unnerved, if also slightly amused by the barrage of questions aimed her way. She blinked a few times before glancing over at Tara again. When Tara smiled at her, supporting her, Willow seemed to gain confidence, and she turned back to address the others again, taking a deep breath before explaining herself.

"I've been thinking…and I've, I've talked with Tara, and she agrees, she thinks this makes sense…but what happened to Faith… it's not natural," Willow began, her brow creasing. "I mean, obviously it's magical…but even in a magical sense it's not natural. It goes against physics… and of course there's her Chakra points, with those being all kaflooey that's never good either, any number of things could happen…"

"Well name some," Buffy said quickly, the rising tension she was experiencing audible in her tone. "WHAT could happen?"

"She…well, one of the main ones I considered…" Willow tried again, looking at Buffy nervously upon hearing her tone, "one of the ones I think is most likely… well, like I said, what's going on with her right now, it's against physics. Faith and her body is in an unnatural state. You know, matter can't be created or destroyed obviously, even with magic. Like with making something disappear or appear, you're simply altering matter already in existence around you. But that can't be what happened here. Faith's larger body has been condensed… even if it doesn't look or seem like it, the child Faith, to match with the natural laws, has to have been forced into bearing the same composition, maybe even density as the older Faith."

She paused, waiting for the others' reactions, but with the exception of Giles, there were blank stares all around. Xander gave voice to the others, as he usually was willing.

"Uh…huh?"

"So all the matter that made up the teenage Faith has to have been forced into the body of the child Faith," Willow said with a hint of impatience, obviously having expected more comprehension than that. As if Buffy, Xander, and Anya were prize winning science people. "And see, it's all there, in some way or another, it would have to be… but her body is so much smaller now than it was, that I don't know how it could contain it for long… it has to be exerting a lot of physical strain on her."

Buffy was distantly aware of her mouth drying out, the fact that her heart was beating faster than ever… she was trying to make sense of this, to understand what Willow was getting at. How could she be as dense as the older Faith…didn't that have to do with weight or something? She hadn't felt heavy…no way could the weigh more than fifty or sixty pounds. Maybe she was proportionately as dense… god, she didn't know. Did any of this even matter? Why in the world had Willow started dwelling on it?

"I see," Giles said slowly, comprehension coming to his eyes that Buffy certainly lacked. "And this stress on her body…this unnatural state…"

"It's like the stresses building up in a black hole," Willow blurted out, seeming now that she had started to need to go on, to make herself understood, or maybe just to finally be able to get out everything she had been thinking. "And I think with Faith… in time…if we don't revert her to her natural state… that it's gonna be the same thing."

"The same thing," Buffy said slowly, trying to keep the fear from her voice, calmness in her expression, as she looked back at Willow. "You mean…you think Faith's body will… go into a black hole?"

"She thinks it will tear itself apart since it's trying to stay confined in an unnaturally small and long-abandoned space," Anya said casually, her eyes suddenly bright with interest. "She's right of course, that's what will happen sooner or later."

Five pairs of incredulous eyes turned her way, and Anya shrugged, unbothered. "It will. It happens eventually, if someone is turned into something unnatural, such as a monster or small animal of some kind, by magic. Well, if it is smaller, of course if they're turned into something larger, then that's a different story. I saw it all the time as a vengeance demon. Give them long enough and they explode. It's a rather-"

"You knew this, and you didn't feel the need to MENTION it?!" Buffy rounded on the older girl, her voice rising, and Anya shrugged. Her voice was still casual, even as she now watched Buffy warily.

"I didn't think about it."

"You didn't THINK about it?! You didn't-" Buffy began furiously, her eyes flashing, but Tara spoke up at last, her words much louder and firmer than usual. In fact, they were so much so that everyone stopped and turned to regard her in surprise.

"Anya…h-how long is it before the person… has this happen to them?"

"Oh there's no real time frame," Anya shrugged. "A week, a month, a year… it's very sudden, you know, and I think it depends on how much mass is being crammed into the form. A large man turned into a snail, for instance, will be gone within a few days. But a small man turned into, say, a chimpanzee would last longer. Someone of Faith's size turned into a child of the size she is now, I would say it wouldn't be very long. Two weeks maybe… like I said though, there's really no telling with these things," she said with another shrug. "Could be two weeks, could be two hours, or two years. But it will happen, it always does. It's part of what makes the punishment of the transfiguration so satisfactory to my client, because they know the one who hurt them is waiting for death."

Buffy had sat there, speechless, horrified, her heart rising in her throat; she was unable to move. She had known then that there was no other option to weigh out… there was no choice to make. There was no way she could keep Little Faith… not if by doing so, she was killing her.

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On the floor beside her bedroom door, her back hunched against the wall, Buffy drew in another deep breath, forcing herself to exhale, forcing back the tears that persistently rose to surface. She knew she couldn't do this. She couldn't stall any longer, waste any more time… to do so was to risk Faith's life, to only hurt her own heart more deeply. They were all in the living room, waiting for her, and it was getting late now. But Buffy still could not yet stand up… she couldn't yet bring herself to enter the room.

They had set up a course of action in restoring Faith to herself as well as was possible, considering… what they would do once she was back, they still were unsure of, but everyone agreed that it was best they do it tonight. They couldn't take chances.

Buffy had spoken privately with Joyce, and she had watched as her mother nodded, swallowing, and agreed. Even so her emotions had still shone in her eyes, twitched the corners of her mouth. Seeing her mother work so hard to keep it together had almost made Buffy burst into tears right then and there. Instead she had hugged her mother briefly but tightly, and as the others prepared, discussing last minute reminders of what they needed to do, Buffy had gone to awaken Faith.

She had volunteered to do this… she had wanted to be alone with Faith one last time, to be able to touch her, to explain to her. But now she sat frozen, and all she could think now was how unfair this was… how wholly and entirely unfair.

It was some time before Buffy managed to bring her breathing under control, to fully shove back her threatening tears and straighten her face into something not resembling a Greek tragedy mask. When she stood a little shakily, she had to repeat to herself over and over…

You have to do this. To save Faith's life, you have to do this…

As she opened the doors, crossing the room to stand beside her bed, she looked down at the sleeping child upon it with a new thought coming to her….a thought that set her to blinking fiercely again. No one but Buffy was ever going to touch Mr. Gordo again…