Eventually, Jai was contacted by Ryder and given the coordinates to the new location. On the southern hemisphere of the planet. With the coordinates, Jai makes his way to the new hideout for the alliance. It was in the mountains, located on a ledge cut high into the side of the mountain, with a circular canal visible in the distance. There was enough room for everyone. Things were being set up with a number of supplies that managed to get saved. It wasn't much but it would have to do.
While everyone was adjusting to the new area and getting this situated while you sat isolated and haunted, trying to do the same for yourself. Holding your head to keep it together. To keep it from shattering, even if pieces were already missing and falling. Screaming inside from it all. The pieces on the floor, reflecting bits and pieces of what used to be whole. More pieces fell causing you more pain. The voices, the voice...that moment...that face. You could see it in the pieces, you screaming in denial...being held back in Hera's arms, while you fought against her strong hold on you. Enraged by her preventation you lash out for her to hold on tighter.
Looking at your trembling hands now, felt nothing. Touching your wounds lightly, that still remained. They hadn't healed the proper way and by proper through yourself. It was gone, just like everything else. It was evident that Ezra kind of knew, the way he looked when he managed to hold you. There was no display of strength from you. Nothing came. It all left you, it left with them...replaced with the only thing that provided you with a sense of power...
"May."
Jai notices you sitting alone from the others. You didn't respond instead get up and walk in the opposite direction of him, but catches up."Whoa."He stops you. Stepping back by the malice look you gave him. His hands up.
"What?"You said with irritation and annoyance. Not even giving him a single second to say anything pushes past him and walk away.
He follows you."I've been looking for you. I was wondering if you could come and look at some people?"He steps in front of you, thumbing back in the direction he came."There's who could use your medical expertise."
"I don't do that, anymore." Moving around him."They're just going to have to endure it. It builds character."
That response came out so cold and callous, Jai stood there stunned watching you go further into the caves. Perplexed just a bit, this wasn't the May he remembered years ago back at the Academy. Sure, time changes a person, he didn't expect it to change that much. The May years ago was quick to assist and help others, he remembered when she did after most of the training. She'd be standing right there with Kallus posing as his assistant offering the littlest bit of kindness that wasn't really allowed. Even when it came to eating if she was able to join them, allowing them some of her food. Insisting it she wasn't hungry, doing so with a smile on her face.
She always had a smile on her face. Whenever she said their names, there was a smile in her words if she couldn't show it. Something he found comforting, it was no wonder he developed a slight infatuation with her. With you back then. Honestly, he was looking forward to seeing you again, as a friend. And the second he did, you were wounded from the scuffle with the troopers, which you carelessly engaged in. If not for Ryder who came in and managed to save you, your sister and Casey just in time. With the help of Mairda Sumar who patched you up, the wounds could have been worse.
Once you use to show gratitude, now you didn't. Only detest and animosity, directed at everyone. Scratching the back of his head, Jai wasn't sure how he was supposed to go about this...why did Ezra charge him with this?
Groaning to himself before letting out a sigh, continues to follow you. Hearing him coming after you stop and lash out."What is it?! I told you already, I don't do that anymore! I don't fix flesh!"Jabbing him in the shoulder, each jab seem sharper than the last. And your words. "It doesn't ever repair! They have to endure the pain! That will heal them! That will heal everything! Let pain be the choice given to them, Ezra!"
You shout at Jai slapping him across the face. That echoed throughout the whole place, heads turn and look in the direction. They hear Jai shouting and yelling back. He nearly dodges another one of your strikes just in time. Even blocking one.
"Geez! May! Whoa!"He dodges just in time. He had expected you stop, but the blinded rage in your eyes told him otherwise. Confused on what triggered it, while at the same time cruising Ezra for putting him in this position.
Still, remember some of his training weaves out the way, it wasn't until he slammed you up against the wall that you stopped."Sorry."He apologizes and quickly goes to help you."Ezra's going to kill me. Easy, easy."He tells you."Whoa! May where are you going!?"
Wriggling out of his hold, push him away and run off. He quickly follows. Only to lose you, coming out finding all eyes on him, but no sign of you. Rubbing the side of his face to winch from the pain, he could feel it starting to swell."May..."He laments. Trying to think of the right words to say when Ezra returns.
After managing to make contact with Hera, plus more support on their end. Ezra and the others return back to base. On the way there, Kanan felt something wrong. It only became thicker as they approached the hideout. And when Jai greeted them solemnly.
"What happened to you?"Sabine asked noticing the swollen part of his face. He gives her a rather grimace look, before transfering it all to Ezra.
Who felt anger from his friend. For Ezra to realize it, looking around."Wait..where's May?"
The mention of that name, Jai eyes drop."She's gone. She took off and ran."
Being on this planet was stupid, it should just die already. You hiss going deeper into the mountains, not caring where the path was leading you. Ignoring the coldness beginning to settle as the sun started to lower. Going through this maze of twist and turns, coming a few times to dead ends. Only angered you more, turning heel look for another way, coming again to dead ends.
No matter what you tried to do you just couldn't get off this rock. Heaving and panting fire kept walking. While your mind screamed and screeched. This whole planet caused you nothing but misery. All of it. Coming to another dead end, lash out at it. It does nothing. Grunting and groaning you look around finding yourself oddly enclosed in when just a second ago you were sure there was a path. Now there wasn't. What gives?
Throwing a fist at the solid boulder blocking you, for it to backfire nearly crushing your knuckles. Holding your hand rubbing the pain away, circle your entrapment look for a way out. When you hear a familiar meow. Turning to your surprise find the loth cat. By an opening, looking at you confused and concerned. Which you ignore and just take the way out, running right by it. Ignoring its meowing warnings, you fall down in the chasm. Hitting the ground hard, you barely had time grab anything as the dirt and rocks made the journey unpleasant.
The cat watches you until your body stop did it go down. You laid motionless for a bit, feeling the cat sniffing you to see if you were alive. The aches and pain ran through you, so you remained still. Letting it all settle in. The only part of your body moving, your eyes that followed the cat. It was the same cat from the dreams, but no child with it. Still sniffing you the cat jumps back when you start to get up. Dusting yourself off look up at the long drop you endured. It was a long way up, the chasm was dark and lonely. Hollowed winds blew through it. Echoing like spirts.
At least you found a way out. With that in mind pick yourself back up to nearly fall. From the pain, taking a second get back up. The cat by your side watches you walk and follows. The two of you went further in, unsure in which direction, it didn't matter. It never mattered. Every path was twisted. Each step you took was painful than the last, but you just ignored it. Shivering now as your teeth begin to chatter. A harsh wind blows, that sent a shiver through your whole body and nearly knocked you down. The cat almost was blown away, but you jump on it holding onto it. Taking the worst, holding it close. You could feel it curl up with you for protection.
Feeling it begin to slip, you desperately cling to it. Begging it not to leave. Promising to hold on it, making it promise to stay. But it was all in vain, the winds where too strong and the cat was blown away. You scream for it to come back. Angered you lash back at the winds, for it to respond lashing back twice as hard. Its strength was greater than your own and next thing you knew you, found yourself swallowed up.
Shivered and covered up, the winds no longer lashing back. Everything settled, everything still. A large shadow approaches the curled up body, its snout sniffs it a few times, nudging it to see if it would move. And move it did. It was alive from the tried moan it gave. Seeing this it scoots its snout under the body and manages to place it upon its back. With the body secured safety, it walks away with the cat trailing behind.
It was the sound and smell of crackling fire along with its warm touch that woke you. Your eyes slowly open focusing on the orange and yellow light before you burning away its food of wood. It felt so nice. So comforting, unlike the chills of the wind. Unsure if your eyes and mind where playing with you, you saw the child sitting in front of you with the cat in their lap. Petting it, looking at you with a smile.
"Good. You're awake."
Their voice sounded a lot like Ezra's. Giving a soft moan and nod respond. Collecting strength you speak back to the child."Y-You found me?"
They look at you rather surprised. But kept their smile on none the less."Yes. Well, they did." Gesturing behind you. A shadow looms over you and you find the face of a large wolf staring back. It was then you realized what that softness was. You were laying on it or was curled around you to provide you extra warmth.
It wasn't the only one either, in fact there more. A pack all lounging around, in this cave around the fire. Some black, some silver others gray. They were so calm. The wolf who had you locks eyes with you. For some reason, you didn't turn away. Its eyes stared straight through you. It was both powerful and fighting. Under its gaze. You could feel it searching and moving things inside.
The child gets up and goes to add wood to the fire. It could see your confusion on your face. "It doesn't bite."They assure you. You weren't sure, moving back just a bit. Stopping when it growls lowly at you.
"Wh-What's it doing?"You asked quietly.
The child just giggles unsure."I don't know. Are you warm?"You nod still keeping your eyes locked on the wolf's. What was it looking for? Where was this feeling coming from?
Looking deeper the wolf found it and attacks. It was so sudden you didn't know how to react or respond. All you knew was that it was overwhelming and next thing you knew, found yourself standing in the grassy plains. With the wolf in place of the boulder. It looks around for a second before it let out a mighty howl, that sent out a powerful wave. Blowing nearly everything away. It commanded it away. You barely managed to stand before it. It does a few more times, stripping everything around you.
Finding the courage open your eyes and find yourself standing under the moon. In the night sky, filled with stars decorated all across. It was magical and beautiful. Everything inside washed away, slowly you reach out and touch one. This surprised you, the star you touched falls and catch it in your hands looking at it. Brought a small smile to your face. It was so warm.
Looming over your shoulder the same wolf looks at what you had. It looks up at and you follow, when your eyes notice something else. Something under you, looking down see scenes. Moments. Of different kinds. Some shattered, while other being to mend together. With each step you took. What was strange about them, was the how old these memories were. Years ago. Back when everyone was together. Following the timeline, watching as things begin to break off and away. Watching things change. Watching things grow. You held the star close, the wolf by your side through each moment. The scene changed to much older ones, some weren't good. Some terrible and painful. But the one that made you stop affected and inflicted you the most.
Stars begin to cry, falling out the sky as you grieved seeing it. The moon started to become affected, its luminous light started to darken. Noticing the wolf comes closer touching the tip of its nose to you. It spoke a single word. A word that restored the moon back. And made everything disappear.
Poking and feeing the fire, Ezra sat with the loth-cat by his side. Every so often looking through the flames over at his wife, who had fallen back into her slumber. He sat there calm, yet inside was furious. Furious at her behavior, her dismissive attitude towards him. Her lashing out at everyone and rather disrespectful ways. Mocking others. Her words came out like sharp blades intending to wound or kill. It depends, but he was sure she meant it was to kill. For him at least. He already had the fate of his planet weighing on him. Now he had to deal with his reckless and suicidal wife?
Coming back to find and hear she had just ran off. Lashing out at his friend and others in the camp. He couldn't track her, cause he couldn't sense her. Still, he had to find her, leaving the camp to hunt her down. It took a few hours before he was found by one of the wolves that led him to her. They had found her and taken her back to their den. She was resting, a few scratches on her. The second his eyes laid on her, he was glad to see her well but also enraged. To the point, he didn't want to look at her.
To be reminded that it was because of him, she was like this. Looking at her completely he understood why the wolf kept her close, it could sense her pain and agony. It sensed it deeper than his eyes could see. Ashamed of himself, because of the choice he made. Caused her this amount of misery and he wasn't even there. Hearing you moaning just a bit, he looks and sees your eyes start to open. The wolf who had you looks at Ezra, understanding he gets up and carefully walks over. Afraid to touch you.
"I-Is she?"He asked unsurely.
The wolf gets up slowly, carefully lays you down. Leaving you to Ezra as the others get up and follow. Exiting their den, the last to stay was the cat. It watches the two before its eyes. Seeing what was to happen. Which direction was to be taken, curious but also respectful gets up and leaves. Once it does, your eyes open expecting to find the child there or the cat.
Instead, find Ezra. Not the one you were expecting and he saw it. The way your eyes scornfully squint at him. Nothing changed, he sighs. You still hated him.
"...W-Why did you..."Your voice cracks, he looks at you surprised for a second you were talking to him."D-Did you..."You begin to cry even if you were forcing yourself to refuse.
He knew what you were trying to say and trying to hold in. For so long you've been doing it, what other choice did you have. "T-Tell me?!"You demand from him."Tell me!"
Inhaling deeply his mind searches for the right words. But only one word came to mind, the one he's been using for so long with you. The one word that is supposed to fix everything. Running his fingers through his hair says it."I-I'm sorry..I'm sorry, May."
That word again only left a bitter feeling in you. And you snapped."Sorry! Sorry! That's all you can actually say!?"Your words hit him hard."Why do you keep saying that? When it doesn't work?"
Slamming your hand down pushing yourself up, he tries to stop you, but you push him back. Refusing his help. He never offered it when he was gone. Why should he now? "May, listen. You've got to understand, it was hard for me too."
You laugh."You?! Hard on you?" You spit back. And start to weep."W-Was it my fault? Wh-Why did you leave me when I needed you the most! I..I thought..."
Unable to speak anymore stop, it was too much. Dropping your head cry dry tears, covering your eyes with your free hand. Seeing you broken and confused, Ezra saw all that he was told. All that was bottled up inside. It wasn't like the times before when found you grieving, no, this was much different. Then the previous ones. Different from Raph leaving. From lost on Atollon. From everything. It was much deeper, it was a part of you. It was a part of him too. And he made the choice that shattered everything, left you empty and filled with pain. That he left you alone with.
What he had hoped was not the reality. He was thinking logically instead of thinking with his heart. It was no wonder you were left powerless. You choose to turn your talents into fixing metal instead of flesh. If it broke down you could just fix and keep fixing it. Finding different ways to fix it, since you couldn't with the choice he made.
You were right, what could sorry actually do this time? What could it do? "I want my baby back.."Your cries echo through the den, brought him back. Hearing the sadness in mourning words. Begging and pleading. "Bring them..bring them back."
"May..."His arms encase around you pulling you into a secure hold. Holding you tighter than before letting you release everything.
"Everything...everything is going. It's all gone."
Your cries increase with each word that came out. Ezra didn't let go, holding on tighter. Holding you close to his chest, squeezing out every last bit he could from you. You begin to cry off the names of those lost to you, each one Ezra took. The confusion in your wailing, he didn't have an answer for. Only comfort. He could feel you trying to fight against him, but he held you firmly.
Planting a firm kiss on your forehead, keeping it there before moving it to the top of your head. Your cries hadn't stopped. They only became muffled in his chest. Gently he strokes your hair, pulling you closer till there was no more space. Remaining still he lowers his forehead to yours touching it lightly. And in his calmest voice soothes your cries. Rocking and cradling you back and forth.
"...I know..I know."He repeats kissing you repeatedly on your forehead. To move away, down to your eye lightly kissing it briefly. Stopping for a second adjusting his hands. One holding you while the other he used to lift up your chin to his level. Once he had it tenderly places his lips on yours. He was shy at first but quickly got over it.
Apply more pressure while still remaining gentle. Nipping at your lips, lowering your body back down to the ground. Toppling over you.
Back at base, the others waited, Kanan was out on the ledge in the direction of the mountains. The air seem calmer now, it flowed peacefully. He could feel it returning back. Mending well. The storm had now over or was getting there. It was small but he could feel it, with that he turns to give privacy walking back inside. Finding the others waiting for him to tell them.
He wanted too but realized it was best he didn't. It didn't involve any of them. Sensing this Ryder understood. Without a single word on the matter Kanan suggest for everyone to get back to work.
"What about Ezra?"Jai asked.
Kanan stops and turns halfway to the young man, Jai waited for him to tell him something. But, Kanan didn't and just repeated what he said about getting back to work.
The flames remained active and blaze, it hadn't gone out. Shielded from the winds outside. Warmed the whole cave, it was nice. Your eyes watch the flames flicker it was something tranquil about it.
"What is it?"Ezra asked moving a few strands out of your face. Before pulling you up and kissing the top of your head."Hmmm?"
Lifting your head off the ground just a bit, felt his arm around your bare waist construct more. Pulling you closer were it was skin to skin contact. He inhales your scent. You weren't sure really, what to say. Just looked at the flames. As it blazed while you were left extinguished, there was nothing raging inside anymore. It was settled now. Laying your head back down find Ezra's arm there to provide your pillow.
He kept caressing your midsection for a bit. Stopping when you sit up, he follows. Your messy and slightly tangled hair rest on your back. Nearly forgetting how much it grew Ezra moves some of it out the way so he could rest his chin on your bare shoulder. "You still didn't answer my question, what is it?"He repeats."You've been staring at the fire for a while now, so..."
You simply shrug your shoulders."I don't know."You let out a sigh, rubbing the back of your neck stopping when you felt his head and hold it."I really needed you."
"I know. I know."
"I didn't mean what I said...about Lothal...I..."
He hushes you quickly."I know you didn't. I'm sorry for the choice I made. With you."
"Kallus said you did for us, but...was it really?"
Ezra moves his head to your back."...Yeah. Kind of."
"Kind of?"You pick up on it. Wanting an explanation."What do you mean?"
"I mean..."With his arms turns you around so the two of you face each other. His eyes look into yours tenderly, placing a hand on the side of your face. He just wanted to melt right into you instead of answer your question. Share another tantalizing moment again. But he had to push back his urges and desire.
He couldn't remember the last time the two of you where this intimate moment. Not like the other times, no. This was much deeper, the two of you exposed and opened. Now, he remembered it was after the vows where exchanged. It was just the two of you and no one else. No mission. Nothing about the rebellion. The way your eyes looked at him expecting and loving. Waiting patiently. His body began to tense when felt you accidentally brush your skin against his.
You still needed his answer, an answer he was ready to give. When he realized wouldn't be able to, slipping his other arm around you pulls you up and saddles you over his pelvis. While his hand on your cheek leans you closer. Hoping you wouldn't persist, was glad you didn't and melted with him. His hands and fingers begin to trail all over you, it could easily be rushed, but he choose against it Taking his time to explore each and every inch of you, so his mind could remake the map of you.
Each kiss ran deeper than the last, lasting longer. The only sounds made were the crackling of the flames. And soft and pleasurable moans and grunts from him and you. He felt you body rise a little and arch, his arms move to your waist to hold you down. Moving with your motion, he was glad you still remembered. You weren't that upset with him. It brought a pleased smile to him. One you noticed.
And he did too. Feeling things becoming tighter he knew it was time to switch and slowly lowers back to the ground, one of his arms move along your side all the way up to your arm and interlocks with your fingers. His heart was racing and he was sure your's was doing the same. Going down with you makes it one heartbeat. Making everything one. Until the fire began to dwindle into a puff. Darkness settles in the cave, but that was okay, it wasn't that cold.
Holding you close, Ezra wakes up to you shivering in your sleep, sitting up he uses the force to bring his lightsaber to him, using it as a light sees the scattered clothing on the ground nearby, he spots what he was looking for and uses the force for the same thing. Turning off his lightsaber and setting it down, covers you with his shirt. Before sliding back exhausted himself but relieved. When he realized for a second he never did answer that question for you.