Sorry for the awful pun, I couldn't resist...
I promise there is more serious plot coming soon, I just found this "day in the life" fluffy business too entertaining. What do demons do for fun, anyway?

In Which Evie Deals With Paperwork, and Discovers Demon Entertainment

"I need a what?"

"A password," he repeated. "A summoning name."

"You've got to be kidding. Why do I need a summoning name? Who's going to summon me?" It had only been a day, and these little surprise reminders of my new heritage could still smack me upside the head.

"It's more than just a summoning name, it's your username in the database."

"Demons have a database?" I was floored.

"Well, yeah, you don't think we memorize every little curse, do you? There's hundreds of thousands of them! Why do you think even a ley line newbie can trigger a spell with just a word of Latin?"

"Wait, you're telling me that…that every witch in reality is actually tapping into the demon database every time they cast a ley line spell?"

"Sort of," he explained. "You can memorize any spell, given long enough. But if it's a spell you trigger with a word of Latin and a gesture, chances are it's a public database spell or curse. Witches only have access to the lowest level. We don't give them access to the really potent stuff unless they make a deal."

"Demons have a database." I shook my head in bemused wonder. "Of ley line spells."

Demon Society 101 was still in session. Ash began to explain the finer points of choosing a password. Solange was listening in, busily transcribing a copy of a list that Al had submitted of everything he felt he was owed. Solange was just as busily crossing things off the list, having been there when the stuff was acquired and knowing Al for the greedy bastard that he was. She was newly re-ensouled, the first thing I had asked- or rather, mercilessly badgered- Ash into doing following his release from his cuffs.

She was still his familiar, because Ash refused to budge on that point. He might be the lowest of the low, he growled, but he still had his dignity, damn it. The only way he'd give her up would be if he found someone better, and was I perhaps interested in the position?

Ash was a tough one to threaten, but I told him if I caught him forcing Solange into doing anything she didn't want to do, I'd invite Al over for a night of drunken debauchery, and make Ash watch. He'd been grumbling ever since, and I distinctly heard him muttering something along the lines of now he knew what Al had had to put up with, and envying Al that he only had to deal with his insufferable, unreasonable wench once a week.

I had been ready to pester Ash to bring Solange back to reality as well, familiar or not, but she had declined for the moment. She made a good point- to whom could she go? She continued to run Ash's household- or rather, my household, I suppose- with ruthless efficiency. She said she was willing to do so as long as I wished- though she asked if she could accompany me to reality whenever I went back, since we both trusted Ash about as far as we could throw him.

Ash had other servants as well, but they were…well, there was no kinder way to put it, irredeemable. Their souls had been used for other unsavory purposes, degraded beyond repair. It was horrifying. Death might have been kinder than keeping them, but I wasn't certain I could stomach euthanasia on humans and witches.

Ash wasn't at all repentant about it, claiming that they'd been wicked summoners who had done terrible things themselves. Mostly. Among them was the cretin who'd given Solange to Ash, an empty-eyed, scarred witch who was missing one of his hands and most of his teeth. But I wasn't in the mood for his justifications. I knew Ash was far from a saint, but this was simply evil. And I had to share a fucking species with him, let alone be his roommate?

I couldn't wait to get the hell out of here. And that day couldn't come soon enough. Thank God Solange was here.

"Finished," she said, in Latin. We'd had a big well, duh moment when we realized we did have a language in common after all. Funny, you'd think with a name like Yvette Therese, I'd be fluent in French, but I'd been named after my dear departed mom and couldn't speak a word of it. I rarely met a person more fluent in Latin than myself, but Solange had six times the experience I did. Soon enough Ash joined us in using it. Unless he was making snide comments to one of us about the other, of course.

I looked over the list. "Aw, the conservatory really is his? I liked it. Well, crap." Disappointed but resigned, I passed it to Ash.

He looked it over without comment, shrugging without interest. "I still say you made a lousy deal," he said.

"It worked, didn't it?" I snapped. "Anyway, you're rich enough it's barely a drop in the bucket!"

"It's the principle of the thing," he insisted indignantly. "Al was desperate to make bail and didn't have Ceri to do his bargaining for him. He made a poorly worded verbal agreement, and I took advantage of it."

"Just blame it on me," I said, not giving a damn. It'd make Al happy, make Rachel and Pierce's lives easier, and poked Ash in one of his few vulnerable spots. Again, win-win!

"Oh, I do," he said grumpily. "You just wait until the tables are turned, I will take every last penny out of your hide."

"Just shut up and sign it, Ash," I said, as Solange smirked. Oh, yeah, the woman was enjoying this. "He's half the reason you're not playing blow-up-doll for Newt right now."

Ash did so, still grumbling. Probably he'd been rethinking his whole, "I wish I'd thought of this brilliant plan" statement of the previous day. He was even more scandalized when I made my next demand: buying back my four friends.

"Not happening, Evie," he said firmly. "Not unless I can procure four newer, better familiars. I told you, we don't sell familiars- we trade up." I fumed for awhile, but he remained unmoved.

"Isn't there anything I can do for them?" I demanded finally.

"Buy their souls, and return them," Solange suggested. "Better to be a slave with your soul, than without."

Well, she'd know, wouldn't she? I looked at Ash expectantly.

He rolled his eyes again. "I suppose I could try to manage that. It'll be fucking expensive, though. Their demons won't be thrilled with the prospect of their familiars running around with souls, either. It's just not done."

"Al does it," I pointed out. "Pierce has his soul. And Rachel would have kept her soul, too."

"Al is Al. Everyone expects him to do the crudest, craziest, most outrageous things, the prissy little drama queen."

"Well, now there's two of you running around with feisty familiars," Solange said. "And you're the most notorious demons now, too, what with your new women. Everyone's watching you to see what happens next. Perhaps you'll start a new fashion!"

Ash favored her with a raised eyebrow, but made no reply. The last time he'd shot down one of her suggestions, she had given him such an earful of rapid French that my own ears had felt blistered. The sight of the young woman facing down her demon captor and giving him a piece of her mind was wonderfully cathartic.

"On second thought, perhaps I should have Al do the negotiating. If they know it's me who wants the souls, they'll up the price," I said thoughtfully.

"Or ask for favors you don't wish to grant," Solange said knowingly.

"No problem there, I'll just send Ash on over looking like me to take care of it," I said, deadpan, and Ash made a surprised choking noise of shock. "Well, isn't that what a good slave is for?" I asked him innocently. "You keep saying I'm too soft, I'm just trying to take your advice."

"I take it back," he said firmly. "You have a wonderfully perverse streak to you, love."

"So…will you do it?" I asked.

"Fuck, no, you bitch!" he snapped. "You've got to be kidding!"

"I meant, will you buy my friends' souls, you big dope," I said, as Solange laughed merrily.

"If you insist," he said with an exaggerated sigh, as if I were being completely unreasonable. "What do I get out of it?"

I groaned. He was supposed to be at my beck and call, but we played this game every time I asked him to do anything more than stand there looking pretty. "What do you want?" I asked. He bent down and whispered a suggestion into my ear that made my face flush bright red, and set my pulse racing. "For each soul," he added, and I swallowed hard.

"I'll…have to get back to you on that," I said. "We'll see."

Solange looked disgusted, and no wonder, for she'd suffered his attentions unwillingly for nearly two centuries. I couldn't explain to my own satisfaction, let alone hers, why I had suffered them willingly enough. I'd not only lost the will to resist when Therese was driving, but she tended to escalate things out of control in a way I couldn't predict. She had a definite destination in mind, but whether it involved Ash, or Al, or perhaps sampling the entire lot of goods out there (Oh, God, no) I had no idea. I was reluctant to let her off the leash any time soon.

Ash looked far too satisfied, and returned Solange's suspicious glare with an innocent smirk. "Next agenda item," he said, handing me a stack of envelopes. "Invitations."

"Oh boy," I said unenthusiastically. "Ash, explain to me again why I can't be a mysterious recluse?" I sorted through them, noting that he'd already opened them. Just being helpful, I'm sure. Right. "This is for a…rodeo? OK, that sounds fun."

Solange shuddered. "Trust me, Evie, you don't want to go to that one."

I blinked. How bad could a bunch of demon cowboys riding bucking broncos be? It sounded entertaining, actually. But when I said this aloud, both Ash and Solange laughed mirthlessly.

"They're not breaking in animals, Evie. They're breaking in new familiars," Ash explained.

I dropped the paper as if burned, horrified. "And this one?" I asked, holding up an invitation to a retirement party.

"That's when a demon gets a new familiar, and…well…retires the old one," Solange explained, grimacing eloquently.

I grimaced, finding another invitation that was beautifully illustrated with pretty fairies. "And…and…this one, they're having a production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. Shakesphere, right? Just a play?" I asked desperately.

"Not…exactly," Ash said. "They get a bunch of the elven familiars together and…"

"It's an orgy," Solange translated.

"Good God!" I frantically sorted through the stack to fine anything that could possibly be construed as innocent. "OK, how about this one?"

"BINGO night?" Solange cried in horror.

Ash patted her arm soothingly. "No. Never again. Even I have my limits."

I stared at them pleadingly. "Is there anything that would fall into the category of 'boring, vanilla entertainment' here where nobody dies or gets otherwise screwed in any way?"

Solange sorted through them. "There's a few that are just sort of old-fashioned ballroom dance parties with themes. This one's a masquerade. They're dull as dirt, but mostly harmless…unless you're a familiar. Oh, hey, this isn't too bad!" she said, holding up a gruesome invitation to a torture porn party. "Can I come?"

"Not…too…bad?" I said, gagging at the illustration, then turning it and deciding it looked a little familiar.

"They get together and watch bad horror movies," she said.

"And… that's all?" I asked, and they shrugged.

"It's funny!" Ash insisted. "It's like…kiddie cartoon night. A relaxing evening of fluffy entertainment. Occasionally someone decides to see how realistic the effects are by trying them out on someone's familiar, but it's all in good fun."

"And there's popcorn," Solange added.

I stared at them. "Y'all are real screwed up down here. You know that, right?"