A/N Thank you for all the notes/comments in the reviews! I really like to hear what you are thinking.

Bonded for Life #34

Stefan's eyes moved from one to the other as he waited anxiously to hear the source of the tension between Elena and his brother. Elena took a breath and turned to face Stefan. "Bonnie's on her way out here to help channel Jeremy. We think he's trying to communicate with us, with me."

Damon scoffed and turned away.

"Why do you think that?" Stefan asked Elena.

"I've, sort of, seen him tonight."

"What? You didn't say anything."

"It was nothing, at first, a mistaken identity once, then twice, but then Bonnie had a vision when she touched me. I saw it too. It was Jeremy. He was driving a stake through my heart."

"What the, why didn't you tell me? And better yet, why are we trying to channel someone who is sending violent images of your death?"

Bonnie arrived as Stefan asked his questions. "It may not be his true message. Visions aren't always meant to be taken literally. Let's go over here." Bonnie led them to a grassy area with some trees and proceeded to drop a few items at her feet, items which she gathered from the kitchens and storage areas of the banquet hall.

"Now, Elena come stand here." Bonnie set up a circle of salt around them, staggering votive sized candles at points along the circle.

"Is this a trap?" Elena asked.

"No, well, not like you think. I'm setting a defined perimeter. It should make it easier for Jeremy's spirit to come through to us if we give him a targeted place to land."

"I'm a target for him? Isn't that what we are trying to avoid."

"Elena, he isn't on this plane. He won't actually be able to touch us. The veil isn't down." Elena didn't look like she was on board yet. "Just remember, the vision isn't literal."

Damon and Stefan watched from outside the circle. Stefan asked, "How do we know that? What if a witch is helping him? What if you are enabling him to hurt her?"

"I'm not. Trust me, guys." Bonnie stood facing Elena. "Now, just relax. I'm going to touch you again and start the channeling. Just stay calm."

Bonnie held Elena at the wrist, Elena clasping on in kind to Bonnie's wrists. The chanting began. Bonnie's eyes closed and those seriously freaky dark veins came to life. They weren't limited to her arms this time, they were everywhere, even her face and eyes. Nothing much else was happening until the wind picked up. It blew out the candles.

"Bonnie," Stefan said in caution.

She ignored him but opened her eyes. They were white, solid white, like a demon had possession of her. "Bonnie…Bonnie!" Elena called trying to shake the witch out of the trance. Elena could not break Bonnie's grip on her. They were locked together.

Then they heard him. Jeremy. "Well, isn't this just perfect? My three favorite bits of unfinished business." Jeremy came out of nowhere and was standing opposite Stefan and Damon, the circle with the girls trapped inside separated the boys. Bonnie's back angled to Jeremy left Elena able to catch sight of her brother standing there for all to see. The shock of others seeing him as well kept her from moving or speaking.

"Jeremy," Damon said quietly and slowly.

"Always quick on your feet, hey Damon? And some say you're not the sharpest knife in the drawer…" Jeremy drawled sarcastically as he spun a wooden stake in his hands. He looked huge, hunter huge. He was in a charcoal T and black jeans, both having trouble concealing any mystery of the muscles bulging underneath.

Stefan spoke next. "What are you doing here, Jeremy? Why were you trying to reach Elena?"

"Still trying to protect Elena, hey Stefan? You're still so whipped, even after all this?" Jeremy indicated Elena and his obvious derision for her at present.

Elena couldn't hold it in any more. Weakly, she said his name. "Jer? Is it really you?"

Jeremy finally focused on the girl who once was his sister. "It's me, but who the hell are you?" Elena couldn't answer. The turmoil within her was written all over her face. "I mean, what the frick is wrong with you? Do you know how hard it was not to kill you? And them? All to protect some sense of family that doesn't even exist anymore? You had me trained like a dog to control it, to not complete my mission! What an idiot! I believed that you were still human enough, that you would still be family. But now, man, you've gone and fucked it all up, haven't you? What was it all for, Elena?"

"I tried, Jeremy. I tried so hard to save you."

"So because I died you don't have to hold up your end anymore? Well guess what? Dying cured me of all that restraint. I am a Hunter. Now, all I want is to put you all out of your misery." Jeremy tried to step inside the circle but could not. He was trapped outside. "Looks like I'll have to start on them since you've kept yourself safe in there."

"No, Jeremy, wait! You can't interact on this plane!" Elena yelled.

"Really? You think so? Maybe that's what Bonnie planned. I bet she planned on me being limited to the inside of that circle too, to talk…but then how am I holding this stake from this plane?" Suddenly, he whipped the stake at Damon who took the brunt of it in his chest, just below his heart. Damon grunted and fell to his knees.

"Damon!" Stefan turned to cover the short distance to Damon. A previously unseen stake flew at Stefan. Stefan got clipped in his neck as he bent over Damon. Groaning Stefan fell back to the ground, paralyzed as he bled profusely from his carotid artery.

Damon was up and whipped his stake back at Jeremy who dodged it easily. Jeremy countered around the circle, keeping the girls between them as Damon looked for something to use as a weapon. Spying the stake still in Stef's neck, he pulled it, none too gently. "Sorry," he hastily whispered when Stefan winced in pain.

"Jeremy! Please stop!" Elena cried. "Bonnie! Bonnie! Let – me – go!" As hard as she tried, Elena was locked into Bonnie's grasp. Bonnie was still lost in trance and as immobile as a statue.

"Jeremy, this isn't right and you know it!" Damon said.

"That's good, Damon, trying to appeal to my humanity. Good one. But as big sis has taught me, we don't have to use our humanity, do we, Sis? Or should I say, Cuz?" Jeremy chuckled snidely. Suddenly, Jeremy was on top of Damon and broke his neck and dropped him unceremoniously to the ground. He stalked over to the vampire that was still awake but bleeding and struggling. Jeremy kicked Stefan in the head viciously.

"Stop!" Elena cried, sounding increasingly desperate as she strained to be able to turn and see what was happening.

"Just making sure he doesn't heal too quickly…" Jeremy bent down on one knee and easily hoisted up Stefan's near lifeless body, holding him by the scruff of his neck. "At least until I can rip his heart through his chest." Stefan's eyes blearily looked to Elena.

"No, please, Jeremy. Please! I'll do it! I'll do it! I'll turn it back on, all of it!" With every ounce of strength she could muster, Elena tore her arms free from Bonnie. Bonnie fell to the ground unconscious. Frantic to physically engage, Elena ran headfirst into the spell keeping her and Bonnie in the circle. She pressed against the invisible barrier, pleading with Jeremy while Stefan watched her. Stefan was fading fast, not healing for lack of blood. A tear rolled down Stefan's cheek.

From behind Stefan's back, Jeremy drove his hand brutally into his chest and grasped Stefan's heart. Stefan's face blanched from the sheer pain as his mouth formed into a scream. No sound came.

"Please! It's what you really want, isn't it?"

Jeremy looked at her. "So do it."

Elena hesitated, unsure. "Move away from him."

"You're in no position to negotiate," Jeremy cautioned. He clenched harder around Stefan's heart eliciting a painful gasp from Stefan. Stefan's eyes widened imploring Elena to make it stop.

"Ok, ok, give me a second. I don't know how…"

"Too late." Jeremy ripped out Stefan's heart. The loving Salvatore, the love if her life, staring straight into her eyes, turned gray and lifeless right before her eyes.

"Nooooooooooooooooo!" she screamed collapsing, gasping, barely breathing and then, tears. She couldn't speak. She could barely function. She was crying. She could feel it. Stefan was dead. The love of her life was dead. How did this happen? It couldn't be real? She really had lost her mind, hadn't she?

"No, you haven't lost your mind."

Elena looked up at Jeremy standing over her, a bloody heart in his hand. He dropped it on the ground in front of her, his bloody hand now empty and open to her view. She wanted to vomit. She wanted to scream. She wanted to kill. But this was her brother. The brother she couldn't save. It was all her fault. "Kill me," she said, barely a whisper.

"Is that what you really want?"

She nodded at him. Jeremy knelt in front of her. He wiped away a few tears as he studied her face. Her mind hadn't even questioned why there was no longer a barrier between them.

"Was it worth it? Shutting it all off just because you couldn't handle that I died? Seems like such a cheat." He watched her, trying to read her answer. She didn't speak.

Bonnie had awoken and was listening. Still groggy but present, she spoke. "That's enough. She's back. Leave her be."

Without warning, Jeremy's hand plunged into Elena's chest. Bonnie and Elena gasped in stereo. There was so much pain for Elena, but all she could think was that relief was so near. It was too much, all her emotions coming at her like a tidal wave, drowning her.

"I said that's enough!" Bonnie yelled.

"Please, finish it…" Elena said quietly, not paying any attention to Bonnie.

"She wants to die, Bonnie."

"I won't take the veil down if you don't stop torturing her."

"Oh, but she's so entertaining. I could torture her for stealing that face alone, never mind all the other foul things she's done while in this likeness. She doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve the love she's been given. She doesn't deserve to live. She's responsible for Stefan's death. She knows I wouldn't be here now if it weren't for her being so selfish. She's thinking that right now…she knows it's true." Tears streamed harder from Elena's eyes as he spoke, her truth, his words.

"I said stop torturing her."

He glanced up at Bonnie then smirked. "Fine. For you, Bonnie, I won't rip out her heart." He removed his hand from Elena's chest, stood up and walked a few steps away. "That said, I think a little more pain is in order, don't you? I mean, with everything she's done…"

Elena collapsed further to the ground and wailed into the earth. Bonnie came up behind her to soothe her. "Leave me alone!" she cried and pushed Bonnie away roughly. Elena vamp-sped to Stefan's body. She collapsed sprawled across his chest.

"Elena!" Bonnie yelled. She got up and carefully approached her friend, very aware that said friend was a vampire in mourning. "Elena, listen to me." Elena turned on Bonnie in full vamp visage, ready to tear anyone limb from limb if they should try to remove her from Stefan's body. Bonnie heard Jeremy snicker.

"Get out of her head, Silas! Let me talk to her!"

"You're no fun."

Elena seemed to change from rabid mourner to a bawling young girl. Her hands came up to cup Stefan's face. Her lips closed over his, sealing them together with a kiss. Her tears ran rampant down her face and onto his ashen cheeks.

Elena opened her eyes. In a shocking realization, Stefan was no longer beneath her. She pushed up to her knees and frantically searched around her. Nothing! Leaves and grass.

"Elena."

She stopped still. Her eyes closed at the loving voice coming from behind her. She began to cry harder than before, a big ugly cry.

The imposter spoke, still in Jeremy's form. "Don't worry, Ripper. Mind if I call you Rippahhh? She thought you were dead. She's thrilled you're alive. She just can't face you with all she's done."

"I told you to get out of her head, Silas. Leave us alone. The show's over."

Elena couldn't face him and wept into her hands. "Elena, baby, I'm here." He leaned in to take her hands from her face. She reluctantly let him. He pulled her up from the ground and into his arms. "It's going to be ok," he cooed at her ear. "Just breathe. Breathe, Elena." He shushed and soothed her. "If it's too much, just focus on one thing, one emotion, just pick one. The one that makes you want to live, Elena. Sshh. Just breathe and focus."

"Ugh," Damon moaned as he started to awaken and reached for his sore neck. "Well?"

"It worked," Bonnie told him.

"You knew?" Stefan asked

"I knew you wouldn't be able to hurt her. But your death would."

Stefan nodded in understanding and gratitude, never stopping his gentle rocking of Elena in his arms. Damon gave him a nod back.

"So you made us believe it, that I was dead?" Stefan said to Jeremy's image.

"Yes, I'll take my Oscar now. Ahem. I'd like to thank the Academy. I'm especially grateful for the chance to show my incredible range and skill through this performance. The role of dead brother lurking in corners was chilling wasn't it? And the Hunter was so buff and exciting, I know. But I especially liked my portrayal of a stubborn Caroline, especially this evening. She really is great at playing with that switch of yours, Elena. You almost flipped back too early by getting all jealous. But I fixed that for you."

"Wait, you mean you were in her head and stopped her? She was turning her emotions back on but instead you had to do it with all this pain and suffering?" Bonnie railed at Silas.

"Like I said, entertaining. She can't completely escape emotions if the doppelganger spell is intact. There was always a risk she'd come back too early. Now don't interrupt. The music may cut me off any minute now. Ahem. The best role of all…" Jeremy suddenly morphed into someone else. A feminine voice finished his egomaniacal speech. "The best of all, was the young voluptuous morsel that is 'Sweet Jane". Isn't that right, Elena?"

Elena's crying had dissipated to a slow trickle. Slowly she pulled her face up from Stefan's chest to look at Silas in his latest form. This Jane was dressed as she was when they'd met in the woods. She was playing nervously with her buttons and yet blushing and smiling wantonly at Elena. The light started coming on for Elena. "That, that wasn't Jane? I, I didn't…It was you?"

"The one and only, well…You know what I mean." Jane/Silas made a funny look about the paradox of him being Jane at the moment.

"Did you…?"

He answered before she could voice the question out loud. "It didn't take much...A little push here. A little prod there. But still, it was what you wanted. You were so easy. Mad at this one," a finger pointed at Stefan, "if you can call it being mad…without emotions. You really do have a little green monster inside of you, don't you, Doppelicious." Silas liked that name pulled from her memory of Trevor. "But you and I both know it was no excuse…"

Elena shook her head in disbelief and awe at the magnitude of all that happened. What was real and what wasn't, she wasn't sure any more. Just how far into her head had Silas gotten? Silas heard her question her mind and felt rapturous at leaving her so distraught.

Jane/Silas' hands clapped together loudly. "And now my work here is done. You're welcome." Said like a proclamation, the would-be award winner bowed and waited for a thank you but realized none was coming. Reverting to teen girl bubbliness, the next words came out high and giggling. "Have fun at prom everybody!" Jane/Silas winked at Elena. Then Silas, in all his forms, was gone.

A few seconds of quiet ensued. Elena's face was again buried in Stefan's chest. Stefan held her tightly, not wanting to let go for even a moment.

"What was all that about?" Bonnie asked

"Give us a minute, would you, Bonnie?" Stefan said gently. "Damon, would you…?"

"I got it, brother." Damon helped Bonnie collect the candles and took her arm to escort her back inside.

"Thank you," Stefan mouthed to Bonnie before she was gone.

When all was quiet, Stefan began to pet Elena's hair a bit, trying to encourage her to look at him without trying to rush her.

"We don't have to talk about it now," he said.

Her crying started up again. "Oh, Stefan…"

"Sh, sh, I was trying to stop the tears not start them again."

"If, you, knew…" she hiccupped through her tears.

"It's ok, whatever it is. I'm just so relieved you are back. And I know it hurts, believe me, I do, but it'll get better. Just focus on that one thing…"

She nodded into his chest. "I am…I am…you…" she sniveled, still crying. Another minute or two passed as he gently rocked her. Slowly she pulled her face out of his chest. Shamefacedly, she looked up at him through wet lashes. "When you know all I've done, you won't be able to forgive me," she mumbled, shaking her head.

"I think I already know…" he said, trying to show her it wouldn't be as bad as she was fearing.

She shook her head telling him he didn't. "Uh uh," she hummed nasally.

"You've been feeding on the girl."

Elena's eyes went wider while her face paled.

"There were some clues. You were drinking less of our inventory. The way you attacked that girl when we were searching for the cure,…the skill you had with me, that doesn't come without practice, like you said. And Caroline may have said a few things that made me wonder. She was concerned."

Elena looked fearful and more worried. "What did she tell you?"

"Seeing you two coming out of the woods, and then back to the day you first met her and drove her home…"

"Nothing else?" she asked

"Just that she worried the girl's heart would be broken. I didn't tell Caroline about my observations or our inventory. She worried more about how bad the girl was crushing on you."

Elena looked guilty. He saw it flash across her face. She couldn't hide the truth. She knew she had to tell him everything.

"What?" he asked.

"I, I…I took advantage of her…" Elena looked down. She could not look in his eyes.

Stefan was a bit stunned, not sure what to make of those words. He took a step back. "What? I don't understand…"

"I'm so ashamed, Stefan. I…I…"

"What is it?"

"I touched her, kissed her…"

Stefan just stared for a moment as he tried to understand the words she was saying.

"Why?"

"The first time, it was the blood. She'd gotten hurt, just like Caroline told you. I took her home. Her blood was so sweet. The smell of it was intoxicating. And it was all over her lips. And then I figured out she wasn't on vervain, so I could just have a taste and make her forget. I compelled her, asked her if she wanted me to kiss her. She said yes. But then I bit her too…and it was so good Stefan, I didn't want to stop."

"But you did. So you kissed her, so what?" Stefan was trying to not overthink it, to not be angry.

"The time in the woods…" she started.

"That was Silas, he just said…"

"Yes, but I didn't know that."

"He said he pushed you, prodded you…"

"He also said it was what I really wanted."

"You can't trust that. He was in your head, Elena." Stefan didn't want to hear the rest but he felt like it was coming at him like an unstoppable train.

"Not just in the woods. Her feelings for me, Stefan. I took them. I liked it." Elena's hand quickly covered her mouth, so horrified by her own words and reliving what she'd done.

"What do you mean?"

"I drank them. I lead her on. I touched her, made her feel good, aroused. She adores who she thinks I am. And I drank it all, every feeling." Both hands came back to cover her mouth this time. She was so disgusted with herself.

"You had sex with her?" Stefan was wide-eyed and fearful.

"No, we didn't go that far, but it's still so awful. I made her feel good, mostly good…I touched her…" Elena motioned vaguely and shamefacedly to the area of her chest.

"And then you could feel…just like with me…" Stefan looked at her, heartbroken for the moment and turned away.

She didn't dare move closer. She owed him that. If he needed space, she'd give it gladly, especially if it led to forgiveness. "I'm so, so sorry, Stefan, so very sorry. If I hadn't been such an idiot about coming back, I never would have done something so vile, so hurtful…I told you, you wouldn't be able to forgive me…"

"You compelled her in this?" He said it more like a statement than a question.

"Just her silence and not to remember…" Elena admitted, her confession coming more and more freely. "She liked me. The rest was…normal to her mostly," she said, not sure if she was using the right words to explain.

Stefan had questions. "What does that mean, 'normal to her'?"

"I told her she couldn't be with me and I convinced her to ask a girl out. She did but she was nervous. I met her at the woods. She wanted me to…teach her some things. She wanted me to kiss her and stuff." Stefan actually looked maybe a hint relieved at this as he listened. "I didn't force her, I mean, not until the feeding. But it's still no excuse, Stefan. I know that. In my head, I know I rationalized it. She was getting something out of it and so was I. But it was so wrong. I used her. I hurt you. I hurt everybody."

"Yes, yes you did." Stefan was pacing a bit, unsure how to feel about any of this.

"It's ok if you want me to go. I totally understand. But I hope someday, you'll forgive me, that's if I can ever forgive myself." Stefan didn't speak. He was struggling a bit. "I have some clean-up to do on Jane too, to make sure she's clear of any, well, you know…I want to make sure she's happy and away from me."

Stefan nodded, hearing her, but still lightly pacing and running a hand through his hair as his brain and heart worked through all he'd heard.

Elena waited for Stefan to tell her what he wanted. "I think I should be there for the clean-up."

"Sure, anything you want." She was quiet for a few more minutes, letting him work it out. "Stefan, I know it may take a while, if you even decide to work on forgiving me. I wouldn't expect it overnight." Tears again were streaming down her face. "Whatever you decide, you should know…I love you. I haven't been able to tell you that in so long, it feels like forever…probably even longer for you. It's true though. You are the one thing that makes me want to live. You are what I'm focusing on tonight, to hold back the tidal wave. And, I love you."

Stefan stopped his pacing. He turned to face her but hadn't opened his eyes yet. He took a deep breath and slowly called her to him with his arms subtly opening to hold her. Elena's heart was fit to burst. She flew the few steps into his arms, not even feeling the ground under her feet. She flung her arms around his neck. "Oh Stefan! Stefan!" His arms closed around her as he slowly buried his face into the crook of her neck and shoulder. "Thank you," she said. "I'm so sorry." Over and over she whispered these hushed words to him. They each had a few stray tears on their cheeks when they finally looked at each other. "I know this is just a start. I don't expect anything. I know I have to earn your trust again, and I will, Stefan."

Her eyes glanced at his lips and back to his eyes but it wasn't her place to mend that fence. It was his. When he was ready. Ever so slowly, he leaned in and sealed their lips together, both so overcome with the emotion being present as they kissed. He held her lips there, soaking in the tenderness, until he pulled back and rested their foreheads together. They simply breathed together for a few more moments.

"I love you, Elena. No matter what. It doesn't mean I condone what you did. But who am I to judge?"

"You're the man I love, the man whose respect and trust I hope to earn back."

"What you did may have hurt me, maybe others too, but Elena, I've done so much worse. I'll get over a little make-out or two, I'll even get past the…" He struggled for the right words, licked and bit his lip.

"It's the emotions, me drinking them, right? Hers and yours…How I used you both…"

He nodded. "But I'll get past it. I just need to know that you're really here to stay, emotionally present. You won't go flipping your switch when something gets too hard. Please, just promise me this."

"I promise. I promise. I will not turn off my emotions again. It is a cheat. I get that now. And I really made some bad decisions without them. Somehow, I thought logic alone could make everything clearer, easier. But not having compassion, empathy, it's all so empty. And love, Stefan. You were so right. It's the only reason to live."

A/N Well, did the blubbering have you reaching for the tissues? It did me. It's the first time I've actually shed serious tears as I wrote. I hope I was able to convey enough of the pain and emotions to you the reader as much as I imagined in my head when I wrote and read this.

A/N Pretty please, this was a LOT of work…Please, review and tell me what you thought. It doesn't just come out easily from my head. I wish it did.

A/N This is not the last chapter, assuming I get lots of reviews. ;-) I'm not sure how much more of this story there will be though. It might be epilog, or a bit more. I see this as the peak of the story, relationship-wise at least, perhaps not relative to a tv-style Season 4 ending with the cure and Silas and a cliffhanger to S5. As much as I wanted to offer an unsired and alternate S4, I'm not sure I have it in me to do a season 5 and without one, I wouldn't leave you on a cliffhanger with no plans to for another season rewrite. Let me know your opinion on this.