Disclaimer: I don't own twilight.

A/N: Guys, I need to explain Bella. She loves Edward, a lot. Whether or not that's rational, so she wants to cling to the idea that because she loves him it will be okay and thats why she wants to forgive him. I'm not going to make this an easy process because as much as she wants to forgive him, it's not that simple. She isn't going to find peace within herself all that easily because he did a total douchwad thing. Okay enough of my rambling :)

"I think I just had an epiphany," I stated.

"Yes?" Edward urged me to continue.

"I want it to be okay....I just can't now Edward, I need some time."

"God, Oh yes! Edward," Tanya moaned as Edward pounded into her hard and fast. "That's so good."

Edward groaned and made a face; the familiar face of his climax before falling down on the bed beside Tanya. She twisted her fingers through his hair as he whispered, "I love you."

I jerked up from the bed and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. Another dream, just like all the ones i'd been having all week. The week that was undoubtedly the worst of my innocent, previously untainted existence. I'd managed to successfully avoid talk of prom as well as the inevitable dress shopping, much to Alice's dismay, but I couldn't avoid much else.

I couldn't avoid Edward's longing stares in the hallway. Yes, he was back at school. What was happening with the blonde bitch I didn't know, or care to ask. I hadn't spoken to Edward for over a week, the day of the confession in the Volvo. He'd spoken to me. A lot. Alice mainly shooed him off, much to my relief. I guess I was in denial, I didn't want to have to face him and then be faced with all the mistrust. I'd just rather he was on a holiday, he'd come back someday.

He would disappear at break times and I always wondered it was because of her.

It was friday and Alice was set on bringing up prom again. Both Rose and her had found their dresses, but now they needed accessories. Of course.

"Come on Bella, it won't do you any good moping around the house," Rose stated bluntly, not one for sweetening things up.

"Yeah, I agree with Rose," Alice said. "I'm worried about you," she whispered. Her brilliant green eyes were sad and I instantly regretted my grouchy behaviour.

"Okay, you guys are right. It will be good to get out of Forks."

Alice broke out in cheer at her successful powers of persuasion and gave me a hug, while Rose gave me an enthusiastic smile.

Alice was bouncing around the rest of lunch, probably glad for us to have some topic of common interest to talk about. I'd been a bit phased out the past week, so she was understandably thrilled when I perked up. A week still isn't a long time though. Not all all, not by anyone's standards.

"Now I hate to dampen the mood," Alice stated, "but Edward asked me to give you this." She pulled a small envelope out from her book bag and handed it over to me. "Sorry, he looks terrible Bella, you know me, I didn't know how to say no...."

"Al, it's okay," I said calmly. I shoved the envelope into my bag and then Alice continued our conversation, just as if nothing awkward or tense had passed

I only pulled out the envelope once I was safely in my room after school had finished that day. It wasn't that id forgotten it was there, it was more that I was worried about how i'd react to its contents. That was probably not something i'd like anyone to see.

My fingers were shaking as I turned it over in my hands and slid a finger underneath the back to open it up. It was being stubborn so I became frustrated and just tore the thing away. The letter inside fell down onto my lap and I eyed it for a few minutes before sucking in a breath and unfolding it.

Bella, it read;

I'm not sure if this will even get to you and if it does, if you'll even read it. I deserve that. And its torturous not knowing your reaction to this, if you have one at all.

I'm just so damn stupid! I'm constanstly cursing and getting angry for not apparent reason because i'm just the most moronic, stupid fool ever. I guess I thought that because you knew I loved you, you'd know I'd never do anything to hurt you. But I'm angry. I didn't think about the fact that even though you know I love you, things can't just be okay. I did hurt you. I'm so sorry.

I couldn't turn Tanya away, but I could've done things differently. I should have told her about you. I should have told you about her. I shouldn't have let her sleep in my bed, even if she was crying her heart out. It's not right all the same, regardless of the situation. I should've told her to take my shirt off, but i'm an idiot. But now i've told her everything and she's in the guest room. I can't send her away, Bella. I may have done bad things in the past and have now fucked up royally, but please know that I keep her here as a friend and because she has nowhere to turn. I can't stress that enough. There is no one else for me, only you. I'm driving my parents insane. I'm driving Tanya insane. I nearly crashed the Volvo the other day. Everything is crazy. Nothing makes sense without you Bella.

I love you and I miss you.

I'll always be waiting here, whenever you're ready.

Edward.

I re-read it, while tears welled in my eyes. As hard as I tried to fight against them, they rolled down my cheeks and fell onto the letter which I still held, open, in my shaking hands. I heard Charlie's footsteps in the hallway so I quickly tossed the letter into the top draw of my bedside table, then I rubbed the tears away from my face.

"Bells, are you decent?" Charlie asked, with a knock on my door.

"Yeah, Dad," I murmered.

He opened the door and stood awkardly in the frame, apparently at a loss for what to say. I kept my eyes down on my lap, trying to hide the evidence of my tears. "Uhm," he mumbled. "I just came to see if you were, you know, okay?"

"I'm fine, Dad."

"I'm sorry Bells, I know i'm not the best with this...this stuff, but you can talk to me if it'd help," he said as he moved over to my bed. He sat down beside me and wrapped one of his arms around my shoulders. Physical affection, or just affection in general was rare with Charlie. I knew he loved me, but like me, he sometimes had trouble expressing that.

"I'm...Dad, thanks," I mumbled.

"Whatever it is he did, don't beat yourself up about it. Go out with Alice or Rose. I think they miss you, you were spending so much time with...him."

"I know, I'm going shopping with them tomorrow," I said, then groaned. Ugh, shopping.

"Oh you never were one for the shopping," he chuckled, standing up. "I'll leave you alone, love you kiddo."

"Love you too," I whispered, as he slipped through the door, shutting it behind him.

***

Alice bounded into my room at some ungodly hour the following morning.

"Get up Bella! We have to pick up Rose still!" She exclaimed, pulling my covers off me. I mumbled in response and pulled my pillow across my face. Alice was relentless so I finally caved and got up from the safe comfort of my bed.

"You're a mess," Alice announced simply once I'd returned from the shower. I was wrapped in a towel, not bothering to even try to pick an outfit for myself since Alice was there and would protest against all of my choices.

"Thanks, Al," I growled. "I really appreciate that at 10am on a Saturday."

"Sorry." She looked down at her feet, frowning.

"Um, it's okay? Did you want to um...play Bella barbie?"

"Oh Bella!" She squealed in delight, then ran up and wrapped her arms around my waist. I returned the hug, my arms easily fitting around her tiny frame. "You're really my best friend, you know?"

"And you're mine Al. Really, thank you for staying here after...well, you know. I know I don't say it a lot but I really appreciate everything you've done and continue to do for me."

"Aww!" Alice murmered.

She dressed me in a striped baby doll halter dress, very unbella, along with a black shrug. I didn't agree with the outfit (link on profile), but I knew there was no use in complaining.

"Don't pout, Bella. You look hot!" Alice stated, proud of her work. She fussed with my hair and applied a minimal amount of make-up before rushing us out the door and into her car.

Rose was already groomed and prepared when we got to her house. Alice let us in and we walked up to Rose's room, where she was perched on her bed, staring down at a sleeping Emmett. He was snoring lightly, his hand laid across his face.

She kissed him on the forehead and we all quietly made our way downstairs.

Rose was positively glowing, no doubt she had another perfect night with Emmett. Those two seemed to belong together and I could imagine one without the other, like I couldn't imagine Alice and Jasper without eachother. I was happy for my friends, but still wallowing in my own self pity.

"You look nice, Bella," Rose commented from the back seat of Alice's car.

"Thanks, Alice dressed me," I mumbled. Rose giggled and kicked her feet up so she was lying across the whole back seat.

"You're chipper this morning," Alice said. "Last Saturday when I picked you up this early to go shopping, you were like a scary vampire!"

"Well I had a good night and I slept well and woke up feeling good."

"I'll bet. I swear you and Emmett are like rabbits!" Alice giggled.

"Are not!" Rose protested.

"You so are," Alice snickered.

"Like you can talk. We know what you and Jasper are like."

That seemed to shut Alice up. She scowled and refocused on the road.

Eventually we made it to Port Angeles after an estrogen overload of sex-talk, beauty and hair talk as well as the singing of bubbly pop music, only not on my behalf.

"Bella, cheer up. You used to sing along!" Rose said, patting me on the shoulder lightly.

"I never used to sing, Rose."

"Now, now, Isabella," Rose purred as we walked into the first shop of the day.

"Rosalie," I hissed.

"Don't get catty. The pixie -" Rose gestured towards Alice, "- and I have developed a plan."

"Oh great," I said sarcastically.

"Bella, stop moaning. It's a good plan," Alice said mindlessly as she held a dress up to her frame and then examined herself in the mirror. "We think Eduardo needs some punishment."

"Yes, he needs to be punished," Rose agreed, smashing her fist into her palm.

"Guys, this is stupid. I haven't taken his calls or talked to him at school, i've barely even looked at him. He....it's okay, he doesn't need to be punished."

"Bella, the guy was, or still could be for all you know, doing some blonde slut. I think that warrants some kind of punishment," Rose said fiercly. She glared at me, absolutely determined.

"Yes, definetly," Alice chirped. "We're thinking total humiliation, he needs to be put in his place. I really wish I never gave you that stupid letter, he doesn't deserve anything. Stupid fu-"

"Enough!" I exclaimed, interrupting Alice's rant. "He didn't cheat on me, okay!?"

"What?" Rose whispered. Alice was apparently at a loss for what to say. Her jaw had droped and she was staring at me in shock.

"I thought you said-" Rose began.

"No, no. It was just a misunderstanding."

"So that's what you meant about a misunderstanding? How can you misunderstand a girl in his bed, Bella?" Alice growled.

"There's more to it than that. It's not my place to tell."

"We're your best friends, Bell, you can trust us," Rose said, adopting a kind, warm tone that was inconsistent with her personality. Most people thought she was icy, but she was actually kind to her friends when they needed help.

Alice looked at me both expectantly and hopefully. I sighed and then began to speak.

"Her name is Tanya, she overdosed and her family doesn't care so she came to Edward."

"Why would she go to Edward?" Rose inquired.

"She's his ex-girlfriend,"

"What? Bella this is stupid! His ex-hoe bag?" Alice growled, stomping her foot. "No. I don't care what happened to the bitch. He avoided you while housing his overdosing slut ex at his house. ALONE! NO PARENTS!"

When Alice put it that way, it sounded a lot worse. It was bad, they were right.

"Al, I think we need to rethink this revenge thing. We need this to hit him a lot harder, the plan was too soft before," Rose said with a devilish smile.

Then everything boiled to the surface. All the anger, the lies, the hurt.

"You know what?" I stated confidently. "Count me in."

A/N: muahahaha. Excellent

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