Plot: Draco Malfoy is conflicted, and quite upset about it.

Notes: I hadn't done an overly psychological one for a while and this popped into my mind one morning when I was procrastinating about getting up to go to work. I've gone with 8th year, with the war being delayed (so final battle hasn't happened yet) … that's my jam right now.

This is not a request.

Disclaimers: M For mature language and themes. I Don't own HP or these characters. Worst luck.

Slumber

"How could, something, so fair, be so cruel?" – Death Cab for Cutie

Standing over her bed he felt calm, but conflicted. Truthfully, he didn't think he was going to make it this far. How the hell Hogwarts hadn't thought to put decent protection charms around any of the Golden Trio was beyond him – but their lapse in judgement was his gain, so to speak.

Tonight, he had slipped into the bedroom of Head Girl, Hermione Granger, with only one goal in mind. To kill her and win the favour of the Dark Lord, who was becoming impatient about his inability to successfully kill Dumbledore.

Not that it was his fault. He was barely eighteen and had never killed anyone before. And the old git was smarter than he looked. He'd foiled several attempts on his life already. Plus, admittedly, he didn't particularly want to do it.

He'd always found the idea of killing to be… unsavoury. It just didn't come naturally to him like it did to his father. Fortunately, he was quite adept at torture, which kept his demented Aunt and the rest of the Death Eaters largely off his back when he was at home.

Merlin, summer holidays had not been a walk in the park. And it was getting harder and harder to avoid the inevitable. He had to kill someone important or they would turn on him. It was him or her really. Or so he told himself as he stared at her sleeping form.

Fuck this, he thought. I'll do it tomorrow night.

Here he was again, still undetected and still exploiting the significant security issues at Hogwarts.

Honestly, the place appeared set up only for wizards and witches who used legitimate forms of magic. Yet Dark Magic was what it needed protection from.

Draco pushed his grievances with school security from his mind. He had no time to go on a tangent about it tonight. He'd spent all day agonising about his task, the killing of Hermione Granger.

It was no secret that where Potter was concerned, she was the brains behind the operation. Weasley was dumb luck, loyalty and brawn. But her brains and Potter's 'destiny,'… or whatever it was, was what really got them over the line in the past.

Without her he would not only become angry, irrational and prone to mistakes, he would lose his best tactical and intellectual asset. It was a sensible move to take her out of the equation.

But, standing by her bed, once again his conscience took issue with what he planned to do.

She was just a teenage girl. And she'd never actually done any wrong by him, no matter how badly he'd treated her. And now he was standing here seriously considering taking her life as she slept – not even able to fight back. Like a coward.

What kind of person was he?

Draco supposed that wasn't a question a Death Eater should be asking himself, but then again, he never really signed up willingly for that. He'd been bred to be one. Groomed from birth.

He was no freer from his fate than Potter was. Being a Death Eater was always going to be the case for the youngest Malfoy, just like Potter was always going to be the Chosen One.

But today, he really wished he were chosen for something better.

He took a deep breath, unbeknown to the sleeping girl, given the silencing charm he had used, and stepped closer to her bed. She was curled up and appeared to be holding a small pink stuffed toy of some description.

Draco swore under his breath.

Hermione was really making this hard. She looked so innocent and so relaxed. He wasn't sure he would ever look so serene, even sleeping. Not that he'd really slept in a while.

It hadn't gone unnoticed in Slytherin that he was looking particularly gaunt of late. A mixture of lack of sleep, stress and guilt.

He sighed and continued to appraise her, embracing the silence and the dim light to examine her more than usual. The part of her face that wasn't obscured by the pillow and her still-damp hair was clear and soft looking, and she had a slight flush, likely from the cold air of the room and the warmth of her charmed bedding.

He could smell her from where he stood. Vanilla, and something muskier. It was an unusual scent. Almost as if she wore perfume to sleep. Perhaps it was a lotion of some kind?

Draco scalded himself for putting this level of thought in and could have kicked himself when he started to think about how her parents would feel when they were notified of her death. Presumably they were sending her here thinking it was safe, and an opportunity for their gifted daughter.

Had she even told them about the war and who Potter was? Who she was in it all? Gods, what if it was a total surprise to them?

You could say what you will about his parents, and even he himself had seen things that really shook his faith in them, but they loved him. Or his mother did at least.

She'd be grief stricken if he were to die. He'd seen her worry before when he'd gone out with the other Death Eaters. Petrified he wouldn't make it back.

That may soon be a reality for the Grangers.

That's if you do it… argued a small voice in his mind.

Merlin, empathy for muggles. He'd be the one on the wrong end of a killing curse if the Dark Lord ever found out.

Deciding to delay the murder of Hermione Granger for yet another night, Draco silently slipped out of her room.

Both relieved and resentful that the girl he left behind was still breathing.

"Malfoy, are you alright?" asked his irritating potions partner.

"Fine," he snapped, refusing to look at the girl.

"You don't look fine..." she continued, ignoring his foul temperament and shoving her small cold hand onto his forehead.

"Did I say you could touch me Mudblood?" he hissed, pulling away from her like she burned him.

Hermione glared at him and turned back to her potions book, slamming it on the table as she flipped to the section they needed.

"I don't like this any more than you Malfoy," she snapped, looking at him sideways, "But I can at least be CIVIL for the sake of my marks."

Draco snorted and narrowed his eyes, "if you call molesting my forehead with your Mudblood hands being civil, I would hate to see what unfriendly looked like," he said defensively.

Gods, if only she knew how many times he'd been in her room that week. How close he'd been to draining every last ounce of life from her tiny little body.

And she was tiny. Standing next to him he was acutely aware of how petite she was. That, and her smell. The same scent he'd experienced standing over her bed. It triggered in him a range of feelings he had no utility for in a potions class.

He needed to get a grip. But as they stood there, her far closer to him than he could comfortably cope with, he began to feel himself wind tighter and tighter. The black dog was coming, and he felt overwhelmed by anxiety.

"Malfoy..Malfoy?.. MALFOY!" was all he heard as his world suddenly became a narrow tunnel with her worried face at the end of it.

It was awfully nice of her to be worried was all he had time to think before the tunnel closed completely.

He woke up some time later in the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey explained that he'd been so stressed his blood pressure had dropped. She said some other medical things but she wasn't really listening.

He could smell the faint scent of Granger, and it was clear to him she'd been there. God, he fucking hated her for being so considerate. Had she accompanied him there?

"Did anyone come by to see me?" he asked, cutting the medi-witch short.

She gave him a stern look for interrupting but let him get away with it. Likely out of sympathy.

She knew he was obviously distressed. Gaunt. Thinner than his last visits. And now fainting in potions.

"No one yet Mr Malfoy, but Hermione Granger brought you in. Stayed until she knew you were alright. I offered to let her hang around, but she said she had somewhere she needed to be. Lovely girl, that Hermione Granger," she said with a soft smile and a pat of his head. "Now get some rest!" she added with a false glare.

Draco nodded and closed his eyes. Honestly, he was ready for a good rest. With any luck, he wouldn't wake up.

It had been several days, but he found himself back in potions with his unwanted partner.

He could see her cast him furtive glances every so often. She was dying to know what was wrong with him. Her curious nature getting the better of her, making her less discreet.

She was the problem of course. Though she had no idea.

As for Draco, he'd accepted that he couldn't do it. Having come to terms with it in the infirmary.

He just didn't have it in him. To kill anyone. He was only a teenage boy for God's sake.

Draco didn't know how he would get out of his predicament… but there had to be some way, some other way that he had not yet thought of.

The class had thinned out, but Hermione lingered, packing her bags slowly.

"You know… Malfoy," she said slowly.

"What?" he snapped, crossing his arms.

"I had the strangest dream last night… I dreamed you were standing above my bed, just looking at me… for a long time. You seemed to be worried about something. Or making a decision. Then, after what felt like forever, you seemed to come to a conclusion… and you left without saying… or doing… anything to me…it was bizarre," she said.

Draco let out a shrill laugh to mask his nerves. She'd been awake. Gods, she must think he's a total creep. Then again… he had been lingering over her sleeping body… so she wouldn't be entirely wrong to think that.

"Seems like you've lot the plot," he responded with fake nonchalance.

Hermione looked at him curiously.

"Why do you think I would have such a strange dream?" she asked.

"Do I look like a fucking dream journal Granger? Tell someone who cares," he said haughtily, throwing his books under his arms.

He ignored her apprehensive look as he turned his nose to the air and brushed by her, being careful to shove her as he did.

He was tired. So tired. And why his tired legs had taken him to her room was beyond him.

It was like he had some cosmic pull to Hermione Granger, though God himself probably couldn't tell him why.

Once again, there he stood, come full circle. He'd gone from standing over her, intent to kill, to standing over her with regret and remorse. Feeling also, strangely protective.

There, he grieved for them both. And for Potter, for Weasley, for all of them. Pawns in a war they had no culpability in creating. In violence decades in the making.

He hung his head and felt the tears threatening to break free. This wasn't the place for it. He needed to get himself together.

Suddenly there was a sharp rustle and his head shot up from where he held it in his hands.

Draco's eyes widened at the sight of Hermione sitting up, her pink singlet top askew and displaying her delicate collarbones. Her wild hair was like a halo around her face as she rubbed her eyes.

"You're here," she said matter-of-factly. She didn't seem surprised.

Draco sat on the bed and looked in the opposite direction. What more was there to say? He was, wasn't he?

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked delicately.

"No," he whispered, looking at her with glassy eyes.

"You look like you haven't slept in months," she said quietly.

"I haven't really," he confessed, exhaling.

Hermione lifted the corner of her quilt and gestured for him to join her in the bed. There was nothing suggestive about it.

She was offering him a safe place to stay. She was offering him some peace.

Without thinking, he loosened his tie and shook off his open robe.

"Those too," she said gesturing to his trousers with no hint of embarrassment.

Draco nodded and stripped to his boxer shorts and slipped into the bed, pressing his body close to hers and closing his eyes as he took in her scent, so much stronger now his nose was at the nape of her neck.

"Do you think you can sleep like this?" she asked kindly, snuggling into him. He couldn't remember the last time he felt a kind touch.

"I think so," he said, feeling the weariness of the last few months weighing on him as he relaxed into her.

"Good," she said. He could feel the smile in her voice, though he couldn't see her face.

He didn't deserve her kindness, but he took it anyway.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"It's ok," she replied.

The quiet around them and intimacy of their position made him feel as though he were confessing to a lover.

"No, it isn't," he said, pushing his forearm into her view.

He felt her wince and relax again.

"It's not too late to change," she breathed.

"Do you think so?" he said, wanting to believe her.

"If you want to," she whispered, stroking the hideous mark.

"I do," he admitted.

"Think about it in the morning," was the last thing he heard as he drifted into a dreamless sleep.

Tomorrow would undoubtedly bring confusion and pain.

But tonight, he was free.

Just a little one for now.

Holly (Guest): I am keen to do your request but with some changes. I know several people have been gunning for me to do Lumione again, especially those who liked it in Stolen Secrets. But I am not feeling super inspired on it and know I won't do a good job. But I have an idea for most of the rest of the request… so I will likely have a try at it (with tweaks- hopefully that's ok).

Drina: Thanks for all your requests. I really do like them… but they're very Lumione-centric and as I said to Holly above… I am just not inspired on that at the moment. Not saying I never will again. I actually want to (ambitious I know) go back through every Stolen Memories chapter now I am a more experienced writer and fix it up, make it tighter and better, and maybe that will get me back on the Lumione train. Anyway – perhaps if I do Holly's idea and have some Lucius/Hermione banter it might scratch the itch for you a little until I get back onto it!

Thanks to all my regular reviewers. It really makes me happy to see your names and see what you think. Thanks also to the new names that pop up! So pleased to see people are still finding this and enjoying it, or feeling inspired to comment for the first time.

Until next time xx