"Where do you think she'd go?" Anara asked Miteza softly, some minutes later. They'd come downstairs to have a meal together. It was that time of day, and they'd all need to keep up their strength for what came next. Kes had enlisted Artem's help preparing the meal. Miteza was in the living area, Anara had Vastu in her lap and was just internally rejoicing in that fact, even now. There had always been a pressure there, a lack, a pull. Kes had always felt it in her, even though she hadn't recognized it for what it was at first. She knew it well now. It was what a mother felt when she was separated from her child. Kes felt that a little, even now, because they'd left Tresit and Lanam alone out at their home. What was their home for now, at least. She wanted to get back to them. Even at this distance though, she could feel Lanam. Just faintly, just as a... presence. She couldn't feel Tresit, likely because she didn't have as strong a mental rapport with him, but she could tell, at least, that Lanam was... content, she'd guess... Content enough at least, but worried too? Worried about her and Anara? Maybe even for Artem? Though, she knew, her daughter was still weary of him to a degree. She had to smile to herself a little though as she lined up a row of plates for them. Soon, she daydreamed, soon she and Anara would be able to tell their daughter that she had a little brother. The thought did a lot to keep her in good spirits.
"I... I truly have no idea." Miteza confessed. They'd been talking about what to do next. They'd come to an agreement that Kes and Artem would go out into the city to search out Thalla and bring her home. They very much didn't want to risk staying in the city into the afternoon when the men would be back from the mines. It was true that, if worse came to worst, they could perhaps stay overnight in Miteza's home and leave the next day when the men were gone again, the city less crowded, but neither she nor Anara wanted to leave their children alone that long, or take that additional risk of being discovered. The longer they stayed, the more danger they put their family in. That was a simple fact.
So, the best thing they could do would be to find Thalla and bring her home before it became an issue. They'd decided on Artem because he knew the city, and his sister, better than Kes did, and on Kes because she could use her mental abilities to sense out for Thalla's presence nearby, and, hopefully, find her, even if they only got close enough to her for her thoughts to be overheard. Anara would stay with Miteza and Vastu to help Miteza pack so they'd be ready for the journey ahead.
"She's..." Miteza continued. "She's only come back to sleep since it happened. Even before... It's been... It's been too long she's truly confided in me." She admitted with shame.
Anara reached a hand out to cover her sister's. "She's at the age for that." She told her in comfort. "When I was that age, there was much I would only tell Ralka. Some things, not even him..." She admitted, feeling wistful for her own mother and regretful at any lost chances there might have been between them.
Miteza smiled to her, grateful.
"She's told me precious little either." Artem put in. "She only really talks with those two friends of hers anymore." He explained.
"Caya and Janarin." Miteza nodded.
"Could she be at one of their homes then?" Kes asked as Anara mentally instructed her on how to cook the meal with the Kazon style oven. Tulk had been fairly well off, so there was still some produce in the kitchen that wouldn't keep outside of a refrigeration unit and could be used to make a stew. Anara had always loved stew. Kes could see it, even almost taste it in the memory Anara had shared with her of it, and the prospect of making it for her made Kes's heart feel warm and fluttery in her chest, anticipating how nice it would be to give Anara something like this that would just... give her joy.
Miteza shook her head. "I know Caya's mother, and Thalla knows her father enough that she wants little part of him. I can't imagine she would ever go there. I... I don't know very much about Janarin though." She admitted. "She's kind. She's always kind when I see her. But... I think she must simply be the type that avoids talking about herself..."
"She works with Caya for Garlis, the baker." Artem spoke up. "She came here with her brother from Tharstis looking for work a while ago." Tharstis being a moon one star system away that Anara knew of but had never been to.
"Truly?" Miteza spoke up, puzzled. "I've... never seen her there, only Caya." She should know this, Miteza thought, again feeling inadequate as a mother for her daughter.
"She helps him bake the bread, so she works in the back of the shop from before dawn to midmornings." Artem explained. "I think that Garlis wants to marry his son, Kaylin, to one of them when they both come of age. Thalla told me it would be Caya, because there seems to be a mutual interest there between them."
Miteza looked down at her hands.
"Sister?" Anara asked Miteza gently.
Miteza looked up towards the kitchen. "Does... Is there a boy Thalla likes, do you know? Is that... what her secrecy is about?" She asked Artem. If there were, could she take her away from him? Would Thalla want to go?
Artem shrugged. "If so, I've seen no sign of it." He admitted.
Miteza let out a breath, unsure if that was a good thing or not. She wanted her daughter to have a family and to prosper, but... the idea of her married to someone like Tulk, or someone worse, it worked a knot of fear inside her worse than any other. If she hadn't been able to tell what Tulk was really like before she'd chosen to marry him, how could she expect Thalla to be able to? She looked up to Anara then. "If it's the way where we're going for her to take a female as her wife, would that mean... Would it mean my daughter could never have a child?" She asked, worried and very much not wanting to give her daughter that fate either. But, at the same time, wouldn't it be less of a risk of a bad result if Thalla married another female instead of a male? "I know you said it wouldn't be required to pair that way, but if it's the thing everyone around her does, she'd be likely to choose that for herself as well, wouldn't she?"
Anara shook her head. "Kes has told me that the females there enter into bargains with male couples to produce children. A male child going to the males, and female to female, for example."
"Oh..." Miteza was relieved, if also a little uncomfortable. She felt nervous, mostly. Worried about her ability to adapt to all of this. Worried if they'd truly be welcome. Worried if she were making the right decision or not, or if her gods and goddesses would bless or scorn her for what she was about to do? She didn't know, she realized. She didn't know so many things. That had never bothered her so much before as it was bothering her now.
"Would it be such a bad thing?" Anara asked.
Miteza met her eyes again. "How could I know?" She answered honestly. "What... You would know better than I would. What do you say?" She asked Anara, while looking over at Kes wonderingly.
Anara smiled softly to herself. "...I would highly recommend it." She answered and Kes suddenly felt very happy. That was definitely a very pleasant feeling type of complement to get, now wasn't it?
Miteza blinked and looked back to her sister-in-law, not really sure what to say or think. "...In any case, I suppose we'll simply have to see what happens." She said, looking over at Kes again speculatively and wondering to herself what it would be like to marry a woman. And a woman of another species besides. The way Anara had just spoken, she clearly enjoyed bedding with her. She tried to remember if she ever had with Tulk... She wanted to think she must have, at least once or twice, surely. Her feelings were too muddled to remember clearly at the moment though... though perhaps the fact of that was answer enough.
She considered asking Anara how a good wife compared to a good husband, since her sister-in-law apparently had now experienced both, but she thought better of doing that in Kes's presence for fear that the question would be entirely too awkward. And, in any case, one man was not necessarily the same as any other man, just as one woman wouldn't necessarily be the same as any other woman, so perhaps the question was an altogether pointless one.
Miteza's gaze drifted over to Artem who was chopping loka root and she lost her train of thought. She felt proud of him, and worried for him. Familiar feelings. It was somehow always startling to her just how much she felt for them, for her children. She felt this pull to protect them that came from somewhere deep inside her that she'd tried to explain to herself several times, failing every time. Had Tulk ever felt that? He'd always seemed so... disinterested in them, in their children. How could he not feel it? Did males simply not? Or did some females not feel it either? If it was a common trait for males, would Artem not feel it for his own children either? She looked over to Kes who was setting the water to boil. She'd seen how Kes had been with Vastu, and even how she looked at Artem ...like a mother. They weren't even of her blood, and she could look at them like that so easily. It was definitely an appealing quality, now that she considered it.
"Miteza?" Anara asked.
"Yes?" She asked. "Oh, I'm sorry... I... Should you go to Garlis's bakery then, to ask after Thalla?" She offered, looking over to Kes and Artem again.
Anara smiled to herself. Miteza was so used to being ignored, she could sense it was a strange and new feeling for her to be looked to for answers. Slowly, she and Kes could tell, she was coming to feel more confidence in herself. Kes nodded. "That sounds like it's probably our best chance." She agreed.
Only feeling slightly nervous, Kes brought the spoon to her lips. She took a sip of the broth and then brought the spoon between her lips and took in her first spoonful of stew. She smiled as she chewed and smiled even more when Anara took her hand and their eyes met. "I like it." Kes told her wife softly.
Anara brought her hand up and kissed Kes's fingers, then brushed her cheek against her knuckles. Kes's breath caught and her heart sped up. She swallowed. Their eyes met again. "Thank you, zaraya." Anara told her softly. "For the stew... and... for other things."
Kes closed her eyes and felt a heady warmth travel all throughout her body in slow waves. She loved Anara's voice, so very much. "You're welcome." Kes told her just as softly. Sensing something, she turned her head then and saw Artem looking at them strangely. Just looking at him was enough for his thoughts to be clear to her. He found what and Anara were doing alien. He was imagining doing that with another boy and wondering what that would be like. It was so outside of his context though. He'd seen two men in an ally together once, kissing and growling in a low, rumbling sort of way. He'd turned away, embarrassed. Kes wanted to tell him that it was alright to question things, to wonder what was right for himself, but she somehow didn't think he'd appreciate it if she tried to give him advice about it. Kes also found herself suddenly wishing again that she could stop sensing Miteza, Artem, and Vastu's thoughts as much as she was. She knew Anara was feeling it too. The attention it took to stay grounded to each other was... daunting.
"It's... very good stew." Miteza complemented. Kes looked over to Miteza who'd been watching Vastu eat and now looked over to her and Anara. Kes could sense her thoughts too, wondering how involved she would be allowed to remain in raising Vastu, now that Anara was back in his life. She didn't want to deny Anara her son, because she knew very well how it felt even just to think of the possibility of another woman trying to take Artem or Thalla from her, but, at the same time, Vastu felt like her own son too by now.
-We can share in raising him.- Anara sent to her sister in thoughts. -I won't take him from you.-
Miteza looked over to her wonderingly. They'd told her about how they were using Kes's abilities to keep watch for danger and how that it meant that they couldn't help from overhearing their thoughts in the process, but it was one thing to have been told, another to experience. Somehow though, Miteza found, it didn't bother her that Anara and Kes could hear what she thought. Anara's words in her mind felt like a comfort in fact. It made her feel less alone. And what she'd told her, that was very much a relief too... profoundly so. -Thank you.- She thought back to her.
"Do you have friends you'll miss?" Kes found herself asking Artem after a few more moments of silent mutual enjoyment of the stew. She'd looked at him and thought about her own friends she'd left behind, whom she hoped to see again soon, and wondered if he'd be leaving anyone like that behind.
Artem looked up and met her gaze. He looked uncertain. "Perhaps I did." He answered.
"...Lingen's two sons?" Miteza put in quietly. "Vinja and Karbel are their names."
"Yes." Artem replied. "They're off training with the military. They wouldn't call themselves my friends any longer though, not if they knew any of the truth."
"...No. I guess they wouldn't, would they?" Kes replied regretfully.
Artem shook his head. "What's past can't be undone..." He said simply.
"The past is a juggernaut..." Anara commented softly. "Only fools and blind men fight against it, for it's a fight that can never be won."
Artem cocked his head to the side a little. "Zanrin, right?" He asked. Zanrin was a Kazon warrior sage who'd written a small book of wisdom and poetry that had been popular during the Kazon people's years of slavery. It was still very well-known and one of the only books that most of Anara's people would be likely to know very well.
Anara nodded.
"Well, it's true anyway, I guess." Artem allowed. "Whatever else though, I wouldn't be able to live with hiding my crimes from them, so it's best I go, as much for that reason as for any of the others."
"You haven't committed any crimes against them." Kes told him softly, with meaning. "If anything, I've done that." She admitted.
Artem shook his head again. "It doesn't matter. Unless I'm willing to fight you to the death, I'm still guilty as far as they would ever see." He told her, meeting her eyes again. "And, even if I could win that fight... I no longer want to."
Kes smiled, feeling happy at how genuine she could feel his words were. He wasn't conflicted about his feelings towards them anymore. He saw her and Anara, Tresit and Lanam as part of his family now, she could tell. And he'd fight to protect all of them if he had to. "I'm glad." She told him.
to be continued
and I'm always happy to get comments (even really short ones)