The Final Reaping

The dark minutes of the night ticked by without mercy. I stared out beyond my pillow at the shadowed comforts of our room, frozen to the sheets. My eyes drooped in exhaustion and my thoughts swirled in nonsensical patterns as they staggered towards unconsciousness. The hour and my body begged for sleep, but I knew it would not come. Not tonight. Never on this night. My fear of what would come to pass if I closed my eyes far outweighed the nocturnal instinct to do so.

A dusty tear slipped out my unblinking eye. It was not one of sadness. I had no strength to cry, no energy to feel the pain and suffering associated with this day. There was only the heavy emptiness crushing against my chest, pinning me down to the bed and restraining my movement far better than any straps or binding could. It dispersed itself from my core out to my limbs and head, robbing me of all my strength and allowing me to only stare without focus ahead of me.

The warmth of Peeta's bare chest pressed firmly against my back caused a bead of sweat to trickle between our entangled bodies. His arm was draped limply across my side with his hand in mine, tucked gently under my chin. I could tell from the steadiness in his heartbeats and breathing that he too lay awake, yet not a word was spoken between us. There was nothing to say. Nothing that could ease the draining life changes that had spurned from this day seven years ago. Nothing ever helped except his arms and knowing without even having to think that he was alive and right beside me.

I somehow found the fleeting strength to squeeze my fingers around his hand. He responded in kind by brushing his lips against my knotted hair and the exposed flesh of my shoulder. Neither of us wore any clothes. On most days, any other day, the feel of his warm skin upon mine would make me flush and stir with desire. Making love to him had only grown more intimate as the years passed, and the mere anticipation of his touch would cause me to grow excited. His gentle caress and soft kiss would always ignite the fire inside me, and I would happily and willingly lose myself in him.

Yet on this night I was already lost, and not even Peeta could find me. He was just as gone, his mind far past any place where I could reach him had I the strength to try. We never talked on this night. We had no words. All we had was the physical reassurance of the other as we held each other so close that in our darkest moments and weakest thoughts it was impossible to deny the other was there. It was the only way we knew how to get through this day. Yet though his body filled my arms, my grip was always empty.

The sound of his alarm filled the silent room. His arm stiffened instinctively, his first movement in hours. The empty pang in my chest intensified as I realized soon he would need to pull away. Just as we had promised we would. The duties and obligations we had knowingly accepted on this day would force us from each other. We had been certain this needed to happen in order to move on. Five years since the end of the Rebellion was too long a time to still act like this. We were strong, we knew we had each other, and we would overcome.

I choked down a sob, certain I was to fall apart without him there to keep me together.

"I'm not going to go," he whispered decisively, his tense arm somehow scooping me even closer to him.

"You need to," I replied despite wanting nothing of the sort.

"I need to be here with you," he stated ardently, and I knew the desire was for both our sakes. I rolled over to my other side so I could look into his eyes. Even in the dark I could see them filled with hurt and worry.

"I'm tired of this day defeating us," I said solemnly. "I don't want us to be ruled by it anymore."

Peeta closed his eyes and breathed deeply. His hand ran gently up my side and wove itself into my hair. I could feel the pain of his anxiety over our separation. On the yearly return date of the final battle of the Rebellion, where Peeta had lost himself and I had lost my world, we typically grieved separately, joining together only at night to fall into each other's comfort. But today was a day we always spent together. It was our day. Our sick, twisted, depleting anniversary of the day that changed our lives, our home, and bound us to one another eternally.

It was Reaping Day.

"You're right," he answered simply, his voice void of emotion as he slowly sat up. I let go of him, my heart breaking as he pulled away.

"This day won't ever change if we don't let it," he added as though closing himself off. I nodded slowly as I stared at the long scars upon his back. We had agreed to make a change. To choose to see the day differently. To not wallow in the past but look forward to the future. To work with our town to try and change the insidious air surrounding it.

Which meant we were both needed to do our own part, separately. He needed to go off to the bakery to finish and bag his goods for the Children's Day faire, and I needed to supply Sae and Delly with more meat for the feast. We could not spend the day entwined in each other's arms, clinging to each other for life as we silently suffered through visions of death. We had to do this. For us. For our future.

And yet as he turned from me and climbed off his side of the bed I felt crippled by loss and infinite despair. Without him by my side I would simply wilt away into sorrow and nothingness. I knew it. Once he left me he would never come back, and everything good we had built would burn and incinerate. It was Reaping Day, a day that could end no other way.

And with that thought the walls around my heart tumbled down. I felt the despair and the helplessness of being forced into the arena. Being forced to kill children. The white hot rage against Snow and others like him who saw me and the people I loved as pawns for their sick Games. The disgust and hatred towards everyone who made me the Mocking Jay. The twisted sense of elation that came from killing an enemy, to the insufferable pain that came next when I realized I had murdered. Again, and again, and again.

And worst of all I felt the tearing grief of those I had lost because of this day…Rue, Cinna, Wiress, Finnick…Prim…Prim…Prim…

It was too much. Too much pain. Too much loss. Too much hatred for myself. How could I have let myself go on? How could I ever let myself feel good?

How could he leave me?

I began to shake and gasped silently on my tears as I felt myself collapse into my wretched sorrow.

Peeta turned around suddenly. I let out a startled sob as I stared at his face through my tear-stained vision. His eyes were red, and every muscle in his body seemed to be clenched in painful spasm. At that moment I felt everything he felt. I knew the raw, crushing pain that sliced into his very soul, because it was the same that sliced into mine. His suffering was mine, and mine his. We were connected. Eternally bound. My heart bled for him, and in that moment all that mattered was that Peeta never have to feel the killing agony that had so recently raged inside of me. He did not deserve it. I needed him not to feel it. I needed him to only ever be happy. I needed…him.

An electric buzz filled the air, blooming a small flower of hope in my chest as I realized he needed me too.

Without another second passing we crashed into one another. Life suddenly erupted in my veins the moment his body returned to mine. The sheet lay abandoned as I kneeled on the edge of the bed, kissing him passionately where he stood. His arms crushed me into his chest as his hands swept my skin frantically. I clung to his neck as he lay us back against the mattress, never breaking the kiss as he settled quickly between my legs. The sudden need to pull me back into his arms had caused him to swell hard as stone, and in one thrust he slid easily inside my slick and readied folds.

I moaned in ecstasy through his heated kisses as he pumped in and out of me. My need for him was so much more than carnal. It was so much more than a physical act of shared love. I needed him to live, to remind me of why this time this day had to be different. That this was not Reaping Day, but just one more day that distanced us from our horrid past. That as long as we had each other we could survive anything.

I climaxed almost instantly. The thirty second change from feeling my soul being ripped out of me, to my body becoming flushed with life and love and shaking with insatiable waves of pleasure caused me to go into shock and scream without filter. Peeta thrust inside me wildly, hissing and pinning me down by my hips as my shaking walls gripped him tightly. His hard and animalistic movements only caused a second intense and indescribable orgasm to pulse through my every inch. Our moans shook the walls as he came inside me. He continued to thrust even after he was spent, prolonging my release as he slowly rocked me back to earth.

For a moment we remained perfectly still, our limbs and hearts connected as we collapsed into the bed. I could hardly breathe or think as my lungs struggled happily for delicious, life-giving air. All I could feel was Peeta's pulse racing against mine, and blinding, unadulterated love for the man who shared my soul.

And then, as if that weren't enough, the unthinkable happened.

"Well, that certainly was an encouraging start to the day."

The words escaped from my lips before I even realized it was I who spoke them. Peeta lifted his head up and stared at me incredulously.

And then he laughed.

He laughed.

And I laughed.

We laughed.

We laughed long and deeply, and we only stopped when I began to happily moan his name over and over again as he fervently kissed my neck and face and lips.

Hours before the sun broke through the horizon, Peeta and I laughed away the final Reaping.

(A/N: This originally was just going to be the opening sequence to the Children's Day chapter, but after I started it I felt it stood so well on its own. Hope you enjoyed!)