A/N- It's been a bumpy ride and it's not about to get any better for our hero and reluctant heroine. While Snape's death scene in the books is no less moving, I prefer the visual of the movies. So… deal with my deviation from canon in this one thing, if you please.

Snow

Of Gold and Steel

Chapter Thirty Six

Snape knew the moment the wards fell, he watched as the castle bombardment began. The voice of the man from behind him came as no shock. The ruse was almost over. He'd known the Dark Lord's intent from the first moment he'd seen him enter the boathouse. The words however, resounded in his head. "The Elder Wand belongs to the wizard who killed its last owner." Voldemort took a step closer, the cold words settling over Severus as if in mockery of everything he'd ever done to atone for his past. "You killed Dumbledore, Severus." The words continued, flowing over him as a cold rain, cleansing in the strangest of ways.

He had never truly stopped to consider what death might be like, what clichés might truly apply. Vaguely he was aware of the pain, of the blood that flowed, of his head bouncing off the glass. There was no clarity in his death, he realized this as Nagini's fangs ripped into his skin. How many times? He lost count. He didn't want to count. An unexpected peace settled over him as the world began to edge in, the haze of death lingering, unabated, only long enough to come in the form of Potter and his two sidekicks. Severus struggled for breath, the sting of tears in his eyes, though he didn't feel sad, only tired. So very tired. The boy's lips were moving, though he couldn't make out the words. How had it come to this?

It was not until Potter's voice invaded his bliss that he was able to focus his eyes unsteadily on the boy's face. His mind spun with the sharp words he could say, the things he'd wished would come, yet nothing did, save for the whispered instructions of his memories. The unfiltered truth, he'd done his job, he'd obeyed until the very end, fulfilled his promise, and his penance, and in that moment, the comfort and truth washed over him as surely as the peace that he'd been seeking, so unknowingly, a peace he'd never known in his adult life. He left his eyes drift to the far wall, only dimly aware of the pressure on his chest. Clinically, detached, he knew it was the end. There was no strength left.

Severus knew nothing else, his eyes open, yet saw only black, his lips parted, and yet the precious life-giving air that would sustain him didn't enter his lungs. The end, of Severus Snape was as unremarkable as the rest of his life.

He knew this as he crouched before his own body, observed his own chest, unmoving. The lightness that surrounded him, the flickering in the distance of the battle as it raged on, it was clearly his own death he watched. Yet as the voice came from behind him, he knew no joy. "Sev. Look at me."

The words were almost a mockery of his own, dying breaths and a voice he had not heard in too many years, yet was so achingly familiar that he had no choice but to obey. The instant he spun, he was face to face with her. She was but a small girl, untouched by the years, and so very young. Had he ever been so young? The flaming halo of her hair was as vibrant as the last day he'd seen her, her eyes as vivid as that'd been in life. The sounds of battle abated, and he didn't care. In that moment, he didn't care as he stepped toward her, drawn as ever, a moth to her flame. Her voice was low, carrying a sense of urgency. "Severus, you're dying."

"Expelliarmus!" Sara ducked as the spell zinged toward her, deflecting it on an instinctual level. Somewhere inside her belly, the anxiety from Severus, wherever he was, flared, and then dimmed. She stood in the courtyard, a clump of surprisingly adept teenagers surrounding her. The anxiety dimmed and with it her calm. In the next moment, she felt nothing. Her heart lurched inside her chest, her lungs closing up as she stumbled, hit with a stunning spell she hadn't seen coming. She landed on her back, her head striking the stone with a sickening thud. "Christ, they're as bad as you guys said." Sara gasped for air as she struggled to her feet, narrowly missing taking a massive club to the skull as she darted back inside the castle.

A blur ran past her, recognizing the glasses instantly, and her hand shot out, her fingers closing over Potter's upper arm, speaking the words harshly. "Where is Severus?" Her pulse quickened as she stared at his stricken face. In that moment, he was a boy who'd seen too much, endured too much. And in her gut, Sara wished she could bring herself to care. She repeated herself as he tried to pull away. "Where is my husband?" The words came out as a guttural snarl as the sconces on the wall flared, sputtering.

He stared at her, his lips working soundlessly. She paled, knowing instantly that the dullness, the absence of his presence in her chest meant the worst. She pushed the words out, forcing them out despite herself. "Where?"

Potter's eyes burned into her own before he whispered the words softly. "The boathouse, but he's… you can't… there's nothing you can do for him now."

Sara's gut twisted as she released him, pinning him with a glare that would have done her Kel proud. "Do not tell me, Mr. Potter, what I am and am not capable of. Only one man gets that privilege, and I assure you, you have a long way to go before you'll be half the man he is." With that she clutched her arm and took off at a dead run. The boathouse. At least she knew here that was. Almost a year of living in the blasted castle and she knew precious little of how to get most anywhere. She didn't pause, didn't stop to think. She simply ran, for her life, for his life, for Hope's life. For their lives.

She was as unsullied as she'd been in life, the worry in her eyes very real. Severus fought back tears at the sight of her, stepping closer on pure instinct. Need welled up in him, and a hand lifted, brushing her cheek. Her voice came once more, an urgent note lancing through her tone. "Severus, you've done so well, come so far."

He frowned, a niggling at the back of his head betraying him in that moment. What was she blithering on about? There was only her, only him, and the lovely pink glow that surrounded them, encapsulating them against time and space. "Lily." He spoke her name, tongue caressing as though she were the answer to life, and yet as he did, it brought none of the satisfaction he'd hope for. He tried again, attempting to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth, a haze settling around him. "Lily?"

Her clear green eyes held a world of worry as she rested her hand over his. "You've worked so very hard, for so long, Severus. I know you're tired."

Tired. Yes. He was. How did she know that? Why was he tired? His brow wrinkled as his thumb traced over her perfectly formed nose. "Where did I go?" The question escaped him without conscious thought. Confusion settled over him. "Lily, where did I go?" Why was it the wrong name for his tongue to form? Why were her eyes the wrong color? Why was her hair the wrong shade? Why … why … why?

Anger flooded him in the next moment as he remembered, releasing her abruptly, snatching his hand away as though burned. "Sara?"

Relief filtered into Lily's eyes as she finally seemed to relax. "You remember."

"Of course I remember, I'm not a complete imbecile. But the question remains, where is Sara and where am I? And what am I doing staring at a woman who'd been dead for seventeen years?" His voice broke on the last, his mind racing as he spun. They stood on a familiar hill, a tree towering over them. The grass was tall, brushing his knees. There was no smell of smog, nothing save hills and grass and wildflowers as far as he could see. It was the place they'd spent a million hours together as children, lifetimes ago. He turned a full revolution, his eyes coming to rest on her form once more.

She drew in a breath, expelling it slowly. "Severus, you're dying."

He frowned at her, glanced down at himself. His robes were as pristine as they ever were, neatly pressed and tailored to his frame perfectly. Absently, he tucked his hands in his pockets, the haze that had settled over his mind coming no closer to clearing as he shook his head. "No. I was… I was…" The information came in bits and pieces, images and snippets. A woman. A child. Blue eyes, not green. Skin like velvet and kisses that whispered in the night things that healed his fractured soul. "What happened?"

He knew the answer, even as he stared at her, a sudden grief striking him. "Severus, you're dying." She repeated herself firmly. "You have done your duty, any debt you owed to any of us is long repaid. Close your eyes, Severus, and go home."

He couldn't bring himself to close his eyes, he couldn't bring himself to obey a ghost. He couldn't… couldn't recall the face of the name that came to his lips once more. "Sara?" His voice broke, sadness burgeoning in his chest. It was a bone-deep anguish that lanced through him, a pain as fresh and real as the snake's fangs had been, piercing the fog and consuming him. "Sara?"

Lily was in front of him now, gripping his shoulders and giving him a firm shake. "Severus, you're dying."

He shook her off, retreating from her, from the grief, from the anger that radiated from her. "You've said. Stop repeating yourself. Tell me how… I don't know how… I have to… she's alone… where is Sara?"

The pain that lanced through him, searing hot and all too real came once more as he fell to his knees. "Where is she?"

Lily knelt before him, her hands coming to frame his face. It didn't feel like what he expected. It was hollow, empty, the wrong hands, the wrong eyes, the wrong lips, the wrong face. He was so confused. "Where is she?"

Her words came softly, too softly, too laden with sorrow for him to understand. She simply repeated herself quietly. "Severus, you need to go home. Close your eyes, Severus, and go home."

He stared at her, uncomprehending. Where was home? Who was Sara? Where were the blue eyes, the gentle hands, the right person? Where was the tiny hooked nose and one-tooth grin? Severus was lost. And as he stared at Lily, his Lily, through the blur of tears, the exhaustion that overwhelmed him also latched on. "Forgive me. I'm so sorry."

The defeat in his voice was tinged with something he didn't recognize, and Lily's smile lit her face once more. "Severus. You paid your debt a thousand fold… but listen to me… you have to go. Your Sara is coming and you need to go home. Do you understand?"

In the distance, a light began to pulsate, the field of flowers turning to ash, the horizon closing in. He stared over her shoulder and something behind his navel pulled. How… who? Where? The questions spun through his mind as Lily's voice echoed in his ear. "Close your eyes, Sev." And this time, he did just that.