Author's Note: Thank you! Thank you for those wonderful reviews. Y'all have been really, really awesome! Thank you for keeping up with me! And if you loved flirty!Quinn, I did too! Oh well, let's get moving. Reviews, please.
Still a little too high from the whole flirty Quinn incident, Rachel gathered herself back together and joined the gang.
Few minutes more and the cup thing, as tipsy Quinn would put it, started.
The Glee girls were already a little bit tipsy but they all managed to entertain Brittany with their cups especially made for her.
Tina came in first. The pregnant Asian beauty was laughing before she even started talking. Remember, Tina was the happy drunk; and yes, she was laughing with the other happy drunk, Mercedes. Tina gave Brittany a yellow cup that had a small text imprinted in the middle: "Mr. Schue: Who knows what a ballad is?" Below the first text was larger and bolder text saying: "It's a male duck." - Brittany S. Pierce.
Everyone laughed at the memory.
"I have always loved Brit's one liners!" Tina said as she laughed and exchanged hugs with Brittany.
"San's gonna love this," she said as she placed Tina's cup on the table.
While everyone was busy laughing, Quinn moved closer to Rachel who was sitting on the deep pink couch just a few feet away from the table where the other girls gathered around. And soon as she felt Quinn's arms around her waist, Rachel felt goosebumps all over again.
Tipsy Quinn on the attack.
"You having a good time?" Quinn asked smilingly.
Rachel felt her breath hitch. Oh God! Quinn was tracing patters on the small of her back, "Yeah. How about you?"
"I'm having a fantastic time. I haven't drunk a lot for a long time," Quinn said, with a flirty low voice.
Kurt came next. He stood beside Brittany and grinned at the group. His cheeks were a little flushed probably because of alcohol. He started, "Well, as much as I loved the ballad, male ducks, I came up with my own favorite Brit moment as well."
"Get the hell on with it!" Quinn yelled teasingly from where she sat flirting with Rachel. Rachel's eyes grew wide in mixed embarrassment and surprise at the different Quinn beside her. She had to stop herself from laughing at Quinn's bizarre behavior.
After all heads shot Quinn's direction to confirm it was her heckling Kurt out, they just giggled realizing that the blonde was indeed tipsy and they again turned to Kurt.
"Moving on," Kurt said as he handed Brittany a cup that was designed with swirls of yellow and black. Just like Tina's, a text was imprinted: "Kurt: What are you going as for Halloween?" A larger and bolder text was written under it: "I'm going as a peanut allergy." - Brittany Susan Pierce.
As Kurt retold the story, everyone laughed including Brittany, who blushed at her own high school bloopers.
By the time the laughs died down and Mercedes stood up for her turn, Rachel found Quinn lounging on the couch with her head on the diva's lap. Quinn was laughing for some reason as she found Rachel's hand by playing close-open with it, like a child learning how to close and open her hands. Rachel's free hand found Quinn's blonde locks and also played with it.
"Girl, I had to think so much about this," Mercedes started as she stood next to Brittany and handed her a cup that was just plain white but had some scribbles in it. "Remember when you said 'I'm more talented than all of you. I see that clearly now. It's Brittany. Bitch.'?"
Brittany laughed at the memory. It was during Glee's Britney Spears era.
"Yeah," she replied as everyone laughed at Mercedes' impersonation of Brittany's infamous line.
"Well, when I saw Brittany at Idol two weeks ago, hell! I needed to do it!" Mercedes said as Brittany looked at what was scribbled on the cup: "It's Brittany. Bitch." The text was written in what looked like a penmanship of some girly person. Mercedes then continued, "Britney wrote that herself. If you look at the other side of the cup, Britney even signed it."
Brittany turned the cup and saw the popstar's autograph. The blonde then stood and gave Mercedes a hug, "This is awesome. I love it!" She turned to Tina and Kurt, "I love yours too, Tina and Kurt!"
"Oh, before I forget!" Mercedes said as she took another cup from out of nowhere and handed it to Brittany. The black porcelain cup was in a shape of a duck. Its edges are yellow and on the left side wrote: "To Satan and Brit".
Everyone laughed at the "Satan", including Brittany.
"That's from Lauren. She made it herself. She's into pottery you know," Mercedes revealed as she sat back to her seat.
"But this isn't a pot," Brittany said as she placed Lauren's cup together with the other cups. Everyone just shrugged at the comment and decided not to spoil Brittany's new innocence yet.
"Quinn! Stop pinching my nose!" Rachel said laughingly as she tried to shove Quinn's hand that had been pinching her nose since they started talking about Lauren. Everyone was looking at them now since they were waiting for Quinn to come next.
"It's your turn Quinn," Kurt called in a somewhat-hesitant tone. "Stop flirting with Rachel," Kurt said as he rolled his eyes.
Rachel stiffened at the comment but Quinn seemed to not notice at all. She sweetly smiled at Rachel who nearly died at what Quinn said next.
"You're so beautiful, Rach," Quinn said smilingly as she rose from the couch and walked towards the front of the Glee girls – whose jaws dropped at what the blonde had said.
You're so beautiful, Rach.
It echoed inside Rachel's head. She felt warm on her cheeks and she could swear she's on her darkest shade of red. She couldn't feel her whole system; it seemed to have frozen at what Quinn said.
You're so beautiful, Rach.
It lived inside Rachel. It hit her like a shot of rain on a dessert. She felt alive. Yes, Quinn was drunk but Rachel could probably lie to herself forever if it meant looking into those hazel eyes that adored her beauty. Quinn had always been the one who told her was beautiful. Quinn had always been the one that told her that she didn't need to be the Quinn Fabray type of pretty. Rachel recalled it: to Quinn, she had always been beautiful in many ways other people won't care to look at. Rachel recalled the blonde saying it in senior year: "Rachel, you're the most beautiful girl for me."
Rachel felt her heart swell. Oh, God. It won't take long until she loses her control. This flirty Quinn was really getting on to Rachel.
"Why's everyone so silent suddenly?" Quinn said as her eyes looked a tad sleepy and tipsy. She handed the red and white colored cup to Brittany whose eyes glittered upon seeing it. Brittany's reaction seemed to have toned the mood cooler as everyone looked at Quinn expectantly. They somehow shoved the flirting for a while.
But not Rachel. She just sat still and tried to absorb what just happened.
"I drew that one," Quinn said in a playful voice. "You know, you two are meant for each other," Quinn said as she turned to Brittany and smiled again, this time, it was sweet and genuine. She was drunk but Brittany knew she meant it.
Brittany gripped tightly at the cup and stared at Quinn as her eyes started to well. The cup was in Cheerios theme color – red and white. There were sketches of other Glee club members in black and white but the only ones that were colored were the three of them in Cheerios uniform: Quinn was in her signature hands-on-her-hips pose with her signature icy glare, while Santana was wearing her sexy pout, her pinky was linked with Brittany's whose face was just plain poker. They were in their signature Cheerio ponytail and just by simply looking at it brought memories to Brittany.
"I know, a lot of things will change after your marriage. But aside from making me feel more like the third wheel," Quinn chuckled, "I want you both to remember that no matter how things change, The Unholy Trinity will always be the same." This, and Brittany launched herself to Quinn and murmured thank you's. Quinn just smiled and giggled while everyone passed around the cup to take a look at how Quinn drew them even in black and white.
Rachel sat still. She looked at Quinn and Brittany's exchange and even though the high hasn't left her body yet, she smiled. She was falling harder for Quinn – let alone the tipsy Quinn.
She came next and as she stood beside Brittany. She could still felt herself shiver at what took place earlier but she can't ruin Brittany's night. Mercedes dragged Quinn to where she was sitting and if Rachel saw it right, she saw that Mercedes had a serious look on her face. Before she started speaking, she saw Quinn start targeting Tina's hair as the Asian just laughed at how adorable Quinn was. None of them had seen Quinn like this but it was obvious that they loved it and just didn't show it in need of protecting the blonde.
They were all keeping Quinn from Rachel. This is one thing the brunette knew.
They may not rub it into her face but their stares made it quite obvious. She was hurt, of course. But she understood where the girls were coming from. Yes, Quinn was a horrible Glee teammate but they all knew she was troubled. The blonde did try to make it up to them in senior year and it was enough for them that Quinn at least tried. Her efforts were never as extravagant but just knowing that Quinn Fabray freaking tried, it was more than enough.
Rachel cleared her throat. Before, she had to win the Glee club for them to trust her with the solos, but now, she wanted to win them for a different reason. Somehow, she felt she needed the club's approval. Damn, she needed the world's approval to convince herself that she still deserved her.
"I would guess," Kurt said trying to break the long silence. "There's a gold star in it," he finished as he smiled.
Rachel nodded. The cup indeed had gold stars but it also had ducks and Lois and Clark from Smallville. Brittany nodded as she smiled genuinely. "It isn't much. I know. But every single detail in that cup means something to me, Brit. You're the only friend I've had that kept up with me to end, so, I want you to remember me in every single detail of your life," she said as Brittany hugged her. They laughed at the drawing of a whiskey bottle on one side of the cup and they both knew that it was something had strengthened their friendship.
As the cup ceremony passed, everyone – except Rachel – went and dug for more tea which, an hour later, resulted to a huge, wild party.
Rachel missed getting drunk but she told herself not to get drunk tonight because of Quinn. One, she needed to take care of her. She saw this as an opportunity to show the blonde – and everyone – that she cared about her. Two, she can't bear with the images of her drunk self flirting with the tipsy Quinn. Self- control, she had it best when she's sober. So she decided to focus on that.
And while everyone was busy partying the night away, Rachel had struggled watching out for Quinn – who always had a way to sneak into those polka-dotted tea pots.
"Enough already," Rachel said as she approached Quinn and instantly took the shot of spiked black tea from the blonde.
Quinn pouted, "Come on, Rach. I'm having a good time here."
"Not like this," she scolded Quinn as she pulled her up from the seat and gently dragged her away from the tempting table. Quinn just giggled. When Rachel turned to look at her, Quinn pouted as if asking Rachel to let her drink some more.
Rachel smiled as she shook her head, "Don't give me that pout, Fabray. I'm not buying it."
Quinn pouted even more as she pulled Rachel closer to her and snaked her arms around the shorter girl's waist, "Please. Pretty please?"
Rachel was instantly mesmerized and shocked and high, "No."
Quinn baby pouted in the most adorable way Rachel could ever imagine. She could feel herself giving in. Quinn always knew how to please her and make her agree to her requests. But still, "No."
Quinn dropped the pout and Rachel wondered how she was able to transform from being flirty to HBIC mode in just a fraction of second. "Fine," Quinn muttered as she removed her arms from Rachel's waist, turned her back and walked away. She threw her hands in the air and said, "I don't understand why you care now!"
For probably the nth time that day, Rachel's system froze. She tried to take in what the blonde just said. She didn't know but the blonde's statement definitely came with a venomous accusation. She had never heard Quinn talk bad about the incident way back but it was only then she realized.
Yes, Santana was mad. Judy was disappointed. The whole Glee club was protective. But could it be that Quinn held a grudge?
Was it possible that Quinn was angry? At Rachel? At the situation?
Rachel felt like crying. She had come to like tipsy Quinn but as much as tipsy Quinn was flirty Quinn, tipsy Quinn was also honest Quinn. A few shots of that tea could transform her into angry Quinn.
She knew she could bear with everyone's hatred and disappointment but Rachel didn't know how she would take if it was Quinn hating her. She knew Quinn loved her but after what the blonde had said, something gave a clue that maybe love just won't be enough to completely bury everything.
o-o-o-o-o
After another hour, everyone was already drunk. Tina and Mercedes were already laughing hysterically as Brittany started her stripper dance while Kurt sang something unfamiliarly rock in the karaoke. Rachel has had two shots of the spiked tea but she was still sober as hell. She had wanted to drink so badly but Quinn was way too drunk to be let alone. Rachel danced with Brittany until her eyes found Quinn.
The blonde was sitting on the couch beside Mercedes and Tina with her head resting on the couch's headrest, her eyes shut and brows knotted. Rachel dreaded this but she knew very well, it had to come.
Angry Quinn.
Rachel wanted to run. Rachel wanted to bury herself under the covers and just not witness everything that was about to come. But she had to know. She just needed to know.
Kurt finished singing his weird version of the rock song Puck would have probably sang so well. Kurt bowed dramatically as Tina, Mercedes and Brittany adored him.
"Who's next?" Kurt asked as he looked at the huge flat screen TV to know what the next song was. "Oh, who's belting Carrie Underwood?" Kurt asked as he looked around.
Quinn shot up from her seat and laughed for no clear reason, "My song!"
When Quinn shot up to declare that it was her song, Rachel felt herself smile. She had wanted to hear Quinn's voice for forever and though it has always been enough, she knew that she needed more than just a memory of Quinn singing "Lucky" with Sam.
Yet, when Quinn walked towards the front, Rachel saw Quinn change into something... else.
The blonde walked up the front as her hips moved swiftly with the rhythm of the sexy tune of one Carrie Underwood song that she never really liked before. It burned Rachel's eyes, seeing Quinn with all the sexy look because there was something off with it.
Kurt, Mercedes and Tina all cheered for her as the instruments played heavier. Brittany pretended to watch and enjoy but she also knew something was up with Quinn. Both Brittany and Rachel could admit that they barely remember the last time they saw Quinn like this.
Quinn leaned closer to the microphone and started singing, I should have known by the way you passed me by, there was something in your eyes and it wasn't right.
Quinn's face was almost emotionless. It was damned straight and even as she smirked somewhere in the second line, she still looked cold... distant.
I should have walked, but I never had the chance. Everything got out of hand and I let it slide.
The blonde was shaking her head as if saying the lines to herself. Others in the room enjoyed Quinn's performance but not Rachel and maybe not Brittany as well.
Quinn's voice was deceptively smooth and sultry and seductive. It was far different from the all-charming Quinn who sang and won duets with Sam back in junior year. This Quinn had depth not only in her voice but in between lines as well.
Now I only have myself to blame for falling for your stupid games
Then it hit Rachel.
I wish my life could be the way it was before I saw your face
Quinn was talking to her.
"You stole my happy, you made me cry, took the lonely and took me for a ride and I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it," Quinn sang with much conviction and hidden meaning. She was drunk but man she did sound sober.
Rachel felt her breath hitch. She felt her heart sink.
Quinn was looking at her, straight in the eyes.
You had my heart, now I want it back. I'm starting to see everything you lack. Oh you blew it, you put me through it. I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
And then, Rachel felt lost.
The next part of the song faded into the background and all that was left was she and Quinn staring into each other. No, Rachel was all that was left. Quinn was right there, standing and singing just a couple of feet from her but Rachel felt as if they were miles apart.
She was lost Quinn's hazel-green eyes but not in the way she was used of getting lost in it; and it scared her.
She was looking straight at Quinn's icy glare and she felt dark, empty and wounded.
It had been a while since Quinn looked at her this way.
This was the same icy glare that gave nicknames and threw insults at Rachel before senior year. This was the same look in the eyes of the person who tormented her in high school. This wasn't her queen.
She thought that HBIC Quinn was killed and buried within the grounds of McKinley but no, she was right in front of Rachel staring back at her with fire in eyes that burned all of Rachel.
Rachel felt like crying but she can't even force herself to feel anything. The green-eyed monster that was singing to her still had the same effect after all these years. She felt like she didn't have the right to feel anything but scared.
Rachel's hands trembled and just when she thought she'd had enough, same old Quinn threw more at her.
"Now you only have yourself to blame for playing all those stupid games," Quinn continued singing.
And as if a switch was flicked, everyone stopped head banging to Quinn's performance sensing that a tension suddenly wrapped the place. Even more so when...
Quinn pointed at Rachel, looked her straight into the eyes and sang, "You're always gonna be the same. And, oh no, you'll never change!"
Rachel held her breath as Quinn continued singing the same chorus. Quinn never tore her gaze away from the brunette. It was probably the alcohol – hell, it was definitely the alcohol.
She wanted to run. Fuck! Rachel wanted die and just live again when everything didn't hurt this much anymore.
Yes, she stole everything that made Quinn happy – Finn, McKinley and the chance to be loved. She made Quinn cry – hell! She made Quinn sick. She took her for a ride – for a year and then dropped her off hanging somewhere.
Quinn made her point loud and clear and Rachel understood on the dot.
Still, Rachel stood frozen. She feared that if she moved, she'd break into pieces. She was looking into Quinn's eyes and didn't see love like she used to see; in fact, she saw nothing.
She felt a pinch in her stomach but the pinch grew into punches when she saw tears form in Quinn's eyes – but the blonde refused to let them fall, just like what old Quinn would do. They weren't tears of joy or sorrow, they were tears of hidden frustration mixed with doubt and fear.
The song got heavy on the drums and all that Rachel heard was Quinn's voice accusing her, dragging her back to the day that she kicked Quinn out. Quinn was singing a damned country song yet, all that Rachel heard were Quinn's allegations.
Everything that she'd feared to hear was disguising itself into a Carrie Underwood song.
Quinn didn't need to say anything anymore. The message was successfully conveyed to Rachel.
This is what Rachel feared that's why she never came after her before. There were moments that Rachel found herself booking a flight to LA, decided that she needed Quinn in her life. But she also found herself retreating everytime. She had feared Quinn's words. She had feared Quinn's chides or blames. She had runaway for so long from Quinn. She had runaway for so long fearing that everything she knew about her and Quinn would change.
She had always wanted a chance. She had always wanted to come to her and tell her how much she regretted that night. But she had always feared Quinn's hate. She had feared hearing Quinn say what everybody, including herself told her – that she ruined Quinn's life.
Sure, she knew it all the while but it hurt even more when it came from the only person that Rachel saw her future with – the future that she was too scared to take.
The hate hurt when it came from Santana but it would hurt rather deeply when the hate and the blame came from the only person in Rachel's life that loved her because of and in spite of who she was.
Rachel had always wanted one more shot but she never came after Quinn in fear of rejection. She never came after her because she had feared the damage she'd done in Quinn's life.
She wished she could "Undo It" and if she could, she would do things that would lead to Quinn singing a love song instead of something that indicated how much she regretted ever falling for Rachel. But no, Rachel's life didn't come with an undo button or a backspace button. And no matter how much she wanted to hit "enter" a hundred times just so they can get to a whole new page – the previously typed mistakes would always be there just waiting to mess with the present page; just like what it was doing right now.
She had run away from everything for so long, yet, she saw herself right there – on the same ground.
When the song was finished, Tina, Mercedes and Kurt looked at each other before coming into an unspoken agreement to cheer for Quinn and ignore what really happened.
They saw the tension between Rachel and Quinn and they all saw how it affected the diva that still stood where she had been standing all the while.
The three came and complemented Quinn with her performance as the blonde bowed and didn't seem to notice that Rachel had been plastered on the floor completely broken on the inside. Brittany's eyes connected with Mercedes' and the blonde dancer took this as her cue to take Rachel out for a bit.
She approached Rachel and led the unwilling diva out of the room and that's where it all broke.
Rachel sat by the outdoor benches, eyes fixed on a certain rock as tears silently fell from her eyes. A few more seconds and loud sobs came from her. Brittany just settled for drawing random patterns on the diva's back in effort to comfort her.
She didn't know why she was crying, really but it was the most decent thing to do. She was hurt for a reason she'd always known but it seemed like the wounds just got deeper. The same old pain seemed to hurt more.
"Brit," Rachel said in between hiccups. "It hurts so much," she said feeling that tears were never enough and she needed to say it.
"Rach, the battle's just started," Brittany said flatly.
The brunette then covered her face with both of her hands as she continued to sob. "Brit, I can take everyone hating me," she said under her hands. "But not her," Rachel managed despite having a hard time talking and breathing because of the sudden rush of tears.
"But it only just began, R. I've known you for years and this is so not you. You don't give up easily."
"B, you didn't see how she looked at me earlier."
"I did, actually," Brittany said as she took a deep breath. "It scared me to see that side of Quinn. I've been around that side of her a lot in high school and even though we're friends it used to scare me – even San."
Rachel didn't reply. Her mind began running through images of the Queen Bee side of the person she loved.
When Brittany didn't get a response from Rachel, she said, "Q's drunk, Rae."
"Doesn't mean she doesn't mean it."
"Doesn't mean she does."
Brittany had a point. She's always the one who wins.
"Look, R. I know it's hard facing Quinn like this. But honestly? Did you ever think you could just escape Quinn's rage?" Brittany asked but didn't wait for Rachel to answer. "I know you are smart enough to know that somehow, some time in the future you'll face Quinn's ire. She's Quinn freaking Fabray after all. And though she was totally in love with you, you can't just put aside the person that she was all her life before you came."
Rachel hopelessly smiled, "If she's mad, she's mad."
Brittany nodded, "Just like what I said, she's drunk. And we both know Quinn's always been the lightweight here. If she's all sober, she will never make a conscious effort to hurt you. Do you get me?"
"But she hates me."
"No, she doesn't. She doesn't anymore."
"She did hate me?"
"You honestly think she never hated you?"
This silenced Rachel.
"She did, okay? But maybe she never really admitted it even to herself because she loves you that much. But it's in the past. I can see it in Q. She's let go of it all. But in times like this, when she's drunk – that she's most vulnerable. Beth, remember? And it happens to everyone when they're vulnerable; they feel it all over again. But it doesn't mean that she'll wake up tomorrow and be mad at you forever."
Rachel's sobbing eventually stopped but silent tears still fell.
"That Quinn who sang a song inside is indeed drunk angry Quinn but she's not drunk Quinn angry at Rachel. Okay?" Brittany reassured. "I've known Q for a while now and more than the angry Quinn, I saw the hurt and scared Quinn."
"I hate myself for bringing her back to the version of herself she didn't even like."
"While I hate you for doing just that, I'm still thankful that at least we get to see what Quinn could be when she made an effort to be the person she's meant to be. You also made that possible, Rach."
"Oh, God! I love her," Rachel half-smiled as she wiped her tears off her cheeks.
Brittany smiled as she stood and offered Rachel a hand, "Now, let's get back inside. You have a drunk blonde to take care of."
Rachel took Brittany's hand and stood, "Sorry for ruining your night, B."
"It's not ruined. It's just a little dramatic. But what can you expect? Rachel Berry planned it," Brittany said smilingly.
"Thank you, Rach. Your pink party rocks."
"It's a tea party!"
Brittany playfully raised an eyebrow, mimicking her typical high school Brittany reaction, "Really? I thought it was a pink party."
Rachel playfully smacked Brittany in the arm as she laughed.
"See? That's the Rachel I know."
"Thank you, B."
"No probs, Rach. We'll get inside now but whatever else Quinn might be singing, don't just assume she hates you. Hating you and expressing her musical frustration are two different things."
Rachel and Brittany laughed at the use of "musical frustration" as they walked back inside.
And Brittany was just as right. When they walked back inside, Quinn was already singing – murmuring to the tune of – "Gives You Hell", while Mercedes tried to stop her laughter from the raging but not highly emotional Quinn.
Tina and Kurt were just laughing at the scene and as the song hit Rachel, Brittany gave her a reassuring hand squeeze reminding her of what they previously talked about.
Even though it hurt, even though she almost lost it, Rachel walked towards Quinn, grabbed the other microphone and started singing with Quinn – who gladly welcomed her as her duet partner. It was almost automatic, Mercedes looked at Rachel and the smaller diva just nodded at the Idol aspirant. Mercedes seemed to have understood as she just let Quinn sing the night away with Rachel.
Kurt, Mercedes, Tina and Brittany just drank the night while Quinn and Rachel argued constantly all night about what song to sing next. Rachel came about with old classic songs while Quinn – who always got what she wanted – sang a lot of loud songs. She didn't really sing them though; she just recited the lyrics like a hopeless fan girl of some popular popstar.
And in the middle of all the singing, the flirting lived.
Rachel and Quinn laughed with each other, hugged each other and sometimes, the hug was just a bit too long. Sometimes, when they hugged, they giggled while murmuring words both of them didn't really understand. Quinn was high of alcohol but Rachel was high of Quinn.
The icy glare that was in Quinn's eyes a few moments earlier was replaced with something Rachel could only put as happiness. Yes, Rachel didn't want to hold firmly to this assumption because Quinn was drunk. But there was something so different in Quinn's eyes that told Rachel that maybe drunk Quinn has the ability to be happy Quinn.
And just like those few moments, Rachel chose to ignore reality if it meant being around Quinn like this.
o-o-o-o-o
Few more hours passed and Quinn found herself being carried towards Rachel's room. Everything was all blurry and she felt a lot dizzy but she was still aware of what was happening around her. Despite the influence of alcohol, Quinn remembered how she sang with Rachel the whole night, how she danced with Brittany and how she played and won beer pong against Mercedes. If the amount of liquor intake she had that night was any indication, surely, she enjoyed Brittany's bridal shower.
When Leroy carefully set her down the bed and as he began telling Rachel what and what not to do with a drunken Quinn, the blonde cannot help but smile. Rachel was listening so intently and she was nodding vigorously like a child being told what to do on first day of school.
After Leroy kissed Rachel good night, the diva carefully sat beside Quinn. Quinn remained in the position that Leroy had left her. She wasn't pretending to be asleep, she was just feeling too dizzy to move one bit but she didn't open her eyes because she loved the feeling when Rachel started to stroke her hair slowly.
Honestly, Quinn didn't know what she was thinking when she picked that Carrie Underwood song earlier. She wanted to sing it because it explained everything she felt – she felt it but never really acknowledged ever feeling it. It was only when she's drunk that she lets herself to be mad at Rachel or at what happened – that's why she never really drank a lot after sophomore year.
She kept herself from drinking a lot because she didn't want to be angry at Rachel. It killed and even though she had every right to be mad, she can't force herself to be because she loved Rachel – in every way a person could be loved.
When she was singing that damned country song, she felt herself unleash something that she had repressed for so long. She felt her old self taking over. She felt like head Cheerio Quinn who didn't care about anything but herself. And though she was more than successful in conveying the message to "Man Hands", Quinn felt horrible.
She didn't want to be that Quinn anymore. She wanted the Quinn that Rachel turned her into because she was happier being that Quinn. That's why when Rachel joined her for their many duets later that night – although she was only half aware of it – she didn't stop Rachel from turning her back into that Quinn she liked.
"You know what Quinn," Rachel softly said pulling Quinn out of her thoughts, "I missed you."
Rachel was still stroking her hair completely unaware that Quinn was awake. Her voice was so soft and silent and it felt so intimate.
"I hope that when you wake up, you won't remember anything," Rachel said as she took a deep breath.
Quinn felt Rachel's breath suddenly become heavier. The diva was struggling to stop herself from crying. "If you remember everything when you wake up, you'd restrain yourself from being that comfortable around me again and I don't want that to happen."
Quinn felt her own breath snag.
Rachel chuckled, "I feel like a fool right now talking to you and you don't even hear me." The diva paused. She took a deep breath before she spoke again…
"I never stopped caring about you, Quinn. Never."
The blonde felt her heart swell with something she never really understood. But it felt good.
"I had to say that and I know I'll never get the courage to say it to you when you're sober. But at least I had to say it."
Few more minutes passed without a word from Rachel. She just kept stroking Quinn's hair until the blonde drifted to her slumber. She slept with a smile on her face because even though it didn't seem to make sense now, it was enough for Quinn to know that Rachel always cared about her.
It was enough for her because at least... at least the feeling was mutual.
She never stopped caring about Rachel.
And she doesn't think she ever will.
So, there you go. Another loooong chapter. I'm truly sorry about that. The song was "Undo It" by Carrie Underwood, of course. LOL, by the way, the original idea for this fic came when I heard Carrie's "Starts With Goodbye". (If you'll listen to it, you'll know just why.)
For the next chapter: Hmmmm. How hard can it more be for Rachel? With Puck, Sam and Finn around, you'll never know. LOL