CHAPTER 37: NASCENCE

The chugging of the train felt like a smooth lullaby as metal wheels glided over the rails.

The constant clickety-clack and gentle rocking had soothed Tifa into a dozed state as she cradled Cloud's head in her lap. By the time he had decided to inform her of his condition, he was already beginning to succumb to the effects of motion sickness. She was frightened to see him become so pale and weak, and wondered if the same fate would befall her since she had never been on any sort of transportation (aside from Papa's wagon, but that didn't count!). Tifa leaned her head against the window pane, the darkness of the early morning hours obscuring her view of the world passing by. It was exciting to be on a train and heading out on an adventure with her best friend. Finally, there was life beyond little Nibelheim. Finally, hope, renewal and a sense of escape could descend upon her after years of suffocation and darkness. As refreshing as it felt to leave her sadness behind, Tifa couldn't ignore the pull of guilt on her heart.

Was she fleeing her problems instead of facing them? Had she really abandoned her father and left him alone to battle his demons? What about Ms. Strife? Would she be alright?

Tifa adjusted the thick blanket around her shoulders. Cloud's mother had hidden her distress at their parting by presenting the new couple with their wedding gifts: 1000 gil and one of her beautiful cotton quilts. It was a bit cumbersome to travel with, but wasn't so big when rolled up properly and provided some comfort for the pair on the stiff seats of the passenger train.

She looked down at the peace on Cloud's face as he slept, smiling as she ran her fingers through his golden locks. The lack of a thick blonde ponytail tied at the base of his neck was so strange at first; she was still getting used to how ShinRA had cut his hair. Her palm smoothed along the short, feather soft hair at the base of his head. Displaying this sort of affection felt clumsy and unfamiliar, for it was improper to freely touch a man if he was not your husband. Now that Cloud was her husband, it felt strange to shed the old trepidation surrounding proper physical etiquette that she had been taught to rigidly uphold until marriage. Now, the barriers had disappeared and she wasn't sure how to handle the sudden change. If stroking his hair made her nervous, how could she be expected to be brave enough to do other things?

Brief flashes of an old conversation with Ms. Strife rose up out of her memory and Tifa felt her face get hot. Embarrassed, she averted her gaze to Cloud's military uniform. All this time, it hadn't seemed real that he was working for ShinRA. The fact that her husband was tied to the very organization that murdered her grandparents and caused her mother so much heart ache still left an unsettled feeling in her gut. Would it be selfish to try to convince Cloud to consider a career change? Was it her place to have a say in this matter? Would he feel betrayed if he knew how much his dream to make SOLDIER stirred up conflict in her heart?

Tifa hadn't realized that she had begun to fall asleep until the sound of the intercom sounded throughout the car.

'Next stop, Port Somers. Next stop, Port Somers. Estimated arrival time: five minutes.'

"Did you hear that?" Tifa gently shook her husband's shoulder. "We're just about there!"

Groggy and disoriented, Cloud shifted to look at his watch. He sat up slowly before rubbing the back of his disheveled blonde head. "We made good time. It's one in the morning."

"We did, didn't we?" She gave him a sleepy smile. "How are you feeling?"

"A little better." He admitted sheepishly before stretching. Cradling his forehead with his palm, he took a deep breath. "I can't wait to get off this train."

Tifa folded up their blanket and rubbed his back as the train rolled to a lazy stop. He reassured her with a brief smile as he gathered up their luggage, leading his little wife off the car and out into the dim light of the station.

"So we get on a boat next, right?"

" Yeah, but not until Tuesday morning. So we'll have a whole day here in the port before I have to get sea sick!" He winked and she giggled. "I know it's not much of a honeymoon, but it'll have to do."

"As long as I'm with you, every moment is a honey moon!" She sing-songed—teasing and yet completely serious. It was so exciting that their relationship had changed in such a drastic way after such a long time apart. Cloud was familiar and foreign, the same yet changed, and all hers now. It would take a while to learn how to adjust her behavior to that of a wife. Tifa knew she should feel grown up and sophisticated now, but when it came to Cloud she felt nothing but childish infatuation and glee. She heard him chuckle beside her.

"You've been reading too many romance novels." He squeezed her hand as he led her into the sleeping village. "Come on, let's find a place to stay for the night."

The couple made their way into the quiet square, hustling through the deserted streets. The air was humid and thick with salt and a pungent scent that Tifa couldn't identify. A steady wind blew from the east, tugging at her hair and the loose skirt of her modest blue frock. He seemed to know where he was going, which reminded her that Cloud had been here before—probably more than once. It was so exhilarating to be in a place she had never been to. However, if she had been alone, she would've been a bit frightened.

How had Cloud managed when he travelled away from home alone? It was really amazing how much he had change and grown over the years. Once too frightened to join her out in her backyard, her shy, timid neighbor had morphed into a strong young man who was confident enough to face her father and make the heavy decision to marry her. If he could change so drastically for the better, maybe she could too. Maybe she'd come back to visit having finally learned to love herself and be able to make her father proud. She'd do her best to be a proper wife and show Papa that she was capable. She'd grow and show him that she could get on well as an adult, even in a foreign place like Midgar.

Weary and travel-worn, the pair found their way to a hotel on the edge of town. Still fighting the last of his headache from his motion sickness, Cloud paid for a room and took the keys. He was grateful for his mother's monetary wedding present, which was a godsend. He hadn't expected to marry Tifa so quickly and hadn't factored the expense of additional fare for transportation into his savings for the trip. The extra money from Claudia allowed him to spend a little more on decent accommodations and meals for him and his new wife. He couldn't afford a honeymoon, but Cloud was determined to give her a day near the sea that she wouldn't forget. He couldn't wait to see her face when he brought her out to see the ocean in the morning! But for now, they both could use some much needed sleep.

It didn't escape his notice how Tifa lagged a half step behind him as they climbed he stairway to the third floor and down the corridor. Her fatigue was evident in the drooping of her eyes and the slight dragging of her shoes against the carpet. He could sense some unease in the way she kept her eyes averted and spine straight, and immediately wondered whether or not he was to blame. He knew her mannerisms like the back of his palm after years of being inseparable. Cloud gave her a gentle smile as he unlocked the door to their rented room and ushered her inside.

"Thank you, Cloud," Tifa said, sounding formal and polite. Setting her suitcase on the bed, she looked around the small room. Her husband came up behind her, rubbing her back with his palm as he dropped his duffel bag on the floor.

"You must be exhausted," he said, hand climbing up her back on over her neck to massage the back of her head.

The pleasurable feel of his fingers rubbing soothing circles on her scalp made her shiver. Everything had been relatively comfortable up until now, when she realized that the two of them were about to be alone as husband and wife for the first time. The thought overwhelmed her. For years, there had been social walls between the two and knowing the rules had provided a sort of comfort. The strict formalities surrounding courtship in Nibelheim were all she knew. Tifa supposed that Mama would've taught her about how to behave after her wedding day, but now she felt lost without guidance. What did Cloud expect of her? Would he be disappointed if she was awkward and unsure of herself?

"Yeah. But I think I'd like a soak in the tub before bed." She turned to flash him a sweet smile before rummaging through her luggage for a change of undergarments and her nightgown. "I'll be quick, okay?"

He nodded and watched her disappear into the tiny bathroom before collapsing on the bed. He pulled the ShinRA issued PHS out of his pocket and turned it on, weary eyes squinting as they adjusted to the electronic blue glow of the screen in the dim room.

Inbox: 8 new messages

One was a company update from ShinRA; the rest were rambling texts from Zack, telling Cloud about random details of his latest mission or what a mess SOLDIER briefings had been lately. The last message caught Cloud's attention.

Hey buddy! I've been looking fora place that you and the wifey can rent out.
No one on the plate seems willing rent to a 15 year old. Especially on your budget!
I'll have to check out what they've got underneath. Beggars can't be choosers!

Down in the slums? His exposure to the slums had been largely limited to his patrol routes or the infrequent times that Zack had taken him to the hang out spots frequented by ShinRA servicemen. Luckily, Cloud had been sheltered from the worst of Midgar because he lived in the academy on top the plate. The slums were dangerous and dirty—the last place he'd want to bring Tifa. She deserved so much more than that. But for now, he supposed it would have to do. Cloud fought to keep his eyes open as he typed out his reply.

Thanks, Zack. I already talked to my commanding officer about
moving out of the dorms. I'm sorry to make you run around looking for an
apartment for me on such short notice. I know how busy you are. Tifa and I should be
in Midgar in three days or so. See you then.

Placing is PHS on the night stand, he dozed off against the pillow until he heard the sound of the bathroom door clicking open. Cloud pried his eyes open. Tifa emerged, nightgown gliding over her hips, the lace trim ending just past her knees. He swallowed nervously as his wife climbed onto the bed next to him. Her wet hair was pulled into a dark braid that draped over her shoulder and his fingers ached to touch it. It took a moment before he realized that he could. She lay next to him with a soft smile and he reached to smooth the hair on the back of her head, sliding his palm down until it rested on the back of her neck.

"Cloud…" she whispered, blushing furiously.

"Hm?" His eyes were heavy and his heart was full.

Though weary, her ruby eyes were shining with affection and excitement. "Thank you for taking me on this adventure."

"Thank you for wanting to come with me—for wanting to be with me." He leaned in to plant a kiss on her lips. "You have no idea how lucky I am that the most beautiful girl in the world wanted to be my wife."

Her smile bloomed briefly until it was tugged from her lips. Tifa had learned to hide her feelings out of fear of backlash from her father. Talking about the troubles of her heart was simply out of the question with Papa, who would usually tell her that she was a spoiled little thing with nothing to be troubled about compared to his woes. Over the years, it had become second nature to burrow her sorrows deep where no one could see them. If she could appear strong, maybe one day she actually would be. Tifa was young, but she knew that to keep silent wasn't something she could do in marriage. Mama used to tell Papa everything: from the minute details of a cooking mishap to her deepest concerns and fears. There was nothing to be afraid of with Cloud, so why was it still so hard? They were two people who had been hurt in different ways over the course of their young lives. Now that they were husband and wife, they had to walk side by side. Both had come from brokenness: broken homes, broken relationships, broken dreams. But the very brokenness that could have destroyed them had morphed them into gentle people. Quietly, Tifa let out a small breath. She had learned to protect her heart by keeping it shrouded and vague, but marriage meant transparency and honesty. She was quiet for a long while as she summoned the courage to let out her dark thought.

It's alright, it's alright. Cloud loves you, even if you're weak.

"Do you think I'm running away? Am I a bad daughter to leave my father in that house, all alone with his thoughts?"

Drowsy blue eyes sparked with alertness and he propped himself up on one elbow to look at her squarely. "No. You got married, Tifa, and you're moving with your husband overseas. You didn't do this to hurt your dad, even if he makes you think you did."

"I hope you're right," she said, stifling a yawn. "I just want him to be okay."

Gently, he pulled her close. For the first time in so long, she felt safe and secure. The pair snuggled beneath the sheets, enjoying the novelty and comfort of having each other for peace and warmth as sleep pulled at their consciousness.

… … …

"Tifa, wake up!"

Bright light flooded the room and she stirred from her cocoon of blankets with a soft sigh. She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and she opened her eyes to see a familiar face with an unfamiliar expression. Normally reserved and quiet, Cloud was absolutely beaming. She found herself staring at the whiteness of his teeth as she sat up.

"What is it?" He was practically bouncing on his heels as she pulled back the covers. Intrigued, she stood.

"Get dressed! There's something I've got to show you."

"Right now?"

"Right now!"

His grin was infectious. She giggled as she hustled to the bathroom to change into a light summer dress. She pulled on her sandals as she reached for his outstretched hand and he led her out of the building and into the morning air. Overcast skies did nothing to deter them. She felt like they were children again, hearts light as their feet thudded through the streets. When Cloud told her to close her eyes, she broke out into a grin, heart thumping wildly in her chest.

"Where are we going?" she giggled.

"You'll see. Watch your step, ok?"

The solid pavement of the walkway changed to something soft and malleable as she felt herself being led over a small hill. The feeling of coarse grains between her toes and the sudden rush of wind made Tifa's breath catch in her throat. Salt and moisture clung to her skin as the sound of crashing water rumbled to her ears. It felt both foreign and familiar, like something she had once visited in a dream. A swell of emotion that she couldn't identify welled up inside her. He tightened his grip on her hand when he finally stopped. When he spoke, she could hear the thinly veiled excitement in his voice.

"Okay…open your eyes!"

The breath left her lungs in an instant at the sight before her. A stormy sea surged forward again and again as dark clouds drooped heavily in the sky. The call of gulls pierced the air as they soared overhead, swooping over the waves and out toward the endless expanse of water. All she could do was stare in awe at the beauty and power before her.

"Oh, Cloud." She whispered his name like a sigh. "It's just like my mother said…"

Blue eyes fixated on her face, soaking in the joy and wonder in her expression. "I promised I'd take you to the ocean, even if I had always imagined it would be under different circumstances."

"I'm so happy—Cloud, thank you so much! Thank you, thank you!"

Fingers still laced with his, Tifa stripped off her sandals and stepped forward until the tips of her toes touched the edge of the surf. Clumsily, Cloud followed suit and tossed his boots aside with his free hand. The water was cold, but her eagerness kept her from shivering and she plunked forward into the water as a wave retreated. Cloud let go of her hand to roll his pant legs up before joining her as she waded around. For half an hour, they romped around the shallows: splashing and playing. The waves danced and rolled around them until they surrendered to cold, their goose bumps and bluing lips chasing them back onto the sand. Cloud squeezed out the dripping fabric of his slacks as Tifa stood, looking out once again at the restless sea. She filled her lungs with the thick ocean air and stared into the waves.

Is this how Mama felt when she left home after she got married—happy and full of hope?

She was so in love with Cloud, with the thought of a new life, with the romanticism of a marriage to the one person who knew her better than anyone else. How wonderful, how amazing, how promising her future seemed. In this moment, nothing else seemed to matter. She and Cloud would be together forever, chasing their hopes and dreams and ambitions hand in hand. Together, they could overcome any sorrow or challenge—they certainly had enough practice. Everything was going to be alright. Tifa let peace settle on her heart as she listened to the music of rushing water.

The pair eventually decided to walk the shoreline together. Cloud watched as Tifa periodically stooped to pick up a sea shell or two, saying how she wanted to keep them as a keepsake from her very first visit to the sea. Blonde spikes whipped in the wind and he couldn't pull his eyes away from the smile on her face. Her cheeks were flushed from chill and excitement, her hair wet and stringy from salt and moisture. The way her features were glowing with excitement made him proud that he had been able to make her feel that way. He wanted to see Tifa like this all the time.

"Let's buy a house by the sea, Tifa."

She stacked a shell neatly on top of the growing pile that she cradled against her chest before turning to look at him. "But what about your job in Midgar? Can SOLDIERs live outside of the city?"

"I'm not in SOLDIER yet, and I don't want to stay in Midgar forever. But I really want to have a happy life with you. If we lived on the coast, you could see the ocean every day!"

"That would be nice…"

"Then let's aim for that: a little place all to ourselves! We could live away from the pollution and noise of the city, and raise our children there."

Crimson eyes sparkled as he filled her head with dreams of little blonde children and the long forgotten feeling of comfort that comes with being part of a happy family. Cloud smiled as he continued, "Let's save up as much gil as we can and make it happen! We can do this, if we try."

Enchanted, Tifa leaned over to plant a kiss on his cheek. "We can do anything, as long as we have each other!"

… … …

The hum of the vehicle's motor and the constant chattering on the radio made for enough white noise to lull Cloud's weary body into a placid state. He wasn't sure how many hours it had been since he and Tifa had gotten in this ShinRA transport van, but the sun had just about set and dusk was already blanketing the desert landscape around them. The cool glass of the window felt refreshing against his pounding head. Though his eyes were shut to keep dizziness at a minimum, he could feel Tifa bouncing anxiously in the seat next to him. Somehow she was still bright eyed and excited despite the past two days on a boat with her seasick husband, and Cloud was increasingly grateful that his queasy disposition didn't dampen her enthusiasm to reach their destination. He felt the warm, comforting press of her thigh against his and took a deep breath to keep his nausea at bay.

He couldn't stop thinking about how Tifa had looked, enraptured by the majesty of the sea. She was the happiest he had seen her in many years his small, newfound sense of pride made him revel in the fact that he had brought her that joy. Cloud had watched her, black tresses swaying in the wind against a grey sky, as a repressed memory emerged. It had been a blustery day when she had climbed Mt. Nibel. Her dark curtain of hair had been tugged to and fro as she tried to cross that bridge. He remembered falling, the terror of finding her bleeding and motionless, the overwhelming wish to die. It wasn't until now that he realized that he couldn't have saved her from a life trapped in the gloom of her father' s house if he had died that day in the gorge. If he wasn't around, who would've rescued her from her desperation and loneliness?

It was in that moment, as he stared at her back, that he realized the strength it had taken for him to accomplish all this. He had been brave, had worked hard, had scrimped and saved and tried his absolute best for this reason: to free the love of his life from her chains and to find purpose in his life.

"Oh, Cloud! Look!"

He lifted his head and opened his eyes as Tifa leaned over him to peer out the window as Midgar came into view. The city lights were laid out before them like a thousand stars and she giggled, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. The gesture stirred up a surge of emotion in his chest. He had done it. He was a making his way forward as an adult. Despite what everyone at home thought, despite having the odds stacked against him since his premature birth, despite his lifelong ostracism, things were turning out alright. Cloud grinned as Tifa squeezed him against her. He never thought he could do any of this, but in the end he was stronger than he knew. He had Tifa now. She was his and he was hers.

Cloud leaned back into her chest, reveling in the feel of her embrace. For once, he was sure of his place in the world.