When I remember Jude Heartfilia, I always try to recollect the beautiful moments we shared when I was growing up. My fondest memories, of course, included the visits we would take to the gardens on the outskirts of the capital to visit the Sakura tree my father had planted. Other memories also included when my father had first given my Michelle all those years ago to when he gifted me a telescope on my last birthday that we celebrated together. Even the memory of when Jude finally became my father again after I had been rescued from Phantom lord served to be a monumental moment in my life amongst many other memories that I would never forget.

In the year since Jude's death I have continued to attempt to think of only happy thoughts and remember my father for the loving and caring man he had been to me. I never liked remembering the bad things that my father had made me go through as a child. My life was too short to be worried about mistakes that Jude had somewhat fixed in the short years he dedicated to me. My father and I had been in a good place when he passed and I had somewhat moved on from the nightmares of my childhood.

At least… that's what I had thought.

Before I even realized it, the lock I had placed on the box that imprisoned the demons of my life in the deepest recesses of my mind had shattered. Every horrifying nightmare my father had made me live through, every scar ever made in my life, seemed to consume me in one deafening moment of obscuring emotions.

Chapter 35 - Shattered

POV: Lucy

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail

Fire envelopes every part of my body. It burns my skin and boils my blood while thick smoke stings my eyes and my chest throbs painfully. The fire overtakes every one of my senses leaving me to blaze where I stand. It continues to burn around and within me continues, leaving me blind and senseless to the reality of the world around me.

When the ringing in my ears finally subsides, I realize that the pain in my chest is because of the lack of air. I'm panting so hard it almost feels as if I had held my breath under water for hours leaving my head swimming in dizzying circles. Through my daze I then realize that the knuckles of my tightly clenched right hand are throbbing, but I ignore the pain.

I'm seething with fury as I glare at the monster before me who is shrouded in a blurring haze caused by the furious tears stinging my eyes. Even then, I don't break my glare from the stunned beast.

Before me, Natsu's head is whipped to the side with eyes wide open in astounded surprise. On his chin exposed to me, a dark red mark begins to bloom while blood slowly begins to dribble down the corner of his mouth. A mark caused by my own hand.

A deep undisturbed silence resonates throughout the room except for my seething gasps that shake my very being. I take a moment to inspect my hand and find it still tightened into a tight fist with a streak of red smeared against the white cloth of my glove. The stain covers most of my knuckles on my shaking hand, but I can't be bothered by it now since Natsu has begun to react.

Holding his jaw and wincing from the pain, Natsu turns to look at me shell-shocked at my uncharacteristically aggressive action. Even I'm a bit taken aback as to what I had just done, but the bubbling feeling of satisfaction and my burning anger leaves no room for guilt to remain. I'm full of adrenaline, fury, and a slight bit of fear that pumps through my veins that leaves me feeling a bit numb.

"How dare you," I gasp when I finally find my voice while tears break past their barrier to stream down my cheeks in torrents, "How dare you say such a thing," I seethe while both my fists shake at my sides and I want nothing more than to punch something else.

"Lucille…" Gray murmurs, his tone sounding cautious as he moves to my side, but I shove him away when he tries to place a calming hand on my shuddering shoulder. I'm far past the need of comfort as I try to contain my anger. A feat I have not needed to do in years.

Enraged with Natsu's lack of response, I reach over the large desk and grab the neck of Natsu's shirt to pull him closer so that our faces are only inches apart from one another. This causes Mira to try to help Gray pull me away from the king in a struggling game of tug-of-war.

"How could you?" I ask while pulling on his shirt collar furiously and stare into burning brown eyes that cease my heart in fear and anguish, "She's… She's your daughter," I cry as a sob wracks my body, but the burning brown stare back at me in that terrifying manner I remember, "How could you say such a thing to an innocent little girl? Don't you realize how much it hurts to hear you say that? Don't you feel ashamed for saying that to your daughter who had no control over what happened to her mother?!"

"This is none of your business Miss Ashley," Natsu states after a long stretch of silence, and when I blink the dark brown eyes I had been glaring into suddenly turn onyx causing me to return from my reverie.

When had I mistaken Natsu from my dad?

Incensed with the realization of his word, I release the collar of Natsu's shirt as I punch him to emphasize every one of my words.

"You made it my business," I shriek before I'm pulled back by Mira and Gray who hold my arms back to keep me from throwing myself at the king again, "You made it my business the day you decided to allow me to enter your children's lives!" I bite while continuing to fight against my restraints, "And I cannot just stand by and watch you talk to harshly to them. I could care less if you are their father or the king of Fiore, I'll be damned if I ever let you speak to them that way every again!" I yell so loud my throat begins to sear from the strain I am putting it through, but I can't stop, "Take it back!" I then demand.

"Take what back?!"

"TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAID!" I scream while looking at him as he continues to hold his jaw without making a move to obey my demand. Finally pulling away from Mira's and Gray's hold, I storm towards the desk before slamming my hands onto the wood while the noise is muffled due to my gloves still covering my hands, "If you don't want Rosalind or Etsuko hating you in the future, then fix what you broke."

Looking down at the small forgotten girl still standing by the desk, Natsu's stone hard gaze shatters upon watching his eldest son attempting to comfort his younger sister. The older boy won't even look up at us as he wraps his arms around the small girl who won't stop wailing. Instead of saying anything, Natsu looks away from them to set his hard gaze once again on me.

He's fuming with rage I had once hoped would never be set in my direction, but I stand my ground and glare back to show him that I did not fear him. Dragon King or not, he no longer scared me.

Not waiting for him to direct another word towards me, I turn and ease Etsuko and Rosalind apart before lifting up the small girl into my arms. Her weight grounds me as she tucks her face into my neck and wraps her tiny arms around my neck in a vice-like grip. Her sobs are silent as I take her brother's hand in mine when I notice something splattered on the floor.

A simple rice ball, one the small girl had made earlier, lies forgotten and ruined on the royal blue carpet beneath us. Rosy's tight hold keeps me from blacking out again as I clutch the small child closer to me with one hand.

Barely containing my rage, I turn back towards Natsu who now stares at the ruined snack without a single emotion on his face. However, his eyes betray him with so many emotions flitting through the dark irises staring down at the gift he ruined.

"I wonder what your wife would think about you if she saw you now your majesty," I mutter while putting as much poison into each word as I can. I can't help it. I want him to burn with regret as I watch his dark expression morph into one of horror before I turn to leave with both children in tow.

Before I leave the room, I betray myself and look back to see that Natsu has collapsed in his chair with a hand covering his face. Even then his hand does little to hide the torrent or tears streaming down his cheeks. Feeling my heart cave at the sight, I push down my own grief before storming down the long hallway and away from the monster that I love.

That night everyone spent dinner in separate rooms. Mira the children and I spent it in the children's nursery while Gray tried to console the distraught king. The four of us in the nursery ate in silence around the children's small table in the room, and if it wouldn't have been for Mira's coaxing none of us would have eaten a bite of the stew she had prepared for us.

Gray had eventually entered the small room to inform the older female that Natsu had locked himself in the library and would not come out until he finished his work. The anger from before still burned through me that I almost bent my spoon in my hand, but I was tired and the words I had told Natsu were starting to get to me. Shame was starting to set in as my anger quickly dissipated, and I wanted nothing more than to be alone in my room. However, Rosy would not let me go anywhere beyond her sight leaving me to stay by her and her brother's side.

While Mirajane left to go and check up on the king, I tucked the children into Rosy's bed before lying down beside them after turning off all the lights within the room. The only sound within the darkness came from outside the window where a storm caused raindrops to splatter against the cool glass. Bright flashes of lightning were beginning to make their appearance with the occasional crash of thunder following suit. Nature's lullaby.

Holding an arm over both sleeping children, I hummed endless lullabys that my mother had once sang to me during stormy nights such as these. They were songs that promised a better tomorrow with rainbows waiting for us at the end of the darkness. They were songs that had chased the scary nightmares away from my dreams, a spell these children needed as well as myself.

It isn't until a loud clap of thunder wakes me that I realize I had fallen asleep with Happy curled up close to me and Rosy clutching my hand tightly from the other side of her brother. Her doll that she usually sleeps with is nowhere to be seen which means it must have fallen to the floor in her sleep.

Sitting up, I feel an immense weight of exhaustion press down on me in crashing waves. My head throbs and my body groans from the exertion I am making it go through as I remove myself from the children to stand up.

The room around me it dark with the occasional flash of lightning illuminating the room for a few seconds at a time. Thunder shakes the house, but when I look back at the children they remain asleep now holding onto each other's hands. Looking at them I could tell that nothing would be waking them up tonight. Not even the roar of the thunder outside could startle them.

Before I leave the room, I move to pick up Rosy's doll and place it next to her and then move to close the blinds on the window tightly to leave the room nice and dark before making my way cautiously through the darkness. When I finally close the door behind me, I stand with my back pressed against the closed door for a few minutes to gather my strength for the short walk down the hall towards my own room. I want nothing more than to sleep for years and never wake up.

Sleep.

Getting an idea, I walk downstairs to the empty kitchen and quickly get to work in heating some milk up as I move around the dark room to grab a mug as well as the jar of honey. Once my milk is nice and hot, I pour the hot liquid into my mug before mixing in a few spoonfuls of honey into my cup.

The warmth emanating from my mug seeps through my gloves making my hurt hand sting and scalds my tongue when I take a brave sip. Warmth runs down my throat and blooms throughout my body barely reaching my toes. I revel in the peaceful moment feeling my body relax just for a moment before Natsu pops up into my mind again.

My hand still throbs from where I had punched him, my knuckles feeling tender against the constant rub of my gloves against my injury. Even then I had refused for Mira to treat my hand and continued to care for the children while using my dirtied glove and aching hand as a reminder of what I had done. At first it had been a trophy, but now all it remains to be is a reminder of the tumultuous feelings raging inside of me.

I'm much too exhausted to fight on whether I feel bad or not for what had happened in the library. In all honesty, I felt horrible. I was emotionally spent, mores o than I had ever been before in my life. I want nothing more than for this misery to end.

I want to go home.

The sound of glass shattering in the distance catches my attention over the rumbling thunder. Curious, I walk out into the main living area to find it empty. Another crash of glass leaves me following the noise back towards the library that has its doors once again cracked open. Every nerve in my body is telling me to look and see what lies beyond the door, but my angered mind keeps yelling for me to turn and not look back.

Groaning in frustration, I peek through the gap in the door only to gasp at the sight that lies beyond. Papers are strewn all over the floor. Some are ripped up, other crumpled, and some once even belonged inside of books that now litter the ground in a horrifying massacre. Glass also coats the ground like glistening gems under the light of the lightning flashing in from the open large bay windows situated near the back of the room. Gusts of wind cause the curtains to billow showing how tattered and dirty the burgundy cloth now is, and it doesn't take long to realize that the windows aren't open. They had been shattered by an immense force.

I hear shuffling behind one of the nearby bookshelves which leaves me to walk into the room to see who had created such a disaster. I slowly make my way towards the bookshelf, careful to not make too much noise as pieces of glass crunch beneath my feet. Walking down the length of the wooden bookshelf, I peer over the edge to look into the sitting area just on the other side.

Natsu stumbles precariously around the debris and almost crashing into another bookshelf. There is much more mess here than there was in the main part of the library behind me, and the bottle in Natsu's hand can confirm that he's been drinking. The bottles littered around him and hidden beneath papers shows that he's been drinking for quite a while.

He stumbles again and spills a bit of the contents from the bottle currently in his hand, before mumbling something I can't hear. Without warning, Natsu then throws the glass bottle causing it to break through another window allowing more wind and rain to seep into the room while effectively blowing out any candles that had still been lit.

Through the dim darkness, I watch Natsu's silhouette stumble and fall backwards from the momentum of throwing the bottle. Natsu falls backwards causing him to hit the smooth side of the bookshelf he had almost crashed into only seconds ago. I can see clearly when another flash of lightning illuminates his form making it look as if he were unconscious.

Fearful that he might have actually hurt himself, I rush over to his side through the darkness while careful not to trip over any of the debris below. I'm about to ask him if he's alright when another flash of lightning flashes through the room and a clap of thunder drowns out my voice making the whole house shake. I can't help but jump to the side of the shelf, almost spilling my drink all over myself, to keep Natsu from seeing me. Especially since his eyes had been wide open when the flash of lightning had lit up the room.

I stand with my back pressed painfully against the edges of the shelves holding up several tomes while my heart races painfully from the scare. It takes a few minutes to get my breathing under control and when I notice that Natsu hasn't moved or made any indication of knowing that I was even here, I relax a bit more. Perhaps the reason I'm so scared to face him is because of what had transpired in the morning between us. The memory only makes the dormant anger simmer beneath my skin, but it remains dormant under the heavy feeling of regret and confusion.

Maybe I should just go.

"I'm sorry," I hear Natsu mumble right before I'm about to push myself off from the bookshelf. His soft-spoken and slightly slurred words cause me to freeze, "I'm sorry for what happened… I didn't mean for it to get that far."

His words bring me back to this morning, and the simmering feeling from before causes my fingers to tingle. I clutch onto my warm mug, my hands almost shaking, as I stare at the swirling contents of my simple drink not knowing what to say or do.

My mind and heart are a mess from all the grief and anger they hold. It makes it hard to empathize with him for how he hurt his daughter emotionally, as well as releasing the demons I have been holding at bay for so long. I could not understand how people like him and my father could be so cruel to those of us who held no power. Much less could we defend ourselves from continuing to love them unconditionally.

"Why," comes Natsu's voice through the howling wind that leaves me almost deaf, and when I look at him I can see his head tilted in my direction. It's as if he's realized that I'm inside of the room with him, "Why'd you have to leave me?"

I am immediately hit with images I had buried deep in my mind from a long time ago. A memory of an orange haired boy scolding me. Another young boy reaching out desperately towards me. That very boy staring at his empty hand as I run away, my tears blinding me as I race off without looking back.

Leaning on the shelf, tears once again blur my vision as I slowly slide down onto the ground. The edges of the shelves and the spines of the books to my back bump against my spine painfully, but I don't stop my descent until I'm finally sitting on the ground. I put aside my cup of cooling milk before hugging my knees to my chest.

"I'm sorry," I apologize, my voice barely even audible over the cracking thunder that follows several other flashes of lightning. Even then I know that Natsu hears me. He's always had sensitive hearing and I'm sure that it hasn't gone away.

"Are you really here?" he asks after a short while. He continues to give me his back, but tilts his head slightly more towards my direction without looking at me. His head also lolls to the side almost as if it's hard for him to hold it up, but his gaze seems to be set on something I can't see in the darkness.

"Yeah, I'm here," I whisper, "I've always been here."

If he's remembered me, now of all times, I should apologize to him. I'm somewhat relieved that he's remembered me because that means that I don't have to hide from him anymore. The doors to his memories returning leaves me feeling at peace because now I can explain to him everything that's happened. I can apologize until I lose my voice and I'm blue to the face and we can fix anything that had been broken between us if he allowed it.

"I'm a terrible father, aren't I?" Natsu then asks, his voice wavering from emotion and the effects of the alcohol he had consumed. His question tears at my heart and when I look at him again I can see his shoulders shaking in silent sobs through the white glow of more lightning.

"Of course not!" I argue, "You're an amazing father. You just need to learn to prioritize your children more and stop pushing them away."

Natsu laughs, but it holds no mirth or joy in the grainy sound. I even see his head shake as if he can't come to terms with what I've said, "It's hard being around them," he admits with a shuddering sigh, "Looking at them reminds me so much of you that it hurts every time they smile," he whispers, his voice growing thick as a sob escapes his lips leaving me a bit confused at his words, "Especially Rose who looks exactly like you."

Stunned, I can't help but stare at Natsu wondering what he meant with Rose looking exactly like me. When the next flash of lightning brightens the room, I look in the direction Natsu has been staring at to notice a portrait hanging on the wall.

From where I'm sitting I can't see much of the portrait that is somewhat hidden behind a thick curtain. What I can see is a silhouette of a person painted on the large framed canvas. When another flash of lightning strikes, I realize that the person on the painting is a woman. I don't get to see much after that, but I was able to catch a glimpse of what looked like white hair and realize that this whole time Natsu had been talking about his wife. Not me.

The disappointment nearly knocks the wind out of me and I can't help but stifle a laugh from thinking Natsu had remembered me. Through his drunken stupor Natsu probably thought that he had been talking to his deceased wife while I thought he had been talking to me.

"Why'd you have to leave Lis?" Natsu asks, his voice cracking with every sob that wracks through his body and suddenly the room is too cold for me to bear. Even with Natsu's warm body heat radiating next to me, I can't help but shiver from the guilt about being disappointed. It's too much to bear that I find myself on my feet again and ready to leave with my cold cup in hand, "Everyone always leaves me," Natsu then moans, stopping me from stepping away, "Igneel left me, leaving me in charge of a kingdom that doesn't want me. My parents, whom must have abandoned me when I was little. Even my own memories left me when I needed them the most leaving me with emotions I can't understand," another crack of thunder causes me to jump as the sound reverberates deep into my bones, "You weren't supposed to leave me Lis. You said… you promised, that you would never leave me. Not like she had…"

Through the torrents of rain, the howling wind, and the constant crack of thunder, Natsu can't hear my sobs. He doesn't even notice me place my mug of cold milk with honey next to him before I straighten up and leave the room.

My tears stream down my face all the way to my room, and continue to pour even when I'm finally in bed with Michelle clutched tightly in my arms feeling as shattered as the broken glass in the library.

So this chapter is long overdue. I had finished half of it before the new year began, but because of a minor incident I had I wasn't able to restart and finish it until this morning. I had sprained my hand on new years, but I'm doing better now and thankfully I was finally able to finish my revisions. Unfortunately this chapter was supposed to be up hours ago, but lo and behold I got hurt again, though this time it thankfully wasn't my hand.

Anywho, I want to wish you all a Happy New Year and hope that the past few weeks have been treating you all well.

Shout Outs

I want to give a great amazing thanks to my Fantastic Favorites...

- BlazingPyro606

To my Fabulous Followers...

- JustAnotherFan14

- BlazingPyro606

- Vili-chan

- MotherOfDragons1227

- nikiface26

And to my Fantabulous Reviewers...

- DecemberRome = I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and hopefully this chapter didn't hit you too hard with the feels as well.

- JustAnotherFan14 = I'm happy to hear that you are enjoying my story and hopefully this chapter was to your liking as well.

- MagicalFoxInTheWilderness = I'm glad to hear that you're really attached to my OC. She is my pride and joy and it hurts me to hurt her. Many more memories will pop up in the upcoming chapters and so much drama as well, but I'll squeeze in some comforting scenes just for you, so be on the lookout.

- Stranger1999 = I was going to have her slap him, since that's what's written in the original script of mine, but then I thought that punching him seemed like a better idea. What do you think? Was it overkill or just the right amount of fury?

- Littlest1 = Yeah I had missed that little detail, but I fixed it right after reading your review. Gloves actually come off in the next chapter, but thank you again for pointing out that little detail. I also feel bad for making my children go through this heartache, but my sick mind thought it up so I wrote it down.

- Guest = It was a hard year for us to wait through, but a new chapter is finally upon us.

- MicroFire (Guest) = How about a punch? Don't you think that's more impactful?

- vivi (Guest) = Sorry about that cliffhanger and the long wait. Cliffhangers are a guilty pleasure/habit of mine that I've been trying for years to get rid of. I'll try not to make too many more in the future.

- ChiliR612 = Sorry again about the cliffhanger, it was needed to transition into this chapter, but I'm glad you liked my previous episode.

- Saranau34 = Yes, Lucy was angry, and at more people than just Natsu. I was also dreading this chapter, but also excited to get to it because this means we're close to where I had left off in the previous version of this story. Thank you again for continuing to read!

- Doom Marine 54 (Guest) = Ok, first of all, you don't like then don't read. Simple as that. You don't have to be so hateful, but you're entitled to your own opinion so I applaud you for practicing that right. I'm also sorry that my story does not appeal to you, but fear not because I don't scare easy and I've also been told worse. Also, thanks for the amusement you gave me from reading your comment. I've been on this site for almost five years now and this is the first I've gotten a mean reviewer, so that probably means I'm doing something right. Success comes with challenges, but only those who fear to jump the hurdle get left behind.

- habash (Guest) = I'm so happy to hear that you're enjoying my story! Jose will be making an appearance, but that will be a few more chapters down the line.

- MicroFire (Guest) = Thank you for defending me, it means a lot. That person's words are just water under the bridge now, but thank you again for being an awesome human being!

- MotherOfDragons1227 = I'm glad that you are enjoying my story so far!

- Guest = My commentators are all so violent, I love it, so that's why I had her punch him instead. Also, don't worry about that lowlife. They've got a right to voice their opinion and it's our choice to listen to it or simply ignore it. It's like a quote I once read said, "What other people think about me is none of my business," so let them run their mouth. I've got better things to worry about than a child running amok and trying to create chaos. And thank you so much for your concern. It means a lot to have people backing me up either way.

Well that's all the shout outs for today!

If you are enjoying my story so far please follow, favorite, and review - remember, reviews are a writers candy - and if you have any questions or ideas you'd like to see put into this story you can also PM me and I'll gladly add it in.

Until next time my lovelies.