Title: Flicker
Word Count: 500
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "I'm sick." (Pre-series.)
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.
(T.S. Eliot, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock")
"Do you ever wonder what life would be like if we hadn't got married?"
Abbey rolls over to look at Jed; his face is half-hidden in the shadows, masking his expression from her. "What?" she says.
"What do you think you'd be doing now if you hadn't met me?"
Abbey grins. "I don't know. Possibly having a peaceful night's sleep."
"I'm serious."
Abbey sits up and turns on the bedside lamp. Now that she can see Jed's face clearly, she regrets her flippancy. Something is bothering her husband. "Babe? What's wrong?"
"Do you think you'd have married Ron?"
"Jed—"
"Do you ever regret marrying me?"
"Regret marrying you?" She stares at Jed, and a sliver of fear begins working its way through her gut.
Jed flops onto his back and stares up at the ceiling. "I'm sick."
"Look at me, Jed."
He turns his head.
"You're in remission. You could go years without having another attack."
"I've been doing some reading, Abbey. About what happens when it turns into secondary progressive." He closes his eyes, but not before Abbey sees the fear in them.
She shifts closer to him, then runs her fingers gently through his hair, a soothing gesture she often uses on the girls. "I love you, Jed. I promised I'd be here in sickness and in health. I'm not going anywhere."
He turns, wrapping his arms around her waist, burying his face in her stomach.
"And no," Abbey continues, "I don't regret marrying you. I wouldn't change a thing about my life with you."
"We have to tell the girls tomorrow," Jed says, a while later.
"Ellie's already been asking if something's wrong."
"Zoey and Liz?"
"Annie's got chicken pox; Liz has been occupied looking after her. And Zoey's still too young to realize something's going on."
"What did you tell Ellie?"
Abbey sighs. "Nothing."
"Did she believe you?"
"No."
Jed sits up, putting his arm around Abbey's shoulders. "I'm sorry."
"This isn't your fault, Jed."
"Is there – Could the girls one day get sick as well?"
She shakes her head. "MS isn't passed on from parent to child."
An expression of relief crosses Jed's face. "Well, at least that's something to be grateful for."
Abbey threads her fingers through Jed's. "We'll get through this."
"I don't want to tell anyone else yet," Jed says. "Just family for now."
"Okay."
His grip on her hand tightens momentarily. "How long do you think I have before it progresses?"
Abbey has noticed Jed cannot say 'MS'. She knows he's afraid and hates that she cannot help him, that she cannot heal him.
"I don't know," she says. "But with the right diet, exercise – if you look after yourself, you could have a good many years without another attack."
Abbey slides off the bed, tugging Jed with her. "Come on. Let's have some hot chocolate."
"That counts as healthy?"
"It's a comfort drink. You can start your diet tomorrow."
"Wonderful." But Jed's smiling as they walk toward the kitchen.