September 26

No scales

Drinks: 15 (better)

Hangover: Gone (have developed tolerance)

Snogs: 0

Shags: 0

Annoyance with Mary: Massive.

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11am- It's safe to say I've done nothing for the past two days except drink massive amounts of rum, and develop a horrific case of sunburn. You see, yesterday we went to the beach and I passed out at some point. Mary, who was busy gallivanting about with Jamie's team members, was too drunk to wake me up and bring me out of the sun, and so I am now as red as a lobster.

It's horribly painful. I wish I paid attention to class when they taught us about 'Sunburn Relief Charms'.

I'm meeting my photographer, Johnny Bond, in half an hour. I hope he's got some tips for me about Jamaica because, at the moment all I know is that Jamie has some really fit men on his quidditch team who I'm not allowed to shag because-

I'm 'with' Sirius

As Jamie's sister, I'm a 'no go zone' anyway.

Mary, the bitch, however, has no such restrictions and seems to have been getting very dirty with Jamie's team-mates. She snogged about four different ones last night, and I'm pretty sure she ended up shagging one of them. I wouldn't know- I'd passed out in the hot tub well before then. I'm actually about worried about her, to be honest. I get the need to 'let go' after coming out of a relationship, but I don't want something to happen to her that she regrets. I'm going to have a chat with her later, I think.

Okay, am going to try making self semi-respectable for Johnny.. Hmmm.

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1pm- Johnny is one of the sleaziest men I've ever met. On an unrelated (but sort of related) note, he also has the strongest cockney accent I've ever heard…

Anyway. He said that he'll pick me up tonight and we'll go for dinner at some fancy Jamaican restaurant, and then he'll take me to a few of the hottest clubs.

Hmph. What to do till then? Might raid the mini bar again…

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1.20pm- Jamie just had a talk with me, saying that he doesn't like the idea of my going off with some strange and sleazy photographer. Who knew… he does care!

Anyway. He has training now so am left by myself in this apartment. Mary's sleeping off her hangover at the moment so can't even lecture her now.

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1.30pm- Does Jamie have a girlfriend? Never heard him talking about one before…

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1.45pm- I've tried fishing round for evidence of Jamie having girlfriend, but there's nothing there. Hmm. This is interesting… except I haven't really seen Jamie hitting on any girls when we go out either. Hmm.

Maybe he's doing that because he doesn't want to encourage bad behaviour in me?

Hmph. I'm bored. Might go take a walk down to reception… and ask the concierge if he can recommend something for me to do while I wait for dinner.

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5pm- I have made a friend! She's actually an English girl. I met her in the bar.

Her name's Nadia.

The concierge was busy when I went down, so I ended up just going to the bar and ordered a rum & cola. Just as I was feeling miserable and lonely, Nadia came up to me-

'Anna Jones?' she said hesitantly.

I looked up dully, thinking I was going to be arrested for something (one never knows).

'Sorry,' she laughed, taking a seat next to me. 'You don't know me, but I just recognised you from your column. You're the Anna Jones, aren't you? The one who writes that advice column?'

I nodded, stunned that I possibly had a fanbase that reached even Jamaica!

'Yes…'

'Wow!' she said, staring at me. 'I can't believe I'm actually meeting you!'

'I'm not that famous or amazing or anything…' I replied, embarrassed.

She shook her head vehemently.

'But I love your column!' she exclaimed. 'It's helped me so much!'

I was taken aback.

'Oh sorry… did you write in?'

She shook her head.

'No… but I just read all your responses and you just seem so genuine and friendly… I can't help reading it and wishing I had a friend like you!'

It's hard to know what to say when one is lavished with so much praise.

'Oh.. um… thanks?' I shrugged.

Anyway, then she bought me another cocktail (she insisted!) and proceeded to ask me all about myself. I must say, it made a refreshing change from Mary, who has totally ignored me this trip. Hmph.

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6pm- Okay. Mary has had a few hangover tonics and is now repentant for her sins (hah only joking). In all seriousness, though, she has seen that her behaviour thus far has been very anti-social (towards me) and she is going to come out with me tonight and has sworn that she won't get with any boys, men, or person with a penis of any kind. AND, she is going to limit herself to 4 drinks. V. good.

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6.30pm- Oookay! Johnny's downstairs. Damn, I kind of wish I was single. Going out when 'taken' seems kind of pointless now. I've been conditioned to think that going out is solely for man-hunting. Now am going to have to divert attentions to something else….

But what?

Eating? Drinking?

No wonder people get fat when they settle down. Hmm.

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September 27

No scales

Drinks: 10 (okay)

Hangover: Gone (have developed tolerance)

Snogs: 1 (terrible!)

Annoyance with self: Huge.

Temptation to join a religious sect that self-flagellates as a means of catharsis from sins: Slight

Reluctance to ever actually experience a whip: Quite immense

Guilt: Unbearable.

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10pm- Fuuuuck. Okay. So I'll start with last night as a means of distracting self from horrendous behaviour of today…

Johnny came and picked Mary and I up. We ended up going to some weird fusion restaurant that seemed to incorporate bananas in every meal. That was okay, and I can definitely write about that restaurant in the article.

During dinner, Mary and I just sat and listened to Johnny yapping on and on about himself- and then, finally, Jamaica. I think I've got a few things for my column… maybe?

Merlin, I have know idea how to write an article! This is useless! All I've done is drink and eat- and then vomit it all out so I can repeat the process again. It's been very gluttonous and am v ashamed of myself.

Anyway, Johnny then took us out to a bar called Sin (hah) that's supposed to be really trendy. I feel it was too trendy, if that's possible. It was filled with all these chic people dressed in designer gear so I felt very out of place in my summer dress, drenched in sweat.

Also, it was so fancy that there was no dancing or flirting. Well, none directed at me anyway…

AFTER Sin, however, we went to this underground bar (it was literally under the ground) called Six Feet Under. What I remember was fun. It was really packed out and the music was loud, drinks were cheap and…. there was a ton of spliff. According to Mary, I became really paranoid and started vomiting everywhere. Johnny calls it 'greening out.' Hmm, not sure I can write about greening out in my article, though. Am meant to be an example for girls out there (Circe help them… I'M an example? The idea is laughable).

But, going from my advice column where I tell girls out there not to do drugs… and then writing about greening out seems quite hypocritical. Even if it's listed as a 'thing to do' in Jamaica.

Hmph.

We woke up today on Johnny's couch. I had about thirty letters at my feet from Jamie, demanding I tell him my whereabouts. When he picked us up, he was furious-

'Don't you know this country has one of the highest murder rates in the world?' he shouted at us, when we were back at the apartment.

'Shuddup,' Mary groaned, trying to summon a hangover tonic.

'Where were you last night?' Jamie demanded.

Mary and I giggled.

'Six Feet Under,' I said.

'What?'

'It's a club- it's called Six Feet Under.'

He smacked his forehead.

'Anna!' he groaned. 'There was a stabbing there only last week!'

'It was fun,' I shrugged.

'Did you do any drugs?'

'She was high as a kite,' Mary nodded.

I glared at Mary.

'Anna!' Jamie snapped. 'You can't do drugs here. You need to be alert. You're a tourist here. Shit, I knew it was a bad idea to invite you here…'

'Hey!' I retorted. 'I'm fine! We're both fine. We had fun, and Johnny wasn't bad. He looked after us well enough.'

Jamie sighed.

'Look, just be careful. I want you to have fun, but you have to be alert. You can't get drunk or high and you shouldn't accept any drinks anyone buys you. Hell, you shouldn't trust an opened bottle from a bartender!'

Mary and I rolled our eyes and Jamie, probably realising his preaching was falling on deaf ears, gave up and took us out to brunch.

I was so ravenous that I ordered a full English breakfast plus extra hash browns and sausages. As I was wolfing this down, Mary tugged at my sleeve.

'Anna!' she said excitedly. 'Isn't that Mark Darcie?'

Mouth full, and tomato sauce all over my chin, I turned around to see Mark Darcie, looking very fine in his casual gear, walking over to us.

I hurriedly tried to wipe my face. Unfortunately, I hadn't chewed my food properly and so I started choking.

'Hello,' he said casually. 'I didn't know you'd be here!'

I was trying to gasp for air at this point. Noticing I was on the verge of asphyxiation, he stood me up and Heimlich manouvered me, ausing me to splatter a mass of food all over the breakfast table.

'Eww!' Mary cried, sitting back.

'Eughhh,' I groaned, feeling mortified. 'Sorry… and thanks,' I added to Mark.

He motioned for a waiter to come clean up the table and sat in the spare chair.

'Sorry, we haven't met. I'm Mark Darcie,' he said to Jamie.

'Jamie Jones,' Jamie said, shaking Mark's hand. ' Anna's older brother.'

'Pleased to meet you,' he said politely. 'I live in the next apartment to the girls, back in London. Is Lily here?' he said, looking around.

'No,' Mary replied. 'She couldn't get time off.'

'So you're visiting your brother, then?'

I nodded.

'Yes, chiefly… but I'm also writing an article on Jamaica from a single girl's perspective for the DP while I'm here.'

Mark raised his eyebrows.

'Oh? How's it coming along?'

'Shit,' I groaned, sipping some orange juice. 'Basically, Jamaica's been a hazy rum-fuelled memory for me so far. I've got nothing worth writing about.'

Mark frowned.

'Oh dear… well perhaps we could see a bit of it together? I'll moderate your rum intake, if that helps.'

I grinned, and tried to ignore Mary as she wiggled eyebrows at me suggestively.

'That sounds wonderful.'

'Wonderful!' mimicked Mary, clapping her hands. 'When are we going?'

I glowered at her, as Mark and Jamie exchanged a glance.

'Why… as soon as you're done with breakfast!' said Mark.

'I'm done! Anna?'

I looked distastefully at my egg and sausages.

'Yep… done.'

'Hang on a sec,' Jamie said, becoming all AB again. 'Where are you going, and when will you be back?'

Mark tapped his nose.

'Don't worry- I don't know Jamaica well enough to take her anywhere dodgy, and I'll have her home early. Both girls, I mean,' he added.

He took us to a shopping centre- clever, it never occurred to me to go shopping!- and to a flea market where Mary and I got Rastafarian beanies- and one for Lily- to promote 'chillaxing' when we return to the urban and uptempo lifestyle back in London.

The person- Jed- who sold us the beanies told us to come back tomorrow at 9pm, because that's when his group going to have a little gathering with food and 'a little something else'. He was an excessively good looking ex-pat Brit and said it would be great for my article.

We then went to get lunch and then we went to a 'touristy' beach where they had sunbeds and a bar. Sipping mojitos on the beach was lovely.

Unfortunately, their mojitos here are quite strong and, by the time Mark suggested we go back to the hotel, I was really tipsy.

I can't remember why, but Mary sensibly didn't go to Mark's room but went back to Jamie's apartment. I, stupidly, went to Mark's room where he proceeded to be very clever by pointing out star constellations and explaining them to me, which somehow lead to a snog… which I'm ashamed to admit I really enjoyed.

It was only when I opened my eyes and saw the stars again that I remembered Sirius and quickly pushed Mark away.

'What's wrong?' he said, looking confused. 'I thought you and I…'

I shook my head, the guilt setting in thick and fast.

'I like you Mark- I think you're great, I do. But I can't be with you. Do you remember that boyfriend-but-not I had? We decided we'd try again and he gets back from his training in October and I really don't want to fuck it up before we've even started.'

Mark frowned.

'But you accepted my dinner invitation only the other day…'

I blushed, feeling really horrible.

'I know, but then you left and then he came back and we talked things through and…'

I sighed, feeling like a royal prat.

'I'm so sorry. I've probably been leading you on here, and I didn't mean to do that.'

Mark said nothing. To be honest, he looked pretty pissed off. I don't really blame him at all. I think I'd be pissed off if someone did that to me too.

So I excused myself and have been replaying that darned snog ever since.

Surely it's not that big an offence? I mean… a momentary lapse isn't a huge crime, is it?

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September 29

Weight: 8st (imaginary weight)

Height: 5 ft 9 (excellent, but also imaginary)

Imprisonments: 1

Stalkers: 0 (even my stalker has deserted me)

Cell mate friends: 10 (v good)

Life, career, friends, family: All gone.

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7pm- Oh holy fuck. I've gone and really done it this time. Remember that guy who sold me those hats? Turns out he wasn't a lovely, friendly guide, but a drug dealer.

Mary said she had a headache and hence decided to stay in her room. As I was leaving the hotel, that girl I met the other day- Nadia (AKA NORA MY STALKER) came up to me.

'Hi Anna,' she said. 'Are you going out?'

I nodded.

'Yes. You?'

She shrugged.

'I'd like to… but I don't really have anything planned for tonight.'

WHY AM I SO TRUSTING?

'Come with me,' I said. 'I'm going to a Rastafarian gathering. Should be fun.'

She hesitated.

'Will there be drugs?'

I shrugged.

'Probably… but I don't expect they'll have anything heavy. Probably just a little weed. I mean, this is Jamaica after all!'

She looked at me shrewdly.

'Are you sure that sets a good example to your readers?'

I laughed.

'Probably not… but how are they to know? I won't write about it.'

We started walking.

'So you don't follow the advice you give?'

I snorted.

'I wish I did! I'm a total mess!'

'Hmm,' she said, looking more and more unimpressed.

'That doesn't mean I don't know what the right thing to do would be- it's just I often am too lazy or weak-willed to follow that option,' I said, trying to save some face.

She pursed her lips.

'But don't you feel like a bit of a fraud? I mean, your readers are looking to you as an example of how to be in their lives. Won't they be disappointed when they discover you're not even making an effort to follow your own advice?'

I had no idea what I was supposed to say to Nadia- I mean, Nora- at this point, so I was naturally excessively thankful to see Jed waving at us.

'Hi,' I said. 'This is Nadia.'

'Hey,' he said, flashing us his brilliantly white teeth. 'Listen, I can't make the meeting so could you bring my offering for me? I'll give you the address, though, so just give it to the taxi driver and he or she will take you straight there.

He gave me the backpack and I took it, and then a piece of paper with an address written on it.

'Okay,' I chirped. 'Should we have brought anything as an offering?'

He shook his head.

'No, it's okay. You're newcomers.

He then looked around him.

'Okay, I have to get going. Please don't lose the bag, though. It's valuable.'

I nodded and went to the street to hail a taxi.

'Are you sure you should be taking that bag? How do you know what's in it? Do you even know that 'Jed' guy?' Nadia/Nora snapped. (Even a stalker has more common sense and logic than me).

We were walking down some steps at this point, and she tripped. Her passport fell out.

'No!' she shouted, blushing furiously as I picked up her passport.

'What's wrong?' I said suspiciously.

I looked down at her papers and gasped in shock when I saw her name was 'Nora Smith'.

'Nora…' I said faintly.

And then it hit me.

'You're Nora? As in the one who writes incessantly?'

She merely looked at me, and I recoiled, horrified.

'Did you follow me to Jamaica?'

She shook her head desperately.

'You don't understand,' she said. 'I needed to see you!'

'Get away from me!' I shouted. 'You can't do this to people! It's not normal!'

'But I thought you understood?' she said. 'I thought you were my friend!'

I stood there, feeling as though my worst nightmare was coming true. How was I to know that was still coming?

A pair of police officers were walking past with their dog. Suddenly, the dog started barking at Jed's bag, trying to get at it.

I stood around, confused as to what was going on. The police officers pulled out these metal contraptions called 'guns' on me, and threatened to 'shoot' them at me if I didn't put my hands up.

Nora, in a split second, had apparated away. I stupidly remained put.

They took Jed's bag off me and pulled out a massive bag of powder which is apparently this muggle drug called cocaine.

Before I knew what was happening, they had hand-cuffed me and locked me up in a muggle prison cell. They said I could make one phone call, but no one I know owns a telephone and muggles don't use owls.

Thankfully, Jamie's hotel was part muggle/part wizarding so I managed to call him. He was furious with me, to put it mildly.

Then, he got the British Ambassador to come see me, and he told me that, by wizarding law, I had to be tried by the muggle law for breaching their laws in their parts. He seemed like he really didn't believe my story about Jed or Nora, either, and apparently there's no trace of a Nora- nor a Nadia- at our hotel.

When I asked him how long I'd be stuck here… he said that ten-to-fifteen years would be the best-case scenario… and death sentence would be the worst if they can't probe my story about Jed.

There's no way this is happening to me. Jamie said he'd call dad onto it right away. He said Mary's gone right back to England. Don't blame her. Jamaica's not so fun anymore.

Oh Merlin, I can't die in here. I can't…

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September 30

Weight: 7st 8 (excellent! – but imaginary weight)

Height: 6 ft (excellent, but also imaginary)

Imprisonments: 1 (bad)

Cell mate friends: 10 (v good)

Sirius: Hates me

Cigarettes: 3

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1pm- Just saw dad and started bawling my eyes out. He said that he's got his top lawyer friends onto it and that there's no way they'll keep me in here. He also said that wizarding law should really class me as innocent should I pass a veritaserum test.

Feeling much better about all this knowing that dad's on the case. They need to hurry the hell up. They don't even have a proper toilet in these cells.

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4pm- I think I've stopped crying…

Just saw Sirius. That's right- Sirius. He's here. He was taught to administer Veritaserum tests on me.

At first he was very cold and distant. I had no idea why. Then, after the Veritaserum, he recounted everything he'd asked me and I couldn't help cringing-

'So you can confirm that you spent the evening with a Mr Mark Darcie, the night prior to your arrest?'

I felt the blood draining from my face.

'Sirius, it's not what it sounds like…'

'I don't need to hear details of your snogging him again,' he said coldly. 'Can you confirm that is in fact where you spent the most part of your evening?'

I looked down, totally ashamed.

'He kissed me, not…'

'It's a simple yes or no question, Miss Jones.'

I nodded, trying to wipe away my tears.

'And that you willingly met this 'Jed' character, the next day?'

I nodded again, trying not to burst out into tears in front of Sirius.

'But you did not know the contents of the bag he handed to you?'

I shook my head.

He looked up to his superior, who nodded.

'Very well, you will be notified of your test results soon.'

I stood up quickly.

'How soon?'

'The ministry is very busy,' his superior said. 'We'll analyse your test results as soon as we can.'

I nodded.

'Thanks… Sirius.'

'This is my job,' he said curtly, nodding and leaving the room quickly, followed by his superior.

As soon as I returned to my cell, I burst out into tears. The other girls were very supportive- except I felt a bit bad for dissing Sirius as being horrible and cold, after they gave me some tales of their boyfriends hitting them, or using them as drug mules, and prostituting them out…

I think I'm going to take up smoking- temporarily. It's the only thing that calms me down in here…

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October 10

Weight: 7st 5 (excellent! – but imaginary weight)

Height: 6 ft 4 (excellent, could be a model- but, again, imaginary)

Status: Free!

Sirius: Still hates me

Cigarettes: 2 (good)

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10pm- I AM FREE!

It is so good to be back home- to sleep in my own bed, a proper toilet, and have a bath in my lovely, clean bath-tub!

AGHHH life is much better!

Also, turns out I actually have lost a bit of weight. Lily and Mary say I have become v thin from stint in prison.

As soon as I arrived, they ambushed me with a bottle of wine, and box of Honeyduke's finest.

'I went straight to the Auror department and notified them. Sirius and James had returned from training and Sirius was really good about it. He worked some magic on his superior and got them to question you right away. Without Sirius, they would've taken another month before they bothered to Veritaserum you.

I felt numb.

'But why was he so cold to me?'

Lily shifted uncomfortably.

'I think he found out about your alibi of Mark Darcie for the night before,' she said tentatively.

I hit my head.

'But he only kissed me for a second! It's not like I kissed him!'

Lily nodded.

'I know, I know… but you can also see it from his point of view which is that you shouldn't have been in such a situation to begin with.'

I looked down at the table, feeling very miserable about my freedom, all of a sudden.

'What do I do?' I mumbled.

The looked apologetically at me and I realised there was nothing I could do. There's no greater truth than Veritaserum…

I'm going to bed. I've been asked to come into the Daily Prophet offices tomorrow. At least I still have my job to take my mind off everything else.

I'm so sorry for your super long wait! I was meant to update before Christmas, but I went away and discovered that it's really difficult to type when you're squashed up in the back seat of a small car with your two (cranky) siblings! You can read more about my travels on my blog if you're feeling Nora-ish/curious!

I feel I should also state that I'm starting my hospital placement again next week, and this year is going to be very heavy on the study front… so please be patient with me!

Next chapter-

'I'm really worried about dad. I just caught Shirley whispering something to Julio. They both looked tense. You'd think Julio would be the last person she'd speak to when her husband's in hospital. Fuck. I wish I could speak to Sirius about this. It's no longer a joke any more… I think Shirley's trying to kill my dad and, somehow, Julio is involved.'

Tomorrow's my birthday… so think of your review as a little birthday present to me

Lots of love- and a Happy New Year for 2012!

Anya