Losing Makoto

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

While Makoto is not necessarily great at making his way in life, he is able to find the friends he needs. Once he is close to someone, he will never betray them. Romantically, he is the type to concentrate strong love onto his partner. However, he could be a bit feared because his love is too deep.. - Free! Character Horoscope, Newtype magazine

"Haru!" Haru ignored the cries and kept on running, he needed to get into the water. He was a fool to think anything, anyone other than the water could be trusted. A fool.

"Haru stop! Please!" begged Makoto. Haru didn't. Instead he yanked open the door to the stairwell and started heading down, "Haru!"

Makoto tripped over himself as he tried to take the stairs two at a time like Haru was stumbled and hit the wall at the bottom of the flight of stairs. That did it. Long conditioned to respond to Makoto in distress, Haru stopped and reached for Makoto, "Don't do that you idiot!" he barked, "Watch where you are going!"

"Haru!" Makoto hugged him, effectively trapping him but at the same time keeping his arms loose so that if Haru wanted to pull away, he easily could. It was so Makoto that for the moment, Haru lost all will to resist, "I am sorry, Haru! I am so sorry!"

"You should be," thought Haru but, "Makoto, why are you saying sorry?" asked Haru, his face still pressed against Makoto's chest.

"I hurt Haru," replied Makoto readily, "I am sorry, Haru. Rin kissed me and said he was in love with me and I didn't think. I started kissing him back. I am sorry, I shouldn't have done that, not when I knew how Haru felt."

Perhaps by instinct but most likely due to the long years they had spent together, Haru sensed that they were not on the same wavelength, "Makoto, why do you think I was hurt?"

Makoto was taken back at the question, surely there was only one explanation as to why Haru was so upset. But then why was Haru asking him that question? "Because… because Haru likes Rin?" offered Makoto tentatively, not as confident of his answer after Haru's question. But that had to be the only explanation right?

Haru tore out of his arms, "You! You idiot!" cried Haru, "I am in love with you!"

Makoto was floored. No, no, this couldn't be, this wasn't right. How? When? Why? "Why didn't you tell me!" Makoto finally demanded, "Why didn't you… why did you let… Zakki-chan…" the words died in Makoto's throat as his thoughts scattered. As for Haru, he was never good with words…

Shiori was having a bad day. Today's line-up consisted mostly of stars. Young spoilt stars who who thought throwing tantrums before and after a show was their right as stars. There was a reason she always dropped these creatures once they had "made it" and pushed them on to managers with more patience or at least with the kind of personality that allowed them to put-up with the trouble making idiots.

Of course, most of them would grow out it. Maturing and settling down but some of them never would grow out of being rebels, since no one stayed at the top forever, would inevitable reach a point where getting them work would become a chore because they simply would not remain hot enough to be worth the trouble.

That said, Shiori was fairly confident Makoto was different. He seemed like the type of reach the top and still remain humble and wondering how someone like him managed to be at the top. Indeed, Makoto was the first person Shiori was considering staying the manager off even after his inevitable superstardom. If only because there was something utterly innocent and honest about Makoto that Shiori wanted to protect from the vultures in showbiz. Speaking of vultures, "What are you doing here, Shinji?" demanded Shiori, instantly annoyed at the site of the failed idol turned composer.

"You didn't get the memo?" Shinji asked with a smirk, "Management wanted me around to mingle since all the songs Tachibana was going to be singing were written by me," he said, sounding incredible self satisfied.

Shiori had heard rumours just before she was set to go on holidays but she didn't think management would actually do it. She had certainly advised her boss that Shinji was a huge risk overseas due to his history with drugs but clearly someone, somewhere had decided it was worth the risk. But that didn't mean Shiori had to like it, "Don't get in trouble!"

"You are always so suspicious, Shiori-san!" Shinji whined.

Their conversation was brought to an end at the approach of a frantic looking assistant. It seemed the lead singer of the rock band that was suppose to be on stage after the current set had decided he wasn't doing the show unless someone got him an Anpan. Needless to say, Anpan was proving difficult to get a hold of. So they had decided to move ahead the set of Makoto, gentle, reliable Makoto, while management found some way to appease the tantruming singer. They had about 30 minutes before Makoto would need to be one stage. Cursing again all stars to hell, Shiori decided to walk over to the hotel and escort Makoto back herself.

Haru treats those, whom he feels he can open up his heart to, like family. Because of that, he does not like being with people who only act like his friends on the surface. He has a deep relationship with only a few friends. Romantically, he is fully devoted. He is the type to give himself over completely to his other half. However, he tends to get highly jealous. - Free! Character Horoscope, Newtype magazine

"I thought about what it would be like to be with Haru like that when you kissed me back in Middle School," Makoto admitted, "That's why when Zakki-chan confessed to me, I didn't immediately accept. I didn't reject her because it was Zakki-chan but I wanted to know if the kiss meant more to Haru than just a first kiss with a best friend because it was easier. But you didn't… you said…" Makoto couldn't go on, "Why did you do that, Haru!" Makoto demanded.

Damn it, he had to explain himself but then he had explained himself to Nagisa and Rei, so why not Makoto. "Someone saw us kiss," Haru explained, "Afterwards, I found both our lockers vandalised with with bits of paper with homophobic slurs and used condoms and other stuff," Makoto's eye's widened in surprise, "You were late. So I cleaned-up both our lockers and acted as if nothing had happened. But that's when I decided being with you was not as important as protecting you from people who would hate us just because we loved each other. That's why, I was okay with Aki even though seeing you with Aki..." Haru didn't need to put into words his feels because Makoto could clearly read the pain and heartbreak Haru had been feeling at the time. How had he missed it? How could he have not noticed his best friend was in so much pain?

"I knew Aki would never come between us," Haru went on, "We would always be best friends and Aki would actually help make sure we stayed friends. I had this vision of us staying exactly were we are now but with you and Aki married with kids, living in your house. I would babysit your kids when you and Aki go on date nights. I would water your garden and look after the cats you will inevitably have when you take your family on vacation. But we'll still game, still go shopping together and just be best friends," Haru felt as if he was about to cry, Makoto actually was tearing-up, "Forever and ever. I was okay with not having your romantic love if I could… if you would just have a normal life with a wife and kids. I was okay with Aki," Haru repeated, "But Rin!"

Haru was angry but he wasn't sure who he was angry at. But the black rage was welling-up from somewhere deep inside his heart and he couldn't stop it, "What have I been suffering for? What have I been protecting your from if you just end-up with Rin!"

"Haru I…" he what? Makoto didn't know, "You should have told me Haru! I wouldn't have cared about the bullies. I never cared about the bullies if I could just be with Haru! I mean its not like," Makoto stopped himself.

"Not like what, Makoto?" demanded Haru.

"I was okay with not having any friends except for Haru," replied Makoto, "When Haru wasn't there, I didn't like it. It was meaningless without Haru there to share my day with me. But its not like I didn't get bullied for just being Haru's friend! Zaki-chan was always amazing but there were others who would pick-on me even as they would start off approaching me to be my friend but then when I bought-up Haru, they would… just turn on me. But I didn't care! Because Haru was worth it! Haru's always been worth it! So you should have told me!"

"I am telling you now," pointed out Haru, "I love you. I have always loved you. So…" Haru trailed off, waiting for Makoto to say something, anything.

"I… care about Rin," Makoto admitted as Haru felt his eyes grow wide, "I care about him a lot but if its…"

"No!" Haru suddenly cried, "I don't want to be the one you choose between me and Rin. I want to be the only one you can ever imagine being with because I can only ever imagine being with you. I don't want to spend the rest of my life being jealous of whatever portion of your heart Rin has managed to capture or even Aki! I want all of you Makoto!"

"Haru! You are asking too much!" whimpered Makoto, overwhelmed by the intensity of Haru's feeling, of his own feelings. "Aki and I were together for three years. I hated breaking-up with her. I still sometimes think about what it would be like to just run into her. Of taking her out to coffee to catch-up and then… I don't know!" why was this so confusing, "And Rin, I was practically living with him Haru! Over the course of this year I felt I really got to know Rin. Really got to see his entire self, the fragility of his heart and idealism of his dreams. Now he told me that he's fallen for me. I can't just… not think about it!"

It was all the wrong things to say, "But your mine!" cried Haru, jealously tearing into his heart and all but overwhelming him. Indeed, he was moments away from slamming Makoto into the wall and doing and saying things he would no doubt regret but then Makoto's phone rang.

Before Makoto could react the door to the stairwell opened, "There you are," it was Shiori, "What did you do to Matsuoka? He looked like he was on the verge of tears but when I approached him, he totally lashed out and ran out of the room."

"Where is he now?" asked Makoto, suddenly panicked, wondering if Rin had heard anything. Because surely the distressed Rin would not wait for a lift just like Haru hadn't.

"A lift door conveniently opened as he headed his way and he took it up," said Shiori.

"Up?"

"I don't think he was thinking straight," she explained, "Which bring me to my question, what did you do to him? Indeed, what's wrong with you? Have you been crying?" she turned towards Haru and was startled to see the raw rage pasted all over his face, "What's going on?"

Makoto didn't know how to answer, but for once Haru did, "I am not going to settle for pieces of you Makoto," Haru said with finality, "I want all of you!" with that Haru headed-up, past Shiori, remembering his bag now that a cold, calm had descended on him. He still wanted to slip into the water as soon as possible but he was now calm enough to put it off until he reached the athletes village.

"Well…" said Shiroi, "Dare I ask?" she wondered. Makoto didn't reply, still reeling from everything that's happened. Shiori sighed, "We need to go, they moved your set up."

Somehow, Rin found himself in the roof, just staring blankly over the city scape. His mind was strangely blank and he was happy for it to be so. He didn't want to think about the last hour or so. But he knew that was impossible. Soon his mind would open and he would begin to think. But for now, he was enjoying the silence inside his head.

His moment of peace was broken by the vibration of his phone. Sighing he reached for it. It was a message from Makoto.

They moved my set up. So I am leaving for the venue. Haru's left. I think he's going back to the village. Rin

The message cut-off. Did Makoto accidentally hit send or did he hit send because he didn't know what else to type and in his agitation didn't end the message currently. Rin was just about to put the phone away when it vibrated again.

I really care about you Rin. But Haru… is Haru. I didn't know he was in love with me. I thought I knew everything about him. But I can't just forget you. So… I am confused Rin! I am sorry. But please bear with me.

Rin put away his phone. It wasn't an acceptance but it wasn't a rejection either. It was limbo but for some strange reason that made him feel better. After a moment he decided he would go and attend Makoto's show. If for no other reason than to support Makoto.

Makoto typed out the messages to Rin as he and Shiori waited for the lift, finishing it in the lift with his phone successfully sending it once they were in the lobby. Makoto considered sending a message to Haru but what would he say? No, Haru had made clear what Makoto had to do. Makoto just needed to get his own thoughts and feelings straight before he could even think about approaching Haru. If he approached Haru in the confused state he was now, he would do more damage than good and that was the last thing he wanted.

"Makoto," Shiori cut into his thoughts, "I don't know what's happening but please remember you are a professional. You can't let your personal life affect your performance or at least do you best to make sure it doesn't."

Makoto nodded. He wasn't sure if he had the professional pride that he was supposed to but he knew that a lot of people had been supporting him and working hard with him, like Shiori, Shinji and his backup band. He couldn't let them down, he just couldn't!

Although if part of him being professional meant hiding his turmoil, he clearly wasn't doing a good job because the first thing out of Shinji's mouth when he saw Makoto was, "You don't look so good! Are you sure you can perform?"

"He'll be fine!" said Shiori, "Take him to the waiting area," Shiori told an assistant who was nearby, "It shouldn't be long now."

In the waiting area Makoto found himself slumping into a chair. Ah, this was no good. He was supposed to be more perky and cheerful. But right now he just wanted to curl up and cry. He had hurt Haru! The one person he never wanted to hurt! And no matter how he looked at it, he was going to end-up hurting someone. Either Haru or Rin and he didn't want to do either!

"Hey," it was Shinji, "Here, drink this," he passed Makoto a water bottle, "Cheer-up. Well, the drink will help with that."

Makoto wasn't sure how water was supposed to help him cheer-up. If anything it was just depressing him more since nothing reminded him more of Haru then water. But he supposed having a perched throat wasn't going to help him. So he quietly took the water and drank it down. It tasted a little funny and seemed to leave him more thirsty than before.

Rin was happy to see that Makoto's performance was not affected. He wouldn't have forgiven himself if Makoto hadn't been able to get on stage and sing his heart out. Rin wasn't delusional enough to think that Makoto was at his best. Other people might not be able to tell but Rin could tell that Makoto was struggling. His voice was flawless as ever but his body language was subdued, there wasn't the joy Rin had previously seen. He also seemed to be guzzling water between songs.

Thankfully Makoto only had three songs to perform: Rage On, Walk and Catal Rhythm, having just a short set. It was a success and Makoto was applauded and calls were made for an encore. Unfortunately for Makoto, who really did just want to bring the set to a close while he was still feeling strangely light despite everything, the lead singer of the other band was still throwing a fit and so the word was pass to Makoto to sing something else. It was a good thing that both Makoto and the back-up band had practiced for this scenario.

So Makoto sang Ever Blue. Makoto had been the one to write the song and he had been thinking of his friends, all his friends including Rin and Haru when he wrote the song. So it was unsurprising that tears started to roll down his eyes half way through the the song. But his voice didn't falter, so at least that was something.

Rin left the club straight after Makoto's set finished. For some time he just loitered outside, wondering if he should go back in and try and find Makoto. But then he remembered Makoto's tear streaked face and decided he had done enough to upend Makoto's emotional well being for one night. Besides, Makoto would probably have to mingle with the high profile guests now.

So Rin headed home to the athletes village, where he would have to face Haru. Maybe he would go somewhere else. Have some coffee or something. Or maybe just walk around for a bit. Physical activity always cheered him up.

Thinking these things, Rin turned a corner and noticed an ambulance barreling down the road and head in the direction he just came from. He kept walking but for some reason he couldn't get the sound of the ambulance's sirens out of his head. Seemingly randomly, Rin thought of Makoto. Rin came to a dead stop and then suddenly, seized by a compulsion he couldn't quite explain, Rin turned and ran back the way he came. The way the ambulance had gone.

There was a pool in the athletes village. A leisure pool used mainly by the non-swimming athletes to relax and maybe do a little bit of training. That's where haru was, floating aimlessly and wondering how it had come to this. How he had missed the signs that Rin was falling in love with Makoto and that, at some level, Makoto was returning it. His feelings were a mess and he was trying desperately to sort it all out. There was anger, there was jealousy, even a twinge of sadness but strangely there was no fear.

Haru wasn't afraid of losing Makoto. How could he when he loved Makoto so much. Surely Makoto would, "Nanase!" screamed Mikoshiba, rushing into the pool area and interrupted Haru's thoughts, "Nanase, get out of the pool. You have to come with me."

Haru sat up in the water but made to move to come towards the edge, instead he blinked in confusion as he floated in place. Mikoshiba had a look of panic written all across his face, "Matsuoka called me. It's Tachibana," he said, the words rushed, his tone confused, as if he didn't know how best to say what he was about to say, "He's been taken to the hospital," now the panic was beginning to infect Haru as the ice cold fingers of fear started to grip his heart, "He's in a coma," Mikoshiba continued, "From water poisoning."

Author's Note: Yes, water poisoning is a thing.