Chapter Thirty-Six

Tommy stood in the middle of the room surrounded by lights, microphones, and an excess of people. All attention was on him, but he was finding it extremely hard to stay focused. His mind was drifting back and forth between Rachel and Jude; on the events that surrounded the day. He still hadn't gotten the chance to talk to Jude, who of which has become skilled in avoiding him. There was no doubt in his mind that she knew, but the question was still there. How did she find out? All guilt came crashing back to him, filling his stomach with a tight knot. It took all of his energy to focus on the four girls in front of him, one of whom would be returning home tonight. It was yet another easy decision, although his mind was nowhere near the situation laid out in front of him.

"And now it's time for Tommy to tell the world whom he has decided to send home," he said walking over to stand by Tommy. Tommy realized he was supposed to be calling up girls now, so he picked up the first rose lying on the table.

"Jude," he spoke firmly trying to make eye contact. He was hoping she would get the point that she was his first pick. However the hint seemed to have gone unnoticed. She walked up to him expressionless, her black dress flowing with her every move. Stopping in front of him, her eyes seemed to penetrate right through his, almost making Tommy want to retreat a few steps. "Will you accept this rose?" Tommy was surprised when he saw, or what he thought, was a hint of disappointment fall over her face. Nevertheless she gave a forced smile, speaking loud enough for the cameramen.

"Yes," she answered taking the rose and turning on the spot without a hug, kiss or peck on the cheek. Returning to her place in the line-up she heard Tommy call out the next name, a small pang entering her stomach.

"Rachel," he spoke picking up the next rose. Rachel's smile extended across her face quickly as she walked the short distance to Tommy. "Will you accept this rose?"

"Yes," she answered without missing a beat. Unlike Jude, Rachel took the rose happily, placing a feather-light kiss on his cheek. Jude, who had been watching Tommy, turned her head to the side away from the view. Even though he wasn't doing anything, just the sight of them was enough for Jude to panic. Never in her life had she thought that a guy was worth competing for. Tommy's dishonesty lately had only increased her belief of that fact, no matter how much she loved him. If she had to persuade him to stay with her, it wasn't worth it.

Tommy proceeded with the elimination, calling up Sadie next. Her expression was happy, although she was aggravated by the fact that Jude and Rachel came before her.

After the show was over, Miranda skulked off the set, upset by Tommy's decision to send her home. Tommy tried to find Jude but found no such luck. Looking in every room he could they all said the same thing: no Jude.

Tommy stepped out into the backyard, needing to clear his mind from all of the chaos that was circulating inside his head. He made his way by the pool in utter darkness, only seeing the shapes and shadows of lounge chairs and the glimmer of the pool in the moonlight. It wasn't until he got out almost to the dock when he noticed a dark figure sitting in one of the lounge chairs a few feet in front of him. Stepping closer he realized it was Jude staring out over the ocean.

Tommy pulled up a chair next to hers and sat down. Jude stayed motionless, not even glancing in his direction. He knew she was ignoring him, and he debated on whether or not to start up a conversation or an apology. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. He had no clue what to say or what was even going wrong between them. He knew Rachel probably had something to do with it, but he just didn't know how much.

All thought process came to halt, however, when Jude broke the silence.

"Why do you keep me on the show Tommy?" she asked softly, her expression curious yet also knowing. Tommy stared at her through the darkness, his eyes adjusting to see the moonlight upon her face.

"How can you even ask me something like that?" he replied calmly. "You know exactly why." Jude turned to meet his gaze.

"Do I Tommy? I mean really, do I?" she paused before continuing, "I thought I did, but you've proven me wrong the past few days. You've lied to me…and kissed another girl," she finished confidently, watching Tommy's head lower in guilt. "Why should I trust you? I mean if you want to go around making out with other girls, just send me home," Jude finished, focusing her attention back on the ocean. Tommy sat in silence, taking in what she had just said.

Standing up, Tommy moved in front of Jude, watching her avoid his stare. Leaning down he grabbed her hands and tried to pull her up, forcing her to look at him.

"Come on, let's take a walk," he said once Jude was on her feet. She removed her hands from his and crossed her arms over her chest stubbornly.

"I'm not going anywhere with you," she said softly with force. Tommy backed up a little, staring to turn towards the beach.

"If you want the truth, you'll come."

"And what if I don't come with you," she replied with attitude. She knew she would have to go with him eventually if she wanted to find out what was really going on, but Jude felt a strong sense of pride in being stubborn at the moment.

"Then you'll have a hell of a time trying to find someone who loves you more than I do," he spoke seriously. Jude stood stunned for a second, not expecting that response to come from him right now. Tommy turned away slowly walking toward the beach. Jude stood still in her place, her feet cemented to the ground.

A part of Jude felt insulted by what Tommy said. He lied about being just friends with Rachel, kissed her, then tells me that no one will love me as much as him? Ha, yeah right. Cocky SOB…she thought trying to maintain her pissed off mood. However the more she thought about it and the farther away Tommy seemed, the more her anger seemed to deteriorate.

Jude sat down in the lounge chair again, putting her head in her hands. She wanted so badly to leave the mansion, the show, everything. There was nothing that could stop her if she tried hard enough. Not even Jeff. However her legs weren't responding to that theory in her mind. She remained motionless, lost in thought.

She knew the reason why she couldn't move. She knew why she couldn't work up the nerve to leave the show. It was because Jude knew that Tommy was right; and that scared her. She was scared to make a wrong choice, and scared to make a right one; because neither of the two choices she had she wanted to take. She didn't want leave Tommy, yet going after him meant that she trusted him, and trust was floating in murky water at the moment. If I trust Tommy fully, I want to know for sure he's telling the truth. And if I trust him, I want it to be a returned effort. I can't do that knowing that he's not the only one with a secret. If I do this, he has to know the truth…she thought getting up out of her chair.

Looking out into the distance she could faintly see a black spec growing smaller and smaller. She felt her feet move forward slowly toward the beach, gaining speed with every step in the sand. She could see Tommy's figure grow larger, only to have Jude pick up even more speed. The breeze flew in her face, blowing her golden locks away from her. The air was chilled and crisp, sending shockwaves through her spine. She was focused, her sight only on the target. Moving her legs even faster she could feel her lungs burning. There was only one thing on her mind: I have to tell him the truth…

"Tommy wait!"

Tommy stopped walking abruptly, hearing Jude calling his name. Slowly turning around he stood still, watching her sprint up to him. When Jude reached him, she heaved over taking deep breaths. Clutching her side she stood up fully, still trying to calm her ragged breathing. Damn, he was a lot farther than I realized, Jude thought after having just sprinted at least a mile and a half. Looking at Tommy she felt light-headed, not being able to fully make him out in the moon light. Tommy brought his hands to her shoulders for support.

"Jude, are you okay?" he asked with concern in his voice. Jude wearily nodded her head, which had begun to throb. Tommy removed his hands from her shoulders, leaving her standing on her own. Jude stared at Tommy, trying to locate his crystal blue eyes. Instead the world seemed to spin around her as everything fell black.