More Party Planning
"They still aren't back, and Kingsley's putting pressure on me," said Harry. "I know it's a cynical idea, but we need a reason to get Sirius back here so we can find out about the portrait spell and get hold of that old book."
"I still think Kreacher can find it for you. He knows every inch of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place," said Ginny, scowling. "I don't want Sirius and Pat coming to Janus's first birthday party."
"If you think about it, it's their first anniversary," said Ron with a wicked grin. "They met at Sirius's birthday party, remember?"
"How can anyone forget?" asked Hermione. "That party was the biggest disaster in the history of parties!"
The four were sitting comfortably in the Potter drawing room after dinner. Evening sun shone radiantly in through the windows, bathing them in the golden rays of a sunset sky. The baby was in bed for the night and it was a rare, peaceful time to discuss the portrait dilemma together.
Ron giggled. "But the sight of Professor Trelawney groping Sirius… I'll never forget the way his eyes bulged and that hunted look on his face. Priceless!"
"I wish I hadn't been in labor," said Ginny. "I wasn't able to really appreciate the splendor of it. Kreacher outdid himself, didn't he?"
"The Malfoys were quite funny too," said Hermione reluctantly. "Everyone was acting loony after drinking the punch, but after the crazed witches were stunned, Lucius and Narcissa strolled through the room like royalty, nudging unconscious witches out of the way like they were wading through manure. Draco actually looked a bit embarrassed."
"I don't see any useful alternative to inviting them to Janus's birthday party," said Harry. "You know Kreacher's looked for it, and he's miserable because he failed to help me. Please, Gin. We'll have a real party the next day, if this one turns into a disaster."
There was a brief pause and Ginny's brown eyes began to sparkle with laughter.
"You heard it here," she pronounced. "Two parties in two days for our brilliant boy, because there's no way a party with Sirius Black attending can be anything but disastrous!"
"We could hide the booze," suggested Ron with a helpful smile.
"But I think getting him plastered is the best way to make him talk," argued Ginny, finally getting into the spirit of the mission. "You'll match him drink for drink, brother dear, and just before he passes out, slip him some Veritaserum."
"Why can't Harry drink him into submission?" asked Hermione, frowning. "Ronald is not adorable when he's drunk."
"Harry is, but he'd be snuggled in the corner of the sofa, sleeping like a baby if he tried to match Sirius in anything more than a butterbeer contest," said Ginny complacently. "Of course, now that I'm not breastfeeding any longer, maybe I should do it!"
"NO!" screamed all three of her listeners in unison.
She glared reproachfully at them, and then reluctantly smiled. "We could have Dad do it, I suppose. After all those years working at the ministry, he can stay on his feet after quaffing a barrel of the hard stuff. We don't even have to tell him it's a plan, just lead him to Sirius and put glasses in their hands. They'll be singing sea chanteys together in half an hour."
"Mum will kill us," said Ron brightly.
"Better her than me, dealing with an inebriated husband," replied Hermione. "She's used to it after all these years."
"You're forgetting that Sirius has a minder now. Cousin Pat keeps a close eye on everything concerning Sirius, and won't let us get him drunk," said Harry reluctantly. "And I wonder if Sirius has already spilled the beans about his portrait making abilities and the spell book."
"I forget, are we supposed to know Pat's a guy, or is the witch thing still what we go by?" asked Hermione. "Because if Pat shows up as a girlfriend, we can all go to the kitchen and talk about fashions. Flatter her and ask where she gets her gorgeous outfits and stuff. Even ask if there are wedding bells in their future!"
Harry shuddered. He found his new wizarding cousin even more repulsive than Dudley, something he'd never imagined possible.
"What's worse, getting cozy with Pat or plotting to get Sirius stinking drunk?" he asked.
"It'll be an adventure. I just wish Professor Snape could be here to enjoy it with us," said Ginny with a fond smile. "Remember how much he enjoyed watching you suffer from a hangover after Sirius got you trashed that time?"
Ron and Hermione stared at her.
"Um, Ginny, have you noticed how much you talk about Snape?" asked Ron. "It's like he became your new best friend or your dad or something, and you already have a dad. You got a little obsessed while he was around, didn't you?"
"Shut it, Ron," she snapped. "You don't know! And I miss him like mad. Harry does too. It's not fair that he has to keep slaving away for the good of bloody wizardkind after he's dead! He should be back at Hogwarts and be able to come visit us when he wants to. As far as I'm concerned, he's family."
Harry's eye was drawn to the empty portrait frame while the others bickered pleasantly. Ginny wasn't the only one who missed Professor Snape, she was right about that. During the time Professor Snape had been with them, it had begun to feel like they really were a family or something. It eased some of his painful regret that he had never known the wizard when he was alive. So many wasted years…
"Harry? Are you there?" asked Ron, waving a hand before his eyes. "So if we're all agreed, we'll plan a party for the wonder child's birthday and you can send the invitation to Sirius and Pat."
"What about the family? Are we inviting Kingsley?" asked Hermione.
"Everybody," said Ginny firmly. "Except not Professor Trelawney, and Kreacher won't be making punch this time. We need some chaos to distract Pat from what we're doing with Sirius, but not that much chaos."
"I wonder if Sirius will bring the portrait of Harry's dad along. Do we invite James's portrait?" asked Ron.
"I don't think we should mention the portrait and we shouldn't pay attention to it," said Harry. "Even if Sirius wears it on that chain, Pat will be watching all of us."
Ginny grinned mischievously at her husband.
"But if Pat watches us talk with James, she can't be watching Sirius, right? I say someone, maybe Kingsley, should see if he could learn anything from James."
"Okay. I guess I over-think this stuff. We'll invite Sirius and see what happens," Harry said resignedly. "How bad can it be?"
A portrait existence is a bloody nuisance, thought the supposed Janus Nigellus with an irritated scowl. The others rarely subsided into a comfortable silence. The lunatics muttered and sobbed at times, or giggled pitifully over nothing. Maximus Black watched the others constantly, as though concerned for his personal safety. And now this cursed repulsive witch's portrait was his personal project, as the Dark Lord had been during his life. It must be karma…
"Janus, my dear wizard," she simpered with a sickening smile. "I wonder if the wizards who placed us here would be willing to hang our portraits next to each other. There are things I should like to discuss with you, but privately."
"You have nothing to discuss privately with young Nigellus!" snapped Maximus. "Whatever you think you know, keep it to yourself, you miserable harlot."
Madam Dolohov nodded her head condescendingly in his direction. "Perhaps even your portrait has lost all usefulness, old man. Over the centuries you seem to have lost your grip on reality. The next time those living wizards attempt to speak with me, I'll suggest that they isolate you from the rest of us, since your effect is quite blighting."
The ancient wizard's visage turned brilliant red and he spluttered, "Keep to your place, disgusting wench! If you cannot yet recognize your betters, a time may come that you'll be forced to learn at the point of my wand!"
Her gentle smile was chilling. She nodded briefly and then deliberately turned toward her real prey.
"My dear Janus Nigellus, our time will come," she cooed with an intimate smile. "Perhaps old Maximus forgot what it is to be young and virile, but I believe you have not forgotten. We shall have much to offer each other, do we not?"
Grateful that his portrait state rendered him immune to the physical nausea he would have felt in life, Severus Snape smiled faintly and nodded his head in what might pass for acquiescence. He would as soon have flirted with an acromantula in real life, but fortunately he was now a mere portrait. In life he had no doubt that the elegant Natasha had been insatiable in her appetites and the idea of playing her game in real life was indeed revolting.
"Janus Nigellus! You owe me a kinsman's duty and therefore I forbid you to consort with that vile witch. She would destroy the honor of our House and the glorious destiny that will come to us!" shrieked Maximus, looking quite unhinged with fury.
The door at the far end of the room opened slowly, flooding the dimly lit portrait gallery with bright sunshine. Maximus fell silent, as did all the other portrait subjects. Two wizards entered slowly and strolled slowly down the length of the room, their footsteps echoing loudly. They paused to study a long piece of parchment.
"My dear wizards, have you come for me?" asked Natasha in a warm friendly voice. "I believe we have much that we should discuss together."
Professor Snape watched with interest as the blatant harpy dissolved into a sweet seductress. The Unspeakables looked at each other in surprise and went to stand before her portrait.
"Are you willing to speak to us now, Madam?" asked a tall, thin man. "We'll return for you shortly, if that is the case."
The pair hustled quickly out of the gallery and the door closed with a loud thud behind them. All the portraits had watched their hasty departure with interest, and then turned to look at the witch who seemed to be plotting something devious.
"I grow weary of hanging here in this empty cell," she murmured innocently. "Perhaps I shall be moved to a place more public and respectable."
A low murmur of conversation swelled and faded from all areas of the room at once. No one wished to challenge the witch's assertion. They might understand her and avoid playing her game, but the living had no idea what might be at stake if they dealt with her. Silence reigned for some time, and even the most pathetic dared not make a sound for fear of her noticing. She threatened to break their secrecy. The consequences in that case might mean disaster for all.
It seemed an eternity to Professor Snape before the Aurors came for him. In the time since Madam Dolohov's portrait had been removed and returned, she had not spoken of what happened outside their chamber. Then one by one, others had been removed and returned, yet all kept silence. Maximus Black had not been chosen, and with every removal his face became contorted with rage. The sight of "Janus Nigellus" being carried away caused him to glare viciously.
Kingsley Shacklebolt waited in a sunny chamber where Professor Snape's portrait was hung upon the wall.
"Good afternoon," he said pleasantly. "What a remarkable time we've had with your portrait companions. Madam Dolohov's presence seems to have unsettled all of them."
"I assume you brought the others out to disguise your interest in me," said Professor Snape. "Did you learn anything from them?"
Kingsley leaned back in his chair, smiling reminiscently.
"I told them that the Ministry is considering opening a gallery where they'll be displayed for the wizarding public. It will be a historical exhibition and very well publicized. I asked their opinion of the idea. Madam Dolohov was delighted, for some reason. The others seemed intrigued, but a bit nervous."
"Did she speak of herself? Where did she come from? She must have an unspeakably vile past. What have you learned about her?" asked Snape. "I assume you won't really subject the public to these portraits. Their influence on the weak minded could be disastrous."
"We could never allow these portraits to be known publicly," said Kingsley. "I wondered how they would react though. Magical portraits have no wish to interact with the living, under normal circumstances."
"Even Hogwarts portraits, as time passes and the living that they knew pass on, will offer advice but no longer care much about the living," mused Professor Snape. "This collection is unnerving."
"Yet you seemed to find it pleasant to be in the Potter home," said Kingsley lazily, but his dark eyes were intent.
"I have not yet been dead long enough to grow completely disconnected with the living world. Potter also needed assistance that I could provide in dealing with that annoying idiot," countered Snape coolly, irritated by the man's intrusive questioning.
"Ah yes, speaking of that annoying idiot, we've discovered who made the portrait of James Potter. It was Sirius, in fact."
Professor Snape's eyes widened in a rare show of surprise, but he replied quite calmly, "His family tendency to insanity sometimes blinded me to the fact that he is a powerful wizard. But where did he learn such spells?"
Kingsley chuckled. "We're still looking for confirmation, but it seems Black family ancestors helped charm the castle to create portraits upon the death of a Headmaster. Sirius seems to have found the spell books somewhere in the ancestral treasure trove and while he was still at Hogwarts, cast similar spells on his three friends so if they died he could make portraits of them."
The bloody morons, thought Snape, a residue of the old bitterness filling his mind briefly. Bad as James Potter's portrait existence was, it seemed if Black had a mind to, the idiot could bring back the others to torment his portrait existence on into eternity. If there were such a spell, to reanimate portraits back to life, perhaps he could live for an hour, enough to duel Sirius Black into a quivering mass of stupidity! At times, karma seemed inadequate.