Diamond Rose

Chapter 35

Your Voice, Alone

Lavi had spent the whole trip looking back. After he boarded the plane, he stared out the window at the disappearing city he had come to love. And he wondered painfully, would he be returning any time soon? When would be the next time he heard Miku's voice? When would be the next time he could run his hands through her silky hair, and breath in the scent that was so obviously her's? When? His heart cried out for an answer, but he found nothing.

As he talked out the airport doors, braving that team of paparazzi that tailed him to the company van, he kept his gaze down, not speaking, not looking at them. He didn't want to see this world he had been dragged back to. He wanted to hear her voice, see her smile, hold her hand. The only thing that sent any warmth into him was that one signboard by a fan some distance away, displaying the words; "LaKu FOREVER !" It was rare to see any mention of his Japanese activities in London, although news of his relationship MUST have leaked over.

As he ducked into the van, he sent one smile in the direction of that lone fan, causing a torrent of camera flashes.

And he was gone.

The days passed by both quickly and slowly. Lavi dragged himself to work, and he was never satisfied with the results. He found himself lacking – he could not recover that dying interest for modelling. He still had the skill, but everything he did felt fake. Fake. Fake. Fake. He began to dread the bright lights and cameras. He wanted to accompany Miku's beautiful voice.

Lavi was thinking deeply on his first day off – Christmas day. He lingered in his apartment, watching the snow fall from the grey skies. And he wondered, how was she?

Would she write? Would she call if she could?

In a way, he was suffering withdrawal symptoms and it was barely a week.

How much longer will I be stuck here? He mused painfully. He was about to drift off on the couch, staring up at the ceiling when his phone rang. He checked the caller ID and contemplated answering upon seeing that it was his manager. He didn't want another job, not this soon, and he really didn't want any invites out. But Lavi found himself taking a risk.

He answered. "Yes?"

"Lavi, there's a letter from Miku."

What? He swallowed, suddenly wondering if his mind was playing tricks, "Miku?"

"Yes, it looks like her agency forwarded it to us for her."

"Can you bring it over?"

A laugh. "I knew you were going to say that. I'm parked outside, I'll bring it up."

Lavi hung up there and grabbed a coat. He was out the door and down the stairs, just as his manager reached the doorsteps of the apartment. For the first time in a while, he looked at his manager in the eye, smiled and said, "Thank you."

Things just seemed to get stranger this Christmas day.

When Lavi opened the letter, he hesitated. He had the paper in his hands, still folded so he could not see the words. He breathed deeply. He did not know of what made him feel this way – nervous. He didn't know what it was going to say. How was she coping over there? He hadn't had a chance to dig up any news regarding her yet.

He sucked in a breath and unfolded the paper and started reading.

Lavi,

It's me. Miku. I guess that was rather unnecessary. Anyway … I hope you arrived safely. I'm guessing that my letter will arrive at around Christmas. So, Merry Christmas. I hope you aren't too lonely there. Or should I say, I want to be with you.

Are they overworking you? Are you healthy? Is it cold there? I have a lot of questions to ask, and I'm sorry that I couldn't call yet. My manager decided to push ahead with my career and had me very busy. I'm going to be honest and say that I only got a few hours of sleep every night. But it's okay now, I can rest more. Recording is over for the moment. Of course, I plan to work harder than ever In the coming months.

In fact, I'm more worried about you than me. You never told me about your modelling job. To be honest, I had always thought you didn't enjoy it fully, even though you were so good at it - so experienced.

I'm sorry if I'm nagging. You don't have to talk about it.

Speaking of talking, is it possible for you to send over your home number? I already have your mobile, but overseas calls on mobiles are always a pain. Perhaps I'm too picky. But I really want to hear your voice without sitting through an agonizing process with a robotic voice.

I miss you.

"Let's look up at the same sky,

Maybe you'll be looking too,

Indirectly, indirectly,

We're looking at each other …"

Those are lyrics to my new song. I won't tell you much more, except that it's scheduled to be released on Valentine's Day. Ironic, somehow. Is it snowing in London? The weather forecast in Tokyo talks about a possible "White Christmas". I hope it's that way for you, as well. The snow is always beautiful.

I love you.

Miku.

Lavi blinked when he reached the end of the page. So much had happened already. She was carrying on with her life, her career. In a way, he disliked it. That she was carrying on, without him. And still, he found a kind of pride in it, he was happy that she was able to work as hard as ever, and pour her heart out with her voice. In a way, he felt that it was magic.

It bothered him though, that she seemed to be living in an unhealthy way. She had confessed to it, at the very least – which was no doubt an improvement from her old self. But it nagged at him, ate at him that she seemed to make no serious effort to rest.

In fact, he had the idea that she may be intent on working herself to a state of complete exhaustion. He sighed as he stopped staring at the page, and gazed aimlessly out the window instead.

It was just as she had hoped, it was snowing.

And as he looked out at the sky, he wondered if she was looking too.

The day dragged on. Never before had Lavi spent Christmas alone. It had always been out of three options: his family, his adoptive father, or his 'workmates'. This Christmas was no exception for his guardian, had visited and they had shared a decent afternoon, drinking tea and complaining about their lives while drowning in an atmosphere of nostalgia. In a way, it was awkward, and yet the redhead relished that strange situation. It was like visiting an embarrassing friend.

Eventually, he was gone and Lavi was left alone again in his apartment. Every ten or so minutes, he would receive a message or a call from an old friend. Some begged him to join their rowdy celebration, while others were much more reserved and simply sent him the general messages of goodwill many conveyed to one another that holiday.

Strangely enough, he was not expecting one from Miku.

There were practical reasons – for one, he was positive that she was attending the Christmas Party that her label held, for her absence may lead to bad publicity. On the other hand, there was nothing stopping her from sitting painfully through the service that finally connected their phones. Unless she didn't miss him enough?

That thought sent a rather unhealthy feeling through him. Did she still love him? Once he was out of the country, was he just a disembodied entity, floating beyond her reach and no longer connected to her? Did she really miss him? Did she?

Once those doubts started to flood his mind, he grew frustrated, angry at himself. He was doubting her. In less than a week, and such doubts were already surfacing? It made him sick, almost.

Eventually, he was the one with the phone in hand and dialling her number.

It didn't matter how long he was up. He needed to hear her voice.

He yearned to hear her voice.

That was all he wanted for Christmas.

Let's look up at the same sky,

Maybe you'll be looking too,

Indirectly, indirectly,

We're looking at each other …

A/N - the chapter is finally out ! Haha~ Although it was very hard for me to find time to write this chapter, I truly enjoyed it. I guess Lavi's thoughts were just so heart breaking and sweet at the same time. Hopefully, I won't take as long to come up with the next chapter - wish me luck? =] I hope you enjoyed it! And remember, reviewing = WIN.

Thank you !