Chapter Thirty Five

Rose

Deciding I'd pushed Jazz as far as I could I continued with the easy questions regarding Bella.

"Right. I take it she'll be having the baby here?"

"Yes. Can you handle that?"

"I hope so Jasper because we can't take her to a hospital. Provided she doesn't become sick herself we stand a chance"

"How long?"

"You mean how much longer? About a month tops I would say going by how fast this baby is growing. Bear in mind we know nothing at all about hybrid births other than legends as I said."

"What's your biggest worry? Do you think I should have insisted on calling Carlisle?"

"He doesn't know any more than me about the present situation but you still can if you want, I wont make a fuss"

"You may not but Bella certainly will, go on then what worries you most?"

"I suppose any venom in the baby's system getting into Bella's might poison her bloodstream"

"You mean she might start to change?"

"Well its possible or it could be enough to make her so sick she loses the baby. I think you should both be prepared for a sad outcome to this. If it comes to it she's given you the final say whether we save her or the baby so think hard about that Jasper because it's a decision I'm not sure I could make rationally. Of course there's also the danger that the Volturi might find out and then you'll lose them both."

He shook his head,

"No. If I have to kill every one of the guard they aren't taking my family."

"Brave talk Jasper but remember you are one man against the whole Volturi guard and their gifts. Be careful, you might have to travel there with them if it comes to it."

"We'll see. In the meantime we're relying on you to look after her and the baby."

I nodded and got up,

"Well luckily I managed to bring most of the things I need so I can do the simpler tests myself but if I'm concerned I may have to hire facilities."

"Whatever it takes Rose."

Bella

I had been stunned by Rose's story but it helped me understand her attitude to me and I knew she would do everything possible to save my baby. I wasn't alone long, Charlotte put her head round the door a minute later and seeing I was awake she came to sit beside me on the bed.

"How did it go?"

"Better than I expected actually, just a little embarrassing."

"I think that's something you're going go have to get used to honey"

"I thought having Jasper there would be the worst thing of all but he kept me sane. It just felt right having him by my side."

"That's because you two are meant for each other. Do you feel the pull?"

"Pull? You mean like a warmth inside my head and chest"

"Yes I guess that's what if feels like"

"I know he isn't far away, I can feel him but Charlotte I'm not sure this is fair on him. To pretend the baby is his, to tie himself to me knowing Darius and I were lovers."

"Have you ever thought that what you've done in the past only matters if you want it to. You know some of Jaspers history and does it matter to you?"

"Well no but it's in the past, he's not carrying it about like me with a baby."

"He carries the scars on his body and you will see them. They are a constant reminder like your baby but in time the child will grow up and have a life of its own, Jaspers scars will never fade away, he sees them every day, a constant reminder of what he was, a bloodthirsty killing machine and Maria's lover. He thinks you will remember his past when you see them.

I thought about what she'd said, it made sense I suppose but Jaspers scars were a life he left behind. The thought of him having another woman as a lover, another woman touching him, kissing him, I hated the very thought of that but it was another lifetime and that's the way he was thinking of this? It was difficult to compare the two but she had a point.

Emmett

I went into the kitchen with Rose and shut the door so she could work uninterrupted.

"What do you think?"

"About what? Bella being pregnant? I guess it's a worry and a thrill at the same time. We are witnessing something that's never been seen before, the birth of a hybrid baby. I will finally get a small part in bringing a baby into the world Emmett, something I never dreamed of doing."

I took her in my arms knowing it was the one thing she regretted most and that there was nothing I could do about it, She stayed there a few minutes then pulled away,

"Right, let's get this blood tested. Bella looks paler than usual and that concerns me, we don't need her becoming anaemic, she needs all her strength if she's going to bring this to a happy outcome but its a good sign that she's got this far without any health problems or medical help."

"In reality what can you do for her Rose?"

"A blood transfusion possibly, but other than that if Bella isn't strong enough it doesn't matter what we do there's a better than even chance we might lose both of them."

"Do you have to be so blunt?"

"Yes she does Emmett."

Jasper stood in the doorway.

"Bella and I both know how dangerous this is so we don't need any sugar-coating."

"Fair enough Jazz. If we need Carlisle though you know what he's going to say don't you?"

"I've got a pretty good idea. We should have been more adult about our relationship then you wouldn't be gambling with Bella's life."

"I was thinking more of how he would view you two in relation to Edward."

"Well that's another good reason to keep him out of this."

Jasper

I left them to it, there was something I needed to clear up with Bella having heard a little of her conversation with Charlotte and understanding a little better how she saw things. While Rose and Emmett were busy in the kitchen and Charlotte running interference for me I should be able to get a few private minutes. Char nodded as I came in the bedroom and went downstairs singing loudly. Bella watched me warily and I understood that she thought perhaps I'd had second thoughts so I sat beside her and took her hands in mine once more.

"Bella I heard a little of your conversation but there is something I need to explain to you."

"No you don't Jasper I understand if you have had second thoughts"

"No I don't. Please listen to me because this is difficult enough to admit to so please..."

She nodded looking more concerned than ever,

"Bella, I spent many decades thinking that lust was love because I knew no different and Maria made me believe it. Then I found out that I was dispensable, that she didn't love me. She said some things that made me feel I wasn't a real man at all. I wandered from Peters having seen him and Char and thinking I was missing something very precious. When I met Alice and she was kind, sweet, and tender, I really thought I'd found real love but then I found out she didn't love me after all, it had been just another fantasy and I really thought Maria had been correct, that I could never find a woman who would love me, I was far too damaged for that and the crazy thing is that I believed it until now. I finally found what Emmett had talked about, the feeling in your very bones that someone, the one, gave you, and it was you. The girl who belonged to my brother and I could only watch as he made love to you in every way except physically and I knew one day that too would come. It took your disappearance to make me understand what I really wanted and needed and that's why I'm here now and will always be here accepting whatever you have to give and knowing I deserve even less."

Bella

I could hardly believe what I was hearing, the two women in Jaspers life had almost destroyed his self-confidence completely, he thought himself unworthy of any real love and although he loved me, he recognised me as his mate, he didn't feel he could ask for anything. If only he knew I would have given anything for the kind of love he was offering, a simple honest love with no compromises, no other lurking in the background and all the time it was only a few feet from me and now I'd ruined it all. I hadn't loved Darius but there had been some chemistry between us, enough to land me in this predicament. I wanted it all, not just a small part of the feeling. I wanted Jasper body and soul.