"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"What is it, Jadeite?" Queen Beryl asked.

"It's brilliant, you see-"

"HALT!" yelled Kunzite appearing suddenly.

"Kunzite?" Queen Beryl asked. "I thought you were above new sources of energy. Why have you fallen so far?"

"Hey!" yelled Jadeite.

"I have a new source of getting the Silver Crystal from Sailor Moon!" Kunzite announced.

"What is it, Kunzite?" asked Beryl.

"My research staff has discovered that Sailor Moon is this girl named Usagi Tsukino!"

"Wow, amazing!" said Beryl. "Jadeite, why didn't you figure that out, you dolt?"

"I DID!" cried Jadeite. "BUT THEN YOU KILLED ME!"

"I'm tired of your excuses!" screamed Beryl. "Sleep eternally!"

She put Jadeite in a five minute eternal sleep.

"So, Kunzite, are you going to go to her house and steal the crystal while she's asleep?" Queen Beryl asked.

"Don't be ridiculous!" exclaimed Kunzite. "We are going to kidnap her brother, Shingo, and force her to pay a ransom. The ransom will be... THE SILVER CRYSTAL!"

"WOAH!" said Queen Beryl. "Brilliant!"

"I know, right!" agreed Kunzite.

"Maybe we should think about this, though," said Beryl.

"Too late!" Kunzite told her. "We already kidnapped him!"

Zoisite teleported in with Shingo and dropped him on the ground.

"Who's this old bag over here?" Shingo asked, playing his Nintendo DS.

Zoisite smacked him on the head. "That's Queen Beryl! Show some respect!"

"Why?" asked Shingo. "What's she the queen of, anyway?"

"The Dark Kingdom!"

"Never heard of 'em. Are they some mediocre boy band?"

"NO!" cried Zoisite. "Well..."

"I'M HUNGRY!" yelled Shingo.

"Shut up, child!"

"Why do you look like a girl?" asked Shingo.

"Queen Beryl, can I kill the hostage?" asked Zoisite.

"Absolutely not!" said Beryl. "Not until I have the Silver Crystal in my grasp!"

"Gosh darn."

"Come on let's go get it then," said Kunzite.

"Go bleach your roots, creep!" yelled Shingo.

Sailor Moon sat in her living room, looking at her huge flat screen television. But suddenly, Zoisite appeared on the screen.

"It's me, ZOIIIIISIIIIIITE!"

"Yuck, I hate this channel!" said Usagi, flipping the station and turning off Zoisite.

Zoisite appeared on the next channel.

"Nice try, buster!" he said.

Usagi changed the channel again.

"Stop it!" cried Zoisite, appearing on the Nature channel and getting mauled by lions.

Usagi switched to the Sailor V show. Zoisite appeared there.

"Venus Crescent Beam!" yelled Sailor V, attacking Zoisite on screen.

"OWOWOWO!"

Then Usagi turned on the Science channel.

Zoisite floated through space, screaming at her, but sound didn't travel in space.

Then a supernova went off.

"Finally, some peace," said Usagi, turning on her favorite Soap Opera.

But unfortunately, Zoisite appeared again, blocking the best scene.

"Fine!" cried Usagi. "What do you want!?"

"We have stolen your brother, Shingo!"

"Who?" Usagi asked.

"If you ever want to see him again, take the Silver Crystal and meet us at the Tokyo Tower!"

"Nah, I'm good," said Usagi.

"WOT!?" cried Zoisite.

"I don't even know who you're talking about! The only sibling I have is Chibi-usa, and later, Chibi Chibi!"

"You have a brother, Shingo!"

"Hey loser Usagi," said Shingo from behind the camera.

"Oh, that kid. I haven't seen him since season 2. You can keep him!"

"WOT!?"

"And while you're at it, take my cat, Luna!" Usagi begged, holding Luna up to the screen and smushing her face into the TV.

"HEY!" cried Luna. She clawed up Usagi's face.

"See what I mean?"

"Usagi, you are a dumpster!" yelled Shingo through the screen. He saw Luna in the room, and went to kick her. But he kicked the camera, disconnecting Zoisite's stream and stranding him in a soap opera.

"Ewww straight people!" he cried, flying away.

They appeared before Queen Beryl.

"Queen Beryl," said Kunzite.

"Oh boy," said Beryl, exasperated. "What did you doofuses do this time?"

"There has been some minor complications," said Kunzite.

"Aww, am I going to have to kill Zoisite again?" asked Queen Beryl.

"No no no!" objected Kunzite.

"Too late," said Beryl.

Zoisite flew away, but Queen Beryl sniped him down.

"Oof!" cried Zoisite.

"NUUUuuuuuuUUU!" sobbed Kunzite.

"Wait no I'm not dead yet," said Zoisite.

"Oh good," said Shingo, kicking Zoisite while he was down. "Are you dead now?"

"Why is he still here?" asked Beryl, as Kunzite tried to pry Shingo from kicking Zoisite like he kicked Luna.

"Well you see," said Kunzite. "Our plan was flop."

"Again?" asked Beryl. "Looks like ima have to kill Zoisite!"

"STOP!" said Kunzite.

"You should kill that queer Nephrite," suggested Shingo.

Nephrite appeared. "Who requested me dead this time?"

"I did, you fatass!" said Shingo.

"WOAH!" said Nephrite. "Calm down there, squirt!"

Queen Beryl just laughed. "Good one, Shingo!"

"Shut your trap, you walking tombstone!" yelled Shingo.

Queen Beryl gasped. She looked very offended.

"Can we kill it yet?" Kunzite tried again.

"No!" said Beryl, although she wanted to. "The police will be looking for him, and we don't want any more law suits after us!"

"What other law suits do we have?" Kunzited asked.

"Let's just say we're not allowed in any more McDonalds!"

"Aww, but I wanted to try their new Angus Third Pounder!" whined Nephrite.

"You don't need any more angus," said Shingo.

"LOL!" said Beryl.

"I wouldn't be laughing if I had your thighs," Shingo told her.

"TAKE THAT IMPUDENT CLOD OUT OF MY SIGHT!" demanded Beryl.

"But where are we supposed to take it?" asked Kunzite.

"Anywhere but here!" Beryl scolded. "You goofballs stole him, he's your problem now."

Kunzite sighed and warped them back to his castle.

"Oh boy!" said Shingo. "Toys!"

He ran over to Zoisite's china cabinet and started juggling the china, but dropped it all.

"HAHAHAHA WHOOPS!"

"WAAAAA!" cried Zoisite.

"I call this room!" yelled Shingo, nabbing the only bedroom. "This is my new crib! You can sleep on the floor, like a dog!"

He started jumping on the bed.

"NO!" cried Kunzite. "I like my bed firm! You're ruining my side of the mattress!"

"Wait," said Shingo. "Why is there only one king-sized bed in this whole castle? Do you sleep together? Are you two a buncha queers?"

"We prefer homosexuals," said Zoisite.

"FAGS!"

"HEY!" they yelled at him.

"What's this?" asked Shingo, grabbing a picture of them that was on their nightstand.

"No, that's my favorite photo!" cried Zoisite.

Shingo flushed it down the toilet.

"THAT'S IT!" he yelled.

He put Shingo in a cage and locked it.

"Now you stay here and keep your mouth shut!"

"FAG!"

Zoisite left the room. They tried to get some sleep, but Kunzite couldn't sleep because the bed was no longer firm enough.

He went downstairs to get a snack, but when he got down, the fridge was empty.

He heard loud noises coming from the living room.

Shingo lay in a fort made out of their furniture and Zoisite's broken china.

"HEY!" Kunzite yelled. "How did you get out of your cage?"

"Not important," said Shingo.

"Get back in there right now! And put our furniture back!" ordered Kunzite.

"Fat chance, fagbo!" yelled Shingo.

"Fine, then I'll come over there and make you!" yelled Kunzite.

He charged Shingo, but got his foot stuck in a mouse trap. "GAH!" he cried, as he fell back into more mouse traps. He jumped all around the room as mouse traps closed on him, finally falling out a window Shingo had left open.

Kunzite fell into the abyss of despair outside his castle.

"REKT m9!" said Shingo. He turned up the YouTube video he was watching, which was just Kunzite and Zoisite's death scenes in a ten hour loop.

Zoisite came downstairs. "What's all the rucus? Where's Kunzite?"

"About six feet under," estimated Shingo.

"Under what?"

"Fag!" yelled Shingo.

"Alright, that's enough!" said Zoisite. "I don't have to babysit you! I'll just kill you!"

"That's not what your boss said you could do," Shingo laughed. "Do you want to get killed again?"

Zoisite knew Shingo had him cornered. "Fine, I'll punish you in the only way I see fit!" he said.

He warped him into Nephrite's bed.

Nephrite rolled over in his sleep.

"Hiya," said Shingo.

Nephrite opened his eyes and saw him. "WAAAAAAA!"

He ran downstairs.

Shingo followed him with a towel, whipping him.

"OUCH!" cried Nephrite. Shingo just laughed.

Nephrite finally regained composure.

He put Shingo down on the sofa.

"Don't move!" he told him. "And whatever you do, don't go in the back room!"

Nephrite turned on some cartoons for Shingo and tried to go back to sleep.

Shingo went straight to the back room, which was Nephrite's observatory.

"This place is gay," said Shingo.

"We are the stars, we know all!" said the stars.

"You know all, eh?" said Shingo. "Everything I tell you is a lie. Was that last sentence a lie?"

"Uhh..." said the stars, beginning to sputter.

"Come on, dumbasses! You know all!"

"Duh..." the stars short circuited.

Nephrite came dashing in in his one piece pajamas.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!?" he cried.

"I think I broke your pet," laughed Shingo.

"NOOOOUUUOUUOUOU!" Nephrite sobbed.

Shingo went into the fridge and started pulling stuff out.

He drank directly from the milk carton.

"NOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!" Nephrite sobbed.

He pulled out Nephrite's eggs to egg him with, but when he opened the carton there was a note.

"I borrowed a few eggs for a cake, Love, Zoisite~"

"Dang," said Shingo. "I'll have to slug that queer next time I see him!"

Nephrite tried to pull Shingo out of his fridge.

But Shingo bit him, and grabbed his 1200 dollar bottle of wine from the Silver Millennium.

"DON't YOU DO IT!" screamed Nephrite.

Shingo looked him in the eyes and dropped it. It shattered and the wine spilled everywhere. "Oops!"

"WA!"

Shingo ran into Nephrite's wine cellar and started smashing everything.

"STOP!" Nephrite screamed. "You've ruined tomorrow's drinking supply! That is unforgivable!"

"You know what's unforgivable?" asked Shingo. "Your hair! LOL!"

"WHAT!?"

"Can you spell, Alcoholics Anonymous?"

"THAT. IS. IT!" Nephrite shouted. He grabbed Shingo by the hair and TP'd to the outside of Jadeite's one room apartment.

He banged on the door and warped away.

Jadeite opened his door and saw a forlone Shingo in a basket.

"Aww, hey little boy!" said Jadeite. "I was left on Queen Beryl's doorstep as a wee lad, so I understand what it must feel like to be-"

"I think I hate this one the most," said Shingo.

"Come in and have some tea!" encouraged Jadeite. Jadeite poured him a cup of tea.

Shingo threw it in Jadeite's face.

"Tastes like shit!" he yelled.

Jadeite gasped.

Shingo ran into Jadeite's single closet. "How old are you that you're still single?" he asked.

"Well technically I'm 1018, but-"

"LOOOOOOOSEEEEEEEEER!"

"Well, you don't have a girlfriend either!" said Jadeite.

"But I'm like 10!" said Shingo. "And I do have a girlfriend, wanna meet her?"

"Yes, I do!" said Jadeite, calling his bluff.

But Shingo brought them to that girl with the dolls.

"Hey Shingo!" she said happily, giving him a kiss.

Jadeite fell down in despair.

Shingo ran into her room and broke her dolls. "Cya, baby!" he said, smacking Jadeite and making them TP to the mall.

"BUY ME COOKIES!" screamed Shingo.

"NO!" said Jadeite. "I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS!"

"QUEEN BERYL SAID YOU DO! AND QUEEN BERYL ALSO SAID YOU ARE A DEADBEAT!"

Jadeite gasped. "NOOOOO!"

They went back to Jadeite's apartment after Shingo ran out of Jadeite's money.

"I call this apartment," said Shingo. "You can sleep in the hall."

Jadeite curled up in a blanket outside.

"I'll take that," said Shingo, snatching the blanket and closing the door.

Jadeite lay shivering. "I have to do something!"

He went around to climb up through the window.

"Almost there..." he said at the top of the ladder.

When he opened the window, he saw Shingo take all of his bottle cap collection and throw it in a garbage bag. He threw the bag out the window, knocking over Jadeite's ladder and sending him and the bottle caps into a dumpster.

Shingo called a garbage truck, and it came by and took Jadeite and his bottle cap collection to the junk yard.

At the junk yard, he ran into Kunzite, who was climbing to his feet.

"So this is what's outside my castle," said Kunzite, limping.

Suddenly, they realized they were standing on a conveyer belt.

Jadeite tried to run, but he got knocked over by a pile of moving garbage. Kunzite was trapped in Nephrite's car, which Shingo had thrown out. They got pulled into the trash compactor.

"But who turned this thing on at such a late hour!?" cried Jadeite.

They looked up and saw Shingo operating the machine. "LOL!"

He pushed the button to crush them. They teleported away at the last second.

They all met in the ladies' room, the only place they were safe from Shingo.

"We need to do something," said Kunzite. "This has gotten out of hand."

He was all bandaged up and his arm was in a sling.

"But what?" asked Zoisite.

There was a knock on the door.

"It's Shingo!" Jadeite cried.

"He won't leave us alone!" sobbed Nephrite. "We have to end this!"

The door swung open and they all charged. They threw many punches, but when nothing happened, Jadeite looked up. His face turned pale when he saw an uninjured yet furious Queen Beryl.

"Heya Queen Beryl!" he tried.

"WHY ARE YOU IN THE LADIES' ROOM AGAIN?!" she shouted, pulverizing them all.

There was a knock on Usagi's door, but she tried to ignore it.

But it wouldn't let up.

"Ugh," she said. "Is there an even younger little girl from another time that I have to babysit?" she asked.

She opened the door and all four Shitennou got on their knees.

"What do you bozos want?" she asked.

"PLEASE TAKE YOUR BROTHER BACK!" they begged.

"Eww, no!" said Usagi.

"PLEASE! WE'LL DO ANYTHING!"

"Anything...?" she asked.

"YES!" they cried.

"No more!" begged Jadeite, as Chibi-usa shaved some more hair off his head.

"LOSER!" she yelled.

"Where did all the stars go!?" asked Nephrite, panicked.

"I lit them on fire!" Chibi-usa told him. "Just like Zoisite's hair!"

Zoisite was sobbing in the corner.

"WHERE IS MY CAPE!?" demanded Kunzite.

"I'm using it as a diaper for Chibi Chibi!" Chibi-usa said.

"She's even worse than Shingo!" sobbed Jadeite.

"WHY DID WE AGREE TO BABYSIT THIS DEMON!?" Zoisite wailed. "I WOULDN'T WISH THIS ON ANYONE, NOT EVEN MAMORU!"

"It was the only way to get Usagi to take Shingo back!" Kunzite explained.

"Are you sure we're better off now?" asked Nephrite, as Chibi-usa burnt down his mansion and stabbed him.

"I HATE KIDS!" they all yelled in unison, standing in the ashes of Nephrite's house as Chibi-usa laughed and called them fags.

The End.