That evening, after we had both showered and were in bed, waiting for Brian to come up and read to us, I told Guthrie everything that had happened about the shooting. I felt badly that he had gotten into trouble earlier that day. He sat up in bed while I told him, looking at me with wide eyes and his mouth sort of hanging open.
"Golly, Heidi…," he said, after I was finished.
"Yea," I said. There was nothing else to say really.
"Was it cool to ride in a police car though?" he asked me after a minute.
"Not really. I don't remember too much about the ride."
We were interrupted then by the sound of Brian's voice telling Evan to pick up his rodeo kit from the hallway outside his room, and then he strode purposefully into our room, wanting to know whose turn it was to be sat next to. Guthrie and I shut up immediately about what we had been talking about. Even though Brian wouldn't mind me telling Guthrie if it were my choice, both of us understood it was easier just to keep quiet.
/
The next morning at the breakfast table, I was really subdued. I really didn't want to go to school. I couldn't explain why because I knew that the man who had shot the waitress couldn't hurt me, but I felt like I didn't want to leave the safety of the ranch or the side of my oldest brothers. Even at 8, I wasn't completely naïve to what Adam was doing, bribing me in a way, with the promise of coming with him that evening to get Crane. It surprised me because that's not Adam's style. If he asks us or tells us to do something, we're expected to do it- but I guess he realised that I was genuinely scared and needed a bit of understanding. I didn't feel like eating much, but at Adam's encouragement, I managed to eat a soft- boiled egg and some toast which Brian cut into soldiers for me.
Straight after breakfast, we normally get our stuff together and head out the door to walk to the bus stop, but Adam informed the others that he would be driving Guthrie and me to school, and that he could drop the others off at the bus stop on the way.
"Why do Guthrie and Heidi get door to door service?" Evan asked, a hint of indignation in his voice.
"Because Adam likes us the best," Guthrie said.
Evan rolled his eyes. "No, but really. Why?"
"It's because Heidi's nervous to go to school, doofus!" Daniel said, but his playful shove showed that he only meant to tease. Ford laughed.
"Oh…" said Evan. He looked at me contritely. Evan's not really one for expressing his feelings with words, but his sympathetic look told me that he felt for me.
I, on the other hand, had never felt less like going to school. I wanted to cry and stamp my foot and say I wasn't going to go, but I knew that it wouldn't get me anywhere.
I dallied a bit brushing my teeth and then feigned not being able to find my jacket, until Adam hurried me by calling for me, saying he had my coat and to move it as the rest of my brothers were already in the truck.
He was holding the door open with one hand and holding my jacket and bag in the other as I walked down the stairs slowly. I gave him a pleading look.
"Please let me stay home today," I said, "I promise I won't get in your way. You won't even know I'm here!"
"What about our deal?" Adam said.
"I do want to come pick up Crane later… but I really don't want to go to school. Can I stay home if I don't go with you later?"
"No," said Adam shortly. "Hustle up now, otherwise we're goin' to be late."
I sighed and walked the rest of the way down the stairs. I took my jacket and bag from Adam, and then headed out the door under his arm. He called something to Brian and then followed me.
Guthrie and I sat in the cab of the truck and the rest of my brothers sat in the bed so that they could quickly hop out when we reached the bus stop.
I was silent and anxious, but Guthrie kept up a steady stream of chatter with Adam and every so often, we could hear the laughter from the others coming from the truck bed as they messed around.
When we got to the bus stop, the boys tumbled out quickly. Adam rolled down the window and told them to have a good day. Guthrie, sitting next to him, in the middle of us, leaned over Adam to echo his call to the others. I just looked silently out the window, my mind on other things. I was wondering if it would be weird with Olivia after what had happened. Would we talk about it or not I wondered.
When Adam pulled up, just outside the school gates, he put the car in park. Guthrie got out straight away, but I just sat inside the cab, loathe to move.
Adam came around to my side and opened the passenger door.
"Come on, out you get."
I sighed, but obeyed him. The three of us walked into the school playground together. Adam turned to us. "I'm goin´ inside to talk with Mrs Whitby. I won't be long," he said.
Guthrie turned to run off towards some kids in our class who were kicking a ball around the playground, but I watched Adam's tall frame stroll off towards the direction of the school's front door. When Guthrie saw I wasn't following him, he turned back and called, "You coming?"
"I'm going to try find Olivia," I called back.
I looked for Olivia in all our usual spots: under the big oak tree at the back of the playground, the picnic tables and round the back of the gym building, but she was nowhere to be found. That was unusual because she was normally in school before us. I wandered back round towards the playground at the front of the school building and saw Adam talking to Guthrie just off to the side of the front stairs which led up to the main door.
"There you are! I was goin' to come find you," Adam said, as I approached the two of them.
"I was looking for Olivia, but I couldn't find her," I said.
"Yea… about that," Adam said. He crouched down on the balls of his feet so he was eye level with me. "Mrs Whitby said that Olivia's mom called the office this mornin' and Olivia won't be in today."
"Then can I come home with you?!" I asked desperately.
"No, Heidi. I want you to stay in school today."
"But that's not fair. Olivia gets to stay home," I said, starting to get emotional. Tears welled up and a few spilled over and trickled down my face.
"Hey, none of that now," Adam said gently. "Where's my brave girl, hmm?"
I shrugged and looked down, wiping my eyes. Adam nudged my chin up gently so I could look at him.
"Don't worry Adam, I'll look after her," Guthrie said.
Adam ruffled Guthrie's hair. "I appreciate that, buddy."
Adam stood back up to his full height then and looked down at us.
"Give us a minute here, Guth," Adam said.
Guthrie ran off then and Adam looked down at me, surveying me thoughtfully.
"I know you think it's unfair, but I think it's best for you to be in school today. The more someone puts somethin' off they don't want to do, the bigger deal it becomes. I've told Mrs Whitby how you're feelin' and she'll keep an eye out for you. And then later, we'll go pick up Crane, okay?"
"Okay," I said, in a small voice, resigned to the fact I was staying in school.
Adam put his arm around me and pulled me to him quickly, kissing the top of my head and then letting me go equally as quickly.
"Have a good day."
I thought to myself that the likelihood of that was slim.
/
If I'm honest, my day turned out not to be so bad. Mrs Whitby didn't say anything to me in front of the class about what had happened, but she was extra nice to me. At morning recess and lunch, I didn't feel like going outside with the others to play soccer or another game, so she let me stay in the classroom and read a book from the bookshelf on the bean bags in the reading corner. She didn't try to chat to me either, in that awkward way that adults do sometimes; she just let me be. I did miss Olivia though: I wished she was in school that day.
My day was also helped by the fact that during math and science class, Mrs Whitby gave me fourth grade material- a textbook and a workbook. I had thought that I would hate to teach myself, but I found that I really enjoyed it. I was able to follow all the instructions and examples and then apply them to my own work. It took concentration, but that distracted me from missing Olivia or thinking about what had happened at the weekend. When Mrs Whitby came to check on my work, she looked at it and told me, in a somewhat surprised tone, that I had all the answers correct and then she gave me some new sheets for homework. I hadn't forgotten that I wasn't too happy with her because of her suggestion about Saturday school, but with the shooting, I hadn't much thought about it. I decided to put off thinking about how I could get out of it until after Thanksgiving because I wasn't supposed to start until the following Saturday anyway.
So, I was in a better mood when we got home from school that day. Now that the day was out the way, I was buzzing with the thought I would be seeing Crane in just a few hours. I wanted to tell Guthrie on the way home, but Adam had told me that it was a secret, and I'm really good at keeping secrets. I'm like a vault.
I didn't see Adam until supper time because he was out and about on the ranch when we came home from school. He asked me how school was, and I told him that it had been okay. He smiled at me.
"That's good," he said, "I'm proud of you."
"You are?"
"Sure, kiddo. You were scared of somethin' but you faced it anyway. That takes courage."
That made me feel good inside. I smiled at him and then looked around. Everyone else was whirring around the kitchen, either washing up or setting the table or putting food on it, so there was a fair amount of background noise.
"Can I still come with you to get Crane?" I said, keeping my voice quiet despite the general din.
"I'm countin' on it," Adam said.
"When are we going?"
"After supper."
"But what will we say about where we're going?"
Adam winked at me. "Leave it to me."
/
After supper, Ford and Daniel did the dishes and then we did our homework. I did the sheets that Mrs Whitby had set for me. I found them ok- harder than usual- I had to concentrate, but doable. Normally after supper, Guthrie and I had some free time before being sent for a shower and bed, unless we were being sent to bed early as a punishment. It was as I was putting my homework in my bag in the living room that Adam caught me. I was the only one there as Guthrie and the others were still finishing up homework, especially Daniel who was groaning over his chemistry text book.
Adam gave me a conspiratorial look and then said, "Make out like you're goin' on outside to finish your chores and then meet me in the truck."
"Okay!" I said, excited. I loved this feeling of scheming with Adam- it never happened. I grabbed my coat from the rack at the front door, but then a thought occurred to me. I turned back to Adam.
"Wait- won't Brian worry if I just disappear and he can't find me?"
"I've already told him that I'm takin' you for a drive to pick somethin' up from Olivia's."
I looked at Adam with newfound appreciation.
"You're good. But isn't that like lying? And you always tell us not to lie."
"This time it's ok."
"Why this time and not other times?" I persisted.
Adam was starting to look exasperated with me. "It just is! Now hop to it, otherwise we're gonna be late!" he said.
I did what he said, walking down towards the chicken pen in case anyone looked out the window and spotted me, even though the chances were slim as they were all inside still and last time I was aware, Brian had been sorting through laundry upstairs.
When I got close to the chicken pen, I looked around to make sure no one was about, and then ran towards the truck. Adam was already there, waiting for me. I climbed into the cab quickly and Adam started driving the moment I was in, telling me to put my seatbelt on.
"Made it!" I said, dramatically.
"We make quite a team," Adam said.
On the way to the bus station in Angel's Camp, Adam and I talked about various things like school and Brian's birthday. We didn't talk about the shooting at all. I asked Adam what he had gotten Brian for his birthday.
"We don't really spend money on each other, the way we do with you kids," Adam said.
"Oh…" I said. I'd never noticed this before. "Why not?"
Adam shrugged. "Coz that's money that can be used for the household, or on you kids. Anyway, Bri and I don't need anythin'".
He changed the subject then and we talked about other things.
When we arrived at the bus station, Adam parked across the road and we sat inside the truck to wait for Crane's bus to arrive. Adam played a couple of rounds of 20 questions with me. He had me laughing when he picked really obscure people, well animals really, from our ranch- Polly, my favourite chicken, and Bruce, Daniel's horse.
We were in the middle of another round when we saw Crane's bus come into view and then come to a halt outside the bus station. I bounced up and down with excitement, and Adam smiled at me.
We both got out the car, but Adam said we would stay where we were, just standing outside the car. First off was an older woman with a head scarf and a small dog, and then a family with two kids got off. Then a few other people. And then, I saw the familiar figure of Crane with his long legs and tall frame walk down the stairs of the coach, carrying a largish backpack. It was the same Crane as always, except he had a light sprinkling of hair covering his lower face. It made him look older somehow.
"Crane!" I called, excitedly, taking off to run toward him, but Adam caught me by the back of my overalls.
"Wait a minute, Heidi, let him come this way otherwise you guys'll block the bus exit for everyone else.
My call to Crane had caught his attention, and he looked our way. When he saw me, he looked really surprised and then he flashed a huge smile. He started walking quickly our way and crossed the road in record time. When he got to us, he dumped his bag on the ground, and I threw myself at him, hugging him around the waist, squeezing his middle. Crane picked me up and hugged me tightly and then he hugged Adam with one arm and me with the other. Adam hugged him back and I was squashed in between them for a moment before they let go, but it was nice.
Crane carried me round to the front of the truck and sat me on the hood.
"What are you doing here, little one? I thought I was supposed to be the surprise!" he said, laughing and looking at Adam. Adam shrugged in a good-natured way.
"Adam let me come. It was our secret. Are you surprised?" I said, delighted.
"I sure am!"
I reached up to touch Crane's face.
"Your face feels furry," I said, rubbing my hands across his jaw.
"It's my new look. Like it?"
I nodded. "Uh huh!"
"What do you think?" Crane said, directing his question to Adam.
"Lookin' good, little brother," Adam said, ruffling his hair in the way he might to Ford or Guthrie. He didn't much do that anymore with Crane, being 18 and all, but I think he was just so happy to see him.
Adam tapped his hand on the hood of the truck a couple of times in quick succession.
"Right, let's get home. I know a houseful of boys who are goin' to be mighty glad to see you."
/
I sat in the middle of Crane and Adam on the ride back to the ranch and chattered incessantly the entire way home. I told him all about the past weeks since he had been away. I also told him about the shooting, just talking about it in a general sort of way. At one point, Adam chided me gently, telling me to take a breath.
"Slow down, Heidi, Crane'll be here the whole week," he said.
Crane looked shocked, concerned and angry all at once when I told him about the shooting. He put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him, saying, "That's really terrible, Heidi, I'm sorry you had to see that," and then he looked at Adam and demanded, "You didn't think this kinda thing was worth telling me?"
Adam glanced in our direction and then looked back at the road.
"There's nothin' you could have done, so there didn't seem a point in worryin' you," he said mildly.
Crane didn't respond to that, but he still didn't look happy. I chattered on, however, and filled the ride home with noise.
When we got home, it was already dark outside. We could see the lights on in the whole downstairs, plus the light on in Adam and Brian's bedroom.
We got out the car and Crane grabbed his bag from the truck bed, and we headed inside. I was excited to see my brothers' reactions to Crane being home.
Adam opened the screen door first and then the front door and I followed him, with Crane behind us. Ford, Daniel and Evan were in the living room. Daniel was strumming on his guitar and the other were sprawled on the couches listening to him. They looked up as we walked in. It took a moment for them to register who was there, and all three of them looked at us for a second, stupefied, as though they couldn't quite believe their eyes. But then, it was like the spell was broken, with all of them coming to their senses at once, and they all jumped up and climbed all over Crane, knocking him down like we had all done the last time he had surprised us by coming home early.
There were cries of exclamation at the surprise and Daniel even burst into tears, which made Crane grab Daniel and hug him tightly. All the noise drew Brian down from his bedroom. He looked a bit irritated as he opened the door, but then when he saw Crane his face transformed into one of delight and he made it down the stairs in record time.
"I thought you were comin' home on Wednesday!" Brian said, slinging an arm around Crane's shoulders once he had had hugged him.
"I couldn't miss your birthday, big brother," Crane said. Brian grinned at him and gave him another one arm hug.
Crane looked around. "Where's Guthrie?" he asked.
"In the shower," Brian said. "I think he should be almost done though- you know what he's like."
Guthrie was notorious for taking a long time in the bathroom. He liked to stand under the hot water for ages and was always being scolded for wasting water by Adam and Brian who grumbled about the water bill.
Crane ran up the stairs towards the bathroom and knocked on the door and then went in.
The next thing we heard was the door being opened and a squeak and a cry as Guthrie threw himself at Crane which made us all laugh because his hair and body was still wet, so he sort of drenched Crane by hugging him.
Unsurprisingly after that, and for the rest of the evening, us younger kids all wanted to be near Crane, talk to Crane, show Crane things, make plans with Crane. He was pulled in every which direction. He didn't seem to mind though. Adam let Guthrie and me stay up to the time when Ford and Evan went to bed, which was a full hour later than usual. I thought that was really nice of him.
At one point, Guthrie confronted me about not telling him about Crane coming home early.
"Adam said it was a secret though, Guth," I said.
"But we always tell each other everything!"
"Yea… but not if it's a secret…"
"Humph," Guthrie said, folding his arms and still looking put out. I paid no mind though, no one was going to dampen my excitement now that Crane was home.
/
My spirits were dampened though, by the fact that I had a horrible nightmare about the shooting. I dreamt that the man had pointed the gun at me, and I was trying to run, but although my legs were moving, I wasn't getting anywhere. I didn't wake up screaming or anything, but my heart was pounding, and my pyjamas were drenched with sweat.
I quietly got up and changed my pyjamas. I wanted to go into Adam and Brian's room, but if I woke, Adam, it might wake Brian, and it was his birthday in the morning. It didn't seem a very nice way to enter your birthday. Then, I thought about going to wake Crane, but he was only just home. I was very conscious I had been taking up a lot of my brothers' time and attention lately. They hadn't done anything to make me feel like that, but I did anyway. If I woke Daniel, Crane may wake up. I didn't even consider waking Ford or Evan. They wouldn't be nasty about it, but they wouldn't know what to say.
In the end, I decided to like back down in my own bed. I grabbed my flashlight and read under the covers for a while until I felt tired again which seemed like an age. I must have dropped off though because when I awoke, the flashlight was still on. I looked at the clock, which said 5am. Normally, we got up an hour later, but I didn't feel like I could sleep again.
So, once again, I was tired in the morning. I thought to myself that this was becoming a habit. It was Brian's birthday though, so I wanted to be in a good mood to celebrate for him.
I got out of bed and quickly got dressed in my chore clothes. I headed downstairs and into the kitchen, in stockinged feet. No one was there, but there was a breeze in the kitchen, and when I went to check it out, the back door was open, meaning that someone was already up. Adam probably.
I headed outside and did my chores quickly, collecting the eggs in a basket that I had brought from the kitchen. I fed the chickens and filled the water trough. I gathered up Polly and Splotch whom I had got out her hutch and took them both to the barn, where it was warmer as the sun wasn't even up properly yet. Stroking the animals and chatting to them was as soothing as always. Soon, I felt the heady feeling of tiredness. I lay down on a hay bale and closed my eyes.
/
Gentle shaking woke me up. I opened my eyes to see Crane hovering over me, looking somewhat amused.
"What in the world are you doing asleep out here?" he asked me.
I sat up. "I fell asleep," I said.
"I can see that. The question is why you´re out here so early."
"Coz I woke up early and couldn´t sleep again, so I decided to do my chores."
I stood up and dusted myself off.
"I'd better get inside," I said quickly, not looking at Crane or meeting his eyes. I didn't want to explain about my nightmare because then he'd be worried, and he'd tell Adam and Brian and it would ruin Brian's birthday.
"Leave the chicken and the rabbit. I'll put them back for you. Go inside and get breakfast," Crane said then.
"Thanks."
I made to leave, but then Crane caught my arm and gave me a suspicious look.
"You ok, Heidi?"
"Yep!" I said, forcing a smile.
He let me go then and I hurried back up to the house. When I entered the kitchen via the back door, the rest of the family, including Brian, were already at the table. I made a beeline for him and put my arms around his neck from the side, kissing his cheek.
"Happy birthday, Bri!" I said.
Brian hugged me back around the waist.
"Thank you, honey."
He surveyed me then properly.
"Why is there hay in your hair?" he asked, pulling out a few strands.
"Exactly my question," said Adam.
"I dunno…" I lied, and then to get everyone off the topic, I asked Brian what his birthday plans were for the day while taking my own seat.
"Oh, I've got a full day planned. Mendin' fence, movin' cattle to new pastures, doin' cattle confirmation," Brian said, with a smile.
"That doesn't sound like much fun!" Guthrie said.
"There's no rest for the wicked," Crane said playfully, coming into the house from outside.
He took his place and we started eating. Because it was Brian's birthday, we had a special breakfast: chocolate chip pancakes with maple syrup and ice cream! Brian has a really sweet tooth.
"You're gonna love our gift to you later!" I said to Brian.
We generally did gifts and cake in the evening, after supper unless birthdays fell on a weekend, because there wasn't much time in the morning.
Brian started playfully asking us what we had got him then, becoming more and more outlandish in his suggestions and making us all laugh.
"What did you get Brian?" Ford asked Crane.
"I was gonna wait until later to tell you, but I may as well tell you now. Since I'm home a couple days early, it means you and Adam can go out tonight. Go wild and celebrate."
"Alright! Great gift, little brother, thanks!" Brian said, rubbing his hands together like he was relishing the idea.
"That's a gift for Adam as well," Guthrie pointed out.
Daniel laughed "No, coz Adam'll be the one dragging Brian home when he's dr-"
"Alright, breakfast's over," Adam said quickly, interrupting Daniel quickly and shooting him a look. Daniel smirked in response and then Adam told us all to go upstairs and get ready for school.
/
Mrs Whitby gave me more fourth grade work again that day. I was tired so I had to concentrate harder to do it, but I managed. Olivia still wasn't in school that day. I resolved to ask Adam to call her mother when I got home from school to check that she was okay. I thought how reliant I had become on her, even though we had only been friends for a few short months. I missed her at school terribly. Even though Guthrie was there, it seemed like the day was less bright when she wasn't there.
When we got home from school that day, Crane was in the kitchen. He said he was making Brian a special supper and he was about to make Brian´s birthday cake. Guthrie, Ford and I said we wanted to help him, but he told us to do our chores first.
I had just finished, when I saw Adam riding up on his horse, Dixie, and ride it into the corral. He dismounted and then started untacking it. I went to say hi to him and he asked me how school was.
"It was okay. Olivia still wasn't there though…" I said.
"That's too bad."
"Can you call her mom? Make sure she's ok?"
Adam stopped untacking Dixie and looked at me. I could see by the expression on his face that he was reluctant to do what I had asked.
"I'm sure she's okay, Heidi," he said.
"Then why isn't she at school, like me?"
"That's between Olivia and her parents."
"Please Adam. I just want to know she's okay," I pleaded.
Adam sighed. "Alright then. I'll call after supper before Bri and I go out. Okay?"
I was happy with that and headed back up to the house. Guthrie and Ford were already back and they, along with Crane, were in the throes of birthday cake making. We ended up making it two tiered with chocolate icing in the middle binding the top and bottom layers and chocolate icing on the top. Then we decorated it with all sorts of candy.
Supper was steak, fries and salad- Brian's favorite. We had cake for dessert, not before lighting 22 candles and singing happy birthday to Brian. Afterwards, it was time for us to give Brian our gift. I ran upstairs to get it, retrieving it from my drawer and then brought it back down.
"This," I said dramatically, presenting the book of vouchers to Brian with the card I had made and had all of us sign, "is from me, Guthrie, Evan, Ford and Daniel."
Brian looked confused for a second, before opening it up by untying the ribbon. I had made each voucher separately and then hole punched them, binding them together with ribbon that Olivia had brought from her house from me.
Brian opened the book of vouchers, opening it and slowly turning each page. He was very quiet.
"Do you like it?" Ford asked, nervously.
Brian looked up from the book.
"I love it," he said, simply. He seemed really touched. Subdued even.
"It was actually Ford's idea," Daniel said, slapping Ford on the back.
"It's real thoughtful," Brian said to Ford, who colored in pleasure.
"The artwork on this is really detailed. How long did this take you?" Brian asked me.
"Not too long," I said, wanting to be modest.
"Get out of here," Daniel said to me.
"It took her hours," he said to Brian.
"I just wanted you to have something nice for your birthday," I said, softly.
Brian smiled at me. "Thank you, kiddo," he said.
It made me feel really happy inside that Brian had liked his gift so much.
"What time do you want to head on out?" Crane asked Brian and Adam.
"In a bit. I've still got some chores to finish up, plus I'm on dish duty," Brian said. Then he got a mischievous glint entered his eye.
"Oh, but wait!" he said, theatrically. "I have this book of vouchers here which magically says that my little brothers and sister have to do my work for me!"
All of us laughed and groaned good naturedly.
Brian opened the book and got to one of the vouchers which said that Guthrie and I would do his dish duty.
"I'd like to cash this one in please."
Then he turned to another one. "And also this one which says Daniel will do an evenin' of my chores.
"Remind me why we did this again?" Daniel said to Evan, laughing.
"I'll come help," Evan said then, in a rare showing of offering to do more chores.
"Me too," Ford said.
Brian leaned back in his chair in satisfaction.
"I should have a birthday more often."
Thank you to the sweet people who left messages checking up on me and the people who sent me PMs checking on me too. There's nothing wrong apart from a hefty workload at my job. I so appreciate reader support- reviews and readers alike- thank you! Hopefully this extra-long chapter will make up for the wait. Things are relatively calm right now in the McFadden household, but trouble is never afar, and it's going to get rocky again really soon!