Chapter Thirty Six
"He wants you to do what?" Yuna asked completely surprised.
Paine fought to keep all her melting cheese on the one slice she chose. "Says he could get me out on bail, a couple days later." She brought it to her mouth but the cheese she had been fighting to stick merely fell onto her plate again. "Fuck!" Both Rikku and Yuna jumped a little. Paine put her crust down and sent them small apologetic looks.
Yuna nodded. She herself had had a very trying week professionally, the order final being agreed upon, sizing this, and casting that, not to mention her personal life had raised its hand to be called upon again. She and Tidus had gone for a late lunch during the week. It had been awkward yet somehow…well it just felt natural to be around him still. Awkward was the time apart, the catching up they had to do, the briefness of it all. She hadn't yet thought of what she thought of it, but he texted her randomly throughout the day, and she responded. Paine and Rikku though, it really seemed like they were always going through something. It was supposed to be an exciting time, she wanted them to be happy, to support them, but it was clear they were worried about the trial and Paine's future. It couldn't be easy to be yanked in every emotional direction like this. Yuna was convinced that Rikku had pushed off dealing with their grandmothers passing too, if you couldn't have an outburst over your cheese in front of family there was no way you'd survive whatever the coming months bring.
"Take it easy." Rikku joked soothingly. She hoped the humor would help but judging by Paine's expression it did little.
"He can't be serious." Yuna agreed.
"He's dead serious." Paine nodded. She picked up her cola and took a sip.
"There has to be another way…. Where is Uncle Cid in all of this? What is his opinion?"
"I haven't been able to get a hold of him all evening. Something doesn't feel right to me Yunie."
"The night he showed up?" Paine asked. Rikku had said little about her talking to her father.
"You don't think that while Uncle Cid was gone…"
Rikku shook her head. "I don't know…I told you about the talk we had right? At Eveready?"
"He wouldn't tell you what he was doing, why he left."
"Wait what?" Paine cut in as she looked to her right at her wife. "What did he say?"
Rikku sighed. "Pypo he didn't—"
"You'll protect him? I had a feeling the whole time that he was doing some shit."
"Hey that's my Pop." Rikku cut back. She knew Paine was upset about their situation but she wouldn't think anything until she got the truth.
Paine scuffed at her comment. "Call him then, ask him. He'll play dumb."
"and the knyhtvydran of our baby so.."
Paine sighed now. "Rikku alright, but you have to admit that this shit doesn't add up, he just left out of freaking nowhere after telling you Auron was getting out, he just up and left babe."
"He had nothing to do with the P. I. that was you and Gippal's half bak—"
"Half-baked right? Is that what you are gonna fucking say?"
"Guys." Yuna cut in before they really started going at it. She looked to Rikku. "You shouldn't be getting yourself all riled up."
The blonde was caught between wanting to prove her point and wanting to smile a little. They had yet to show Yuna the little fuzzy ultrasound from that Wednesday. She deflated a little more and looked to her wife. "Pypo." She reached a hand out on the table to hold onto Paine's wrist.
She calmed. "I know."
They shared a little look only they truly understood before Rikku let go of Paine's wrist and regarded her cousin, "Paine has a point though. I know he had a part in something…I just don't think…well." How could a man who had just lost his mother do something like this? Order a hit, there was no way, she didn't know how or why, but she knew her father didn't do it just like Paine didn't do it, they both had reason to, but she knew them both better than that. "At the house warming part—"
"—Barbeque," Paine corrected.
Rikku sent her a look. "At the barbeque, did he seem weird?"
Yuna shook her head. "No, not at all. My father wasn't there long either."
"Why don't we just ask the fucker, all this guess work is…" Paine shook her head. "Bullshit."
Rikku reached for a slice from the half-eaten pie in the middle of the table. "Well I need to talk to him and Dragon Lady sooner or later.." Her face dropped a little. "What a conversation."
Yuna nodded. "Did you kill Sir Auron? Oh and yes, I'm pregnant."
Paine snickered a little at the look Rikku gave her cousin. "Yunie!" She looked over at Paine's grin. "I don't know why you think this is funny; this is all your fault anyway."
Yuna laughed as Paine raised an eyebrow, it reminded her of Lulu so much just then. "Uncle Cid will find out, but you have to tell Lulu and Wakka first."
"Blitz season starts this Saturday coming up, maybe at dinner the night before?" Lulu and Wakka always had a huge dinner the night before Blitz season began, mostly family, so they could spend some time together before Wakka left to travel. "I feel like Lulu already knows though, y'know she called me the other day asking how I was feeling."
"What the fuck?" Paine asked.
"She probably knows you're stressed about the trial."
"Yeah that or Vdina told her."
"Vidina knows?" Yuna asked,
Paine shook her head with a small laugh. "Well to him everyone is a Momma anyway so what does it matter?"
##
Lulu D'Autry looked up from her novel when she heard her husband's heavy footsteps reach the threshold of their bedroom door.
"Ten times ya? Ten." He put up both colossal hands to give his wife a visual before tiredly throwing himself on their king sized bed effectively shaking everything on it a moment before it fell still again. The redhead sighed into the mattress. He could hear a warm chuckle come from the woman on the bed beside him. He loved when Lulu laughed; it was like warm honey being poured over fresh bread. Right now though, right now he was too tired to smile back.
"I refuse to read it more than three; you really need to grow a backbone with him."
Wakka pulled himself up and crawled over to the head of the bed where Lulu was sitting in her silky pajamas. "How can I say no to him ya? I feel guilty for leaving you two, plus he's my first kid ya?"
She raised an eyebrow slightly. "First?" She went back to the book that she had placed on her lap upon hearing Wakka assent upstairs. "He's your only child."
The bronzed man laughed. "Eh, you say dat now."
She closed the book for good now. "We've talked about that."
Wakka grew solemn. "Yeah." He nodded. "I know." It wasn't that Lulu didn't want a bigger family, it was that she couldn't do it alone, and with Wakka gone half the year with games and training camps and with her running her own company it was impossible. Wakka wanted her to be happy, and if that meant Alex Shaw full time then that's what that meant. He never wanted to be one of those guys who got his girlfriend pregnant on accident and forced her to be a house mom. It turned out that he had already become one of those guys at least half way, but he was a father now, a husband, he wanted more than anything to make his family proud and do right by them. The old Besaidian way was outdated. He wanted Lulu to have her own career just as he had his. That did make raising a family difficult though. Vidina was Yevon sent, he was a good little boy, just the right amount of curiosity and loyalty to what he knew to be right and wrong made him easy…well until he couldn't sleep and needed a forty five page story read to him more than five times. Wakka glanced at the thick novel in Lulu's lap, another way in which he was like his mother he supposed. Vidina was a good kid, he was going to grow up to be a good man, Wakka wanted to be around to make sure of that. He and Lulu were being fair, reasonable, and careful. They needed to give Vidina the best of them right now, and having another baby would stretch them.
"Did you at least change the story up a little?"
"Huh?"
"Well I ask him what kind of ending he'd want, Yevon knows I've read that story so many times that I have memorized it." Lulu shrugged. "I'd fall asleep before he would if I didn't change it."
He chuckled. "I'm a fool den Lu, I read dat thing from front to back…ten times." He began to absently play with one of his wife's long braids that had fallen to her side when she got into bed that night. "You think he's havin' sleepin' problems cause of blitz season startin' up?" Last year had been the first year that Vidina was able to really recognize that Wakka was going away for a while. It broke his heart when he'd speak to him on the phone.
"Well, I wouldn't blame him for fighting to stay awake for ten stories if he knew he wouldn't be seeing you around some." She thought on it. "I actually didn't know you could read dear."
Wakka laughed and pulled himself up so he as sitting beside her with his back to the headboard of the bed. "You just jealous huh?"
She smiled. "Admittedly so."
He leaned forward and pressed a small kiss on her lips. "I'm gonna miss you too."
"You'll bring home a championship so it won't be for nothing." She said knowingly.
He nodded and stretched a little. "Every goal is for you Lu, you already know dat."
She did. "Who else would like to come to dinner Friday?"
"Paine and Rikku, Yuna, Tidus, just something small yah?"
"Stew and polenta?"
"And breads? I gotta eat carbs."
"Okay."
Wakka sighed. "Y'know my folks died, dey were never around for me and Chappu, den well he was gone…" He looked over at Lulu. "You tink Viddy feels alone? I mean his own grandma don't come around much anymore. His Grandpa is sick, his godparents aren't talking, or maybe dey are I don't remember, and his Dad is leaving."
Lulu sighed. "My mother is difficult; I'd rather not have her in his life if she can be one way to him and another to you. You know how I feel."
"I know."
"My father, I believe he is, going through a life ordeal. In since meeting Paine he hasn't been right and I think he won't ever be until she speaks with him. Which is unlikely and actually quite childish of him. Yuna and Tidus had a date of sorts, and Paine and Rikku are here often. I think he senses change, but Wakka you should see his face when he sees you on TV."
"Really? He says stuff?"
Lulu nodded. "He's only four, he will feel sad when you leave, but he is very proud of you."
Wakka nodded to himself. "Alright den." Lulu smiled. "What?"
"I'll remind you when you forget."
"Aye dats what you're here for."
She found herself chuckling. "So I have been doing extra for what reason?"
"Well only cause you want to."
"Ah."
Wakka laughed.
##
"I'm not pleading guilty Rikku." She was lying in bed on her back clad in nothing but her underwear and a splitting headache. Rikku sat with her feet over the edge of the bed as she slowly applied lotion to each leg after her shower. She had been relatively quiet since they left her Uncle's. He hadn't wanted her to plead guilty either, but they only had a hand full of options and for the first time in a little while Paine wanted to talk through them. Jail was not an option, especially for something she hadn't done. They were going to have a baby for fucks sake.
"I know, I agree with you."
Paine stared at her back a moment. "It means doing the trial thing again."
Rikku pumped a little more of the velvety lotion onto her hand. "We have solid evidence."
"Yeah well, solid evidence don't mean shit if the police wanna avoid looking like they dropped the ball." Rikku only nodded. "Whatchu thinkin' about Princess?"
Rikku finished her left leg and stood to put the lotion away. "How stupid this all is." She shrugged. "I don't know why Pai but I don't feel like we have all the information we should. Tomorrow I wanna go see Dragon Lady"
Paine nodded. "If it will make you feel better, but how much could she know?"
Rikku disappeared out of the room for a moment and then returned to get into bed. "She knows everything, Uncle B and my Pop don't always tell each other stuff, but they tell her."
"You think she knows you're pregnant?" Paine turned on her side to look at her wife better, she looked exhausted. Paine suddenly felt a little bad, maybe she should have offered to put lotion on her legs for her or at least put the damn bottle away. "Hm?"
Rikku turned onto her side to face Paine as well. "I don't know."
"You think you wanna tell her?"
"We should tell her and Pop together…."
"Ah..I mean I'm sure you can handle your dad…"
"Paine."
"Rikks I got you pregnant in like the stupidest way. He's gonna kill me."
"I didn't think it was so stupid." Rikku grabbed one of her hands and held it between them a moment. "Plus that stuff doesn't matter, we'll just tell him we were trying and it worked?"
"You don't want him to know about your eggs huh?" She read.
Rikku shook her head. "That's on the list of things Pops doesn't need to know."
"What else is on that list?" Paine joked.
"That I've seen porn before or that I'm not a virgin."
"Pretty sure he knows you're not a virgin Ri."
"Well we don't need to talk about it…and I think anyway it's better for the little jelly anyway. " Rikku bit her lip and brought her free hand to her stomach. "I don't want people to think he or she was a mistake…"
Paine nodded. "Not a fun feeling to grow up with."
Rikku looked back up at her and smiled sadly. "Right, so we just um…tried and it worked and now we're pregnant…."
"We've only been married like half a year."
"We can just say I had to make an honest woman out of you."
Paine laughed and pulled Rikku a little closer. "You already did that."
"Aww."
"Let's still wait to tell people though…" She was admittedly nervous about any conversation about the baby with someone else other than Rikku. She was worried there would be questions she couldn't answer. Afraid that maybe Rikku's father would think they really should have made Rikku go away from grad school. This would have never happened there.
"Hm."
"Like I don't know a week or two?"
"You're nervous about the trail." She tried. Paine nodded, right there was that too. "Uncle B isn't telling us everything, I get that at something's he can't, that's what we pay him—"
"Who pays him?" She shook her head. "I don't fucking pay him."
Rikku rolled her eyes. "Well anyway, it's what lawyers are meant to do, interpret and make deals so you don't have to."
Paine sat up. "I kinda had the same feeling. The whole thing doesn't seem right…the timing y'know?"
"You can't think Pops wanted Auron dead."
"I wanted Auron dead, he sure as hell did… you're his daughter Ri. He had been wrong; he kicked you out do you remember?"
"I left." She said surely. "But…something seems…I don't know. Our conversation at Everready just it seemed like he regretted what happened to Auron."
Pane lay there a moment. Did she regret him dying? Hell no she didn't one less thing to worry about. Rikku slipped out of bed again to turn off the bedroom light. Paine turned to face her in the dark when she got back into bed. She hesitated a moment before asking. "You're sad he's dead aren't you?"
The blonde didn't say something at first; she was honestly taken aback by the question. "I'm sad he was murdered."
"I didn't do it."
"I know you—"
"—and I don't want our kid to grow up and think I did because I pleaded guilty." She turned to lie on her back. "So there." Whatever that meant she'd deal with it.
Rikku only took a breath to leave the last thought she had behind. She understood and supported her wife but really would not be able to do it alone. She turned to lie on her back as well and sighed. "I feel…tired of worrying." They turned their heads to look at each other. "I have all the reason in the world to be happy Pai. I married the woman I love; I have a good job, a new house, great family and friends…" She rested her hand on her stomach under the blankets. "I'm pregnant…"
"But."
"But I can't be happy right now with so much at stake."
"Yuna was right tonight, you can't get all worked up still, it's not good."
She inhaled deeply to keep her eyes from watering. "This is the part where you hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay."
Paine moved closer to her on the bed immediately and wrapped her arms around Rikku. The blonde made a small noise that could only be described as a whimper. They curled up like that to stay warm but neither said a word. The truth impaled their thoughts evenly leaving them both with clenched stomachs and a cloudy vision of the future.
Several hours later Rikku woke to cold bed sheets and the clattering of pans in the kitchen downstairs. It was Saturday; she didn't need to be up if she didn't want to be but today she had a mission. A mission she'd leave Paine out of until she came to its conclusion. After wishing the little jelly bean in her stomach good morning Rikku pulled herself out of bed and tried to stretch, for some reason her entire body felt sore. The blonde winced as she pulled her arms down and stood there a moment to access herself, make sure she wasn't bleeding, untangle a few strands of hair, breathe… After the small routine Rikku used the restroom and then padded downstairs once she slipped her cream colored robe on. "Pypo!?" She called as she rubbed her eye. She paused at the last step and sniffed the air once. "Fryd yna oui pinhehk!?"
Paine looked up from what she was doing. "What are you doing out of bed?"
Rikku shook her head at her wife as she came further into the kitchen to investigate. Paine was wearing long pajama bottoms and a sleeveless black tank with a hoody on the back. Her hair was parted slightly and gelled back out of her face and their kitchen was an absolute mess. There were pepper seeds everywhere, a bag of oranges split open, bunches of herbs loosely thrown about in a hurry, and a large mixing bowl filled with peas.
Rikku got as far as ten feet away from the woman and put her hands on her own hip. "How is that the first thing you say to your wife in the morning?"
Paine sighed and picked back up the knife she was using to cut into a freshly charred pepper. "I'm trying to make you fucking breakfast in bed and you're not in bed."
"Look at this mess!" Rikku exclaimed clearly amused by Paine's grumpiness. "What did you burn? You can't hide it from me, I'm standing right here." Paine rolled her eyes which only made Rikku chuckle. "E ryja hajan caah cusauha tu cusadrehk cu cfaad fedr cilr y cuin muug uh draen vyla." The kitchen was quiet for a beat longer before Paine mumbled that she wasn't burning anything. Rikku stepped closer to Paine and pressed her body into the taller woman's side. "Hey." Paine looked down at her. "Good morning."
"Morning."
"Can I have a kiss?" Paine pressed a kiss on her lips quickly then went back to tending to the peas. Rikku only laughed and touched her lips. "Pypo that was abuse, not love."
"You didn't say what kind of kiss."
Rikku tugged on her body a little more. "I want a loving kiss."
Paine made a show of sighing; her agitation at the market counter boy not having kiwis now softened to nothing more than annoyance. Paine put her knife down and turned to face Rikku before slipping her arms around her waist and kissing her with such gentleness that Rikku melted into her arms almost immediately. She wrapped her arms around Paine's neck as the taller woman pulled her a little closer. The kiss grew slower and more passionate after Rikku purred quietly and pulled Paine's head closer. She loved feeling Paine's strong arms holding her close, hearing the quietest noise of approval from her wife when she ran her hand through her hair, though the gel made it a little difficult this morning she loved being lost with Paine. Things just made better sense here than in the real world.
Paine pulled away before she wasn't able to. "Better?" She muttered as she brought a hand to fix her hair while the other still held onto Rikku's side.
Rikku smiled stupidly. "Yes mhm, that will work from now on."
Paine chuckled. "Alright."
Rikku grabbed hold of her when she moved away. "Why were you so grumpy just now?"
Paine shook her head at her dream last night and the grocery that morning. "Nothing."
"My kisses made it better huh?" She teased as she reached for a cut orange. Paine grabbed it before she could put it in her mouth which caused the blonde to pout cutely. "I was wrong; you don't love me, all of that was for show!"
Paine ate the orange. "I'm not done."
"Well I'm hungry now."
"Tough shit." Paine went back to what she was doing. Rikku stood there a moment before turning to go back to bed. "Babe."
"What!?"
Paine grinned. "Here." She outstretched her left hand palm up with an orange segment on it. The blonde ran over and grabbed her wrist with one hand before popping the orange wedge in her mouth with the other and then kissing Paine on the hand before running upstairs. It made the fighter laugh before going back to what she was doing.
Half an hour of lounging around and playing game on her cell phone Rikku heard Paine climb the stairs. She sat up in bed and moved their sheets about so she had room to place whatever it was she made down on the bed. Paine appeared in the doorway with a wooden breakfast in bed tray. Rikku smiled lovingly as Paine worked to set everything up quietly. She caught her wrist at one point. "Hey." Paine looked at her. "Thank you."
"It's nothing."
"It's something, come here." She pulled her in a little more and kissed her on the side of her mouth. "We're both tired."
Paine grabbed the small plate with a napkin on it and put it on the bed before scooting onto her side and leaning against the headboard with Rikku. "Well I have a feeling that you might be just a little more tired than I am Ri."
Rikku glanced at her stomach then back at her wife. "Yeah.."
"What's wrong?"
Rikku picked up a slice of cured meats. Paine really went all out it seemed. Fruits, meats, bread, a charred pepper and brie omelet, juice, and tea. She noted the little prenatal vitamin sitting on the plate with the fruit and picked it up. "I'm just thinking about my mission today."
Paine handed her the cup of juice. "What's that?"
"I'm gonna go see Pop and Dragon Lady, maybe paint."
Paine watched her take the pill and shook her head. "Babe you can't inhale that stuff."
Rikku frowned. "So I'll make up another excuse to be over there."
Paine remained quiet a moment. "You gonna tell them?"
She couldn't decide what the expression on Paine's face meant. "Hm?"
"I was joking about not going with you y'know."
"I thought you said you wanted to wait…"
"Well…Yeah I do." She stretched out her legs a little. "I just want us to get the information we want."
"I'm not doing that." She said surely.
"Why—"
Rikku put her cup down. "If it starts out that way that's how everyone is going to treat it. No, I want us to go over there one day soon, dressed nicely for a dinner or something…and say we have an announcement at the table, and then tell them, happy, together. I'm not using our baby as a bargaining chip with my own Pop." She looked at her stomach again. "I'm doing this right."
Paine scratched the back of her head. "You know I didn't mean—"
"I know Pai, but these two things are separate, they have to be separate."
"I agree with you."
Rikku ate quietly for a moment before looking at her wife. "When did you wake up?"
Paine shrugged. "Around four."
"What did you do?"
"I went jogging." Rikku laughed a little. "Yeah I know." Paine hated jogging for some reason. "I just had to clear my head and the dojo wasn't open. The market was though which is where I got this idea."
"It's yummy." Rikku just looked at her wife a moment. A small unexpected and unwelcomed lump formed at the back of her throat. "You're so pretty Pypo." Paine raised an eyebrow.
"What?"
"I just…" She sniffled hard.
"Are you about to fucking cry right now?"
Rikku wiped her face before playfully slapping her on the arm. "Pretty but insensitive." She corrected before wiping at her face again. "I don't know…I just thought of our baby…and you as a mommy and and…."
Paine sat up quickly. "Hey hey hey." What in the fuck? She's really crying. "Ri…"
Rikku grabbed her napkin and wiped her face some more. "Oh noo…"
Paine paused and then began to shake her head. "Fuck I thought I had more time before the crazy kicked in."
"You can't talk to me that way!"
"I'm sorry—"
"No you're not!"
Realizing that staying would most likely end in a divorce (Rikku was dramatic like that on her own, there was no trusting these hormonal changes) She put an arm around her shoulder. "I'm over at Gip's today, text me." She kissed her cheek and got out of bed.
##
Yuna laughed. "Poor Paine."
"Poor Paine!? Poor me!" She pressed on the gas when the light turned green. "It lasted only like, forty five seconds but Yunie I felt like one of those characters in those movies where the zombies drink human brains through straws and then put it back but all jumbled and digested." Yuna made a face. "Nothing made sense!"
Rikku had gotten bored calling her old house phone and getting no answer, it probably meant her father and LeBlanc were at the club eating toast and talking about law. How things ever heated up between them was beyond her. She had gotten out of bed to clean something to keep her mind busy but Paine apparently cleaned everything before leaving for Gippal's. So she tried to start laundry, but that was done too. Annoyed at her wife's attentiveness she called her cousin to complain that her marriage was indeed a strange one when the brunet revealed she was on her way to yoga. So an hour of stretching later and the two cousins were on their way back to Yuna's apartment with some chips and salsa and a few rented movies to pass the lazy Saturday. She'd get to her father, Rikku's mission wasn't lost, but she missed her cousins company a great deal.
"Paine was right to leave when she did."
Rikku nodded. "She's at Gppal's doing who knows what."
##
Gippal cursed under his breath and dropped the joint from his lips. "This shit is rigged!" he threw his game controller down as the screen turned black and lit up with Paine's name announcing her winner.
Paine leaned back on the lumpy old sofa "Best ten out of fifteen?" She was twenty five, with a wife and a baby on the way, a murder trial hanging over her head, and a major career leap backwards starting Monday morning. She needed to disengage for a little, and seeing as sex was out of the picture to help with that she'd take to more adolescent thrills.
Gippal leaned forward and picked up both the joint and the game controller. "Yeah fuck it. Winner gets to bang the other's mom."
Paine laughed. 'No."
##
"You aren't worried they'll try and find out more?"
"I thought about that, picked up the phone to call her and tell her not to do anything stupid but then I remembered how quiet she was on the way home from the ultrasound. She's staying out of trouble as much as she can."
Yuna nodded. "So the mission today is to speak to Uncle Cid."
"I'll corner him, pretend I need advice on something then WHAM! Cross exam."
Yuna chuckled a little. "At least you're in a good mood."
Rikku sighed and glanced at her cousin. "It's all I can do Yunie. Everything makes me worry…A few months ago everything was okay… was getting married, I was happy."
"You don't think you're happy now?"
Rikku nodded as she drove. "I am… and I'm trying to see that every day, but it's hard."
"I can't believe you two are having a baby."
Rikku smiled. "Stopppp."
Yuna smiled too. "I really a happy for you, and I know things will work out, we'll make it."
"Enough about me. What's going on with you and Teedus."
"Tidus?"
"Oh its Tidus now is it? Ooh!"
"Nothing is going on with us,"
"But you're talking?" She turned into the complex of Yuna's apartment. "The other week you couldn't even look at each other, the week before that you told me you still loved him but are through, and the week before that—"
"Okay okay." Yuna laughed a little. "I got it." She shrugged. "But now with Blitz starting next Saturday and with the order and show set up. We have both been very busy."
"Okay but does he text you goodnight?" Her reluctance to answer made Rikku smile widely. "That's how you know Yunie."
"Oh really?"
"When we're apart, even when we were fighting Paine always texted me goodnight."
"Even during that one fight?"
That one fight that lasted two weeks of them not seeing each other and eventually her wedding proposal. Rikku shook her head no. "I really thought that was it…and then she came home and I realized how much I loved her right then, just how much y'know? The exact measurement."
"How much was that?"
"Like a cup and a half more than infinity."
Yuna laughed. "And now…a baby."
Rikku groaned. "I don't know who we think we are."
Yuna laughed again and then had a thoughtful moment. "I don't want to get hurt again Rikku." She put a hand to her braid absently. "I think he is the single person who could do that again."
Rikku parked the car. "You love him though still right? No matter?"
Yuna nodded. "I can't yet tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing."
Rikku touched her arm. "it's the best thing Yunie, you'll see."
##
Paine pulled out her cell phone. It was around two thirty and she hadn't heard from Rikku. She wondered how things went with her father before her drug addict's anonyms group meeting started. She needed it today, she didn't know why, but that's how being sober for so long usually worked, especially with the PAWS. Some days were so easy, others like today, she wanted nothing more than to take something, and she was ashamed for it. The dial tone rang three times before her wife's feathery voice greeted her in Al Bhed.
"How'd it go?"
"It didn't Pypo, I was at Yunie's all morning being lazy."
"Ah, well that's okay too."
"I'm getting in my car right now to head over there."
"He's home?"
"I'll find out. If not I'll just go see Uncle B, he's only a few blocks away."
"Alright."
"Where are you? Still at Gippal's?"
"No I uh, I left there an hour ago."
"Are you breaking things off with Wifey Number Two?"
Paine smiled a little. "I need more time."
"You're a jerk."
"I'm heading to a meeting actually. My phone will be off."
There was a contemplative pause on the other line. "Okay Pypo I love you."
"I love you too babe."
##
"POP!"
"She honestly thinks yelling louder will make me move faster." Cid commuted to someone he was on the phone with as he stepped into the small foyer to greet his daughter. "I'll have to speak with you later about that. We'll need more warehouse space." He smiled at his daughter. "Alright bye." He hung up his cell phone and wrapped into a fatherly hug. "I haven't seen you around here with your brother, is that who you've come for because he just left for a blitz conference meeting."
Rikku frowned; in all of this she had neglected her older brother immensely. She'd have to remember to plan something with him before Thursday. "No, I came to see you old man."
Cid nodded. "I just opened some cakes Leblanc sent me." He motioned her deeper into the warm house until they reached the kitchen where in fact three small tea cakes sat out with brown paper wrappings underneath them. Cid pointed a meaty finger at one of them. "This one is vanilla and coconut; you might like that one Milan." When he looked at her Rikku smiled appropriately but when he looked to get a knife she frowned slightly.
"Dragon Lady is away?" She took off her scarf and rested it on the counter near the glass jelly bean holder that she had already stolen three from upon entering the kitchen was.
"Juliann is up state, a day's trip. Her sister is having a reunion of sorts. I got these cakes this morning."
Rikku slipped into the breakfast nook. "Jeez and you weren't invited Pop?"
Cid chuckled to himself. "I chose not to attend, I have business here, she understands."
Rikku had already picked up her tea cake and taken a huge un-ladylike bite out of it. "Mmm well that's what she told you right."
Cid turned to hand his daughter a knife and fork when he saw she had already started eating. He shook his head. "Yes that's what she said."
Rikku enjoyed the delicate bread of the cake before shaking her head at her father. "Pop you can be a nice guy sometimes; maybe she wanted everyone to see that. I mean if I went to a family thing and Paine didn't come I'd be upset."
Cid sat across from her at the nook and cut into a cake. "Nice sometimes hm?"
Rikku shrugged. "You know what I mean."
"It's too late now." He reasoned. The day was almost through.
"You could cook for her when she gets back?" Rikku got up to pour to glasses of milk. "I mean she sent you cakes Pop, in the middle of the night! Had to be to have them here for right now." She smiled. "Maybe she really does like you."
Cid chuckled. "Well that would be nice to finally have confirmed." Rikku gave him a glass. "Thank you."
"Famlusa" She turned to put the milk in the fridge and took a breath of confidence. "So Paine and I are well." She turned from the fridge and sat back down.
Cid paused. "Considering everything that is going on that is good to hear."
Rikku nodded and took a sip of her milk. "She made me breakfast this morning."
Cid knew something was up the moment she got up to get them milk. He wasn't only a good reader of body language, he was also her father. "Breakfast?"
Rikku gave him a pointed look. "Mhm, eggs, peppers, bread, cheeses…lots of fruit. It was nice."
"How come you didn't bring her with you?"
"She's at a meeting."
"A meeting?"
"For drug addicts, she's there now, listening and talking through her issues…she's sharing information because she knows how important it is to be honest about oneself…." She took a big bite of her cake. "I'm very proud of her."
Cid never understood how a child that had lost her mother so young could possess the same adult like tactic of guilt tripping. Tahla used to do the same exact thing. He wiped his mouth with a napkin and then sat back a little in his seat; he wondered how much she knew. The look she was giving said she knew enough though. He had to tread carefully. "I'm proud of her too. It takes a lot to remain sober like she has….she has right?"
Rikku sat back now in her seat. Oh so they were doing this then. "Six years."
"You know your brother told me something troubling, I wasn't sure how to take it, it seemed like something someone would do if they were using. It didn't seem like the Paine we have known is all."
Wild card. "What? Brother said something?"
Cid could see he had thrown her off, which had then thrown him off too. "Yes, about Paine having a gun…didn't you." The look on her face told him. "I suppose not."
Rikku shook her head. "Paine would never….She knows how I feel about stuff like that."
"I was in Solae at the time. He called and told me that he had seen her with it. He was worried for your safety." He scratched his stubby chin. "I had to drop….important matters and come home... loose ends were never tied it seemed." He said as an after though to the whole thing.
Rikku wiped at the mouth with the back of her hand. "Paine has a gun."
"I asked her at dinner, I pulled her aside and asked her, she said no."
Rikku wasn't stupid. "Paine had a gun."
##
The quiet moan of her cold leather seats accompanied Paine's own sigh as she got into her car after her group counseling session late that evening. The sky was a mixture of shades of gray, the small parking lot where she had found a spot was cold yet busy. It was a supermarket, she decided on seeing if they needed anything for dinner when she realized she had left her phone in the glove compartment of her car.
She felt a little better, a little lighter, admittedly it helped. Seeing all those people who were real, hearing what they had to say. One man had relapsed, but since coming here earlier she remembered him always relapsing, Paine half wondered if the group was annoyed at his share time running over, she knew she was, well maybe not, they seemed to have been all out of time before they reached her. She wasn't ready to share. As she waiting for her cellphone to turn on she thought of the man again. He had three kids, his wife worked two jobs, he was in between, always in between. If wasn't the plastics factory near the water it was janitoring his daughters school. Was that a trait among them? Not being able to hold onto work? And his kids… fuck Paine remembered him today because of his kids. Cindy…she was an alcoholic of sorts, she had kids too, and Rollo the Besadian that sometimes reminded her of Wakka by his deep bronzed skin and shoulders alone, he had kids. How come she hadn't realized that shit before the handful of times she had gone? Her phone finally buzzed to life. A text message from Rikku…
Call me
Paine began to panic a little. Why wouldn't she just have left a message? Paine pulled the phone to her ear and waited. No answer. She called again and on the second ring it picked up.
She sounded distracted. "Hello?"
"Ri, it's me. You okay? I just got out of the meeting…"
Rikku exhaled. "I have my hand in seasonings…"
"For dinner?" She twisted her body to see the supermarket entrance. "I'm right here at the market, I was gonna see if you wanted me to bring anything home."
She thought on it. "Unless you want something else."
Paine tried to brush off how odd she sounded. "I dunno, what are you making?"
"Fried fish—well baked fish." As soon as she took out the cooking oil she wanted to vomit.
"With tomatoes?"
"And mint, mhm." It was a traditional Al Bhed preparation method.
"You want me to get a little brown cake? The one with the nuts on it?"
"Just this morning you were worried about money." She said it accusatorily not in her normal playful manner.
Paine sat up a little. "I was just trying to think of something you'd want." The line was quiet. "You there?"
She sighed again. "Yes yes, get the cake then."
"Well not if you don't want it."
"Paine."
"Rikku."
"Will you be coming straight home after?"
Paine tapped impatiently at her steering wheel; her wedding band making a soothing clicking sound. "Should I?"
"If you need time to come up with a story then.."
"Story? What the fuck?"
Rikku adjusted the phone to her ear. She had had time to calm down and be rational, but Yevon it was hard to remember what she had told herself a half hour ago now. She knew starting a fight wasn't fear, but her wife was a blasted idiot and she wanted her to know she knew why. "I'm mad at you." She said plainly. "and I'm trying not to be."
Paine's defenses lowered some. "Why are you mad with me?"
"I don't want to talk about it on the phone." She paused. "Will you bring the cake?"
Paine exhaled. "Yeah."
"Okay."
"Alright." They hung up.
Rikku sighed again as she worked to have the tomato marinade cover the four filets of fish she had picked up from the market. She was more than mad, she was livid, she wanted to punch her wife in the belly, how could she be so careless, so stupid? And a gun? The same weapon Auron was killed with? The same weapon she clearly stated she didn't want in their house a year ago when she and Gippal wanted to go hunting. A mixture of embarrassment and pride swelled within her. Her bother was only trying to protect her and she had taken Paine's side without question? Was she right or wrong, she didn't know. All Rikku did know was what she saw and what she heard. Paine had had a gun, but got rid of it, Paine had bought her prenatal vitamins and made her breakfast. She was upset at Paine, very much so, but she was also trying really hard too, and she was done fighting about everything, this morning she had felt crazed and if that was any indication as to what the next nine months would be like she needed to really choose what she wanted to fight for.
A half hour later she could hear the keys in the front door and then sure enough, like a dog who had tracked in mud the morning before Paine crept into the empty living room and silently took off her shoes. It wasn't until she was half way through the room that she called out to Rikku.
"I'm right here." Rikku said as she turned from the sink full of spinach leaf she was washing. Paine stood there in her socks with a grocery bag in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other, they were yellow and bright and happy, most likely imported as buds, there was no way the flowers grew in this weather. They stared at each other earnestly. "Hi."
Paine shifted. "Hey."
"What are those for?"
Paine glanced at the flowers in her hand as if they would tell her. When they remained quiet she looked back at her wife. "I don't know."
"I want to hit you…I've never wanted to do that before." Paine looked away. The entire way home she had been thinking of something, anything! "Pop told me about the gun Paine." She watched as he cake dangled in the plastic bag at her side and with a silent curse as the flowers rested onto the kitchen counter. "Put them in water." She turned and went back to tending to the spinach. For a second she didn't hear anything, but soon the cake was rested on the counter as well. The noisy plastic surrounding the flowers was removed, the plant feed tossed in the garbage, cupboards opened and closed. She looked over her shoulder when she heard the unmistakable sound of heavy ceramic, the pink and blue vase, yes that had been the one she was thinking too. The blonde wordlessly stepped aside so Paine could fill it just right before she went back to her task at hand. The air in the room was dense like the brown cake meant to have with tea sitting on the counter.
Paine, finally fed up with the one yellow flower that didn't fit with the others slapped her hands to the shale-like counter top of the kitchen and sighed before looking over her shoulder at Rikku who to her surprise and not surprise was looking right back at her. "I fucked up."
"You're an idiot.'
Paine looked back at the vase. "I'm an idiot."
"I don't know what is going on with you. I don't know who the hell you think you are speaking to my brother like nothing, talking to Yunie, like nothing." Paine looked up at her at that. She had almost forgotten about her making an ass of herself with Yuna in Cid's office. "I called her, she told me what really happened at dinner, after." Rikku could feel herself getting hot. She turned the running water off. "Paine I married you because I love you, because I know we are meant to be together but I will cry myself to sleep every single night without you if it means Yuna and Brother are here, that Pop is here. You don't get to bully them, disrespect them."
"I didn't—"Rikku shook her head because she fucking meant it, and the intensity in her bright green eyes was like an endless flame. Paine turned her whole body to face her. "I know." She did, she always did, it was just that she was kind of hoping she would never have to be told that because it did hurt some. "Please don't think that Yuna…that I…" Paine didn't know how to explain herself. She loved Yuna something like a cousin. She admitted it to herself about a year and a half ago, that was major for Paine, she was a part of her family too and she did lose her cool that night in Cid's office, it was embarrassing to even recall what she had said. "I felt like I had no option…" She really did look mournful. "I'm sorry Ri, it was stupid, just another moment...I didn't like everyone knowing that I wasn't handling things…that I had no plan, that you weren't safe because of me…"
"Stop giving me reason to regret taking your side." She shook her head. "We're having a baby Paine."
That Paine knew. "I know."
"Are you just going to bring guns in the house and not tell me anything? Have our baby find one, Machina knows what next?" Paine grew horrified. Suddenly the man from group with three kids came into her mind's eye. "You're not some gangster on Crenshaw anymore." Her eyes watered. "You're my wife, you're going to be a Sus—"
Paine stepped forward. "Baby."
Rikku put her hands up and shook her head. "Just…just don't." She wiped her eyes in her sleeve and muttered something in Al Bhed as she tried to pull herself together. Why was she crying now? She had no clue.
Paine ran both hands through her hair and let them fall to her sides as she stood there. "Rikku I don't wanna fight you, I just wanna love you and make you happy and our kid…fuck." She shook her head at herself. "Fuck Ri that's why I tossed it, that's when I tossed it. We were gonna…do the placebo that night and I wanted to make it right and be real, not do something that would prevent me from being a Sus." She took a step toward her wife. "I didn't want him to touch you again." Something in her grew hot too. "I didn't want him to even fucking look at you." She closed her eyes after that possessive growl she knew how it sounded but damnit it was true. She wouldn't even look at herself in the mirror naked after him. He made her hate herself. Hate was why Paine did drugs in the first place. Why was everyone forgetting that he made Rikku hate herself? "All I could think about was him jerking off to you in prison with fucking Bart Pilgrim there and…"She clenched her fist. "who the fuck else..while they did that to you, it drove me crazy enough, it did but…but I know you don't love her." She pointed to herself. "I know you don't love that part of me one ounce and you told me because you knew, you said not to become someone I wasn't and the placebo…" She took a step closer to Rikku. "Our baby." She whispered it as if the half formed fetus would hear. "He or she needs us both…I…really hope you can forgive me. I knew from the beginning it was dangerous" Rikku didn't say anything at first so Paine sought to fill in the gaps, her and Gippal fighting about the gun he gave her a long time ago. Dona being an informant for the DEA to cut deals and get money for her sisters. She told the blonde everything there was to know and then she had nothing left to say, and Rikku was still silent, so she went about putting the flowers up and going to shower.
Paine jumped a little when the shower curtain was pulled back and Rikku was standing there looking very contemplative ten minutes later. "I love you." She said simply.
Paine blinked back the shampoo that was now in her eyes. She wiped at her face. "I love you too."
"If you ever bring another weapon into this home…"
Paine nodded quickly. "Rikku, I swear it."
"Promise it."
"I promise."
"I could kill you y'know." There was a lightness in threat though that had been absent all evening.
Paine bypassed it though. "I'm not gonna fuck up our kid."
She tilted her head curiously before nodding once. "I know."
##
Paine looked at the blonde with disbelief. "What?"
"Well you have to really feel sorry." She handed Paine the pillow and blanket over the back of the couch where she had been sitting pretending to be watching tv when really she was thinking about the entirety of her day. Dinner had been quiet, but after when Paine made Rikku tea they chatted with the guard one often chats with after a fight.
Paine looked at the blanket and pillow with even greater disbelief. She looked back at her wife who was dressed down in her pajamas. "How are you going to stay warm then? If I'm down here.."
"I'll manage." She said before setting up the stairs. Paine stood and went after her.
"Rikku—"
Rikku whipped around the second step making them the exact height. "You lied to me." Paine was working through some kind of response when she was stilled by a kiss on the cheek. "Good night Pypo." And with that she was gone. Paine stood there a moment and nodded. What did she expect? Hugs and kisses? Sex?
"I'll wait for the kid to be in college before that happens." She muttered in an indifferent way before plopping herself down on the sofa and listening for sounds upstairs. Had she ever had to sleep on the couch before? Well a few times Yuna and Rikku got so drunk they passed out in her bed, and for some reason it just didn't feel right to snuggle up between them…then there was that that time Rikku was pissed about her and Gippal at Baralai's pool party last summer. It was a slap on the wrist she knew, and as she fell asleep she thought about how scary this particular argument had been. How she'd rather sleep on the couch for three years if it meant that she and Rikku were still together, if it meant she didn't have to be a janitor at Bayla Bayla's school….
AN: What do you all think of Cid's diversion there? Review if you caught it, review if you didn't!
KathleenDee