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Outing

By
N. J. Borba

Emily was so engrossed in helping Carly that she didn't want to answer her ringing cell phone, until she looked to see who the caller was.

"Hey," she answered. "Where are you?"

"On a jet traveling east," Derek replied.

She could hear the lightness in his voice and was glad of it. "Any chance it will be landing in the DC area?"

"Pretty good probability," Morgan confirmed. "I have a few reports to get done when we return to Quantico, but I should be home for dinner. Any chance you and the kids will be available to share a meal with me?"

"I'd say that's a pretty likely probability," she echoed his sentiment.

He sighed contentedly. "You busy right now? Or can you talk for a while? Reid, JJ and Rossi have got a serious card game going and Hotch is actually resting."

"Ah, so I'm a consolation prize?" Emily pretended to be upset, but only for a moment. "Actually, I'm working with Carly. We've been doing some drawing therapy the last few days, which I'm sorry I didn't think of sooner. Some of her stuff so far is pretty messy, angry. I think that's a good thing. She really turned a corner four weeks ago when she had that nightmare. I hope she's finally starting to get things out of her system. Better than her progress with Dr. Young."

"Dr. Young may still be doing some good," Derek interjected lightly, knowing the kids' therapy remained a small point of contention with her. "Can I listen in on your work with Carly?"

"Sure," Emily sat the cell on the table and pressed the speaker button. She glanced at the drawing Carly was working on. "What's this large red area, Carly? Is it an apple tree?" The girl shook her head, but Emily knew Derek couldn't see a headshake so she used words to help him understand. "No, so what is it?" she asked. "Is that you being mad?" Emily smiled at the response she received. "She's nodding," Emily let Derek know. "That's good, mouse. I'm glad you're letting your anger out."

"What else is on the drawing?" Derek asked.

Emily noticed the way Carly turned toward the sound of his voice. The girl was ever curious about Derek, but she returned to concentrate on her drawing. She pointed to the other side of the artwork, which was brown, green and yellow. "Tree, swing," Carly spoke softly, looking up at Emily.

"Did you hear that?" Emily directed her question toward the phone.

"I did," Morgan's voice held a note of excitement. "She answered me." He wasted no time continuing the conversation with the girl. "Do you like to swing, Carly? Does that help you get some of your anger out?" Derek wondered.

Carly nodded as she once again stared curiously at the phone.

Emily translated the nod and added, "Do you want Derek to come home and push you on the swing?"

"I'm sure that's a big no," Derek responded.

"Actually, it was a shrug," Emily delicately informed him. "Carly, would you like me to push you on the swing?"

"Yes," the girl's eyes widened at the suggestion.

Derek sighed. "Well, we already know she likes you better."

"I can't help that I'm likeable. And you really shouldn't be jealous of a four year old," Emily tried to ease his bruised ego.

"I'm not," Morgan insisted. "Besides, I'm secure in the knowledge that you like me best."

Her eyes rolled, "In your dreams, buddy."

"Every night," his voice turned deeper.

Emily quickly snatched up the cell phone and turned off the speaker feature. "Okay, mister, before this conversation turns X-rated in front of the children…"

"Sorry," Morgan took a deep breath before asking the next question on his mind. "How's Zach doing? He barely said good-bye to me three days ago when I left for California. I thought things were getting a little better after we spread Clooney's ashes in the back yard, but…"

"He has good days and bad ones," Emily relayed. "This morning he's curled up in the living room reading, but I was thinking I might try to get him to do something with me today. Not sure what yet," she admitted. "I hate to say this, but I'm really looking forward to summer being over so he can get back to school," Emily looked over her shoulder, hoping the pre-teen couldn't hear her. "I love him, Derek. I'm just not sure if he's ever coming out of this funk."

"It's more than a funk, Em. He's lost a lot this year. It's just gonna take…"

"Time," she finished for him. "I really hope so. It just feels like for every step forward that Carly takes, Zack takes one backward. It'd be nice to have them both moving forward," Emily sighed. "Hey, I gotta go," she swiftly changed her tone. "Carly's tugging on me and pointing toward the backyard."

Derek grinned. "Time to follow through on your swing promises," he guessed. "I'll see you soon."

"See you soon," Emily agreed before ending the call.

She took Carly by the hand and allowed the girl to guide her outside into the back yard, or pull to be exact. The summer sun was already blazing and it wasn't even noon yet. Emily happily pushed Carly for close to thirty minutes before returning to the house, worried about Zach. She found him exactly as she'd last seen him earlier in the morning, still in his PJs and huddled in a chair with Derek's old copy of The Outsiders gripped in one hand. The boy wasn't the only one in the room, though. He wasn't the only one still grieving either as Emily noticed Sergio curled up on the sofa where Clooney used to reign. She had a feeling the cat might be depressed as well.

Emily settled beside the inky black feline and stroked a hand down his spin. "How you doing, Serg?" she asked in a soft voice. "You're missing your old pal, Clooney, aren't you?" Emily spoke to the cat, but could see Zach slightly interested in the conversation. "You know he wouldn't want you to mope around like this."

Zach shook his head and dropped his book. "I'm not stupid, you know."

Emily looked up. "I know."

He watched her stony face and kind of hated how little parents gave away. "You're talking to Sergio, but you're really meaning to tell me what you tell him. The stuff about Clooney not wanting us to mope around and miss him," the boy guessed.

"You're right," Emily grinned. "You're not stupid. But I also believe Sergio here is depressed. He and Clooney took a long time to come to an understanding, and then the old guy was gone by the time they really became friends."

"Kind of like me and Clooney, too," Zach noted, "At least the part about not having much time together."

She nodded. "I think we should do something for Sergio," Emily thought. "I need to get him some food, maybe we should all go the pet store and pick him out a treat. See if we can cheer him up," she suggested. Emily watched the boy shrug non-committal. "Derek will be home for dinner. After the pet store we can swing by the grocery store and get something special for our meal. Maybe even a dessert."

Again Zach only shrugged. But Emily wasn't taking no for an answer. "Come on," she stood and grabbed Zach's hand. "Let's go. We are not sitting around all day wallowing again," she pulled him to his feet and gently shoved him toward the stairs. "Go change."

xxx

The entry chime on the door jingled as Emily ushered Zach and Carly inside. Glorious air conditioning was the first thing to greet them.

Second to greet them was a young man Emily recognized from her many trips to the store. It was part store, part boarding kennel and even part animal shelter for the rescued and abused dogs and cats of the DC area. "Hiya, James," Emily greeted the young man.

"Hey," James responded. "We just got a new shipment in of the cat food you like," he led them down the third aisle to their left.

Carly stayed latched to Emily's right side, away from James while the young employee grabbed a medium sized blue bag. "Just one for you today?" he asked and received a nod. "I can grab a bag of the dog food, too. It's over by the register. On special this week."

"Um," Emily looked to Zach who had his eyes planted on the floor. "Actually, our dog passed away. It's been a month now."

James sucked in a breath. "I'm real sorry." He looked around for a second. "So, just the cat food then?"

"Yes, please. We're going to look for some cat treats before we pay," Emily said with a smile as she guided the kids toward the next aisle over which was dedicated to every cat item known to man, from beds to toys.

Zach scanned the items for a short time before he pulled a small package off the display wall. "Here, Sergio likes the catnip mice best."

"He does, indeed," Emily agreed, taking the package from him. Zach had only lived with them for a handful of months but he was already deeply entrenched in their lives, not to mention their hearts. And it broke hers to see him so sad. She looked down at the little girl still glued to her side. "Do you want to look at some of the animals, Carly?"

"Mono?" the girl inquired.

"Sorry, no monkeys here, just dogs and cats," Emily was still curious about the child's use of the Spanish word for monkey. But more than anything she was just glad to have the girl responding to direct questions. "We should plan a trip to the zoo. Maybe if we go early in the morning we can avoid the large crowds," Emily understood that big groups of people were still something that made Carly uncomfortable.

The three of them ventured to the adjacent space to the left where the shelter animals resided. Long rows of cages filled the area.

Dogs began to bark, yip and whine the moment they caught whiff of the three humans. Their tails wagged and they pressed their snouts as close to their cage confines as possible, all of them vying for attention. Emily's heart swelled a bit to see all the needy animals. If it were in her power she'd give them all a home. She did her best to give a pat or stroke to as many four legged friends as she could. Carly stayed close, not warming to any of the animals until she spotted a tiny brown puppy curled up in the corner of one kennel.

"Are you looking for a dog?" a soft breathy voice greeted them.

Emily and Zach turned to see a young girl slowly rolling toward them in a wheelchair.

The chair was huge, black and chrome, old and squeaky. It dwarfed the child. And the girl was clearly giving it her all just to guide the contraption down the narrow aisle. Her hair was dark and limp, but her green eyes sparkled with interest as she spoke to them. "My name is Kate," her pale pink lips curled in a friendly smile. "If you tell me what kind of dog you're looking for I can help. I know all the animals here. I volunteer lots. I get to clean cages, groom and feed," she proudly pronounced.

"How come you're in a wheelchair?" was the first thing out of Zach's voice.

"Zachary," Emily admonished. "That's not polite."

The girl shrugged. "It's okay." She lightly slapped her hands against the armrests. "Gets me around this place real fast."

"Oh," Zach responded. "So you're not like paralyzed or something?"

"Zach," Emily glared at the boy.

Kate chuckled a moment but stopped to catch her breath. "Truth is I was born with a real bad heart. It probably won't last much longer. I might live to see the New Year, but it's a pretty sure bet that I won't get to celebrate my tenth birthday in May," she revealed. "Of course doctors said I'd never live to be a year old and I proved them wrong."

"You're dying?" Zach stood there with his mouth hanging open, not sure what else to say.

Emily placed a comforting hand against the boy's back.

"Yep," Kate seemed unperturbed by the sympathy in their eyes. "That fact usually puts an end to my conversations," she went on. "I have a bad heart. It's how I was born. If I could find a new one I could get a transplant, but hearts are difficult to come by. Usually means someone else has to die and I'd hate to wish someone dead so I can live," she paused. "Sorry, I've been told I talk a lot. Everyone at the group home gets annoyed with me so I tend to latch on to anyone that'll listen. I'll leave you alone now, unless I can help you find a dog?"

Zach covered his discomfort with irritation. "We don't want a new dog," he growled. "We had the best dog but he's dead now. You can't replace a best friend."

"You're right," Kate agreed. "I had a best friend at the group home but she got adopted and I don't know where she went. Lots of kids at the group home get adopted, but a lot don't. I won't ever get adopted because of my illness," she rattled on. "Can I show you all something?" Kate asked as she unlatched the door on the tiny brown dog's kennel. "There's someone I'd really like you to meet," she rolled closer to the cage and pulled the pup out. "I call him Charlie…" the dog curled in her lap.

"Because he's a chocolate lab," Zach guessed. "Charlie and the chocolate factory…"

"No," Kate looked up and locked eyes with the boy. "I named him in honor of Charles Lindberg. I want to learn how to fly, be a pilot someday."

"Oh," Zach felt stumped, trying to reconcile the contradiction of her freely telling them she was going to die soon and wanting to learn how to be a pilot someday.

Emily watched the two kids interact; Kate, slight and frail, but being forward and bold. While Zach remained his usual shy and quiet self.

Kate smiled as she grabbed Zach's hand and placed his palm against the puppy's back. "Charlie's mom gave birth to five still-born pups and him just before she died," the girl informed them. "Charlie here is an orphan," she met Zach's eyes again. "He won't be ready for adoption for another few weeks, but I can put your name on the list for him. There's no one else on it, no one has been interested because he's very sickly. But I think he's going to be fine. He's a survivor. Like me. And you."

Zach yanked his hand away. "I don't want another dog. No one can replace Clooney," he told the girl.

"But you'll make room in your heart for Charlie, too," Kate said. "I know you will. And so will your sister," she tossed a smile at Carly. "And your mom," Kate flashed an equally warm grin up at Emily.

"Carly isn't my sister," Zach replied. "And Emily is my foster mom."

"A mom is a mom," Kate countered. "You should be happy to have one."

"You about ready to go, Zach?" Emily wasn't sure if the boy needed rescuing or not. She was actually very intrigued by the girl's manner in regard to Zach's feelings. "We need to get groceries, maybe something special for Derek, remember?"

He nodded, still watching Kate as she put the puppy back in his cage and closed the door. "Derek is my foster dad; he'll be home from work tonight," Zack explained. "He's an FBI agent and is usually gone for several days at a time. He likes ice cream," Zach looked to Emily. "Can we get pizza and ice cream at the store? Derek likes pizza and ice cream," his attention turned back to Kate. "Do you like ice cream?"

"Who doesn't?" the girl nodded. "But it's not good for me. I eat Jell-O usually, sugar free. Sometimes we'll get fruit juice popsicles. Healthier for my heart. I'm supposed to eat lots of fruit and veggies but everything they serve at the group home is just mushy. I'm not ever sure what it is."

"I'm pretty sure it's you who likes pizza and ice cream, kiddo." Emily elbowed him gently.

"Nice try," Kate whispered to Zach.

Emily smiled at their interaction. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Kate," she said before ushering Zach and Carly toward the exit.

"I'll see you again," Kate called after them with confidence.

xxx

It was quiet at the dinner table.

Zach pushed his mashed potatoes and veggies around the plate in an attempt to make it look like he was actually eating them. Emily swallowed a few bites but wasn't terribly interested in her food either. Carly sat on the bottom step across the room, slowly nibbling on her chunks of pork chop. Derek was the only one eating with any sort of genuine desire, plowing through his meal as he spoke. "This is really good, Em. You made this?" he asked with a degree of skepticism.

She gave him a weak smile. "Yes, don't look so surprised."

"You have no idea how good this tastes after three days of take-out and bad police station coffee," he chewed another forkful of potatoes. "Don't get me wrong, the San Diego police department was good to us and all, but nothing beats a home cooked meal."

"You're going to die," Zach said.

Derek's gleeful meal was immediately stalled as he looked up from his plate, eyes moving from Emily to Zach. "Excuse me?"

The boy didn't look up as he spoke. "We met a girl at the animal rescue store-shelter place. She told us she'll be dead soon. Everyone dies, at least everyone I know or meet. Just like my parents, and Clooney, now Kate," he lamented. Finally his eyes rose to regard the adults. "You'll both die, too."

"That's true," Derek didn't deny Zach's statement. "Someday Emily and I will die, but I'm pretty certain it won't be for a long time. I plan to be around to see you graduate. Watch you get married and have kids of your own."

A piece of lettuce was poked at as Zach regarded his food with little interest. "You probably won't keep me around that long. And even if you did you don't know when you'll die. You could be shot and killed at work tomorrow," he said.

Morgan took a deep breath as he swallowed a bite. "I could," he agreed with the boy again. "But I do my best to stay safe at work. You know I wear a vest every time I go out into the field. I'd never risk my life needlessly. And the job I do is important. I do it to help save lives."

"What about your head?" Zach wasn't ready to stop yet. "Bullets go through brains, not just chests," he stated.

Emily sighed. "Zach, I don't think we should keep talking about this in front of Carly," she warned.

He stabbed aimlessly at the pork chop on his plate. "Carly already knows plenty about death," Zach replied to her counsel. "I know she stayed in her apartment with a dead body for days. She was probably glad her step-dad was dead so she never told anyone."

"Zachary!" Emily's voice rose, her fork clanging as it dropped onto the plate.

Carly shot up the stairs, kicking over her tray of food in the process.

"She can understand everything you say, pal," Derek shook his head.

"I'm sorry," Zach's remorse was instant and genuine.

"You can contemplate your crime from your bedroom," Emily calmed a little, more disappointed than angry at the boy. "You'll be confined there for the rest of the night, after you clean your plate and clean up Carly's mess as well," she declared. "Now," Emily concluded.

The boy hung his head as he picked up his plate and walked it into the kitchen.

xxx

"Carly is still hiding beneath her bed," Emily relayed as she reentered the kitchen and placed the last pot into the dishwasher.

Derek added the detergent packet, closed the door and started the wash cycle. His arms snaked around her waist, pulling her close as he leaned against the kitchen counter. The window above the sink showed an evening summer sky, still clear and blue. Emily rested her head against his shoulder and let out a sigh. "You okay?" Morgan inquired. "This parent thing sure is keeping us on our toes these days," he chuckled softly.

"As upset as I am that Carly's licking her wounds, I feel so bad for yelling at Zach," Emily revealed.

"You hardly yelled at him," Derek kissed her forehead as reassurance. "He was out of line to say those things at all, let alone right in front of Carly. I know he's got some anger issues but that was really cruel. An evening alone in his room is fair punishment."

"Except he's got books in his room," she pointed out. "Not much of a punishment for him at all unless I remove the books, and I don't have the energy to make that effort."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," his hands tenderly massaged her shoulders for a few moments until they strayed upward to the base of her neck. Derek's fingers caressed her slender neck as he drew her lips toward his. "Maybe we could move this upstairs," he whispered against her ear. "It's been over a week."

With her eyes still closed, Emily smiled as she languished in the gentle touch of his hands and lips. "If I don't have the energy to move books, I sure don't have the energy for what's going on in your head. I'm afraid if we get anywhere near our bed I will fall asleep before anything torrid can occur. It's been a very long day."

"And it's hardly over. It's only seven-thirty, Em."

"Yeah, well my day started at about five am when Carly woke me, tugged at my arm until I got up, followed her downstairs and peeled a banana for her," Emily recalled. "And I worked with her on her drawing therapy. Then there was me trying to cheer Zach up. Me trying to cheer up Sergio. Running half a dozen errands with kids. And taking care of my man with a home cooked meal," she chuckled. "I could sleep for a whole week."

"Not so promising for me," Derek lamented. "But if it is sleep you desire then it is sleep you shall have," he took her hand and guided her up the stairs.

They'd barely made a move toward their bedroom when Emily heard Zach's voice coming from Carly's room. She looked to Derek and put a finger to her lips as they crept toward the girl's bedroom. They found Zach lying on his belly by the bed. Emily resisted the urge to enforce his punishment as she silently listened in on the one-sided conversation between the children. "I'm really sorry, mouse," Zach sighed.

"That stuff I said was real stupid. I didn't mean it, about you and your step-dad. I don't know what he did to you Carly, but I know it was bad. You can tell me if you want. I'm pretty good at listening, better at listening than talking. I usually just get my words all wrong and upset people."

Biting her lip, Emily's heart ached as the boy spoke.

"I want to be a good son, and a good brother to you," Zach continued, "So Derek and Emily won't send me away. But I don't know if I'll ever be good at anything. I think I might be a curse to families. To my real parents, and now Derek and Emily."

Emily took a step toward the boy, but Derek stopped her.

"Maybe you could help me, Carly?" Zach asked of the little girl. "Maybe we could help each other. We could talk to each other about this stuff so Derek and Emily don't have to deal with all of it." He sighed. "I don't know, maybe that's dumb," Zach shrugged.

Zach grew quiet. Derek and Emily remained at the door out of the way.

Minutes passed before Carly crawled forward. She poked her head out, remaining on her belly as she faced Zach. Another several minutes passed in complete silence. Then the girl reached a hand out and gently placed it atop Zach's larger hand. "I'm sorry, Carly," the boy apologized again.

"I think she forgives you," Emily announced her presence, comforted by the two kids with their hands touching.

Carly shimmied out from beneath her bed the rest of the way and latched onto Emily.

"I think you've had a long day, too, mouse," Emily kissed the top of the girl's head, warmed by the closeness Carly was allowing more and more. "Let's get PJs on for bed," she shooed the girl toward her dresser. Emily's eyes leveled on Zach as he stood. "Bed for you, too."

He nodded and slunk out of the room.

It only took Emily a few minutes to get Carly in her pajamas and into bed. Her blue eyes closed the moment her head hit the pillow. Emily stayed with her for a while longer; making sure the girl was sleeping soundly, hoping her very presence could ward off the child's bad dreams. When her own eyes began to droop, Emily left the room, leaving the door open a crack. She moved down the hall and overheard Derek and Zack in the boy's room.

"What's bugging you, pal?" Derek asked.

Zach crossed his arms over his chest. "Lots of stuff. Everything. Some days are okay and some… aren't. I try to move forward but it's hard, Derek. It just doesn't seem fair for good people to die. I know my dad did bad stuff and I guess his death was meant to be, but why my mom? And why Clooney?" his voice quaked. "And now a nine year old girl who spends her free time taking care of stray dogs. Why does she have to die, too? She let me hold this little puppy and she was so gentle with him. I just don't understand."

Derek's head shook as he glanced over to see Emily standing in the doorway. "I don't have any answers for you, Zach," he relayed. "I don't."

"There is no answer," Emily joined in, revealing herself. "But there is reassurance." She sat next to the boy. "I was upset and I yelled," her hand squeezed Zach's. "Still doesn't mean I'm going to send you away. We've said it before but it bears repeating; this is your home as long as you want, Zach. Derek and I aren't going to kick you out. But you have to be civil. You have to respect Carly and Derek and I. Okay?"

"Okay," he nodded.

She flashed him a weak smile. "Life doesn't always make sense, buddy. You have to try to carve out good stuff even when it all seems bad. Because if you do nothing but dwell on the bad, I can pretty much guarantee you it will eat you up inside," she warned.

"What good can I carve out of Clooney's death or Kate dying?" Zach was confused.

Emily squeezed his hand again. "You got to hold that puppy today because I was trying to cheer you up. That was a good thing that came from Clooney's death. And we all got to meet Kate. I think we should invite Kate over for a meal here," she suggested. "Do you remember what she said about the food they serve at her group home? How it's all unidentifiable. Well, even Derek has proclaimed that my cooking has improved. So why don't we expose her to some good food and good company?"

The boy's blue eyes lit. "Can we?" he looked to Derek for confirmation. "She was nice. I think you'd like her."

"I don't see why not," Morgan replied, realizing from Emily's words that Kate was another kid in the system. He eyed the woman he loved for a moment before his gaze slowly shifted to Zach. And he thought about Carly tucked into her bed down the hall. Part of him wondered if Emily and Zach were setting him up to take in yet another child, but he decided to give them both the benefit of the doubt. "It sounds like a good idea," he agreed with more enthusiasm.

"Good. I'll call in the morning and see what I can arrange," Emily concluded as she stood and eyed Zach. "You can read until nine, then lights out."

The boy smiled.

Morgan wrapped an arm around her waist as they walked to their room. "So, you really sure you're too tired to…"

"Pretty sure," Emily confirmed as she peeled off her clothes, threw on one of Derek's large t-shirts and sunk into bed. She waited for him to join her and rested her head against his chest. "Work tomorrow? Or do you get any time off for good behavior?" she asked.

"No time off," Derek sadly replied. "Maybe this weekend, but even that…"

"Isn't guaranteed," she whispered, knowing the routine.

He kissed her apologetically. "You upset?"

"Nope, you'd probably start to annoy me if you were around all the time," Emily teased.

"I missed you, too," Derek knew the true meaning beneath her words.

The End