When the train doors opened at Knox Station, Estelle very nearly didn't get off. She still wasn't entirely sure why she'd even agreed to come here. There was nothing for her here but old memories and pain, and she had enough of those without the added reminder.

But Sebastian had wanted to see where she grew up, and for some reason she agreed to bring him. If she was honest, there was a tiny part of her that wanted to see it too. Maybe it would be cathartic to say goodbye, to give proper closure to her former life that had ended so abruptly. To go forward without feeling the need to look back any longer. To move on.

Still, she was quiet as they walked along the cracked sidewalks of her old neighborhood. Sebastian didn't push, or question her silence. It was one of the things she loved about him – how he just let her exist as she was, without demanding explanation for it. He simply reached out and took her hand, wordlessly offering his support. Letting her know he was there for her without making it about him. It meant a lot to her.

Estelle's old neighborhood was exactly the way she remembered it. Narrow streets lined with narrow houses and storefronts, all crammed together to utilize every inch of space. Dingy metal awnings hanging over locked doors and busted out windows covered with plywood. There wasn't a speck of green in sight, aside from the graffiti covered dumpsters.

It was rundown, dangerous, and not at all a nice place to live...but it was home. She learned how to ride a bike on this busted concrete, covered it in hopscotch grids and chalk drawings every summer. Without fully realizing she was doing it, Estelle found herself narrating her childhood to Sebastian as they walked and the memories surfaced. That's the dead end street the neighborhood kids used to block off to play soccer. Here's the alley where she threw her first punch at 8 years old, when she caught a boy kicking a stray puppy. She stole a candy bar from this corner store, and when her mom found out she marched her back down to apologize and pay for it.

"And this was my apartment building," she said, coming to a stop in front of a towering brick complex and pointing up. "Sixth floor, front side. The blue windowsill was my room."

Sebastian tilted his head back and looked up. "Did you always live here?"

"Yep. Same room from infancy to college." A thought crossed her mind, and she frowned. "Did you always live in the basement at your mom's house?"

To her relief, he shook his head. Though she gave him shit about being a vampire, she couldn't imagine how terrible it would be for a little kid down in all that darkness. "No, Mom didn't build that house until I was 12 or 13. We used to live where the Joja Mart is now. They tore our house down to make room for it."

"Why didn't she build a bedroom for you?"

He shrugged. "She was going to, but by that point Demetrius and I were already done with each other. Living downstairs was the closest thing I had to moving out."

"Did you two ever get along?" she asked. She didn't mean to pry, but she'd been talking about her own childhood so much that she couldn't help but be curious about his. He never really talked about it, besides that he was an edgelord in high school.

"Depends what you mean by 'get along'," he said, a sense of bitterness creeping into his tone. "We didn't start fighting until I was older, but there was never any love between us if that's what you're asking."

"Even when you were little?"

Sebastian was quiet for a moment, long enough that she thought he might not answer. When he eventually did, his voice had lost the bitter edge. Instead he just sounded sad.

"I used to look up to him. Maybe I even loved him at one point, I don't know. But when Maru was born he didn't even try anymore. He got his real kid, so...didn't need to waste time with the mistake."

An image came to mind of a little boy with messy black hair and lonely eyes, reaching out for love and being ignored. Robin would have been busy, between a newborn and working to provide for the family. How could Demetrius have been so cruel as to deny an innocent child the affection he so obviously needed? Her heart ached for him.

Estelle squeezed his fingers, trying to convey some of that love he deserved, as late as it was. "You're not a mistake."

He gave a short, mirthless laugh, shaking his head dismissively. "It's fine, Estelle. Come on, I know there's other places you haven't shown me yet."

He tugged lightly on her hand to get them moving again, but Estelle held her ground until he stopped, turning to look at her in question.

"You're not a mistake Sebastian," she reiterated firmly.

He seemed almost taken aback by her insistence, but she held his gaze until his face softened. "If you think so, that's all I need," he said, rubbing his thumb along her cheekbone. "Thanks."

She leaned into his touch and smiled. If her words could ease even a tiny bit of his burden, she'd never stop saying them. But for now…

"There's one more place I want to show you."

Sebastian wasn't sure where Estelle was going to take him, but a dilapidated warehouse was definitely not in his top ten guesses. The building looked nearly abandoned, except for a schedule painted onto the metal door that indicated it should be open at this hour. Giving him an excited little grin, Estelle grabbed the metal rod attached to the door and slid it open with the loud squeak of poorly lubricated metal.

Once they stepped inside, however, Sebastian understood immediately why they'd come. The space was filled with art, swaths of color splashed everywhere he looked. People of all ages were there, engrossed in their work – an old man painting flowers, a teenage girl sculpting something out of clay, a group of kids huddled around a table, cutting construction paper into snowflakes.

"This is the Knoxville Craftsmen's Guild," Estelle said, gesturing vaguely at their surroundings. "They have all kinds of different art classes, or you can just come use the studio for your own project. My mom worked late a lot, so I practically lived here as a kid."

She ran her fingers along the wood of a long table, smiling fondly. "Honestly I don't know if I would have even started drawing if not for this place."

"Nonsense!" a voice boomed out from farther inside the studio, startling Sebastian. He turned to see a tiny old woman approaching them at a speed belying her apparent age. She held one bony finger out towards Estelle, a stern expression twisting her crinkled features.

"You were born an artist, girl. We only helped you channel it," she said, her frown melting away into a smile as she spread her arms wide.

Estelle's face lit up as she closed the distance and hugged the woman tightly. "I can't believe you're still here Oma!"

"Of course I'm still here. What, did you expect me to be dead?"

"No!" Estelle gasped, horrified. "I just..."

The woman chuckled, patting her on the back fondly as she pulled back. "I see you haven't changed," she said wryly. Sebastian cracked a little grin of his own. Whoever this woman was, he liked her already.

"You look good," she said, looking Estelle up and down before her sharp eyes flicked to Sebastian. "This your boyfriend?"

Seb's gaze moved to Estelle. He was very interested in how she was going to answer that question. They hadn't really talked about what they were – it felt like she was his girlfriend, but he didn't want to stake some kind of claim if she wasn't ready for that. He'd decided to let her lead in that area, because honestly if it was up to him he'd have a mermaid pendant on her already. He had no doubts that she was his end game.

"I...yes?" Estelle answered uncertainly, cheeks flushed. He couldn't help the smile that spread across his own face. Good.

"This is Sebastian. Seb, this is Oma – she's kind of my mentor, I guess."

Oma snorted. "You guess? Skip town for a few years and now I'm an 'I guess'. So ungrateful. Where have you been anyway?"

Estelle rolled her eyes, suppressing a smile. "I live in Pelican Town now, down in the valley. I have a farm there."

"A farm?" Oma said, quirking her eyebrows in amusement as she looked to Sebastian. "Please tell me she isn't actually farming."

"Not unless you count weeds," Seb replied with a smirk. Estelle flicked him off as Oma laughed.

"I'll have you know I have a very successful honey racket going, thank you very much. And I've kept four chickens alive for like 6 months," Estelle said indignantly.

"Well then, my mistake. You're a bona fide overall-wearing country girl now, apparently," she said with amusement. "So I take it you're freelancing then? Not much work for a portrait artist in the valley."

The humor on Estelle's face fell. "Yeah, I uh...I don't really draw much anymore..."

Oma's eyes narrowed. "What? Why?"

"Just...stopped feeling it."

"What about your scholarship?"

"Dropped out."

Even Sebastian could feel the weight of Oma's disappointment. Estelle was staring at her feet, and he put his hand on her back to offer some kind of support, however small.

When Oma spoke again, however, her voice was soft. "Your mom?"

Estelle nodded, and Oma sighed. "Believe me, I know better than most how unfair life can be. But you have a gift. She wouldn't want you to waste it any more than I do."

Estelle didn't respond. After a moment of silence Oma turned and began to walk towards the back of the studio, motioning them to follow her. Reluctantly, Estelle did, and Sebastian trailed behind.

Oma led them to a small desk in the back, covered with framed art and tiny scupltures, and pulled open one of the drawers. She sifted through the files until she came across the one she was looking for, laying it on top of the desk. The front was covered with sketches of twisting vines and flowers, wrapping around a name – Estelle Hayes.

Sebastian glanced at Estelle to find her staring at the folder, lips pursed. He wondered what was in it, but more than that he wondered if she was okay. She seemed to know what was coming next, and wasn't looking forward to it.

To his surprise, Oma didn't open the folder, or give it to Estelle. Instead she handed it to him.

"If I know my girl, and I do, I suspect she hasn't shared her talent with you," she said, shaking the folder until he hesitantly accepted it. "So look through that portfolio and tell me, Sebastian, what you think she should do."

Sebastian looked down at the folder and shook his head, passing it off to Estelle. She looked up at him in confusion and he shrugged. "I think she should do whatever makes her happy. I don't need to look through pictures to know that."

Oma raised her eyebrows, a slow smile creeping across her face. "Ohhh, you're an interesting one aren't you?" she said, chuckling. "Fair enough. Promise me you'll think about it at least?"

"Yeah, I will," Estelle agreed, holding the folder out. Oma shook her head.

"You keep it. It's your work after all."

Estelle hugged the older woman again, and after a few more minutes of conversation, they left with a promise to visit again soon.

Walking back towards the train station, Estelle turned to him with an apologetic look. "Sorry she put you on the spot back there. Oma is wonderful, but she can be a little much sometimes."

"It's okay. She seems to really care about you."

Estelle hummed in agreement. "She always pushed me to be better. That's what's in this folder," she said, holding up the vine-covered file in her hand. "Every few months she'd make me do a new self-portrait to gauge my progress. I hated drawing myself, but when I was feeling down she'd bust out a picture from the year or two before and remind me how much I was growing. Artistically and in general."

"Now I regret not looking through it," he said, trying to pull a smile out of her. He could tell that the day had worn on her, and he was looking forward to getting back to the apartment. They could both use the downtime.

"You're not missing much. Bad drawings of me during the horrors of puberty, mostly."

"Hot."

To his satisfaction, she laughed and shoved him a little. "Thanks for coming with me today. I know it's a shithole, but..." she trailed off with a shrug.

She was right. From the moment they stepped off the train, Sebastian had been taken aback by exactly how shitty her neighborhood really was. But as they walked, and she told him all those stories about growing up and pointed out places that had impacted her life so much, he started to see it all in a different light. Despite being conventionally awful, this place made her who she was today.

Sebastian bent down and picked a crocus flower that was growing out of a crack in the sidewalk. He appraised it for a moment before holding it out to her with a little smile.

"That just makes it more special when something beautiful breaks through."

Estelle looked a little surprised, but her cheeks flushed with pleasure anyway. "When did you become a romantic?" she teased, taking the flower.

"You have that effect on me."

Sebastian wasn't sure why he'd agreed to come out on a Friday night. The bar was packed from the moment they arrived, and only Estelle's hand in his kept him from turning around and going right back out. She deftly maneuvered through the horde, fingers tight on his to keep from losing him, until finally they reached a space he felt like he could breathe. Natalie and Sam had come early and gotten a table near the stage, far enough from the bar to avoid the bulk of the crowd, and Sebastian immediately slid into one of the open seats.

Estelle shot him a knowing look. "You good?"

"I'm fine."

"Liar," she said with a smile, bending down to press a quick kiss to his lips. "I'll grab us some drinks."

Natalie stood up to go with her, while Sam and Sebastian watched their girls disappear into the throng of people clustered around the bar.

Sam leaned back in his chair, putting his hands behind his head. "I can't believe she got you to come to a karaoke bar dude. You gotta be freaking out right now."

"It's not too bad over here," he said, trying to sound casual. Truth be told he was freaking out a little bit, but he didn't want to admit that. He needed to get over his social anxiety, and what better way to do that than by forcing himself into social settings? At least Estelle was here to help calm him down.

"It'll fill up when the singing starts," Sam said. "What song are you going to do?"

Sebastian looked at him like he was out of his fucking mind. "You really think I'm going to sing?"

Sam shrugged. "I didn't think you'd come in the first place, yet here you are."

He had a point. It was strange though – he wasn't here because Estelle dragged him along, the way people typically had to in order to get him out. In fact, Estelle had specifically offered to stay home with him, but he chose to come anyway. He didn't want her to miss out on fun things because he sucked at being a functional person. He wanted to be better for her.

Maybe one day he'd manage to deserve her.

Looking at her tonight though, that possibility seemed hopelessly distant. She was always beautiful – even mussed from sleep, dripping wet from a sudden rainstorm, covered in dirt and cuts from the mines, always – but when she decided to get done up for something, she was obscenely, jaw-droppingly gorgeous. She had those jeans on again, the ones that hugged every curve, along with a shirt that didn't have any material in the back except two straps holding it on. She'd left her hair down to fall in waves over her bare shoulders, put on whatever makeup to make her eyes look dark and seductive…

He couldn't believe he was going home with that girl tonight.

"I got you a rum and coke," Estelle said, setting the glass down in front of him. "It felt right."

"And here's your margarita, the manliest of all drinks," Natalie teased, handing Sam his glass. "They're starting to take requests for karaoke. How many drinks before you guys will sing? I'm thinking two for me."

"Two or three," Estelle agreed.

"I'll sing whenever," Sam said around his straw.

Natalie looked to Sebastian expectantly and he shook his head. "I'm not singing."

"Oh come on Seb!" she argued. "It's karaoke!"

"You will never get enough liquor into me to make that seem like a good idea."

Natalie raised her eyebrows like she was prepared to accept that challenge, but Estelle cut in first. "Drop it Nat."

"Fine, fine," she conceded reluctantly. "I'm going to go put the slips in. If the shot chick comes around get me one."

The shot chick did come around – twice – and by the time it was their turn to sing they were all feeling pretty good. Not good enough to get Sebastian on stage, but enough to make him almost forget that he was packed into a stuffy room with a zillion other people.

Being with his friends helped too. They joked, they laughed, they cheered on the good performers. Estelle had scooted her chair next to his, and her casual touches never failed to send a thrill through him. As much as he didn't want to be here in the first place, Sebastian was having a legitimately good time.

Natalie went first, belting out a fairly awful rendition of a classic metal song. She had fun with it though, jumping around stage and getting the crowd worked up, which compensated for her less-than-stellar vocals. By the time she came back to the table, the next guy on the docket was struggling to keep the energy up.

"Killed it babe," Sam said as she pinned her tousled hair back into place.

Estelle smirked. "They didn't boo you offstage this time at least."

"That only happened once," Natalie said dismissively. "But hey, feel free to show me up. Your number is next."

Estelle tipped her drink back and stood. "Wish me luck," she said, trailing her fingers across Sebastian's shoulders as she walked past and up to the stage.

Not that she needed it. Estelle looked a little nervous at first, standing in the silence before the music started, but once the beat picked up she was all in. The song was some kind of pop punk, something Sebastian had never heard before – and judging by the lack of singing along from the crowd most of them hadn't either. She nailed it anyway. Eyes sparking with adrenaline, the lights playing off her features, voice so full of emotion...Sebastian was totally captivated.

By the time her performance ended, those who'd gathered around the front of the stage had their hands up in the air along with her, bopping their heads like it was a real show. She beamed when they clapped, giving a little wave as she walked off the other side of the stage.

"Dude, we should totally have Estelle sing in one of our songs!" Sam gushed when it was over. "Like a duet or something. Oh, maybe an acoustic? All good albums have a slow song or two."

"You don't wanna do a duet with me?" Natalie teased, affecting a fake pout.

Sam said something to that, probably a rebuttal with varying degrees of tact, but Sebastian had stopped listening. The group that had been obscuring his view of the side of the stage moved, and when he glanced over he was hit with a powerful surge of jealousy. Estelle was still near the stairs, a smile on her face as she talked to some other guy. A guy with broad shoulders and a square jaw, exuding confidence as he said something to her with a suggestive grin.

A guy that reminded him way, way too much of Alex.

Estelle laughed in response, and Sebastian turned back to his drink, downing the rest of it. It didn't mean anything, he tried to tell himself. He was probably complimenting her on her karaoke, made a joke, and that was that. She'd be back over in a minute. It was no big deal.

It was no big deal, but it dredged up all those feelings he'd been trying to keep buried. The despair he'd felt when Natalie told him she'd gone home with someone else. The awful sickness when he saw Alex leaving her bedroom. The betrayal he didn't deserve to feel but did anyway. The insecurity and inadequacy and...

"So how'd I do?" Estelle said brightly, face flushed as she slid into her seat beside him.

Fuck.

Estelle felt amazing as she bounded off the stage and down the stairs to rejoin her friends. She'd been nervous about her song choice, a lesser known song from a lesser known band, but the crowd really seemed to be into it. Karaoke was always a blast, but it was so much better with a good audience. The stage lights obscured her vision, but she caught a glimpse of Sebastian smiling at her when they dimmed for her exit, and it brought a warmth to her chest to match her overheated skin.

Yoba, she loved that dude.

When she got to the bottom of the stairs, however, that warmth faded as quickly as if it had been doused with a bucket of ice water. There, casually leaning against the wall with an expectant smirk on his face, was her ex.

Of course. In a city of 5 million fucking people…

She didn't even know why he was approaching her now. Jake had shown absolutely no interest in her while they were together - well, except for in bed. It was a relationship built more on mutual convenience than any kind of real affection – she needed a place to live, he needed someone to hang on his arm around prospective clients. He had money, she had looks. It was incredibly unfulfilling and dysfunctional, but it came at a time in her life where she didn't really care about that.

That time was over.

Determined to not let him put a damper on her evening, Estelle plastered a smile on her face and prepared for the inevitable small talk people felt the need to engage in when they saw someone they recognized.

"Well look who it is," he began, drawing out his words in that condescending way he spoke to everyone he felt was beneath him. "Long time no see."

Estelle's fake smile took a hard edge. "Not long enough. What do you want Jake?"

He chuckled, holding his hands out, palms up. "Easy there tiger. Just saying hello. I didn't know you could sing," he said, nodding to the stage.

"Shocker, considering you don't know anything about me."

"Oh, I know one or two things about you..." he trailed off, letting his eyes slowly make their way down her body and back up with a brazenness he hadn't earned. "But I wouldn't be opposed to learning more. What do you say we go back to my place and catch up?"

Estelle couldn't help it – she laughed in his face. How hopelessly arrogant could this guy be?

"I'd rather gnaw my own fucking arm off," she said, glancing back to her table. None of her friends were looking her way, which meant no rescue was coming. Turning her body to the side, she slid into a gap between two people and slipped into the crowd without bothering to say goodbye. It didn't matter – his fragile ego wouldn't allow him to follow her, and if he did she had backup. Forget the guys, Natalie would tear him a new asshole herself.

Eager to just forget the entire situation ever happened, Estelle took her seat beside Sebastian and smiled. "So, how'd I do?"

"Good," he said curtly, staring down into his glass rather than looking at her.

Her brows furrowed. What happened to him? Just a minute ago he was beaming at her on stage. She glanced at his empty glass – maybe he wanted another drink but didn't want to brave the crowd?

"Thanks. Want another drink?"

"No."

Estelle looked to Sam, who gave a little fuck if I know shrug.

"You okay?" she asked tentatively.

"I'm fine."

Right. Clearly fine. Confused and concerned, Estelle thought maybe he just didn't feel comfortable talking in front of Sam and Natalie. He was always so private with his feelings, that had to be it.

"Okay. Well, I need some air – will you come with me?" she asked, taking his hand and giving it a little squeeze. "I don't like standing outside of bars by myself."

He opened his mouth to say something, but then seemed to think better of it with a slight shake of his head. "Yeah, sure," he said, standing up and letting her lead him back through the bar crowd and out into the night.

Despite not being a fan of the cold, the fresh air felt incredible on her face after being trapped in the collective body heat of all those people. They walked a little ways down the street, pausing only when they'd passed the row of smokers and people waiting for a cab along the sidewalk.

"So, what's going on?" Estelle began when they were finally alone.

"Nothing," he said, tone clipped and final.

That surprised her. He normally didn't have an issue talking to her when they had privacy. Unless...wait, was he mad at her?

"Can you just talk to me?" she said, her confusion starting to turn to annoyance. What the hell was his deal?

He sighed, digging in his pocket for his cigarettes and lighting one up. "What do you want me to say Estelle?"

"Uh, I want you to tell me what's bothering you? You know, like I've been asking you to?"

"There's nothing you can do about it so there's no point in talking about it. Just drop it."

Estelle stared at him for a moment in shocked exasperation. He was obviously pissed at her, she had no idea what she did, and he was refusing to talk about it. Seriously dude, what the fuck.

"Except not talking is what almost ruined everything for us in the first place," she pointed out. "So maybe we should try communicating for once?"

His frown deepened but he didn't respond, and Estelle's frustration finally boiled over. "Fine. Just ignore me some more," she said, throwing her hands in the air before crossing them against her chest.

"I'm getting used to it," she added under her breath.

That finally got his attention. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, looking up at her from under narrowed brows.

She laughed once, the sound harsh in her throat. Fine, he wanted to do this? Cool. They could do this.

"I mean, you pretended I didn't exist for weeks, so ignoring me clearly isn't difficult for you."

"You know it was difficult for me," he said, voice low.

If her emotions wouldn't have been running so high, Estelle would have backed off at his tone. There was warning there, warning that this was a place neither of them wanted to go right now. That continuing this conversation was a mistake.

But when all the hurt she'd been carrying finally found an opening, it came spilling out in a wave that she couldn't control. Eyes shining with anger and unresolved pain, Estelle could do nothing but ride it out.

"I don't know anything Seb! You don't tell me anything!" she said, voice raised and fists clenched. "I mean fuck, one day everything is great and the next you cut me out entirely without ever even giving me an explanation. You just fucking left. Why? I didn't do anything to you!"

"I tried!" he shot back, his own temper flaring in response. "I knew I fucked up and I tried to make things right that very same night. But when I went home you weren't there."

Estelle was still digesting that new information when he flicked his cigarette in disgust, looking away. "Too busy fucking Alex," he muttered bitterly.

Understanding dawned on her immediately. There it was. That's what this was all about – he'd seen her talking to Jake and assumed there was something going on there. He was jealous, and instead of talking to her he decided to act like a little shit about it.

Well fuck his jealousy, and fuck his double standards. He didn't give a damn about her feelings when he was fucking Abigail now did he?

"Oh, my bad! I didn't realize I was supposed to just be on standby forever until you decided to pry your face off of Abigail long enough to acknowledge me."

Sebastian pressed his lips together. He knew he was wrong. She could see it on him. But stubbornness and hurt won out, and instead of stopping there he fell into the trap that so many others do when things get too heated – he doubled down.

"Not forever, but if you were so tore up about it you could have waited, oh, I don't know, maybe an hour before jumping into bed with Alex of all fucking people."

Estelle stared at him for a moment, feeling like he'd physically slapped her in the face. To his credit, he seemed to regret the words the second they came out of his mouth. But the damage was done.

"Fuck you!" she yelled, hands shaking with the force of her anger. How dare he, after all he put her through. How fucking dare he.

"I slept with Alex because I was hurting and wanted to forget. You stuck your dick in crazy just because you wanted to! You did this Sebastian, not me."

"You think I don't know that?" he yelled back, the careful control he typically had over his actions shattering. "You think I haven't spent every second since then hating myself for hurting you? Why do you think I stayed away from you? It was so I didn't hurt you any more. I've destroyed every good thing in my life Estelle, and I refuse to destroy you too."

Estelle blinked, stunned into silence by the outpouring of emotion from him. There was a level of entrenched bitterness and suffering there, something that went far beyond her. He was hurting just as deeply as she was, maybe more – and she'd added another wound.

The moment seemed to stretch for hours as they both stood there, staring at each other while their combined pain hung in the air. Eventually he broke it, dropping his head.

"I know I'm a fuck up," he said quietly. "I said I was sorry. I'm trying to make things better. What more do you want from me?"

It was a good question. What did she want from him? He couldn't go back and change the past. It was up to her to let go of that hurt.

Could she?

Taking a deep breath, Estelle felt the chill of the air clear her mind, chasing away the adrenaline that had taken over her actions. This moment was important, and she needed to get it right.

"For starters, I want you to take back your bullshit slut shaming just now, because that was fucked up." His little jab had stung more than she wanted to admit.

He scrubbed his hand over his face, and she could sense his remorse before he even spoke. "You're right. I'm sorry."

She accepted that. She knew he didn't mean it, that it had come from hurt. But she needed the apology anyway before she could move on.

"Okay. And I need to you understand that it's going to take time for me to get over all of this," she continued.

"I get it," he sighed. "I just...I can't stop thinking how none of this should have even happened. I just want to have a clean slate with you."

"Me too. But it did happen Seb, and I can't just flip a switch and make it all disappear. I'm not holding it over you, but some days might be worse than others and I need you to be patient with me."

He nodded. After a brief hesitation, she put her fingers under his chin, lifting his head until he met her gaze again.

"And I want you to stop hating yourself."

He shook his head, running his fingers through his hair as her request sunk in. "I'll try. I'm trying to stop being such a fuck up. I'm trying to be someone that deserves you. I obviously haven't figured it out yet, but..."

"Seb...you do deserve me. How do you not get that?" she said. "The only thing you need to figure out is how to stop seeing yourself so negatively."

"Not so easy to rewrite 20 years of code."

She thought about their earlier conversation, how he'd confided in her the loneliness and rejection he'd grown up with. It wasn't a huge stretch to think that he'd internalized those feelings, made them such an integral part of his psyche he couldn't even separate them from himself anymore. It hurt her heart to think he'd been so damaged, but she knew he could work through it. He was stronger than he gave himself credit for. She believed in him.

"I'm sorry Seb. I really am. I hate that you had a rough start, but it's part of what made you who you are today. And I love you."

She'd never seen him look as vulnerable as he did in that moment. Eyes wide and open, she could see all of the old hurt swirling in their dark depths. She could see how much he hated himself, and how much he wanted to stop. How desperate he was to just be okay.

Estelle closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around his neck. His hands circled her waist, pulling her close, and she wished she could show him how he looked through her eyes. She didn't have the words to convey it properly, but she tried anyway.

"You're everything I could ever want, wrapped up in a ridiculously sexy package," she said with a sly grin, and was pleased to see it get a disbelieving half-smile out of him. "So whenever you're feeling down on yourself, just remember there's this girl who thinks you're perfect for her."

With that she leaned up and pressed her lips to his, the soft touch healing both of them. She needed him, and he needed her. She'd never been so sure of anything before.

"I love you Sebastian," she murmured, pulling back an inch to look at him. His hair had fallen into his face, and she smoothed it back with a smile. "Emo hair and all."

"I'm gonna cut it," he teased.

"Don't you ever fuckin' cut it."