Book II

The sun shines brightly through my off-white cloth curtains. I haven't seen the sun like this in weeks. It's been about a month since Jenna's death. Has anything really changed? No, not really. Jeremy and I are as sullen as we were after the death of our parents. However, this time we're sticking together. I refuse to leave him. We're finally working out our problems and learning to love each other all over again. Jeremy has so many redeemable qualities. Luckily, he's let Bonnie help him through this tough time. Though he doesn't always treat her like he should, Jeremy's opening up to her and facing his demons. This isn't the same little boy who shut out the world and turned to drugs to deal with the death of his young parents. I'm still struggling, though. I don't talk to anyone but Jeremy. Though I've exchanged brief words with Bonnie, Caroline, and Matt, I haven't had a full conversation since talking with Damon the day of the funeral. Ah, Damon. I'd almost forgotten about my forbidden desire who I left at BCH four weeks ago. This is the longest I've gone without seeing him. This also makes me think of Stefan. I haven't heard from or seen him since that same day. Jeremy relayed all the words exchanged between Stefan and him the day of the funeral. I'd assume Stefan's scouring the Midwest for any trace of Alaric. I'm so grateful to him for doing this for Jeremy and I. His dedication is admirable. Stefan's extreme devotion is one of his most endearing qualities. I still love Stefan. That hasn't changed. I wonder how this will all play out when he returns.

Instead of making breakfast, I choose to make a trip to the mailbox. I haven't eaten much the past few weeks. There's really no point. The stack of mail inside is enormous. We haven't made much time for household chores lately. Inside the stack sits four personal letters. Three are addressed from separate locations, but have the same sender: Stefan Salvatore. I should've expected this. Why is he writing me letters, though? Have we transported ourselves to old British literature?

The final letter is addressed to Jeremy but it lacks a sender's name. Before calling Jeremy down, I decide to read the letters from Stefan. What harm could it do? I begin with the earliest dated one.

Dear Elena,

I don't know where to begin. You're probably wondering why I left so abruptly the other afternoon. Or maybe you're not. Either way, I owe you an explanation. I was willing to do anything to get you the support you needed. Jeremy was hell-bent on finding Rick, so I offered to pick up his search. So, hopefully, Jeremy is with you right now giving you all the love and care you need at this time. I'm beginning my search today. Apparently Alaric has family in Cincinnati. So, here I am. I want you to know that I will do anything and go anywhere to find him for you. I want you to have the family you deserve. Though you deserve to have your parents and Jenna back, the most I can strive for is this. I'll bring Rick back for you and Jeremy. I promise you this. Even though my promises don't mean much, I'll do whatever has to be done to bring him home. I hope you're taking this time to build yourself up and get back to being the strong woman I know you are. Please know that no matter what we go through, I'll always love you, even if you don't feel the same. I believe in you, and I know you'll pull through this time.

Forever yours,

Stefan

Wow, that was quite the letter. I almost swoon—almost. More than anything, though, I want Stefan to come home. I appreciate all that he's doing but clearly Rick doesn't want to be found. Stefan shouldn't have to do all this for me. I'd love him regardless. The fact that he's also doing this for Jeremy is touching. Stefan's compassion knows no bounds. I'm surprised I haven't spent more time thinking about Stefan and Damon over the past few weeks. I've been very self-centered, I guess.

The other letters are relatively similar. He reiterates his undying love for me and his devotion to this search. It seems that there aren't many leads, unfortunately. I just wish I could tell Rick that Damon's alive. I'm not sure how to get a hold of him, though. As this thought slips my mind, I open Jeremy's letter to discern its sender. It's signed with the familiar giant "R" that I often found on notes around the house—whether it be grocery lists or reminders, this R was signature of Rick.

Jeremy and Bonnie waltz through the door giggling, wrapped up in each other's embrace. They're adorable. I want something like that. I want to share my pain and my joy with someone. I feel like all I've been doing the past few years is sharing my pain. That's part of the reason I'm shutting everyone out. They shouldn't have to be around brooding, depressed Elena. I want them to see me at my strongest and that's all.

"Elena, you look great," Bonnie lies.

She tries to make me feel better because she knows I'm going through hell. It's evident that I look like shit. My hair is thrown in a messy ponytail 24/7, while my daily ensemble consists of gray sweatpants and my father's old Princeton sweatshirt. My appearance means little to me these days. My mental state is more important.

"Thanks, Bonnie," I feign gratitude.

Jeremy and Bonnie head upstairs to escape the gloomy cloud that seems to follow me everywhere I go. Who could blame them? I'll give Jeremy Rick's letter once Bonnie leaves. He'll probably be upset with me for not giving it to him right away, but even if I did, he'd save it for later. Jeremy may be overcoming his sorrows by spending time with Bonnie, but he's still as angsty as ever.

The doorbell rings. I see the face of Matt Donovan through the glass. Matt's been so helpful recently. He's helped out with house maintenance, managing our finances, and he's even picked up groceries for me the past few weeks. Jeremy and I really couldn't ask for a better friend.

I unbolt the door and welcome the familiar face even though I'm not in the mood for visitors.

"Elena, looking radiant as ever," he seemingly jokes.

I can never tell if he's kidding. He seems to find me beautiful when I feel like a mess. He's sweet that way. My favorite part of seeing Matt is that he doesn't ask me if I'm doing okay or how I'm feeling. He knows I despise those questions.

Matt and I catch up on what's going on in town. I ask about Caroline and Tyler. Caroline's organizing the Founder's Ball this month, and Tyler's finally finding the time to hang out with Matt now that football is over. Tyler attends the University of Georgia. He lives on campus, so he's only in Briarview on the weekends, like Bonnie's former schedule. As it turns out, though the two are extremely busy, they seem to have developed a romantic relationship. Matt doesn't seem pleased, though.

"Is that a problem for you?" I sincerely ask.

"I don't know, Elena. Car and I have been getting closer for a while and I thought maybe it would turn into something more. I guess I was wrong."

My heart aches listening to Matt talk of another unrequited love. When will the fates deal him a decent hand?

"Caroline is fickle. She's going to jump from point A to point B on mere caprice. If she isn't committed to you, then you deserve better. Matt, you deserve the best."

"Thanks, but I'm not too sure that's true."

"It is. All I want for you is to be able to have a healthy relationship. Everyone's relationships are so screwed up. Have you noticed that? I want at least one of us to be happy and at peace."

"Wouldn't that be nice?" He asks sarcastically.

Even if you exclude my twisted Salvatore affiliation, every other Briarview relationship is far from healthy. Even the giggling sweethearts Jeremy and Bonnie are far from perfect. Jeremy's treatment of Bonnie is bettering, but she's sacrificing so much to be with him. Bonnie's taking time off from her classes just to help him through the month. I was shocked that she'd leave school for a month. She must really love him. But is it fair for a woman to have to give up her ambitions to build up the person she loves? And this is the ever-present question in my life.

Matt asks if I've heard from Stefan and I respond that I haven't. As a follow-up, I ask if he's heard anything about Damon. He has not. Then I remember everything that happened between Damon and Matt not so long ago. Matt knew about Baltimore. They fought over it. And then the next night Damon's killed? Matt wouldn't have been in cahoots with Katherine and Rick, would he?

"Matt, can I ask you a question?"

I'll be blunt. No one expects me to have basic manners at a time like this anyways.

"Shoot."

"This is going to seem really random, but how'd you know about Damon's time in Baltimore?"

"What?"

"You kept questioning Damon about Baltimore before the accident."

"How do you know about Baltimore?"

"He was shot because of Baltimore. Of course I know."

"He was shot for sleeping with my mother?"

Oh lord, I did not see this coming.

"You were upset with him for sleeping with your mom? Wait, he slept with your mom?"

"Her crazy, gypsy travels took her to Baltimore some time ago. I saw her photos on Facebook and Damon was in a lot of them. Her and her one friend Trudie were talking about their "wild nights" in Baltimore, and Damon's name came up. Once he came back to town, and I realized he was that Damon, I was pissed. Not to mention, then he went after Caroline. And then he slept with her and totally blew her off, so I just wanted to teach the douche a lesson."

"He certainly gets around," I add.

"Does that bother you?" Matt suggests.

"No," I firmly reassure him.

"Sure, Elena."

I roll my eyes and sit back in my chair. Wow: Isobel, Mrs. Donovan, Katherine, and Caroline. Where does the list end? Not with Elena Gilbert, that's for sure.

"I'd judge him for it if we hadn't gone through so much together last month."

"I agree with that statement. Coming to the funeral that day was pretty big of him. And as much as I hate saying this, what Stefan's off doing right now is commendable. They're good to you, Elena."

I chuckle.

"You all are. That's the problem."

"So what are you going to do once Stefan gets back?"

His question catches me by surprise. My affections for Stefan and Damon mean little to me right now. My life is scattered in pieces on the floor of this house. I can't even think about stepping outside, let alone choosing between two devoted brothers.

"Hide in the cellar and never come out."

"Going after Rick really made your decision tougher, huh?"

"I don't know what decision you're referring to," I say coyly.

"Which Salvatore brother will it be, Elena?"

"Neither. I'm not sacrificing my dignity for the male species any longer."

"Alright then. Are we going to go burn our bras after this?"

"You're hilarious, Matt."

We laugh and talk about our futures. I'm not sure how Jeremy and I are going to continue living this way. One of us will need to find a steady job. Tips and minimum wage at the pub just aren't cutting it. As I burst out in a loud guffaw, a knock sounds at the door. Who else dares approach Wuthering Heights? Hasn't this wayfarer heard that I'm basically the resident Heathcliff these days?

As I reach for the handle, I already sense the tension—the spark. I cautiously bring the door towards my chest, and he stands before me: Damon Salvatore.

"May I come in?"

"Oh, sure," I answer awkwardly.

Damon is the last person I expected to visit. I hadn't even heard that he'd been released from the hospital. Maybe he hadn't, though. It didn't stop him last time.

He strolls through the foyer almost effortlessly. He's nearly back to his standard, charming self. His appearance is what strikes me the hardest. His eyes have returned to their piercing azure. All color has revisited his strikingly chiseled face. I'm transfixed by his stare, just like before. How does he ever expect me to escape this gaze? Elena, stop. He's just a man. Don't let those eyes fool you. I break the thick tension with small talk.

"So, you've been released?"

"Yeah, a few days ago. I meant to come by but I wasn't sure what to say."

"I understand…Have you heard from your brother?"

Elena, you're so stupid. Why would you ask about Stefan at a time like this? He stares back at me awkwardly.

"No, I haven't. Elena, there's something I've been meaning to tell you about that."

I'm intrigued, but I'm not sure I want to dive back into the Salvatore drama today. I need more time.

"Can it wait?" I ask.

"I think I've waited long enough. I wanted to tell you this the day it happened, but I wasn't sure how it would affect you. I saw Rick the day of Jenna's funeral."

The world stops turning for a brief instant. Alaric Saltzman was in Briarview? And Damon didn't think to mention that while we sat in the hearse at the funeral of my last living guardian?

"What do you mean you saw him?" I say angrily.

"He picked me up when I was limping back to my house. Then he drove me to the funeral. Elena, I wanted to tell you, but he asked me not to. He couldn't face you and Jeremy. I tried to convince him to stay but he wouldn't."

"But you should've told me, Damon. You should've told me," I repeat.

"How do you think that would've played out? Jeremy would've bolted. You'd both be chasing him around town trying to force him to come home. It would've driven you out of your minds knowing he was still this close!"

"But not having him there was about as hard as it gets! Damon, he could still be here! How could you not think to tell me this sooner? Oh god, what about Stefan? Stefan's traveling to God-knows-where trying to find him when he's been here the whole time."

"I didn't say that. I don't know if he's still here, but he was here that day. Feel free to hate me for it. I thought I was doing the right thing by you."

It's easy to see that Damon's intentions were pure. I do forgive him for keeping this secret from me, but what about Stefan? He could've told him weeks ago. He let his brother leave town on a wild goose chase.

"Call Stefan and tell him to come home," I demand.

"Before you start lecturing, Elena, you should know that I tried calling him that day and he didn't pick up."

"So you never tried again? You haven't tried calling him back in the past month?"

Damon remains taciturn.

I'm so frustrated with him right now. He practically sent Stefan away. Damon's actions towards Stefan were selfish.

"Call Stefan," I repeat.

Damon steps out of the room to call his brother home. I'm not sure why I'm even concerned about Stefan's return. I don't know. Maybe I'm searching for some kind of normalcy. I still don't feel like seeing anyone, but just knowing that the world is moving on without me is comforting. Stefan deserves to move on without me.

As for what I should be doing, I think it's time I take matters into my own hands and find Rick. This isn't Stefan's problem, nor is it Damon's. Alaric's return will not bring Jenna back. Jeremy knows that. But it'll ease our pain.

Eventually, Damon reappears.

"It's done."

"How'd he react?"

"I thought he'd be extremely pissed, but he seems to be in high spirits. He's out with some friends from what I could hear."

Stefan? Friends? I don a quizzical expression, and Damon takes notice.

"I'm just as surprised as you are."

Well, I'd say that's enough socializing for me today. With a phony grin, I leave the room and mount the stairs. Damon, however, will not give up that easily. He follows me all the way to my room. I take a seat on my bed, similar to the scene at the dinner party.

Damon intensely stares at me and then breaks loose.

"Damnit, Elena. Pull yourself together," he somewhat yells.

"Excuse me?"

I'm extremely offended by his remark. All I've been trying to do is pull myself together. It's much easier said than done.

"Look at you. You're sitting around here sulking and pushing everyone away. I'd understand if everyone was being as overbearing as Stefan usually is but people are just trying to talk to you."

"Maybe I don't want to talk to people."

"Or maybe you need to stop brooding in your own grief and start living again," he suggests harshly.

Damon takes a seat next to me on my bed, just like on that night several weeks ago. This time, though, I don't move over. Why waste the energy?

"Stop blaming and hating yourself. You've got to live for something, Elena. Trust me. I've been in this place."

Damon's words are the most sincere I've heard in a long time. If anyone understands being abandoned, it's Damon Salvatore. Though he's pleading for my sanity, I feel that he needs me just as much as I need him right now. There, I said it. I do need him. I need someone. Maybe leaning on another person doesn't make you weak, but it makes you human.

Jeremy's doing so well because of his love for Bonnie. Why can't I let myself love another person? That's probably because last time I threw my grief into my affections things didn't play out well. I don't want to be dependent, but maybe I do need to find some middle ground where I don't have to live as a hermit for the next few months.

"You're right," I admit.

"What else is new?" He jokes.

"Damon?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for trying to get Rick to stay. The man tried to kill you, and you still tried to keep him in town."

"He's important to you and your brother. I didn't have much of a choice."

Why do the Salvatore brothers constantly make sacrifices for my happiness? I feel so selfish for allowing that to happen. Damon deserves to be angry and lash out against Alaric, but he most likely won't for my sake. Maybe that's what's holding everyone together, though. Catharsis never got anyone anywhere.

"So, what now?" He asks.

I wonder if this question is rhetorical. What comes next can't even be fathomed at this point.

"Maybe I shouldn't go looking for Alaric. It's selfish to expect him to be here, I guess."

"I think you should wait it out. I'm not saying to let him go, because I think he'll be back, but for now just start moving on. You really need to move on, Elena."

"I hate change, Damon. I don't even know what normal is anymore. Every time I think 'this is my life, this is normal,' something awful happens to flip everything around."

"Normal is this. Normal is you and your brother getting through all these obstacles together. Hell, you could even call this normal: me and you sorting out our innumerable issues after avoiding each other for long periods of time."

If this is normal, then I'm happy with it. Jeremy is all I have left of who I used to be. He's the only reminder of who I am. Thank God I still have him. The night I received the call about Jenna, I was certain they were calling to inform me something happened to Jeremy. It may sound awful but I'm so glad it wasn't about him.

And normal really is my talks with Damon Salvatore. We discover so much about ourselves and each other whenever we speak. I never want that to change.

"Hopefully this normal never changes."

I don't hint at which 'normal' I'm referring to. He'll have to make his own judgment on that. I slightly grin and my phone buzzes and lights up. Of course, it's Stefan. This time, though, I'm glad to hear from him. He's been traversing the country trying to find Alaric for me, when Alaric has been here the whole time.

I'm an hour outside of Atlanta. I'll be back tonight. Pub?

Stefan and I haven't spent any time together for as long as I can remember. This should be quite an interesting night. I owe him this much, though. It's not as if I don't miss my relationship with Stefan. Nostalgia takes over my thoughts.

Of course.

As I respond, Damon watches my movements. He probably already realizes what's going on. I don't want him to think I'm running back to Stefan. That's not what's happening here. But I'm not running into his arms either. I don't know how I'm supposed to love after my relationship with these two men has caused so much hurt to the people I care about.

"Well, I guess Stefan has my job covered. I'll see you around," Damon says and stands.

"Why don't you join us later?"

"Why, so I can apologize for keeping him miles away? I'd rather not."

"You'd think almost dying would bring the two of you closer, yet all you've done is spite each other. Why is that?"

"Because the game's still on, Elena."

"I'm not a prize to be won."

This distance hasn't done any good for my relationship with Damon. I feel as if we're back at square one. The worst part of it all is that I don't think we'll be able to get back to where we were before. For some reason, I feel like a totally different person. In a way, I feel like Katherine. I've brought so much destruction to everyone. I don't even deserve to be loved.

The day drags by. In an attempt to annoy me, Damon sits on the couch all afternoon watching the History Channel. Every fiber of my being wants to collapse onto that couch and join him, but I'm not letting myself get that close again. I've got to meet with Stefan tonight and see where we stand.

That same wave of nostalgia flows over me as I search my closet for something to wear. Memories of high school dates with Stefan fill my mind. Life was so much easier back then. A dark blue button up shirt with just enough cleavage to prove I'm not completely homely should do the trick. I pair the semi-risqué top with dark-as-night jeans and lace up boots. It feels good to be going out tonight.

The clock strikes six and Stefan's text arrives indicating that he's returned.

"Well, I'm going," I announce. No one stirs.

"Have fun," Damon eventually responds sarcastically.

Do I really want him to join me? Why? It shouldn't be that hard for me to be alone with a man I spent the past two years of my life with. Then again, this could be a fitting opportunity for the two brothers to reunite and patch things up.

"Would you like to go with me?"

"On your date with Stefan? Not particularly."

"Suit yourself. Stay here and spend your night listening to Jeremy and Bonnie fawn over each other."

Damon glares at me and eventually stands.

"I could use a drink."

It's easily perceived that today is a Wednesday. On Wednesday nights, a 1920s style jazz band performs. The atmosphere is euphoric in nature. Everyone in attendance is there for a night of carefree self-indulgence. What a night to witness the return of my former flame, while being accompanied by his luscious older brother.

Damon and I enter the pub and scan the room for a trace of Stefan. Though, he's nowhere to be found. Leaving Damon's side, I stroll towards the bar, my steps getting a bit lighter with every note played. I feel the sudden urge to jump into the Charleston, but I'll have to save the dancing for later. Jeremy's not on call tonight, so it seems as though I'll be drinking soda in a tall glass. I signal the barkeep. As I take my seat, a familiar guffaw sounds down the bar. I lean over and look far to my right. Two devilishly handsome men are sharing laughs and several drinks. One of them looks vaguely familiar, yet entirely different. That man is Stefan Salvatore.

"Stefan?" I ask cautiously as I approach.

The former Stefan Salvatore turns in his chair with an enormous grin on his face.

"Elena!" He exclaims as he turns to his comrade, "This is the woman I've been telling you about for weeks!"

Stefan's supposed friend rotates around and deviously grins. He reaches out his hand, waiting for me to grab hold.

I do so, yet I don't entirely trust this foreigner. He gently takes my hand and plants a small kiss. Who said chivalry was dead?

"Charmed. My name is Klaus, Klaus Mikaelson," he greets me with the most artful British accent I've ever heard.

"Elena Gilbert," I respond.

"I've heard quite a great deal about you, Miss Gilbert. You broke poor Stefan's heart! That's alright, though. I'm waiting for his wild, bachelor side to come forth anyways."

Klaus sure is blunt, but still overwhelmingly charming.

"Take a seat," he insists warmly while pointing to the stool beside him.

I quickly look back to see if Damon is still standing near the entrance, but he isn't, so I decide joining the two men couldn't hurt.

"So, how'd you two meet?" I ask.

"Well, it wasn't some sort of meetcute if that's what you're wondering, love. We met on a college visit almost two years ago in Chicago. And while he was scouring the Midwest for some professor, we ran into each other at an establishment not quite different from this."

So, Stefan and Klaus have met before. He'd never mentioned him. I wonder why.

"Chicago. I think I remember that. You went to see Loyola, if I remember correctly."

"Right in the heart of the city. It was spectacular," Stefan reminisces.

"I could barely get him to leave! He fell in love with the city. Who wouldn't?"

Now my guilt sinks deep inside my stomach. Stefan would've loved to go away to school and live in a city. Why didn't he share these feelings with me?

"But now he's here…in Briarton," Klaus mutters.

"I'll have you know that Briarview is a vibrant community. You'll love it once you give it a chance," Stefan rebuffs.

As Stefan finishes his point, a perky blonde scampers across the crowd of bar patrons in full flapper attire. Caroline goes all out for these themed events. We all turn to watch as she dances my desired Charleston with her newest flame, Tyler Lockwood. The two float across the floor as if held up by strings. Their moves are effortless and quick. It must be nice to be so wild and carefree. Caroline's free spirit is something I have always envied.

"She's lively," Klaus remarks.

"That's Caroline Forbes, resident beauty queen," I respond.

"Interesting."

A devilish smile crosses Klaus' lips, similar to Caroline's "on the hunt" visage.

With that, I change the topic of conversation to Stefan's return.

"So, how was your trip?" I casually query.

"Interesting. It was nice to have some time away. I wish I would've known that Alaric wouldn't be there, though," he grumbles.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"It's not your fault. It was just Damon being selfish."

"Yeah, but he's sorry. He said he tried telling you before you left."

"And what about all of the times after I arrived?"

"I'm not trying to justify his actions."

"Good," he retorts.

Something in Stefan has changed. He's not the whimpering, damaged brother who was falling apart just a month or so ago. He's confident, strong, and determined. Even his choice of company displays this change in personality. This Stefan is someone I have never met, but also someone who intrigues me. But what does that mean for our future?

Well, I guess we'll see. The carefree, wild atmosphere takes over my inhibitions. Boredom with my childish soda drives me to take a sip of Stefan's drink as I sink back into my barstool. It's going to be a long night.

I decided to call this next set of chapters "Book II." It begins a somewhat new story line with new characters, so I'm sort of signalling a new beginning. I hope you're enjoying the story. This was one of my favorite chapters to write. Thanks for all your reviews and follows!

xoxo Liz