Azula arrives back at the palace for the first time in nearly two years with the Fire Lord beside her and her girlfriend's hand on the small of her back.
"Is everything okay?" Ty Lee asks as Azula gazes up at the cold, angular building where she grew up. "You look… weird."
"Of course everything's fine," the Princess snaps, tearing her eyes away. "It's just larger than I remember." It is foreboding. Azula has some good memories here, but very few truly happy ones, and most of those are from when she was very young.
They weave a maze through the cavernous halls. During Azulon and Ozai's reigns, the walls were covered in war relics and portraits of Sozin and his descendants. Her brother has redecorated. Where the swords of great generals once hung, there are now landscapes of rolling hills and sprawling fields and cityscapes bustling with civilians. They pass only one portrait, of themselves and their parents that is so old Azula does not remember sitting for it. She supposes it is from when their family was happy, from before she had revealed herself as a bending prodigy and when Lu Ten was going to be Fire Lord.
Outside the door of Azula's bedroom, Zuko clears his throat. "Dinner will be served in, um… about an hour. You don't have to come, but just so you know."
"Thank you," Ty Lee tells him before they close themselves in.
Azula turns away from the door and walks around the room, her shoulders back and her hands behind her back. She looks regal. She looks like she belongs here. She does not feel that way. She studies the trinkets and wall hangings with her nose upturned. "I haven't slept in this room since I was fourteen."
"I know," Ty Lee answers. "This must be a pretty big deal for you." She hops onto the side of the bed and watches her girlfriend pace. The room has been cleaned since Azula was here last, but its contents are the same, and they each trigger forceful memories, some of which Azula would rather forget.
"Some of the worst things that ever happened to me happened here," she murmurs, and Ty Lee is not sure if the comment is meant for her ears, but she responds anyway.
"Do you want to stay somewhere else? I'm sure Zuko will understand—"
"I'm fine!" Azula snaps.
"I just care about you," Ty Lee whispers, staring down at her hands clasped in her lap. Azula sighs and sits down beside her, wraps an arm around her shoulders.
"I know," she answers. "I'm pleased that you're here." And Ty Lee hears what Azula means but will not say. I will be fine because you're here.
Azula stands up and begins to rifle through her wardrobe. "These clothes are all years out of style, of course, and I'm not sure that any of them would fit me anyway."
Ty Lee considers pointing out that Azula has not actually grown that much since she was fourteen, but she thinks better of it. "Does that mean what I think it means?" she asks. "Are we going shopping?"
"I suppose we have no choice," Azula sighs. "I can't be seen in any of these, and of course you'll need a wardrobe befitting someone who is courting a Princess." She turns to Ty Lee and wrinkles her nose. "I'm afraid those pajamas you insist on wearing day in and day out will no longer do."
"And here I thought you loved me for what I looked like on the inside." Ty Lee slides off the bed and pokes her in the ribs.
"Don't be ridiculous, Ty Lee. I certainly would have loved you less if you weren't so beautiful." But she kisses Ty Lee, and the acrobat knows that, in this stage of their relationship, her appearance no longer matters.
"You're really back to your old self, huh?"
"Is that not what you said you wanted?" Azula asks, and Ty Lee nods.
"Uh huh." She kisses her girlfriend's shoulder and goes back to sit on the bed. "It's good to finally have you back."
Sometimes she wishes that Azula would sit across her lap and lay her head on her shoulder and just let Ty Lee comfort her, but that is not who Azula is, and Ty Lee has always known that. Instead she is… endlessly frustrating in her desperate grasps at pride. So when Azula finally sits down on the edge of the mattress beside her, Ty Lee settles her head on Azula's shoulder instead, loops her arm around Azula's elbow and allows the Princess to tell herself that Ty Lee is the one who needs this closeness.
Azula spends six days avoiding her uncle the first time he comes to visit after she returns to the palace.
"You know he's going to be here for two weeks right?" Ty Lee asks, her arms crossed and her eyebrows raised when Azula announces that she is not coming to breakfast on the first morning and demands that Ty Lee bring a plate of food back to their bedroom. "You can't stay in here the entire time."
"I know," Azula answers as if what she is about to say would be completely obvious if Ty Lee had half a brain. "That's why I want you to watch him and learn his routine. That way, I can effectively avoid him for the rest of his visit."
Ty Lee frowns, but then she throws her hands up in frustration and does as she is asked.
Azula plans to stick with her scheme to not interact with her uncle at all, but on the fifth day, a realization strikes her, and with it, it brings a curiosity that bites at her until she finally gives in after dinner the following evening.
"Uncle." She leans on the doorframe of the guest room where he is staying, and when Iroh turns around, he looks only slightly surprised to see her. "You are the calmest firebender I have ever met," she comments. She enters the room, seizes a priceless gold clock from the shelf and winds it absently before setting it back on the shelf and turning back to the old man. "And yet, your bending is admittedly extremely powerful."
"That is true," Iroh replies, and Azula has a feeling he has already predicted where this conversation is going.
"You don't use rage to fuel your bending," she adds. "And you can bend lightning without it."
"Your brother thought you might come to be about this," Iroh tells her, and Azula's frown deepens because if there is anything she hates, it is proving Zuko right, "but I was not sure that you would. I thought your pride might prevent you from seeking help, like my brother's often did. I am glad to see I was wrong. Tell me, how do you fuel your firebending?"
Azula sighs and mumbles, "With love." After all this time, it still sounds pathetic coming out of her mouth. Bending fueled by love sounds like one of the ridiculous fables their mother used to tell them, that Zuko always believed and Azula always rolled her eyes at. "But there is no way to summon lightning with love. I have tried. It's not powerful enough."
"Love is the most powerful force known in the human world. What you were using to generate lightning was never love." Iroh grunts as he pushes himself to his feet. It is difficult to imagine the tired, round, eccentric man in front of her as the great general he once was. "You were using resent. That is only a branch of rage, an internal rage over the way someone else has wronged you. That is why it ate through your relationship."
"How do you know what happened with my relationship?" Azula demands through clenched teeth. She will kill her brother.
But Iroh chuckles, "I have had several visits from the beautiful young woman whom I believe you have been courting."
"That little traitor—"
"Now, now," Iroh holds up his hand in an effort to calm her, "she simply came by for a cup of tea—I guess my nephew must have bragged that I made the best pot of tea in the four nations—and we got to talking. I good cup of tea will loosen anyone's lips. Do not blame her."
"Just forget it. If I need my fortune told, I will ask the person sleeping in my bed." She turns to go, but Iroh speaks again.
"I can help you."
She stops, her curiosity peaked, but she does not turn around.
"There is another way."
She rotates very slowly on the spot to face him and narrows her eyes. "Keep talking, old man."
"You can bend lightning with love, but not with love alone. Undirected love is too wild and unruly, too uncontrollable for something that requires as much precision as generating lightning. You must find a way to narrow what you feel. You are trying to harness the entire sea when all you need is a single grain of salt."
"I do not have the time or patience to solve riddles. Explain."
Iroh sighs. "When I bend lightning, I do not think of all the love I ever experienced for my son. I focus on how I feel now that he is no longer with me. I use my grief. You must focus in on one emotion your love makes you feel. Something powerful enough to cut through energy and then direct it back together again."
"But how do I know if it's love?" Azula asks. Iroh shakes his head.
"Think of the person you love most, the beautiful young woman perhaps, and ask yourself if what you feel is as strong for anyone else as it is for her."
Azula gives a stiff nod and leaves without saying goodbye, and the next morning, the air in the courtyard pops and sizzles and sparks around her as she bends lightning.
When Azula returns to her bedroom, sweaty under her training clothes and feeling as energized and proud as she did the morning her fire turned blue, she is shocked to find Ty Lee sitting on the edge of the bed with her back to the door, sniffling.
"Ty Lee?" Azula asks uncertainly as she climbs across the mattress. She lays a hand on her girlfriend's shoulder, but the acrobat pulls away.
"You're bending lightning again." If Ty Lee had said it like an accusation, Azula would have known how to respond. She could have launched into a speech about how Ty Lee should make sure she understands what is going on around her before throwing blame around. But she simply sounds resigned and hurt and Azula has no idea how to handle that.
"I am." She swallows.
"I thought you thought what we had was worth the sacrifice. Are you…" another sniffle, "are you going to start hating me again?"
Ty Lee might as well have reached into her chest and ripped her heart out. "No, I—of course not. I found another way. I don't have to invent reasons to be angry at you. Instead I think of… I think of what I did to you, and how much pain it's caused, and how much I… as much as it pains me to say, I regret it. It's guilt. It's a branch of love, I think. I know it has to be a branch of love because I've never felt as badly about hurting anyone as I do about hurting you."
"Really?"
Ty Lee's voice cracks, and Azula wants to touch her again, but she is afraid to scare her, so instead she simply answers, "Yes."
They sit in silence for a moment, and then there is a rustle of Ty Lee's robes against the sheets and she crawls into Azula's lap and leans heavily against her shoulder. "I can't lose you again like that, Azula. I wouldn't be able to take it."
"You won't," Azula promises. "I'll have you know, I have become an expert on self-control these past couple of years."
"That didn't help last time." Ty Lee plays with Azula's fingers. She squeezes her eyes shut and sighs. "I want you to do what makes you happy," she says. "But I'm afraid of what will happen if you do this."
"You mean you're afraid of me." It is all of Azula's worst suspicions confirmed.
"No! I mean… I'm afraid of what will happen to you. Of what you'll do."
"That's no different," Azula growls. She squeezes the bridge of her nose between her thumb and index finger. "I love you. So much that I—" she breaks off. "But I have to try this. Bending is a part of me. It always has been. You know that."
"Okay." Ty Lee sounds devastated, and all Azula can think to do is wrap her arms around her and hold her as she begins to cry again.
It is late, and Azula is sitting up in bed, twirling a pen between her lips as she proofreads a speech for Zuko. It is strange, supporting his reign as Fire Lord like this, but it gives her something to do, some hand in how the kingdom is run. Azula never wanted to be Fire Lord that badly anyway. Grand General Azula had been her life's ambition, but that dream is long gone now, curtesy of the Earth King. Mercy is funny that way.
Ty Lee lies on her stomach beside her, and Azula absently runs her hand in circles over her soft, bare back. Her breaths are slow and calm, and they remind Azula that she is not alone.
She is finally lying the papers aside and getting ready to extinguish the lamp when she hears a voice from the pillow beside her. "Azula?" She thought Ty Lee had fallen asleep hours ago.
"Yes?" Azula asks, only half listening. She is positive she is about to be regaled with whatever adventure Ty Lee has dreamed up, and sometimes, when she is bored, she finds it entertaining, but right now she is tired and frustrated with her brother for writing such a truly boring speech in the first place.
"Azula, will you marry me?"
"What?" Her head snaps over to eye her girlfriend.
"Will you marry me?" Ty Lee repeats. "I mean, it's been almost a year, and you're bending lightning again, and you still lo—you still love me. And I want to marry you, if you still want to."
But Azula scowls, and Ty Lee's eyes widen in concern. She shrinks against the sheets. "You were supposed to let me ask."
"I-is that a yes?" Ty Lee breathes. The muscles in her back are tense.
"What if I'd had some extravagant proposal planned and then you ruined it by just asking me as we were going to bed?" Azula continues. "I'm the one who's royalty. You don't have the statusto propose to me."
"Azula, we moved past things I have the status to do to you years ago," Ty Lee points out, and the Princess cannot argue.
"Take it back," Azula demands. "Take it back so I can plan something amazing and unforgettable that the nation will be talking about for years to come and millions will try unsuccessfully to replicate."
"Wait, you didn't have anything planned?" Ty Lee asks. "You're angry because of some hypothetical proposal that apparently hadn't even crossed your mind until I asked you?"
"It crossed my mind," Azula mumbles. "Well, I was already rejected by you twice. That is two times more pathetic than I ever planned on allowing myself to become. Excuse me for not wanting to add a third rejection to my already crumbling repertoire. But now that I know you'll say yes—"
"That's cheating, Azula," Ty Lee interrupts. "I know people usually let you get away with that stuff, but not this time. This is our proposal. No cutting corners. Will you marry me? Yes or no?"
Azula sighs. "Fine. Since you've twisted my arm, I suppose a marriage between us would not be a completely awful idea."
"You're such a brat." But Ty Lee is beaming, her eyes glittering, and when Azula pulls off her own shirt and slips down into the sheets beside her, Ty Lee welcomes it. They kiss hungrily, their hands venturing over each other's bodies, over smooth skin and uneven scars. They are familiar to each other now, but tonight something feels different. Words like engaged and fiancée swim through Azula's increasingly hazy and scattered thoughts. They touch each other with the confidence of knowing they will have each other forever.
Azula was supposed to marry for political reasons sometime between her sixteenth and twentieth birthdays. Her husband was supposed to be carefully selected by her father and she knows that, despite the shame of it, she would have gone along with whatever he told her to. It was supposed to be a contract to rule together, to bring prosperity on her husband's family in exchange for his expertise. Love should not have played into it. When she was fourteen, Azula did not mind that thought. She never expected to experience love anyway. It was something for useless romantics like her brother and her mother, to inject hope into their miserable lives. It was a fairytale, and her infatuation with her acrobat friend was simply a childhood crush that she told herself she had only developed because Ty Lee was exactly the opposite of a person her father would select for her. It was not love.
The twenty-year-old Azula who falls asleep that night with her sweaty body pressed into the side of that same girl, now her… her fiancée, listening to her breathing, is relieved she escaped that particular tradition. Relieved, for once, that she was wrong about something. Perhaps her life would be easier without love, perhaps it would even be less painful, and yet there is something she has that she cannot quite name, but she knows its value, knows she would not have it otherwise, and she thinks it makes those sacrifices worth it.
"I want a spring wedding," Ty Lee murmurs as she drifts off to sleep. Azula prefers the heat and intensity of summer, but her own eyes are drooping and she vows to bring it up again in the morning. The first of many wedding-related disagreements, most of which will keep them at a deadlock because Ty Lee cares more but Azula is too stubborn to give in, until Mai decides for them.
For now, she kisses Ty Lee's neck and hooks her leg over her hips and has a nightmare about walking down the aisle only to find the Earth King's pet bear waiting for her at the other end. It is honestly a reprieve from her usual dreams.
Azula drops onto the sofa as soon as it is moved into the sitting room. She is moving into the penthouse that Zuko keeps for when he and Mai visit Republic City with her… with her wife.
She rubs her temples. Things are moving very quickly in her life right now and it is difficult to handle. Yes, she and Ty Lee had been engaged for nearly a year, and yes, they have been talking about going back to Republic City so they can live their own lives free of those restrictive palace walls and surprise visits from Northern Water Tribe representatives for months, but that does not make it any easier to follow.
At fourteen, she never would have believed that she would find relief in being free of the confines of royalty, but as Ty Lee settles herself onto Azula's lap, straddling her waist, she reflects on how nice it is to worry about something other than trade agreements and reparations. The year she spent back at the palace after her trial was refreshing after how difficult she found being a fugitive, but there were things that she missed, and feeling like there was no one else truly in the world except for her and Ty Lee was one of those things.
"Your hair is getting so long again," the acrobat murmurs as she pushes her fingers into the hair near Azula's temples. "I can cut it if you want. You know how good I am with scissors. Or we could make an appointment for you. I'm sure there are some really nice salons around here. We're not in the slums anymore."
But Azula shakes her head. "I want to grow it out."
"Oh," Ty Lee's eyebrows furrow and her mouth curves into a slight frown. "Okay, I just never thought you liked having long hair that much."
"I don't," Azula answers. "There is absolutely no reason for it. It only takes up time and gets in the way." Ty Lee's expression only twists further in confusion, and the Princess takes mercy on her. "But my father never let me grow my hair out, and I care far more about defying him than I do about my own convenience."
Her wife smiles indulgently and shakes her head. "Well, I think it looks beautiful on you."
"I know. Anything looks beautiful on me."
Ty Lee pulls her into a kiss that does not escalate only because they can hear the movers shuffling around in the next room. Azula's hands tighten on her thighs as their lips separate. "Yujin and Hotara are coming for dinner tonight. Don't forget, okay?"
"I have a memory like a hawk," Azula snaps to cover up the fact that she had forgotten. "I still don't understand why we have to do this. It's not like we've seen them in years. We owe them nothing."
"I want to meet their new baby," Ty Lee explains, folding her arms into a stance that tells Azula she will never change her mind. "And you can pretend to be cold and unfeeling all you want, but I know you liked Yujin." She pokes Azula in the ribs and the Princess yelps.
"You're so cute," Ty Lee murmurs as she leans in to kiss Azula again, and Azula does not argue the point because, after everything they have been through, the idea that the woman she loves thinks she is cute really does not seem terribly undignified. After all, she feels the same way about Ty Lee, the way she bounces on the balls of her feet when she is excited or how she sometimes murmurs incoherent syllables when she is asleep.
Azula pokes her back, and Ty Lee breaks the kiss to clutch her hands to her side and laugh. They collapse onto the sofa in a fit of pokes and giggles, only stopping to rest in each other's arms when they are both breathless. Azula presses a strand of hair behind Ty Lee's ears and Ty Lee smiles. She looks so beautiful. Azula remembers standing across from her in front of a crowd of Ty Lee and Zuko's friends, promising that they would be together forever. She smiled the same way that day. Almost like she was embarrassed about how happy she was.
"I don't remember what it was like not to love you," Azula confides after a few moments of silence as they catch their breaths. "It's been so long."
"I remember," Ty Lee replies. "It was pretty good."
"Hey!" Azula exclaims in mock offense as she pushes Ty Lee into the back of the sofa, but she is still smiling.
"But this is better than pretty good," she adds, tapping Azula on the nose and watching her blink in mild surprise.
"How much time do we have before Yujin and Hotara get here?" Azula asks softly, and Ty Lee glances at the old grandfather clock at the end of the couch.
"At least two hours," she answers, "but Azula, there is no way we are having sex when I can hear the servants moving our stuff in."
"I didn't say anything about sex." Azula's hand curves around Ty Lee's waist and settles on the small of her back. "But I'm tired and I want to lay here with you for a while without either of us feeling like we need to be doing anything else."
"I think I can manage that." Ty Lee cuddles into her and for an hour, the rushing change that has been flooding Azula's consciousness and overwhelming her since the wedding slows to a trickle.
Azula still occasionally edits speeches for Zuko when he is in the city. Sometimes when she is laying across the couch with a stack of papers on the tea table beside her and a pen between her teeth, Ty Lee climbs up between her legs, settles her head on her chest, and falls asleep. At first, it annoys Azula to no end because she has to hold the papers up higher to read them and it makes it much more difficult to reach when she needs to make edits, but then one day when Ty Lee drags Mai shopping and leaves Azula alone to work, she finds herself missing her wife's warm weight.
Then next time Ty Lee finds her, Azula waits until she is asleep, and then sets her work aside and wraps her arms around her. Reflects on the amount of trust it must take for Ty Lee to let down her guard in such proximity to someone who once decided to burn an entire nation, who once locked her in prison for failing to blindly follow. She wonders if Ty Lee ever has nightmares about her the way Azula has nightmares about the people who have hurt her. But here in the sitting room, with sunlight spilling over the back of the couch, she looks peaceful.
They exchange kisses that start out lazy when Ty Lee wakes up, and the encounter ends with Ty Lee underneath Azula for the first time since they left Ember Island, with her arms wrapped around her neck and her hands clenched into fists as Azula uses her free arm to cradle her shaking body.
"I love you," Ty Lee whispers, her voice still breathy and shuddering, and Azula trails kisses up her neck and over her jaw to her lips.
She does not think about the endless "what ifs" that plagued her time in the asylum and in Ba Sing Se. The only thoughts on her mind are how content she is in this moment. How she never thought she would have the chance to feel this way.
Their lives are not entirely made of idyllic, blissful moments in each other's arms. There are still days when Azula cannot get out of bed on her own. Ty Lee lets her sleep through the morning. Then, in the afternoon, she sets a tray of food on Azula's lap and forces her to eat lunch, and then makes her come on a walk through the park where she used to go in the mornings to practice bending, and by the time they return, Azula usually feels at least well enough to sit in the same room as Ty Lee, halfheartedly reading a book or staring out the window and being absolutely awful company for the rest of the day.
Some nights, Azula can hear Ty Lee crying beside her. The first few times she lies paralyzed, hoping that her wife thinks she is asleep, and then, despite her lack of knowledge about how to handle the situation, she decides she has to do something, because the sound of Ty Lee's sobs are causing her a pain more harrowing than the chains that chaffed against her wrists as she knelt over the grate on the night of Sozin's Comet.
She leans over, lays a hand on Ty Lee's bicep, kisses the place on her shoulder where the scars from her nails have long since faded, and reminds her that she loves her. Some nights, Ty Lee rolls over and cries into Azula's chest, allows her to comfort her. Other nights she does not react at all, and Azula reaches over her body to lace her fingers with Ty Lee's so that she will at least know she is not alone as she cries herself to sleep. On those nights, Azula feels especially helpless and guilty, not only because she knows she caused Ty Lee's pain, but because Ty Lee often knows how to help Azula, and Azula cannot do the same for her.
The penthouse has a large roof balcony where Azula trains almost every morning. Sometimes Ty Lee comes up and watches her, and Azula cannot believe how, after years of dating the most powerful firebender in the world, she can still be so mesmerized by the blue flames. However, Ty Lee never watches Azula bend lightning anymore. She disappears into the depths of the huge apartment and Azula comes to find her as soon as she is finished. Wraps her arm around her and kisses her on the cheek and tries not to think of the birthday dinner she ruined or the way Ty Lee's eyes brimmed with tears when she tried to pretend that Azula's fingernails digging into her skin were not hurting her.
But Ty Lee smiles up at her and takes her hand and leads her into the kitchen, where she makes lunch and Azula insults the quality of her cooking but always eats everything that her wife puts in front of her.
Sometimes in the evening, they venture out into the city. After dark, the upper Fire Nation district is alight with red and yellow lanterns and the streets are cleaner than the ones in the Caldera. Smells waft from the restaurants. Ty Lee describes it as like being at a street fair every night. Azula is occasionally gawked at by passers-by, but not like she was in the Caldera, where the inhabitants watched her grow up, where they knew her as a mad conqueror.
Every year on the anniversary of the end of the war, there are fireworks over Yue Bay, and everyone from the Fire Nation sector lines the boardwalk. Azula grumbles about not caring, about it being like a slap in the face, but Ty Lee assures her that it will be fun, so they always attend anyway. But as much as she hates to admit it, Azula enjoys standing among the spectators watching the fireworks with Ty Lee at her side. It reminds her of a night where, despite the fact that she was a fugitive of the Earth Nation, the only thing on her mind was their love, and it is the most carefree, the most like a regular teenager, she can ever remember feeling.
They kiss, and even sixty years later, on the last year they ever stand under the fireworks together, Azula's mind goes blank and her heart soars.
A/N: And that's a wrap on Fate Is Cruel. Sorry, guys. I've been on vacation, but I'm moving tomorrow, so I really wanted to get this chapter up today.
It's so weird that it's almost been a year since I started writing this. In my originally plans, if I'd stuck to my original twice a week posting schedule, it would have been finished last February. You guys have been an fantastic audience. I want to thank everyone who followed, favorited, and reviewed for their support, even if you only reviewed once. Those of you who did review on a relatively regular basis, even if we've never talk, I remembered who you were and I always looked forward to hearing your thoughts.
If you're reading Shattered Expectations, you can expect the next update sometime after I move back to school and get settled in, so probably not in the next couple of days. If you're not reading it and you feel like a drabble series about Azula and Ty Lee raising their daughter is your speed, I encourage you to go check it out.
Anyway, thanks again to everyone reading this, and I hope to see you all on future projects!