From TiPoLover22 (on PM): " I honestly thought that the funniest short of Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained was Stan's Tattoo. And I was wondering if you could write it in Stan's point of view. Just an idea, you don't have to do it. But if you did, it would be very appreciated. Thanks."

Same here! Stan's Tattoo was hilarious. I'll do my best to write it!

Avoidance

Something was definitely up. Dipper seemed to be following him around all day, and whenever he questioned the kid on it, he would start sweating and stammering out false excuses. Whatever it was that he wanted, it was beginning to bug Stan.

He was in the gift shop, sorting through the cash from today's customers (boy, the tourists these days were so dumb it was ridiculous) when Soos walked over to him purposefully.

"Whoo, hot in here today, huh, Mr Pines? Probably be a lot cooler if we - " the handyman pulled his shirt off over his head, much to Stan's chagrin " - worked without our shirts on! Am I right?"

Well, this was awkward.

"Soos, I will pay you to put your shirt back on."

"Aw, don't be shy, Mr. Pines," Soos said, climbing up onto the table. "Bodies are nothing to be ashamed of."

"Watch the shop for a minute, Soos. I need to go find a melon-baller and pull my eyeballs out." Stan hurried out of the gift shop and shuddered. That was one of the top ten weirdest things he had ever seen - and he definitely hoped he'd never see something like that again.

AVOIDANCEAVOIDANCEAVOIDANCEAVOIDANCEAVOIDANCEAVOIDANCEAVOIDANCE

Why is the kid holding a video camera?

He was watching TV in his favorite armchair and Dipper was standing a few feet away, holding a camera and muttering to himself. Out of the corner of his eye, he could have sworn he saw the preteen boy glance at his back a couple of times. What is he looking for? The only thing on my back is the - oh. OH.

He nearly sighed at this revelation. Was this why the kid was following him everywhere?

"Heavens! Is that poison oak on your shoulder? Let me scratch it for you..." Dipper said in a falsely cheerful tone. He moved closer, still pointing the camera at Stan, and reached for his back.

Stan swatted his great-nephew's hand away, not even blinking. "Kid, if you're trying to see my tattoo, you're going to have to try harder than that."

"Aha!" Dipper exclaimed happily. "I thought you said you didn't have a tattoo!"

"I don't, but you do." As the kid began to question this statement, he pulled out a marker and turned to write on the boy's forehead.

Maybe this would teach him not to snoop.

AVOIDANCEAVOIDANCEAVOIDANCEAVOIDANCEAVOIDANCEAVOIDANCEAVOIDANCE

Apparently he hadn't learned anything. Stan crossed his arms over his chest in the shower, struggling to ignore how the cold water soaked through his suit. He could faintly hear Dipper outside the bathroom door and a scowl appeared on his face. The kid wouldn't actually come in here, right?

The bathroom door opened and his eyes narrowed. Oh, so he wanted to play that way, huh?

The shower curtain was shoved away and through the steam, he saw his great-nephew holding the video camera, a shocked look on his face.

"You're never gonna see it, kid. Never. Gonna. See. It."

"How long have you been standing there?" the boy inquired, only to jump back in fright as the old man lunged for him.

"Give me that camera!"

Dipper raced out of the bathroom and down the hall, and Stan gave chase. Dripping wet and skidding on the wood floor, he must have been quite a sight (especially since Mabel was standing nearby and instantly burst out laughing at her brother's plight).

The kid vanished around the corner, and he hurried after him only to find that the brunette was running for the gift shop. By the time Stan made it there, Dipper had completely disappeared.

"I'M GONNA FIND YOU, KID!"

He chose to ignore the fact that Mabel had followed and was rolling on the floor laughing.

Mabel is definitely no help when it comes to situations such as this. Sorry, Dipper.